Vol. 1 Ch. 1 Ep. 8: The Might of Problem Solver 68

All right. Time for us to begin our regularly scheduled Abydos Foreclosure Task Force meeting.

I'll remind you that Sensei is in attendance today, so I would hope for more decorum than usual...

Okay! ☆

Naturally.

Come on. You say that like we've never taken it seriously before...

Heh. It's good of you to join us, Sensei.

Okay. Let's get down to business and discuss the key item on our agenda... How do we settle the school's debts? Discuss.

Raise your hand if you'd like to share your thoughts!

Ooh! Me! Me!

Yes, first-year Kuromi Serika. You have the floor.

Seriously, again with the formalities? I hate it when you do that...

Why not? This is our first formal meeting in ages.

Yeah, what's the big deal? It's nice to pull out all the stops once in a while. It's not every day we get to run a meeting with Sensei.

This is the only time we've had a meeting with Sensei in attendance, to be precise.

That's right! It's like we're a proper task force now! ☆

*sigh* Fine. You guys do have seniority here, I guess...

Moving on! As the treasurer, let me remind you that the school is on the verge of bankruptcy!

Abydos will seriously get shut down at this rate. Got it?

Well, yeah.

We're paying nearly 8 million yen every month alone. We're doing everything we can to hold on, but that much is barely keeping up with the interest.

There's only so much we can do by just arresting wanted criminals or taking care of civilian requests.

We're royally screwed unless something changes. What we need is something big! Huge, even!

Something...big?

*rustle* Look at this! It's a flier from downtown!

This is...

Let me see here.

"Ready to become a boss babe billionaire? Get rich quick with the Germanium Granite...Bracelet...Network"?!

That's right! We're all gonna become boss babe billionaires!

...

I was downtown recently, and these really cool people invited me to a seminar. They told me all about these amazing germanium bracelets that bring you luck!

...

They're so powerful that you can boost your good vibes just by wearing them! And if you can get three other girls who wanna become boss babes like you...

What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Proposal denied.

What?! Why?!

Serika... Have you ever heard the phrase "pyramid scheme" before?

It's a scam.

What?!

First, I don't think germanium can possibly affect your luck. Second, if this is such a great business plan, why would they give it away for free at such a fishy-sounding seminar?

N-No way! I already bought two bracelets, so that can't be right!

Serika is so gullible it's cute! ☆

...!

Aw, you can be so naive, Serika. Sweet, but naive. You'd better start wising up, or else you're going to have your life ruined by one of them scheming adults!

B-But...it sounded so convincing. I even skipped out on lunch so I could afford these...

There, there, Serika. It's okay. Why don't I treat you to lunch?

*sniff* Aww. Nonomi...

Well, then... That's it for Serika's suggestion. Anyone else?

Me! Me!

Okay. President Takanashi Hoshino has the floor...

Thank you. Ahem...

You know what this school's problem is? It's that the entire student body is just us.

More students means more money. Think about Trinity or Gehenna with their five-digit enrollment numbers. Think about how much they must be raking in with monthly student fees alone!

I suppose... And?

So we need to increase our enrollment numbers! That's where we should start.

We'll also get more representatives and have a bigger voice with the General Student Council that way.

I admit you raise a good point, but how do you suggest we do this?

Simple. We abduct another academy's school bus!

Excuse me?!

We carjack a bus full of students on their way to school, and we hold them hostage until they sign the transfer form to Abydos!

This is sure to get our enrollment numbers up! Heh!

Interesting.

So who's our target? Trinity? Gehenna? Or is it Millennium?

We'll have to evolve our strategy to fit the target.

Oh, yeah? Well, how about Trinity? No, wait! Let's hit Gehenna!

Wait a second! We can't possibly boost our enrollment with a stunt like that!

Not to mention the other schools' respective leaderships would surely put up a fight...

Heh. I suppose they would.

You suppose they would? Hoshino... Can you please try to take this meeting seriously?

I have an even better idea.

Fine. Go ahead, second-year student, Sunaookami Shiroko.

We rob a bank.

What?!

It's a surefire plan, and we already have the perfect target. Let's hit the First Central Bank downtown.

I've already mapped out everything from the location of the vault to the positions of the guards, blind spots for the security cameras, and even the armored car's transportation route.

Is that what you've been working on this whole time?!

We can earn 100 million yen in five minutes flat. In-and-out, easy. Here, I even brought masks.

Where did you find the time to prepare all of this?

Whoa! Did you knit these yourself, Shiroko?

Wowie! Check it out! Don't I look like a luchador?

...

This is nice! All or nothing! Isn't that what life is all about, Serika?

Heck no it isn't! Absolutely not! DENIED!

She's right! We can't possibly stoop to being criminals!

...

Pout all you want, Shiroko, but there are some lines that can't be crossed!

*sigh* Seriously. If no one comes up with a real idea soon...

Hey, excuse me! Me next!

Very well. Second-year Izayoi Nonomi... As long as it doesn't involve scams or breaking the law, you have the floor.

You got it! I have the perfect thing, and I promise it isn't illegal or a pyramid scheme. This one is definitely gonna work!

Two words: pop idols! Schoolgirl pop idols, to be exact!

Pop idols...?!

You heard me! It happens all the time in anime. Nothing helps revitalize a school like becoming a pop superstar! If we all break into the industry together as pop idols...

Denied.

What...? You don't like that idea either?

Why not? You'd definitely have some fans, Hoshino.

Heh. Only creeps would like frail, little me. No, thanks.

But I even came up with poses...

*poses*

Christina of the Swimsuit Gang! ♧

Are you...

...KIDDING ME?! The Swimsuit WHAT?! That's so lame!

Aww. But I worked on it all night...

This meeting is just going in circles now. Shouldn't we at least try to decide on something? Anything?

Why not let Sensei decide? Sensei, which idea do you think we should go with?

No way! You want to make a decision already? Shouldn't we at least throw out some better ideas first?

It'll be fine. If Sensei backs it, then I'm sure it'll be the right one.

Now wait just a minute. How does that make any sense?

I mean, at least this means becoming pop idols is off the table...right?

Idol stardom, here we come! ☆

*hopefully puts mask back on*

THAT'S what you're picking?! Are you sure?!

Hahaha! I guess we have a winner. Let's do this!

Yay! That sounds like so much fun! ☆

This is a joke...right? We aren't really...

Why not?

Might as well go big or go home. Isn't that right, Ayane?

Obviously...

Really?

OBVIOUSLY NOT!

She did it! Ayane flipped the table!

...

Ahhh! Ayane is in berserk mode! Everyone take cover!

She's grown up to be such a stern young lady. It does my old heart proud.

Can't you take this seriously for one second?! I swear, it's like I'M the only mature one here!

All you four ever do is fool around! Robbing banks, pyramid schemes... Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?!

*flinches*

...

Everything's going to be all right, Ayane. We're sorry, okay? I'll treat you to some ramen to make it up to you.

I'm...not angry...

That's it. Hush now. There's a good girl. ☆

Stop treating me like a child!

That's fine and all, but did you guys seriously have to come back here again?

Want some more chashu, Ayane?

*nom* *nom* Yesh.

...

Oh... U-Um...

Welcome! How many in your party?

Uh... Excuse me. How much is the cheapest thing on your menu?

Our lowest priced dish?

That would be the regular Shiba Seki Ramen Bowl for 580 yen! It's our signature dish and super tasty too!

Oh, uh, thank you!

Hmm?

Heh. We finally found something that costs less than 600 yen!

A yen saved is a yen earned. I knew we'd find one.

Y-You were right. I guess you really do know everything, Boss...

*sigh*

So, four in your party? I'll show you to your seats.

Oh, no, no, no. You don't have to do that. We're only going to order the one.

Just one...? Still, you may as well be comfortable. Plus we're not very busy at the moment.

Well, isn't that nice of you? Don't mind if we do.

Oh, and can you get us four pairs of chopsticks while you're at it? Thanks, missy.

Four pairs? Uh, you're not thinking of splitting a single bowl between the four of you, are you?

S-Sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry that we're broke and we're poor!

What...?! I mean, that's not really something to apologize for...

No, really! What's the point of living like this? We're just a waste of air! Lower than dirt! We never should have come in here. Sorry, sorry, sorry...

*sigh* For crying out loud... Knock it off, Haruka. You're making a scene.

Don't say that! Being poor isn't a crime or anything to be ashamed of. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself!

I...shouldn't?

You're students! No one expects you to be loaded with cash. Still, you and your friends scraped enough to share a bowl of ramen together. That's saying something, isn't it?

Hang tight. I'd be glad to bring it out for you.

I think she got the wrong idea.

Yeah! It's not like we're beggars. It's just because Aru blew through our cash.

That's "Boss" to you. You should know better than to not refer to me by my title, Chief of Staff Mutsuki.

Really? You still want us to call you Boss when we're off the clock? And what kind of boss can't afford to treat her employees to more than one measly bowl of ramen?

...

Maybe you should've thought of that before blowing all of our money on hired goons.

Heh. Would you expect me to do anything less? Be grateful there was enough left for a bowl of ramen.

You could have negotiated to make sure there was enough left for four, you know...

Just admit that you forgot to account for dinner in today's expenses, Aru.

Heh heh heh...

I get why you would want to reduce the risk factor of this operation. You're right about not underestimating the target. They aren't jobbers like the Helmet Gang.

But really, Boss? Are these Abydos students really worth blowing our entire budget on hiring extra muscle?

They could be...

Aru probably doesn't even know. That's why she hired those goons, because she's chicken.

Who are you calling a chicken?! I'm just being careful and covering our bases!

Failure is not an option. You all know Problem Solver 68's motto: Expect the unexpected.

This is the first I'm hearing about this motto.

Pretty sure she just made that up on the spot.

Shut up! I'll take you all out for sukiyaki once we finish this job and get paid. So you'd better go all out!

Sukiyaki...?! What's that?

It's a dish that adults like. And it's really expensive...

W-Wow. I don't know if dirt like me could appreciate it, then. Would I have to sacrifice my life afterward for overindulging?

Fufufu. We're an industry titan at this point. We deserve only the best, wouldn't you agree?

Heh! You're so ambitious, Aru.

I told you to call me Boss!

Order up! The bowl's hot, so be careful!

What the...? This bowl is huge.

It looks like it could feed ten people...

Uh, are you sure this is the right order? We don't have the money to pay for something like this...

This is exactly what you ordered. A plain 580-yen Shiba Seki Ramen Bowl. Isn't that right, Master?

Well, I might have overfilled a smidge, but that's all right.

Master says it's all good, so don't worry! Enjoy your meal!

W-Wow...

I say we eat first and ask questions later. Chopsticks ready!

I didn't see this coming, but it'd be rude of us to send it back.

Let's dig in!

...!

I-It's so yummy!

Not bad at all. Who knew there was such a good ramen shop out here in the boonies?

*squeezes in* I know, right? Isn't it the best?

Huh? Weren't you sitting at the table next to us?

Yep! The ramen here is the best around. People come from all over just to get a taste of it.

I can see why. I've been to my fair share of shops, and ramen this good is hard to find.

We're regulars here. Sorry to interrupt your meal, but we wanted to say it's good to see students from other schools come here and see the light.

That uniform you're wearing is Gehenna's, right? That's a long trip.

Girls sharing a bowl of ramen together like this. It's a little nostalgic, isn't it?

Wasn't that a bowl of udon?

(...)

(Their uniforms...)

(Hey, you're right.)

Haha! I never expected to run into fellow connoisseurs here. Isn't life wonderfully unpredictable sometimes?

(Something tells me Aru hasn't put two and two together yet.)

(Should we tell her?)

(Nah. This is interesting. Let's see what happens.)

(...)