Esper Story: Melanie

Darnit, I should never have trusted him!

(Sobbing) But he seemed so honest, so true, so gentle...

I'm sure I gave her non-alcoholic orange juice, didn't I...?

It's you? The "Love Guru", Melanie?

???

No, I'm no guru, just Melanie.

And you are?

I've been looking forward to meeting you for ages. I'm a dedicated reader.

Reader? I'm sorry, do you have me mixed up with somebody else? I'm just a bartender at Evening Sounds.

Oh, you didn't write it, but this book records all of your timeless wisdom.

"101 Love Tips"I read it practically every night before bed.

Don't lots of women come to you for advice?

Ah... I suppose so.

The "Love Guru"!

I remember someone once came asking for my permission to put some of the things I've said into a book.

Guru Melanie, can I ask you a few questions to get to know you better?

Ask me anything.

So, when do you normally wash your hair?

......

I wasn't expecting that...

Do the snakes on your head, do they shed?

If they do, is it hard to clean up?

???

Don't you think these questions have taken a strange turn?

(Cough) I've been wanting to know since I first laid eyes on you...

......

Guru Melanie, do you ever turn people to stone by accident? Like by looking at them the wrong way?

And if they turn to stone, can you turn them back?

Oh, and how many times have you been in love?

There's no way to turn someone back if they've been turned to stone.

?

How can you just go and ask someone about their love life like that?

You're talking to the "Love Guru"! She doesn't have "experiences", she has success stories!

Isn't that right, Guru Melanie?

Listen.

Failure is your teacher. Failure is your path to growth, is it not?

Melanie the Love Guru! You really are one of a kind.

So you're the "Love Guru", Melanie...

You were saying something about being cheated on by some guy when you came in, I thought maybe...

What do you know?

I may have made a name for myself, but at what cost...

Yawn!

I still have a lot of work waiting for me! I shouldn't have stayed up all night...

...but that comic was just too hard to put down. The ending was so sad too.

Good evening, beautiful lady.

Uh, hi, what can I get for you?

Two glasses of rum and lime soda with a hint of mint.

Waiting for a friend?

...Not at all.

This one's for you.

???

You look tired. Maybe this drink will help.

Oh, thanks for your concern.

(Not a totally original line... Hold on, was this in the comic I read last night?!)

So what's keeping you up at night?

Oh, nothing really. I don't want to bore you with my life.

It's fine. I was just wondering if you're doing okay.

I'm pretty attentive when I'm drinking. You can tell me what's wrong if you want.

(This was in the comic! The two main characters meet in a bar for the first time, and they confessed their feelings when they're drunk!)

(A reward for all of my hard work perhaps?)

(No, Melanie, snap out of it! He looks a bit too experienced for you, you young naive girl!)

Miss?

Eh?

Are you alright? You haven't said anything for a while.

Uh, I'm fine! Thank you. I stayed up last night being silly.

Oh, I see. Well, my name's Fabrice.

Would you be so kind as to tell me yours?

I'm Melanie.

What a beautiful name, "Melanie". It suits you!

(Something's wrong, this guy's voice is too gentle! Good thing I've been around the block a few times. His tricks aren't going to work on me.)

Perhaps... I was just curious about something.

Please go ahead.

I bet you talk like that to all the ladies, don't you?

It doesn't matter how often I say it, I only say it when I mean it.

(That's all? So he does... That's honest at least. Good for a friend.)

But, tonight, I'm saying it only to you.

......

(That is eerily similar to the comic I read last night. He didn't read it as well, did he?!)

A toast to our acquaintance, Melanie. What do you think?

?!

(Calm down! But what if I just let myself get carried away like the character in that comic? That could be fun... for a while.)

(Of course, if he tries anything untoward I'll take off these shades and blast him to stone!)

This soda's unusually nice.

Really? I'm just following the recipe. Anything unusual about it?

It's unusually nice, not unusual. I like it.

Glad to hear it. I appreciate positive feedback...

When I was young, I didn't get to see my mom much because she would always stay out all night gambling. When other parents praised their kids, I couldn't do anything else but encourage myself.

I'm sorry, that might seem really random. I mean, thanks for the compliment...

Melanie, I know exactly how you felt... When you were young.

(That's basically what I'd expect from someone who wanted to comfort a woman...)

Hey, Melanie, would you like to hear a song on my cello?

Something tells me our childhoods were a bit similar, but whatever may have happened, we made it this far to live happy lives.

And we always have to keep looking forward, don't we?

Thank you for your marvelous drinks, and for listening to my cello.

Goodbye, Melanie.

(This scene was not featured in last night's comic...)

Goodbye, and may you live each day happily, Fabrice.

Melanie, I ordered my hot sauce half an hour ago!

We're also missing a drink!

Coming!

Think we could get these backlogged orders out faster?

I got it!

Excuse me, is Li Ling here? Is it alright if I come in?

Please, come in. Are you looking for me?

Yes. I'd like to ask for your help with something...

What?

Can you teach me how to roller skate?

I'm not sure I get your drift. Your martial arts skills are exceptional. Roller skating should be easy for you.

Sounds a bit tough. I suggest we shelve the idea.

Besides, I'm away on missions so often, I don't have the time to train you.

In that case... Maybe I'll find someone else.

I've heard that there's a great teacher in Gyrate, but he's expensive.

Hey, I'm perfectly capable of teaching you! Why find someone else?

Heck if I know why. But you don't want to do it. And I've no way to tell how good you are, anyway.

I should be the one to teach you!

Alright then. I'll teach you. You'll be skating down the streets of Gyrate in under a month. I guarantee it.

Thank you so much! I'm looking forward to learning with you.

I'm sorry, excuse me! Coming through!

Your mojito.

Hey Melanie, I'm really loving the skates.

Thanks. They look great, don't they?

Call me Speedy Gonzales!

Table 23: done. Now for table 18...

Melanie?

Are you seriously roller skating inside? While working?

Hey, Celine! Don't you think it's actually a really good way to...

Watch out for the wall!

Just a wall. No biggie.

It's alright. Just a bit of broken glass. It happens all the time.

It's far too narrow here. I don't think it's really possible...

I'm doing the tables three times faster than usual! The customers love it!

Melanie, is our order ready yet?

It's on its way, just a second!

Chat later, Celine. I've gotta get back to it. The customers are waiting.

As you can see, I've learned how to stop in a hurry...

I'm really, really sorry!

Melanie!

Let's count how many glasses we've lost to your roller skating.

Shouldn't be that many, just...

Eight?

Goodness me, eight!

Darling Melanie, can you do something for me?

Uh-huh.

I don't want you coming within ten feet of any roller skates while you're at work, okay?