The Greatest Love Letter

Excuse me... Um...you there, sir...

Hi, what can I do for you?

I... Uh, are you... F-From the palace?

Not exactly. Did you need to find someone?

I...I have a letter for someone named Gram, but I can't find anyone to give it to him...

Gram... Sorry, doesn't ring a bell. Is he a palace guard or something?

That's right...

If he's not here maybe he's been posted outside town, or out on patrol?

Outside... Hm, yes. He's likely on the Keruri Highroad, then. At least it's not far...

Hey, hold on a minute! You can't go somewhere like that on your own. How about you give me the letter? I'll deliver it to this Gram guy.

A-Are you sure? Th-Thank you, please make sure he gets it...

G-Good luck, and thanks again...

Hey buddy, you got a minute?

Hm? Who goes there?

Can you tell me where I'd find a soldier named Gram? I have something for him.

Gram? That's me.

Great! I've got a letter here for you, want to take it off my hands?

......

Uh, d'you want it or not?

A letter, for me? Why? What manner of message is it? News of some fresh disaster?

Calm down, it's nothing like that. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's a love letter.

A love letter... Hmmm... That almost makes things worse.

Huh? Why's that? Most people would be thrilled, right?

The situation is...complicated. What kind of maiden gave you this letter?

Oh, she was real pretty and funny and nice, no worries there. What else... She was very graceful and demure. Had an aura of nobility about her, you know what I mean?

I thought as much... In that case, it's best that I don't even touch this letter.

Why not? If you're not into her, you can just say so.

Listen, mate, I'm a soldier. A run-of-the-mill, what-you-see-is-what-you-get average Joe. How could I ever make the daughter of a noble family happy? This little romance'll be over before it's begun.

Come on, you can at least take the letter...

What, take it, read it, and get my hopes up? No thanks. Some of us have to live in the real world.

I get what you're saying, but that attitude's not gonna win you any friends.

Fine by me. What's popularity, anyway?

I guess there's nothing I can do, then. By the way, if a noble lady's out of the question, what kind of girl is your type?

Hum. Well, let me see... A girl as robust as the palace gates and larger than life, larger than the Tower of Time, even.

Huh? Are we still talking about the same thing?

Either way, just do me a favor and return that letter to its sender, will you?

I don't like it, but it doesn't sound like I'm going to change his mind anytime soon. Gosh, now I think about it, I never even asked her name... No return address on the envelope. What a drag. I'll have to look around the palace for her.

This is where I met that girl with the letter... Looks like she's not around here anymore.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Have you seen a young woman wandering around here today?

Plenty of young women, my lad. Can you be a little more specific?

Well... Kind of noble-looking, slightly timid, that type of person?

Doesn't sound familiar. There's been a rough, strong-looking gal around here a lot lately, though.

No, that can't be her... But maybe I should check, just in case. It's the only lead I've got right now. Ma'am, where did this girl you saw come from?

I believe she must be from Ratle. Seemed sort of rustic, you know?

Thank you. Okay, better head over to Ratle.

There she is!

Yaaargh! What the heck? Don't scare me like that.

Sorry, I was just excited. It took me a while to find you, after all.

Find me? This some kind of joke? I ain't never even...

Whoooa! It's you! The guy from before! Forget all that just now, awright? I...I, um... Oh, g-good sir... Forgive me...for m-making you come all the way here, I mean...

That's what you're really like, huh?

You got a deathwish? Don't you dare tell Gram about this, understand?!

I dunno, I think the real you could be more his type...

D-Did you deliver the message to...to my beloved?

Yeah, about that. I found him, but he refused to take the letter.

Wow...that's a blow to my confidence. Does he really hate me that much? I know I'm clumsy. I break pots when I try to cook, and my laundry always gets torn up before I manage to get it clean... It's not just breaking stuff, either. Cats and small children run at the sight of me. I'm just an awkward, brawny oaf...

Hey, don't beat yourself up.

I asked Gram what kind of women he likes, and guess what? He said he'd actually prefer a tough girl to some shrinking violet.

D-Do you mean...

There's no need to pretend to be someone you're not. Give the real you some credit.

The real me punches holes in the walls, and that's just when I'm cleaning my room! I accidentally rip a door off its hinges maybe once a week. Who'd want to go out with someone like that?

Hey, I'm sure it's not that bad... (Even Gram might flinch at that...)

Look, when I told Gram the letter came from a quiet, noble young lady, he wasn't interested. There's no point in making up a persona and denying who you are.

D-Do you think he'd actually read it if he knew it was from me? From the real me, I mean? Okay, how about you go back and this time, tell him... No, wait. This isn't the kind of thing I should leave to someone else. I'll talk to him myself this time. He's on the Keruri Highroad, right?

Wait! What did I tell you about going alone? It's a long journey, and the place is crawling with monsters.

No sweat! Dunno why, but monsters usually hold off on attacking when they see me coming.

That's craz...completely believable, but I'm still coming with you.

H-Hey, you!

Hm? Who goes there?

M-My name's Alessa. I wrote you a letter a while back.

A letter? Oh, that was from you? No need for you to come all the way...

This time I'm gonna make you accept the letter! Look, I'm not really graceful or shy or noble or any of those things this guy told you. It was just an act. I kinda figured girls like that are more popular and stuff...

Really, now?

I don't have a shred of grace. I'm more at home on a battlefield than a ballroom. If people have anything good to say about me, it's usually that I'm strong as an ox or a warhorse or something. I'll go beat the snot out of some monsters right now if you want proof. That's the kind of person I really am... Do you...have a problem with that?

......

Go on, say something.

I see... Sounds like I may have been a little too quick to judge. I'm sorry I didn't do you the courtesy of finding out who you really were.

Huh? What's that s'posed to mean?

Truth is, I'm generally thought of as an uncouth, clumsy oaf myself. If we got together, no fragile thing in the land'd be safe. Are you sure about this?

Sounds great! That macho strength of yours is part of what attracted me to you in the first place!

With my brawn, and your brawn, we could really have some fun together.

Huh?

Never thought of it like that before. Awright, you got yourself a deal!

Wait, what?!

It takes all sorts to make a world... These two are a perfect match. There's no real point in giving him this letter anymore. Better get rid of it.

But first... Couldn't hurt to take a little peek at what she wrote...

Short and to the point. I guess it conveys her personality pretty well. Who knows, maybe things would've turned out okay if he'd read this to begin with.