Story dungeon scenes, Canto V

…!

Do you still fail to see? They are already 'Ahab'.

They are my harpoons. My hatred is their hatred. My vengeance is their vengeance. And my harpoons... shall not be defied!

Ehehehe, heheh. Hehe!

Stubb's death did this to you, didn't it...?

Stubb's not dead, Miss Ishmael!

Pip would have said as such! He crushed his own heart and gave himself to me, so that he would be freed from his guilt!

Be not so cruel to a mere child, Ishmael! Cast your eyes upon me!

His broken heart led him to me, and I have freed him from his guilt to the best of my abilities!

But what did you do? Nothing! The least you could have done was to volunteer to row in Pip's place on that fateful day!

The fault lies with you, Ishmael!

Yet I am the evil here?

Starbuck...! You... you were the only crew of the ship that could challenge Ahab.

So how could you...

How foolish, Ishmael! How foolish!

Starbuck was the first to kneel. It matters not how many waves a first mate has weathered... A first mate's station is still beneath his Captain...!

Out of his own volition, He blinded his eyes in that complacent belief that regardless of whatever paths we took, the Captain would lead him to his destination!

If you knew that he had sought a better path, then why have you not helped him see it?!

So the fault lies with you again, Ishmael!

Queequeg... I don't...! I don't want to let you go... Not you...!

It's all because of you, Ishmael!

This happened because you dared to unearth her buried heart! Because you forced her broken heart into the open!

The fault lies with you once again, Ishmael!

Look at what you've done. Watch her determination crumble, her conviction collapse. Now, with her faith broken, the pale claims Queequeg!

The Pallid Whale, and... Ahab...

They force their way into the cracks in our hearts.

Everyone has those cracks in their hearts. They're what makes us hesitate, what makes us waver.

Confusion. Loneliness. The anxiety of the unknown. The fear of knowing that the people... the things you cherish... will one day leave your side.

They tightly choke these fragile, countless cracks in our hearts to the point of breaking.

Before I even knew it, those cracks in my heart... were filled with a singular obsession. So much so that I was suffocating.

"I will kill Captain Ahab. The cause of all evils in the world that has brought me to this point."

That obsession has wrapped me so tightly, and in so many impenetrable layers, that I...

... I could no longer even recognize the times I've spent with everyone... and the choices I've made...

And all of a sudden...

I began to sink, even memories of my own shape fading into oblivion.

I'm lost here. I don't know where to go anymore.

…….

The hell are you doing in there?

Come out.

Heath... cliff...?

When... when did this happen...? When did it... I-I didn't realize...

No. I saw that very same look on your mug from the moment we first met.

Thought you might suffocate and kick the bucket any minute.

…….

I'm so sorry, Queequeg… I… couldn't save you…

No. I was. Too late.

Too late to think. About what is right and what is wrong. To think for myself. Too late.

I, I should have been more... I should have...

Hey.

Your name. Tell me. Once more.

The Great Lake might be one of the worst places in the City... but it sure has a pretty sunset.

…….

Your name. What?

My name? W-why?

Because, your hair color. I like it.

Whales. When they die, they turn to the sun.

And your hair color. Sunset-color.

So when I throw the harpoon, Whales turn to you.

We can be good friends.

Well... call me Ishmael, if you please.

... Call me... Ishmael...

…….

…….

<…….>

You're in my way, Dante. Again.

Why are you doing this? Why do you keep getting in my way? Why do you even turn the clock for me? What the hell do you get out of all this?

What, does pretending to be a good person help you feel better?

<I wanted to know more about you.>

<So I can... find you a path that doesn't go in circles.>

Do you... Do you even know?

Do you even know where you're going?

<I'm... constantly searching.>

<Ishmael, we're all Captains of our own hearts.>

<We just happened to be sailing the same path, and sometimes we'd let each other take the helm...>

<But at the end of all things, you still have to be the Captain of your own ship. You're the one who has to steer your very own path...>

<So don't you dare let go of your helm before the voyage is over. Because I... I won't, either.>

So you've finally killed everyone. Didn't even leave a single one of them alive.

Yeah. And you're the last one.

Hah...

HA! HA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

YES! Now, we have become one and the same, Ishmael.

The paths to our destinations are both unclouded. Any sacrifice, any amount of death can be justified as long as we can see our missions through to their ends!

As long as we kill that bastard, we will have nothing more to wish for in our lives!

One day, I had a sudden epiphany.

That I was tired of living like this.

Hmm...

Aimlessly taking tests, earning certificates, finding a place in a nest, landing myself a good career.

Struggle in an endless competition, writhing and thrashing every single day to be a feather of a Wing so that I won't fall behind. All that to trap myself into a desk job, to make money...

Yeah. I quit.

... What am I going do now? I don't know. I don't care.

I wanted to leave everything behind. Everyone that told me to not do this. I wanted this dreary existence to end.

I don't know if that meant that I wanted to die, or if I just wanted to do something new with my life.

But I knew that I was always fond of the waters.

So if I were to die... I wanted to die near a body of water.

Recruiting sailors... for a Whaling ship. Huh.

For the first time in my life, my heart began to pound.

Requirements... an able body that does not suffer seasickness.

... That's it?

Another would be the generosity of your heart to not whine when someone tosses you a rag to shine the bow of the ship.

... Who am I talking to?

Just an old salt who doesn't like how the solid earth feels against her one good leg.

…….

Whales are... magnificent yet mysterious monsters.

Everyone flees screaming at the sight of a Whale. But we give it a toothy grin and a wild guffaw.

Every morning that I woke, I wondered what it meant to live.

…….

This woman stood before the recruitment board as I have, but...

Her sights were set on something beyond the Lake's horizons.

Though she had but one leg, she stood taller than anyone else.

The Pequod, huh. This ship's Captain must be one lucky person.

Why do you think that?

I wanted to be like her.

Not a lot of sailors out there, willing to work for such a pittance.

Hm. Still, sailing with this ship will net you a Grade 9 Fixer license for the Eight Association.

I hoped to be like her one day. To be someone who will face the destiny of her own choosing. To have something I could give it my all with conviction and without a moment of hesitation.

Yeah. There once was a time when I wanted to be like you.

Once, I was your Mermaid. Devoured and overwritten by your beliefs, I swam toward a towering mad Whale that wore your face.

Because if I didn't... I... didn't know if I could go on.

My years of aimless wandering. My loss of everyone that was ever precious to me. That I was the only one who survived. That, once I had one chance to get them back, I ended up killing them with my own hands.

All of that had to be your fault. That was the only way to make it bearable.

Before I saw that recruitment post... after I boarded the Pequod... even after I joined Limbus Company... I've never taken the helm of my own ship.

But... I think I've finally found my compass.

Does a mere deckhand dare speak of her own compass now?

Yeah. An incredibly annoying compass that keeps getting in my way. But... they're also a compass that, even as they waver, points to where I want to go…

So I want to go on an adventure with that compass. A real adventure. To explore and learn this world we live in.

But that bloodied past I've sailed in this voyage... is also a path that I charted.

I accept that now. And I'll carry that weight with me. ...All of it.

That's why I have to let you live. That is how I will chart my own path.

What...?

What... What have you...!

Look at me.

And tell me that we're still "one and the same".

Why... Why...!