Dear Randall

Letter for you, Randall Hofstadter.

I don't recall having any friends who would write to me.

A person's heart is as fickle as the weather, just like that downpour a few days ago that soaked all the letters I was carrying. Sorry, but the sender's name got too blurry to read. I hope that won't be a problem?

......

None whatsoever. Looks like it's from my mother back home. Thank you, sir.

That's good to hear. Have a nice day.

Payne! Did you do what I told you to?

Look how scared he is. What a wimp.

I-I did, Herr Viktor.

See what I said, Britney? Payne would never let his 'friends' down. How did he react?

I'm not sure... Randall might not have believed my story... Maybe we shouldn't—

If he didn't, then you'll be in deep trouble, Payne.

Er...

It's not easy, is it, studying in Leithanien by yourself? Your talent with Arts and studiousness habits are admirable. Surely the university's scholarship is intended just for knowledge-seekers like you.

But who knows what might happen before everything's decided?

Scholarship candidates are subject to stringent checks. Perhaps you'd find it simple to pass the end-term exams with top grades, but the final decision is the committee's to make.

And your uncle sits on that committee...

The list of recipients won't be made public until next week.

I... I'll make sure that Randall comes.

That's more like it.

Be careful. That's a tall stack of books.

S-Sorry, Randall.

You know me?

Er... we took the same elective?

We did. Your novel views on compatible Originium-energy conversion methods for existing Arts Units gave Professor Edwin quite the headache.

Er, heh... at least he was fair with his grading.

Less so for me. Theory has never been my area of interest, though. There will be few advances in those concepts, even given another five or six decades.

My toxicology class is in another wing. Have a nice day.

We seem to be running into each other rather frequently these days. It's almost enough to make me suspect a scheme is at play.

...!

Oh, what an interesting reaction.

It's not easy finding a friend in a foreign land. We're both international students, after all.

I've been away from home for so long that I've almost forgotten what my family looked like. They... don't write often.

Speaking of which, I did recently receive a letter from my mother.

What did you think about it... no, I mean, is something the matter?

My parents wanted to see me, but I'm not sure if I want to see them.

You must! Er... whatever happens, surely your family care about you.

Are you telling me to go and meet them?

O-Of course not! It's your choice.

I'll take it into consideration... Perhaps I'll write back to them in a few days.

Y-You will go meet them, won't you?

Why do you seem even more anxious than I am? As you said, the choice is mine.

Oh dear, oh dear... If he refuses, how do I explain it to Herr Viktor?

Wait, Messenger!

Oh, good afternoon, Randall.

Was there something wrong with the letter?

No, thank you for bringing me my mother's message. But some things are hard to say out loud, after being away from one's family for so long. She said there was no need to write back, but...

True, those who've wandered far from home are always hesitant to face their family. I'm willing to deliver a letter for you, but... not to the return address, I'm afraid.

That won't be an issue. They gave me the address of where they're currently staying. Just deliver it there.

No problem. I hope you have a lovely reunion.

Thank you. I think I will.

It's not easy, is it? Studying abroad. Not that my job's easy either. Now—

O-One moment, please!

Hello, Payne!

Are you finally ready to send a letter yourself? Two outlanders, both about to reunite with their families. Blessings to you all!

No, I'm not sending a letter... I just wanted to ask, could you give me Randall's letter? I'll deliver it for him.

No can do. How could I make a child do my job for me and still collect the wages for it?

It's alright, sir. I'm very familiar with Bachshof.

You know the address?

Er... I... R-Randall's my best friend! His parents did come to Leithanien, but... but they've changed accommodation due to, er, unforeseen reasons.

I happened to run into them on the street. If you send it to the old address, they won't get Randall's heartfelt letter, so—

Slow down and take a deep breath, okay?

I see. So you're saying Randall's a really dear friend of yours, and you don't want anything to go wrong with his family reunion?

Yeah...

Well, aren't you a good egg? Sure, I'll leave the letter to you. And maybe next time, I'll be delivering your letter to your own family.

We've known each other for three years, so don't be shy now. Parents are always glad to hear from their children, no matter what happened in the past.

Thank you, sir. I'll... think about it.

Please... Please let the answer be yes...

Th-Thank goodness! He'll be there tomorrow night. I must tell Herr Viktor and Frau Britney so that they could prepare.

So he doesn't get along too well with his family either. And all this about research... Heh, of course it's about work.

'Please do not expect too much from this meeting. Of course I am glad you are here, but the unfamiliar sights of Leithanien's streets are a constant reminder that I am alone.'

Yes, he's alone too, but...

Herr Viktor would have my head. I must do this, I—

I must reconsider this...

It's almost time, Britney.

What a taskmaster.

Show our new toy a little respect. It'll be ours for a long time.

Are you sure he's coming? Our time is valuable. If he's still not here at the appointed time—

Then I kiss my scholarship and my last year of peaceful student life goodbye.

I know, Herr Viktor. You don't need to repeat yourself.

......

It's only been a few days since we saw you, and you're finally learning to talk back? Actually, I like it better that way.

Shh, someone's coming. Get your Arts Unit ready, Payne. On my mark...

What are you doing, dummkopf?!

No. 2 Fuga Street... is this the place?

Are you Randall Hofstadter?

Yes, that's me.

I'm a Messenger for Bachshof. A Sankta couple requested that I meet you here.

When did you learn to lie like that? An accident and surgery bills? I can hardly believe he actually bought it.

It's difficult for international students to get timely news from home, and there's no way to quickly verify its authenticity. The same goes for our thoughts, worries, regrets... we can't communicate them to our family.

Find his weakness, and he'll be your most 'loyal' friend for the next few years.

Hm... you're right.

Is that package his most valuable possession? Hardly enough for the medical bills if his poor parents really did encounter an accident in a Catastrophe.

What did you expect from a Sankta runt? I say we're better off using him to try out new Arts.

Randall's parents are scholars on Lateran firearms. Their research institute is officially sponsored. His family should be fairly well-to-do.

I'm sure even your fathers would be pleased if he happens to have any of their research notes with him.

Since when did you know him so well?

It took three years, but you're finally getting the hang of it! Shame you're graduating next year. I won't forget our friendship, Payne.

Neither will I, Herr Viktor.

Do you smell something? Some kind of... aroma?

Hmph, a gift obtained through trickery is hardly a proper gift. Besides, my birthday's already past.

*cough*... *cough*...

*cough* I smell it now too... what's this? Wait, the box is empty? Damn, that Sankta tricked us... why does your face look so funny, Viktor?

Like yours is any better... No, something's not right. Someone's running up my toes! Or... am I sinking? Arts that change the terrain?

The ground's shaking... give me a hand, Viktor—what's this? Green slime? My jeweled ring... no, my finger's gone! I think I'm...

Melting.

When you saw a friendless foreign student, did it ever occur to you that I might be choosing to avoid people?

Corrode and dissolve. Those are my Originium Arts, and my innate talent.

I rarely share this with others. Few are willing to delve into the principles of death and decay. So am I fit to be your new 'friend' now?

Payne?

I should have known! You outlanders were in league with each other! You'll pay for this, traitor!

Don't bother. I already paid the ultimate price for taking part in your malicious joke.

A practical joke?

I'm sorry, Randall... I was the one who wrote that letter.

The children of some nobles made me to write it to trick you... Don't go to the meeting tomorrow!

I knew it was fake.

What?

No stamp, no signature, no smell of gun lubricant. Besides, those two never showed the slightest concern when I chose to study in Leithanien.

In fact, they were relieved, as though my choice had spared them a headache. However, from when I was at a young age, the real 'problem child' of the family was always their research.

Even here in Leithanien, that 'brother' of mine who stole all their attention would never let me go so easily.

Greedy and shortsighted competitors are always trying to steal their research secrets through me. So why should I go easy on the enemies who look down on me?

Most scholars came to Leithanien to delve into the secrets of Originium Arts. I'm no exception.

Sometimes, however, toxicology offers a more effective solution to my 'problems'. A little bit of special ink is enough to turn sweet words into a deadly trap.

But I should have known that those politicians who continue to wrap themselves in a scholar's garb even after leaving the institute would not be so careless in their forgery.

Alas, I had assumed this was one of those 'problems'.

Wait, do you mean... no!

It seems there's been a little misunderstanding between us.

But you started it. I have no reason to apologize.

Hah... haha... I knew it wouldn't end well when I agreed to be their accomplice. I'm the very definition of a scapegoat.

But I didn't expect the price to be so high...

I'm sure it's hard to accept. But you can mull over the results of your poor decisions in your own room.

Unless you're planning to take revenge on me? I don't mind, but you'd need to be smarter about it.

How long do I have...?

Based on experience, no less than three days, no more than one week.

Viktor knows you're coming.

Of course he does. That's why I set the bait. I can't let this practical joke end so easily.

I was preparing my payback before you knocked on my door. It's the perfect opportunity to try out my new solution. Consider it reviewing for the end-term exam.

Count me in.

Oh? And why should I trust a traitor?

It's true I decided to study abroad partly to get away from my family, but I chose this university to pursue knowledge, not to become a noble's gofer.

They've always been my enemies.

Traitor!

Is that the only word he knows? I can't imagine how you let a small-fry like him walk all over you for three years.

Their methods are pathetic even by bully standards—archaic, ineffective, devoid of creativity.

I don't know. I guess I just wanted to have a peaceful school life, but my obedience ended up putting me in even greater peril.

Look, they can't even stand.

S-Stop your Arts! Get the school nurse, o-or else! Don't you want your scholarship anymore, Payne?

And you, Randall! Private use of offensive Arts is strictly forbidden! You'll be expelled! You won't be welcome in either Leithanien or Laterano!

You understand neither your own situation nor my Originium Arts. These aren't offensive Arts, just hallucinations created by my solution.

A hallucination? Impossible! I'm certain this pain is real! It's reached my waist... stop! You won't fool us!

I hate it when I have to explain a practical joke. Can't you figure it out yourself?

To everyone else, you just fell to the ground on your own and started shouting nonsense while pulling at your own hair and legs. I didn't actually hurt you at all.

Everything you're seeing about your body parts melting, that's just a hobby of mine. The school's rules are too restrictive, so that humble dream of mine only has a place in hallucinations.

You monster...

Thank you, I try.

Viktor, Britney. You're not going to tell anyone what happened tonight, and Randall's 'practical joke' will leave no trace.

If you tell your dear uncle, there's another near-death hallucination in store for you. Randall has kindly agreed to share the formula for his solution.

Just say yes, Viktor! I can't feel my leg anymore! Hurry!

I know!

I-I won't tell anyone what happened tonight. L-Let us go! Please!

Are you going to find any new 'friends'?

Absolutely not! I swear! You're the last one! No, not even you anymore! I won't cause any trouble for you!

Randall.

The experiment is a success. Thank you for the screams. Now I'll let you go, as a reward for being such cooperative test subjects.

That's... it? All the dark clouds that have hung over my head for three years, gone just like that?

It wasn't so complicated.

No innocent student needs to be bullied and insulted, no getting punched and kicked after a failed plan, and I get to keep my scholarship too?

It was so simple to resist. Why didn't I understand that until now? But I...

I still won't apologize.

You don't need to. Evil deeds deserve to be punished. It's my just deserts.

But can I ask you to send a letter for me?

This letter is for your parents?

They didn't want me to study here in Leithanien. They're merchants who've been running a family business for generations. As their only child, I'm set to inherit it.

Arts tomes were my only companions in my lonely childhood. My parents didn't know Originium Arts, nor were they interested. They just let me do it because I liked it.

I didn't want to bow my head and seek their help, even as I was being treated like that.

But I still went to the post office every day to check my mail, dreaming that one day they would show they cared. So just in case, I had this reply letter ready to send without hesitation.

But there's no point in being stubborn now, in butting heads. I miss my mom's jam tart. I know she made it from off-the-shelf pre-prepared packages, but she always added her own spices.

I don't like desserts.

But if you miss it, you can always go home.

Hah... very funny. How much longer do I have left? Two days? Five?

Barring any accidents, at least a few decades, I would think.

...Is that a joke?

It's not. That ink wasn't a deadly poison. You'll still have the chance to taste that tart again, though I don't think it sounds especially appetizing.

I just wanted to scare you, but I guess you were more than just a bookworm... Disappointed?

No... I... *sob*... I've never been so happy...

Alright, wipe those tears off your face. That wasn't the reaction I expected.

Thanks, Randall. Look... I'm crying so much my hands are growing numb...

Huh? My... my hands?

I said it wasn't deadly poison. I didn't say it wasn't poison.

Just a little edema that will make you lose the use of your fingers. They should go back to normal in 72 hours. A much lighter punishment than death, don't you think? Although, now at I think of it—

You'll miss the first exam of finals week. Looks like you can kiss your scholarship goodbye after all.

Ha... I should have known. That's more like you.

You're the one who wrote that 'challenge'. Of course you're in line for the 'payback'. Besides, it was rather irritating watching you cower and grovel before those two.

Not anymore.

Well... you've solved one problem for me, but brought another.

How will I pay my tuition for next year?

Talk to your folks.

You already have the letters written. Just change a few words.

......

Do you know how I saw through the fake letter?

You said it was a careless forgery.

They don't write to me.

What?

Paper, tone, smell—it wasn't any of that detective story BS. The letter itself was meaningless.

They would never offer me a single word of concern, much less write such a sappy letter—not that I expect anything from them.

That was the letter that you were hoping for.

Your parents cared about you. You wanted to prove that you're still important to them, and even prepared a response ahead of time.

It's all so silly, isn't it?

It is.

But not because you wrote the letter. Because you wrote it, yet didn't have the courage to send it.

I'm not telling you to bow your head to them. I'm sure you made the right choice, and they made plenty of wrong ones.

If they see it as a sign of weakness, then be frustrated, be angry, tear the paper to pieces, and tell them it's not.

Do whatever you want.

How can you always be so confident in your choices?

Because there's no one to tell me I made the wrong ones.

Haha... I'll think about it.

No, I'll send it as soon as my hand heals!

Thanks, Randall.

I told you, that's not the reaction I wanted.

Alright. My reply letter has been safely disposed of, and the practical joke has come to a close. As for this fake letter from Payne...

Yeah... doesn't sound anything like what those two would say.

But it'll make a decent souvenir.