Wasteland Artisan

Do I speak into this? Hello? Hello!

There's no need to smack it, Mr. Humus. We've set it up for you.

Just an old habit from working on my gadgets. Sometimes there's a loose part so you have to smack 'em to get 'em to work.

Well, you shouldn't have to worry about that here at the exhibition. It's being sponsored by the top tech firms in Trimounts.

Er...

(I can't exactly tell her I was being cheap so I used a bunch of second-hand parts...)

Oh, right... did you have a question?

Yes, getting back on topic... Your participation here has drawn a lot of attention. Many people are exceptionally... curious, about your experiences and what you've made.

Well, then I should introduce the gadgets I have with me here!

First, this automatic clothes hanger. We've all forgotten about clothes we left out to dry, right? And sometimes they just get dirty again.

So I modified this hanger to fold up your clothes once it senses they're dry enough, and then this device down here tosses 'em into the wardrobe.

Like that!

Whoops, it caught your camera? Sorry, let me recalibrate it and try again.

There's a long story behind this hanger. I made it to help the elderly and disabled—

Ahem... the demonstration can wait, Mr. Humus. I have a few other questions for you first.

I noticed you used the word 'modify' to describe your product, rather than 'invent,' like everyone else.

Did I? I said 'modify'?

Yes, you did. What I wanted to ask is: Did you get permission from the patent holder before modifying it?

Huh? I bought them as a pack at the supermarket for ten bucks.

Did you now?

I... I...

I see you didn't even consider that before 'modifying' your product.

I-I guess I didn't...

Does your background have anything to do with your lack of awareness of intellectual property rights?

W-What does that have to do with anything? They were just ordinary clothes hangers!

In Trimounts, there can be extraordinary value in the most ordinary things, Mr. Humus.

Er... you're right! Absolutely. I agree.

...Then shouldn't you respect the rights of the patent holder?

I-I've never had to deal with that kind of stuff...

Would it be correct to assume that you have virtually no understanding of patents because of your years of penal service on the frontier?

I... I mean, I know what they are, at least...

Then do you mean to say that you do understand patents, but intentionally—

Excuse me, ma'am, but I have urgent business with this big fellow here.

Oh... very well.

Should I come back to finish the interview later? I haven't said everything I wanted to.

(Whisper) Just go! Don't you understand? She just wants to tear you apart.

It wasn't that bad. It was nothing compared to the sort of stuff you hear all the time on the frontier.

You're just... Never mind.

Are you Mr. Humus? It's such an honor to meet you. Chris talks about you all the time.

Let me introduce you to my university professor. I sent him the files on the stuff you made at Rhodes Island.

A professor? Oh my god, I'm so excited to meet someone so intellectual!

No need to be humble, sir. I looked through what Chris sent me, and was amazed at the creativity they demonstrated.

Aw, that was just some scrap I threw together. But you can see my latest stuff at my display.

No need to rush, Mr. Humus, I'll be here all day. But there's something I should tell you first.

Well, now you're scaring me. Where I'm from, that's what people say when they're about to deliver bad news.

Hahaha, quite the opposite, my friend!

Although there were more than a few rough edges in what I've seen of your work, company management was flabbergasted by some of the optimizations you made.

(Whisper) Flabber-what now...?

(Whisper) They were amazed.

Aw, shucks...

We've had an eye out for new ways to conserve and recycle resources, and your energy-saving module is precisely what we're looking for.

So you want to...?

We want to help you continue to improve the module and apply it to our products. You will, of course, be appropriately compensated. What do you think?

How could I say no to that?! Getting recognized for my work is a dream come true, not to mention you're a friend of Chris.

Excellent. I like people who are easy to do business with.

Guess I better jot down all the thoughts and experiences I had on the way. Wouldn't wanna embarrass myself at the presentation, after all.

Regarding that... there's another tiny matter I must discuss with you.

I'm all ears!

We'd like to ask you to remain behind the scenes, and allow... others to go public with this technology.

But why? I'm the one who made it. Would anyone else even know how to describe it?

I'm simply saying it would be announced under somebody else's name. You won't be required to present anything. But don't worry, you will receive full compensation.

But I wanted to talk about my experience inventing it... All the fun stuff that went into it.

What I mean is... we would like to separate your identity from your work.

You mean people'll use the stuff I make, but won't know it was me?

Does that really matter? You'll have your money.

I'm not so sure about this, prof. All the credit would go to the one who lent their name to it.

Well, we have to think about the company's image. Mr. Humus's past is a little... complicated, after all.

Hey! What's that supposed to—

Don't judge people by their cover, prof. I've spent a lot of time with Humus this past year, and I guarantee you he's not that kind of guy!

Chris...

Not to mention he was imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit.

(Pats the engineer's shoulder)

Thanks for having my back, bro, but there's no need to get mad. I'm sure your professor didn't mean it like that.

Yes, there's no need to get agitated, Chris.

This decision was made out of purely practical considerations. I assure you I have nothing against Mr. Humus himself.

Well, sir, I'm glad you think so highly of my ability, and if you're willing to buy, I'm willing to sell. But there are a lot of folks here. How 'bout we find some time to talk after the exhibition?

Certainly. It was a pleasure meeting you. We'll speak later.

Humus...

Thanks, bro. I'll buy you lunch once I've got the cash. Just keep it cheap.

Hmm... This wasn't what I had in mind when Chris said there'd be free food here.

How am I supposed to fill my belly with snacks the size of my fingernail?

Excuse me, you got any meat?

We have meatballs with berry sauce right over there, sir.

Not that tiny stuff. Anything bigger?

I'm sorry, sir, but we're only serving hors d'oeuvre and drinks today.

Hors d'...? N-Never mind.

Well, I guess snacks are better than nothing.

Mm, this dessert ain't half bad... No wonder the girls always go for sweets when they're in a bad mood.

It really does pick you right up.

Ooh, this cookie is great! If only it was bigger.

And this mini burger... yum!

Man, this cupcake is amazing!

This exhibition is going down the drain. Just look at the riff-raff you're letting in now.

Who might you be referring to?

That man from the frontier processing station, of course. Who else?

Oh, him... Did you see his display? I was too busy to visit.

I took a look. All scrap, not even worth my time.

Figured as much, seeing how uncouth he is. Did you hear him yelling earlier? Nearly scared the daylights out of the other guests.

And look at him now, gorging on appetizers like he hasn't eaten in years.

......

(Whisper) Don't they even know to keep their voices down when trash talking someone behind their back?

(Whisper) Or I guess they don't even care what I think...

(Whisper) Well, whatever. Food comes first.

Hey, ain't that the reporter who wanted to interview me? Ma'am? Ma'am?

Looks like she's busy...

At today's exhibition, the Cole Workshop took home four prizes for innovation and quality.

This bracelet earned particular acclaim, winning Best Product in a unanimous decision.

Now, let us meet the inventor, Mrs. Yuria.

Best Product? This I gotta hear.

What's with all these people? Are they all here to listen, too? Hey, stop pushing!

Can you tell us more about this bracelet, Mrs. Yuria?

Of course. This smart bracelet helps schools and parents keep track of children in real time.

It records various data, including movement, activity, health, and academic performance, etc.

With all that, parents and teachers could even tell how many times the kids have gone to the bathroom.

Precisely.

That sounds like a wonderful product, helping parents understand what is going on with their child.

Ain't that just a monitoring bracelet?

So what inspired you to invent this?

My own son closed himself off when he entered adolescence, refusing to tell us, his parents, what he was thinking.

So I invented this in order to get to know him better.

The very model of a responsible mother!

...Responsible? That's just monitoring.

Are there any other, more general applications for the bracelet?

Of course. I have full confidence in that.

I could use that in my office. An employer should know what his employees are up to.

Are you kidding me, sir?

It's just a goddamn monitoring bracelet!

You...

Get moving, people! Now put these on!

(Whisper) What are they handing out?

(Whisper) Don't ask me. I was just working when they told me to come here.

(Whisper) What were you up to this time?

(Whisper) I made a gadget that can adjust how tight the shackles are, to make them a little comfier...

Don't even think about running away once you've got these new shackles on. The moment the positioning tracker finds you're outside the station...

Boom! There goes your leg. And don't even think about sabotaging them either, or else... kaboom!

(Whisper) Well, I guess that was a waste of time.

You dirtbags just keep your heads down and work your asses off. Don't even dream of slacking off either, 'cause these new shackles are gonna know.

You're even putting those on a kid that young?

Shut your trap!

Ouch... This thing sure delivers a hella nasty electric shock...

Let's just go, mister. Don't say anything else.

Who are you calling mister? I'm not even twenty. The name's Humus.

Humus...

Don't you worry, I've got your back in this here station. I'm not letting any of the big guys bully you.

But shit, they're sending kids like you here now?

Thanks, Humus.

So how'd you end up here at your age?

Mom stole food and got caught...

But my little brother and sister need her... so I volunteered...

Well... let's get going. I'll have old Lippi arrange a bed for you. Can't have a kid like you sleeping on cardboard boxes like the rest of us dumbasses.

Man, I had to wait an hour for the guards to get off work.

Lemme check...

Yup, here it is.

Just a normal warehouse? Wasn't this place supposed to be cutting edge? No fingerprint lock, no password? All you need is a card.

Well, I should thank that dude for 'sharing' it. Hope he won't miss it much.

Now it's my turn.

Goddamn, are they even gonna have time to hand out all these awards at tomorrow's ceremony?

Most Innovative, Most Disruptive, Top 10 Hardcore Tech... ah, Best Product.

Let's see what's inside this baby...

Knew it. Almost the exact same thing as the shackles I used to wear.

These people are outta their minds. They're gonna starting treating innocent kids like criminals now?

Not on my watch.

......

*Sigh*...

How could they treat innocent people like criminals?

*Yawn* Did the awards ceremony have to be so early in the morning?

Well, I got you an appointment with another big shot who's also interested in your energy-saving module, and this guy has a reputation for being easy-going.

Now, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of the Best Product award.

(Sits up straight) Mm...

What's that? You sure woke up in a hurry.

Shh, don't talk while they're talking!

Mrs. Yuria, could you please step up and demonstrate your smart bracelet?

With all the distinguished inventors present, I'd be honored to.

Yeesh, why there gotta be so many people in front?

As you can see, we've gone with a minimalist style, despite the rich functionality of the product.

The goal is to reduce extraneous steps and allow for intuitive operation.

(Whisper) Come on, talk about that little button!

All it takes is the press of a button to open it...

(Whisper) Just press it already...

Hm? It's not responding...

Whoops, forgot it always takes a little smack to get my stuff working...

Maybe it ran out of batteries. Let me find my charging cord...

(Whisper) Come on, don't just watch...

This isn't right... what's going on?

Yeah, that's not right... it's one of those hoity-toity songs Czerny recommended.

That's no good at all. Should be something funner.

Security! Grab that bracelet! What is the meaning of this, Mrs. Yuria?

I-I have no idea!

Eek! It's flying towards me! Security!

Just stay put! It's not moving! Hey! Hey!

Hehe...

What's so funny?

Look at all this chaos. Ain't it hilarious?

Well gee, I wonder whose fault this could be...?

Haha, yeah... me too.

Still...

What is it?

While I can't say which of my coworkers did this, I can say that his taste in music is...

Top notch?

Abysmal!