CB-EX3 Cabin in the Woods

So this time, he got a hole in his belly? Done in by that cool-looking old guy?

That's right. I was in the front row. I saw the whole thing.

What do you think it was? A body double? Special effects?

No way. Couldn't be. Check out this video of it, you'll see...

Woah. It's way too realistic!

So was it Emperor's body double?

What about last time? I remember when he was out shopping, some thugs ran up on him with a crossbow and got him right in the brain...

You can't rehearse that ahead of time.

And there was that time in Siesta, during the music festival. Lots of people after him there.

I was there too, and I went out of my way to book a hotel right near by for a shot at seeing him. It was real exciting.

...Isn't he a musician? I mean, he's got a bit of money, but how does he get this many people hating him?

You don't know how he is. I'll say up front, I really like the guy. But when it comes to making enemies, he's got to be one of Terra's greatest experts.

I heard there was some kind of accident at a Penguin Logistics warehouse last night. He came running out of the flames, completely unharmed.

A while back, somebody saw him get hit dead on by like a grenade or explosive or something in the slums. He showed up totally fine in an underground bar the next day.

That's nothing.

Huh? His brains got blown out by an explosive shell.

...You're sure it was an explosive?

Speaking of which, during the most chaotic times in the history of Columbia's music industry it's said that he got taken out in a drive-by shooting, sparking a huge controversy.

Didn't he get poisoned?

Oh! I was on a trip to Columbia at the time... I thought I'd never get to see my idol ever again.

But he lived?

He lives, and he still goes to fight on his own. He says it's to avenge those kids.

So? He can't die?

It's got to be some fake news, right? You can't believe everything the media says.

But boy is he hard to kill.

I don't know. Maybe we should just tie him down in a crater and let a Catastrophe deal with him.

...Why do I get the feeling he'd survive that one too?

...Yeah, I can imagine him bursting out of the volcanic eruption, spewing curse words at it all the way.

And they'd rhyme.

......

...Never mind.

Afterall he is the one and only Emperor, am I right?