IC-1 Alternate Reality Tourism

That was a real close one, kiddo. You completely forgot the way here, didn't you?

I'm not a kid!

And I'm, uh, just not a hundred-percent certain...

Without a professional guide like me leading the way, how would a kiddo like you have made it through such a dangerous cave? Even I had to think twice before jumping in.

In any case, why don't we take this opportunity to set up camp and get some shut-eye? If you don't know how to pitch a tent, I can help out.

You serious? Is this really the time for that?

The air flows smoothly here, the area is spacious but sheltered from wind and rain, the temperature is pretty agreeable, and it's dark enough to skip the eye mask.

Um... I think Elysium raises some good points! But I'm not too familiar with these field tents...

No problemo, I'll show you what to do. This model's very simple— just unfold it and it's pretty much good to go. Just need to secure a few locks...

Woah, you're right! Very convenient!

When Logistics originally designed this model, they specifically consulted ME, the fieldwork specialist that I am!

I even graciously agreed to let them name the series after me, but I'm not sure why they didn't go through with it.

Well, maybe they felt there was still room for improvement, and that this tent model wasn't worthy of my name? What a shame. They should know I wouldn't nitpick over such minor things!

Tomimi, I've been hearing a lot about what a good time you've had at Rhodes Island, and that's all well and good, but I have to admit, I'm having second thoughts...

Do Rhodes Islanders always pitch tents inside lifts?

Um, I think Elysium is an exception...

I'll say it one more time— this isn't any regular old lift! This is the pride and joy of the Durin people, the Super Convenient Lift-o-Matic #1!

Yes, indeedy. Makes for a great campsite.

Hey!

Enough of that, you two. How long will it take to get to the underground city you're talking about?

Yeah, what's up with that, kiddo? We've been sitting in this lift for almost half an hour already.

It's not like I'm... *sigh*... I can't help but wonder, were you mixed up in all those stories I heard about Gavial back at the tribe?

Of course! Too often am I on the receiving end of that woman's fists!

...I think it might be better if you turned back.

Well, it's not THAT often, but once every three weeks wouldn't be an exaggeration...

Wait! Elysium might just be one of Gavial's regular coworkers, but...

I am Gavial's most cherished partner, the leader of Acahualla's mightiest tribe, 'Gavial's Will!'

There's almost nothing true about that second half.

Haha... I appreciate your generosity and selfless help. I'm sure the city will welcome you with open arms.

(mutters) Hopefully your ugly-ass metal monsters-on-treads will come in handy...

Did you say something, Stitch?

Oh, not at all, I was just saying we're almost there.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Zeruertza.

It's extremely rare for any surface-dweller to get to lay eyes on a Durin city, let alone our beautiful––

Hey, hey, hey! What the heck is THAT?!

A giant waterfall?

It's... a huge water slide!!

No, that's not what's important. Can't you pay some respect to that beautiful, minimalistic place in the distance with a garden...

So this is a Durin city? I thought it would be a bit more, uh... normal?

Mysterious underground palaces and whatnot. That's what the magazines always talk about.

Actually, Zeruertza is rather unique among Durin cities, because it was built by the legendary designer standing before you.

My predecessors came here with the vision to create a city of beauty and harmony, and this magnificence is the product of their philosophy! And minimalism! It's...

Super Spinner Slide!!!

Dylan wouldn't stop going on about how much fun Acahualla was, and I didn't believe him at first, with that wicked grin on his face, but it turned out to be true!

Ooh, ooh! I wanna see, I wanna see! We have to bring Gavial next time!

I wonder if the legendary Durins are interested in doing business.

Is there not a single shred of appreciation for minimalism in those empty heads of yours?! What is that heap of junk in front of you to the greatness of my work?!

Well, whatever... I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up for you people.

Huh, it should be somewhere around here.

Some elders in the tribe mentioned a giant cave beneath Acahualla, but I didn't expect it to be this complex.

Seems like what Tomimi and the others were saying turned out to be true.

If the worst case scenario comes to pass, it won't just be us Tiacauh that are affected. Everyone in this entire region's going to be at risk.

There's no way it's that serious.

High Priest! What are you doing here?

Naturally, I came because I sensed the two of you in need of help. I am the all-knowing High Priest after all.

So, old man, how are we supposed to get inside that legendary underground city?

Don't be in such a rush, children. It's not every day you get to delve deep into an underground cave. Soak in your surroundings.

Take a look at these fluorescent plants. I'll let you in on a little secret— if you grind them into powder and sprinkle them over grilled fin, the flavor simply speaks for itself.

And look at these tiny little fruits on the vines...

Sorry, but we're a bit short on time here!

Alright, I know. Do you remember the safe route coming here? If I recall correctly, it's left, right, then another right, then another left?

And then four left turns in a row after that?

That would take us right back where we started.

Really? Strange.

Let me see if I can pull something else from memory... Ugh, these underground passages wind to and fro. It's hard to keep things straight! Was it right, and then uphill? Or was it downhill?

How about the more dangerous path?

You're just as impetuous as when you were little.

There does happen to be a path that is somewhat dangerous, but saves more time.

See that river heading underground? Jump down.

For real?

The two of you should probably be fine, judging from your statures. But...

You heard the man, Zumama. Get ready, and take a deep breath––

Let's go!

But, I would advise the two of you to just follow me slowly. The thing is... Huh? Where'd they go?

In any case, this is the Durin city of Zeruertza.

I had no idea there was a place like this beneath Acahualla...

Zeruertza has had its roots here since antiquity, but with the exception of a few adventurous idiots, we've generally had little interest in the surface world.

Of course, I am an exception.

You don't much care for stories of adventure?

That's right, I don't care for them at all.

Stop trying to twist my words! I'm not an idiot either!

That's not how I see it!

Ahem... Let me introduce myself once more. I am Stitch Canvas, the most distinguished architectural designer in the city.

As you can see, the buildings around the city that speak most directly to one's heart and soul were designed by none other than myself!

Like that big water slide over there? My respect for you is going through the roof, Mr. Stitch!

Uhh, no, that's not mine.

You must've designed the dome above this underground city, then! It even simulates the feeling of sunlight. Incredible! Good going, kiddo, you're more than meets the eye!

Have you no aesthetic taste? Are you unable to grasp what truly matters about this city?

Uhh... the greenery looks pretty nice?

Alright, we'll need to cultivate some appreciation in you.

Since you'll never get another opportunity like this and I happen to have some time before my next job, I wouldn't mind showing you a place in this city that stands as the quintessence of wisdom.

It is my temporary residence, personally designed to bear the core of my profound philosophy...

Behold––

Inam, look! What kind of store is that?!

A swimsuit shop?

They're so cute!!

Durin clothes won't fit you. Not to mention your thick tail...

P-P-Please don't talk about my tail!

It can't hurt to take a look, right?

Hey, you two. Hey!!

Elysium, we have to bring those two back...

Thanks for your patronage~

Mmh, what an exotic flavor! These grilled mushrooms are as unique as you'd expect!

Kay's culinary tastes are top-class. If the mushrooms of Acahualla are not to be missed, the mushrooms beneath Acahualla are to die for! Care for a bite?

Don't you think you're assimilating way too easily?!

Ugh, my head hurts...

Hang in there, brother! Don't let these little setbacks get the better of you! All our suffering, all our hardship... It all meant something!

The disease is taking me... The time we spent together was pure delight...

There has to be some way, I'm sure of it...

What about that mystical liquid? The miracle juice that supposedly restores anyone to health!

Yeah, that's right... There's still the good stuff. It might even bring back my love of life...

Help us out, kind-hearted passerby. Call out that magical name with us!

You, with the thick tail over there, I'm talking to you!

Eh? Me?

C'mon, dig into your heart, and shout the name with us. Three, two, one!

Old Karl Mead!

Um... Gavial's stew?

Cut!

You said the wrong line, Thick-Tail!

P-Please don't call me that...

Where did Avdotya find such a strange woman...?

Avdotya?

Hold on a sec... You aren't with Old Karl Mead's fan club!

Avdotya's the only sober-looking person in the club!

Wow, they actually use sobriety as their identifying standard...

What now, brother? Should we cancel our yodel-your-heart's-desires-out event?

Not a chance!

You're a Liberi who came here from the surface, aren't you? Fate brought us together today. Come, come. I still have another half-barrel of the good stuff.

Inam, they actually carry around barrels of alcohol with them!

Where did they even get their hands on barrels that big?

This mead's the best stuff in all of Zeruertza! Though, there are always a few know-nothings out there who refuse to admit it.

Wanna give it a shot, Liberi? You won't regret it.

I have to hand it to you guys... You sure are enthusiastic.

All good, it's on us! One look at you, and we can tell you're...

A gentleman of utmost distinction?

Not quite sober. Just the right type to become one of us!

Are you saying I give off far out vibes? Hahaha, that's the first time anyone's said that about me. Never thought I'd be learning something new about myself here.

You can count me in then. Bottoms up!

How about the ladies over here? If you don't mind...

Mm, I'd like a try as well.

J-Just a little bit then!

Wait, come back! Why are you drinking? We still have business to attend to!

Huh? You're uh...

Dear citizen, I know that confronting an important architectural designer such as myself might be a bit intimidating.

But don't be fooled by the fact that these individuals appear idle. They actually have quite a bit of work to do, so if you'll please excuse us...

Are you sure you don't want some, brother? This mead's seriously good stuff.

Me? I'll pass, I don't drink.

As one of the few Durins who needs his brain for problem-solving, I prefer to keep my head clear...

...Ugh.

Why are you looking at me like that? And why are you lifting those barrels up?

Did you hear what he just said? My ears weren't playing tricks on me, right?

This kid says he NEVER drinks? And supposedly to keep his head clear?

We're in trouble, my friends. An alien has infiltrated our city!

Open your eyes, you drunkards! They look more like aliens than anything else!

It's time we let this fella know just how much nonsense he's spewing!

'Harder than ice, longer than winter. More silent than tears, more futile than sighs.'

'Inova still cannot forget the afternoon she departed. The town was like a coughing giant, exhaling rust and spitting blood.'

'She trips and falls, but climbs back to her feet. Her steps know no pause. She doesn't ask for much— she only wants to find a land without dreams, and a few moments to waste.'

'Perhaps a cup of hot tea and a few sips of light liquor. Indulgence is not a sin, at least in her case.'

'What... is she after, and what is she running from?'

'Even she does not know the answers to these questions.'

No need to be shy, Tomimi. It looks great on you.

R-Really?

Ehehe, I loved this swimsuit the moment I laid eyes on it. It's exactly my style!

The tailors here sure are something. They managed to custom-make something to fit your figure so quickly.

I-is there something wrong with my figure? I've been working out a lot harder!

Don't worry. You look super cute.

Phew, that's good then. I don't want people making fun of my tail getting thicker again... Inam, you're not going to pick out a swimsuit?

I'm good. I'm more interested in the buckethead that was helping out the tailor just now.

Durin technology...

That's some crazy good stuff!

I've never had liquor this good before!

Cheers, brother! Let's drink to your health!

A toast to our health! Long live Old Karl Mead!

Hey, Tomimi, about that Elysium guy... Is he actually reliable?

Eh? He's there for us, when the chips are down...

Usually!

Now that you mention it, there are Durin operators at Rhodes Island, but they seem to never talk about where they came from.

Do you think the Durins might be hiding something?

No, I think they just don't care a whole lot. They always seem a lot more concerned about what's on the menu in the canteen.

I never thought we'd get the opportunity to explore an underground Durin city.

Yeah. This might be a great opportunity to spread Gavial's name to the Durin people as well...

You didn't drag Gavial, Zumama, and Kemar with you on vacation this time?

Kemar said she wanted to practice boxing with Blaze. Gavial and Zumama went on a mission and haven't come back yet.

Gavial's been working way too hard recently, and that worries me!

I really wish she wouldn't push herself so much...

I wrote them a letter before I left, telling what you learned from Mr. Stitch, as well as what he told us.

They could've taken the opportunity to go back to Acahualla for a break...

The three of you went and made me Great Chief without a second thought, and it's about time you all came back to see what I've gotten done.

By the way, while you were at Rhodes Island, did anybody find this Elysium guy a little annoying?

Waheeeey, it's a completely different experience!

You, tall guy, I saw you hanging out with those mead boys just now. Listen up, that stuff's for kids!

If you want the REAL good booze, turn your eyes toward our No. 7 Whiskey. Here, cheers.

Cheers!

This aroma... it's like the rainforest after a thunderstorm, the smell of moss in an underground cave!

Oh. Sorry, that's just the wood cup getting a little moldy.

He seems to be enjoying himself.

Oh, Inam, you still haven't told me about how you met Mr. Stitch.

Hm... It's a bit of a long story.

Great Chief, the big things you brought with you last time were really stimulating! Just standing in front of them kept me up for days!

My wife's been nagging me day in and day out about how these things are gonna snatch away my soul or something!

We're talking about those heaps of junk from Columbia, right? Are those metal choppers that big of a deal?

You bet they are! A legendary construction device, those things are, a machine of machines! Have you ever felt the joy of watching those things work right in front of you? My heart's never pounded so hard, not even when I first met my wife!

Huh... Guess I'll have someone stop by to put shock absorbers on your chopper one of these days.

Tomimi's going to be back in a few days, so we've got to get ready to pick her up.

Picking up Tomimi? I can imagine how much work that's going to take.

It's probably about as bad as getting beaten up by a metal chopper.

Who knows how many trinkets and doodads she'll bring back with her? Do you remember how many men we needed to grab all her stuff last time?

At first, I thought it was a whole caravan!

Tomimi's always been like that, ever since she was little. Always hoarding whatever junk she gets her hands on...

Don't you think it's gotten worse since she went to Rhodes Island?

I have no idea why she had to lug back that plate of sheet metal. The one Gavial put a hole through.

I heard she couldn't find a place to put it in her place at Rhodes Island.

Wait, who's that up ahead?

Call me mad, signing up for this kind of abuse. First it was those topsy-turvy caves, now it's this godforsaken place.

But that old man Eartheart drives me up the wall. Just clogs up the doorway and nags you all day... Gah, damn these stupid vines! And that accursed sunlight!

I've always said artificial lighting is much better than this crap!

......

I'm so thirsty... And tired.

I can't fathom why the Master would leave Zeruertza. Is he a masochist or something?

A little kid?

Who are you calling a kid? You're the kid!

Huh, you've got a pretty funny accent. Who taught you?

I taught myself. Got a problem with that?

Kids ought to mind their manners and be patient with strangers.

What a funny-looking fella. Kind of familiar, though, anyone like this been around Acahualla? Did someone's kid go missing?

Not a thick-tail, or a thin-tail...

Not a Liberi, or a Phidia either. Wait, hold on, could you be...?

A Durin?

What's a Durin? Can you eat it?

I've only read about them in magazines, but apparently Durins are a mysterious race of people who live underground.

You mean a metal crab?

No, you're the metal crab! Wanna fight?!

Oh, I remember now! There was an article in 'Stranger Things' a few years ago about how the Durins were really good at making alcohol! That's something metal crabs can't do.

At best, metal crabs might get drunk off of eating fermented fruits.

They also don't live underground. They just cover themselves with dirt.

That's not what matters!

*sigh*... I knew it. You surface-dwellers are just a bunch of short-sighted egomaniacs who keep running their mouths despite not knowing anything.

You people even make Durins look smart.

Gah, beyond all that though, your aesthetic sensibilities are compelte trash.

Hey, little Durin, I'll have you know— I'm wearing Sargon's chicest styles.

If that's your idea of 'chic,' then it's all the proof I need that everyone up here has trash taste. What is the point in going along with aesthetic merit determined by someone else? You might as well be a lowly pleb.

Great Chief, I think this kid might have a few screws loose. Need me to fix him up?

He's still got a long life ahead of him. Let him be.

I matured a long time ago, thank you very much!

Ugh... Why am I even wasting time talking to these ignoramuses? Farewell.

Oh. There he goes.

Hmm? He stopped again?

Uhh...

Ahem... Uhh, if I may ask a small favor, surface-dwellers...

Can I have some water?

So, the rest is pretty much what you wrote in the letter? He said that a Durin city is in trouble and needs our help?

At least, that's what Stitch said at the time.

Take a good look around us! How could this beautiful city possibly...?

*hic*! How could there possibly be any trouble?

Well, uhh, the drinks here being way too good can be troublesome. Might end up under the table if you're not careful, but that would NEVER happen to me. Cheers!

This is probably that unsociable little rascal's roundabout way of inviting us to see his beautiful home, and I can totally understand that sentiment.

Not everyone's brain is fried like yours, Elysium.

Stitch stayed with us for a month, and one day, he was pestering a group of Archosauria building a train.

He said, uh, 'You folks are good enough! These bits of iron and copper you've soldered together might be able to help me! Want to come down to Zeruertza to have a look?'

So then you–– Brother, mind topping me off? I'll finish yours––

So, you went along with it?

Though Stitch was definitely exaggerating the scope of the crisis, I... was actually curious to see if there's any business to be done with our underground neighbors.

Good idea!

If Acahualla ever wants to escape its savage, brutish state, it'll need every opportunity it can get. I heard the Durins are exceptional at smelting and smithing. If we could do them a favor, we might be able to get a thing or two in return...

You folks won't have to get all excited over a few bits of scrap metal anymore.

Inam... I didn't expect you to be such an upstanding Great Chief! I thought you'd just blow all your money in the city every day.

You brat. Is that how you think of me?

If Acahualla wants to develop, the most important thing it needs is money. Doesn't matter if it's Sargonian coins, Columbian bills, or Victorian pounds. We need them all.

But with Acahualla's current manufacturing output – some shoddy handmade products, a bit of unrefined ore, we barely have enough money for people to live decently, let alone think about getting rich.

Luckily, you don't have to worry about how the city defines 'living decently.'

That said, there's a difference between money and wealth. Sitting on a stack of money doesn't accomplish anything, but once you get it into circulation, then it becomes 'wealth.'

Acahualla is already on the up and up. But to become even better, it needs opportunity.

For example, a technological partnership with the Durins.

Hmm, this is a bit beyond me... All I know is, whenever I run into a problem, I throw some Arts at it! If that doesn't work, I can always whack it with my staff!

That's the 'Gavial's Will' way of life!

Hahaha! Even after working with Rhodes Island for so long, you still can't leave your roots behind, huh?

But, uhh, the best that I can do is some tinkering around the edges. For Acahualla to truly develop, we still need a 'leader.'

But Inam, aren't you already the Great Chief?

A leader is someone who can truly unite the Tiacauh. Am I gonna do that? A little too troublesome for me.

I'd rather go shopping in the city.

I like the way you think! I'm quite fond of shopping myself, but nothing beats the great outdoors, *hic*!

By the way, I haven't seen our little motor-mouthed friend for quite some time. Did he sneak off somewhere?

Seems like it...

I'd assume he went to set something up?

Oh, right, but since we're right in front of the big water slide... It wouldn't hurt to enjoy our vacation first, right?

I, I think the Yanese Operators at Rhodes Island have a saying for this! It goes something like... uhh, 'the host plans, and the guests follow'?

I think that means... Since the host isn't here, we can do whatever we want.

*hic*! Well said! I'll drink again to that pearl of wisdom!

Race you to the foot of the slide, my friends!

Elysium really is getting used to the Durin lifestyle a bit too quickly...

*pant* *pant*... Finally shook off that rabble of drunkards.

That's why I can't stand these soulless Durins! What are these idiots wasting their precious lives on?!

I've only been away for a month, and Zeruertza's already turned into a terrible eyesore. Dammit! I never should've come back!

And as for those stupid surface-dwellers... Gah, as long as they can build me a railway bridge that won't collapse, I suppose I can compromise my standards a bit more.

Stitch? You really came back to us! Word was going around about a teetotaler Durin wandering Zeruertza. I knew it had to be you!

Edge Eartheart... You're never going to leave me alone, are you?

Where have you been all this time? I was running all over looking for you. I wore out my old bones searching around that cave-in!

Your old bones are harder than rock. I, on the other hand, nearly died.

Don't tell me, you... went to the surface?!

What, you got a problem?

I can't believe you did that, Stitch.

You, you're too gutsy for your own good. I never imagined you'd...

Actually manage to do something useful! Hurry, let me see what fancy goodies you brought back!

The network of caves above the lift is way too hard to navigate, and I have no clue where my map went. Nobody's been up there in years!

You remembered to bring me a souvenir, right? Or maybe some exotic ore specimens? Some fermentable surface plants? The latest issue of 'Stranger Things'?! The ones they have at the library are all out-of-date.

No, uhh, how should I put this...?

I brought a few people back.

Huh?

'Thus, she decided...'

'She decided on Old Karl Mead!'

Ugh, that's not good enough. Maybe the product placement should come a bit earlier? Let me revise that a bit...

'Cheaper than cheap. Crazier than crazy!'

'If you need a place to cut loose, have a great time, and, of course, enjoy a sip of some soul-soothing mead—'

'Look no further than Zeruertza and our famed Old Karl Mead!'

Good. Concise, straightforward, and lavish in praise. The client should be satisfied with this. Hopefully.