A Walk with a Spider

Crassa. Forgive me for disturbing you at this late hour.

If one wishes to act, it is never too late. Sit, Nia.

Those are wise words.

Now, tell me. What is it?

I am here to report on my recent inspection. For the most part, nothing major occurred, but...

I encountered a group from Britannia.

Ah, those folks?

The Queen who left the realm's rule to her regent, and that "Holy Swordbringer"...

And even the "Fairy Queen". What an interesting combination.

...You seem to think well of them.

All the information I need is already in my hands.

So, tell me. What were your impressions of them?

There are things you can only perceive through conversation, things that observing from afar will never reveal.

How did you end up meeting them?

I was inspecting the eastern commercial district of Serranople.

Some licensed itinerant merchants were cheating with their scales and inflating prices, and they got caught.

That is rather amusing.

Since my primary objective was price monitoring, I intended to expose the merchant guild's tricks and compensate our citizens for their losses, but...

They must not have known who I was, because they attacked me.

I can guess how that ended without even hearing it.

They helped me. The guildmaster was defeated, and all the embezzled gold and silver coins from the vault were returned to the citizens.

We also captured and escorted the guildmaster, who tried to escape under the cover of night, but...

But?

...As I was about to leave after offering them a reward for their help...

...They gave me this.

Is this... a flower?

Ha, haha, ahahaha!

Did you receive a confession from the Holy Swordbringer, Nia?

Though I'll have to wait and see if he's my type.

However, since he refused to accept any payment...

I gave him a <Bacchanalia VIP Ticket> instead.

Our Nia still doesn't quite understand the value of priceless things.

...I still can't seem to get used to it.

Even so, you did well. Sometimes, overcompensating slightly is how you put someone in your debt.

This actually works out perfectly. I happen to be quite interested in this "Holy Swordbringer" myself...

This gives me a reason to meet him in person.

Nia?

Yes, Crassa.

Tell the Holy Swordbringer that I wish to hire him for a one-day personal security detail.

He won't be able to refuse. Coming to Serranople means he must have business with me, after all.

However...

This time, I intend to meet only the Swordbringer. No other "guards" are necessary.

Understood?

I will deliver the message exactly as you said.

Also, you don't need to report to me every time you issue a casino VIP ticket.

You are the manager there, after all.

Though I must admit, it is rather cute of you to report to me every single time.

I simply wish to see you more often, Crassa.

Heh. Amusing. You may go now.

Yes! I shall take my leave then.

Welcome to my Serranople.

Let's see what kind of hand you're holding, shall we?

Perhaps... you're holding a card I don't know about. Fufu.

Ow, that stings. What on earth... is on the bed?

You should have been more careful. How clumsy.

Cookie crumbs...?

Stop eating cookies in bed.

It pricks my whole body every time I lie down!

The Fairy Queen eats, and the pig cleans up. That is how the world works.

One person eats, while another... Wait, am I not even a person to you?!

...Bedi. I'm sorry, but could you please clean up a bit?

Th-That's strange...

I'm sure, absolutely sure I cleaned it just five minutes ago...

Did she eat more already?

As I told you before, I must store a lot of energy to use magic.

And all that unused energy will just turn into fat.

Mana is nourishment that fattens the mind, you know?

Is that why your ego is so flabby?

Still slimmer than a pig who holds the undeserved title of "Holy Swordbringer", wouldn't you say?

Th-Things are getting tense...

There will be no end to this at this rate.

Let us all do a <spring cleaning> together.

The Fairy Queen eats, and the cleaning is done by...

I will be cleaning as well.

I would appreciate it if you could help... Please?

With the Fairy Queen's magic, it would be clean in an instant!

M-Magic does not exist for such trivial tasks, you know!

Ah, I get it.

You don't even know how to clean properly, do you?

Ha. As if that's possible.

I simply cannot waste grand magic on something so minor...

I guess your magic is too useless for even the small things.

I just refuse to use magic on chores meant for a pig.

Is anyone there?

Th-That voice...

I think it's Nia...?

Wasn't our business with her finished?

Hmm, indeed. I recall she already settled all of our payments.

I'll go check.

I'm here on Crassa's orders. Do you have a moment?

I have time, but...

What is this about?

Could you come with me for a moment? Crassa has a private request specifically for you.

She mentioned... no other guards are needed.

...Well, fine.

You guys, make sure to clean up while I'm gone, okay?

We wouldn't want the pig to have nothing to do, so why don't we have a dessert party instead?

Heh. What an amusing companion.

Shall we go then?

...Sure.

What terrible taste, bringing me here.

Fufu...

This is where Nia gave me five hundred gold coins.

...Ahaha! What a funny joke.

You certainly are quick-witted.

Or was my acting just a bit lacking?

Cut me some slack. I've never been an actress.

May I ask how you figured it out?

Well, your vibe was subtly different from usual.

And there was no reason for you to scrutinize Elizabeth, Bedivere, and Morgana like that.

If you were Nia, you would have already sized them up from our last meeting.

Am I right?

Nia is indeed competent. It's quite pleasant to hear my subordinate get recognized by others.

And besides, Nia's chest is a bit bigger.

You're subtly smaller than her.

...

...Fine. It seems you didn't win your <destiny> as the "Holy Swordbringer" in a game of poker.

You have a sharper eye than I expected. Did I offend you, perhaps?

Why don't you just tell me what you want?

Let's call it a one-day personal security detail.

Normally, I would have had Nia summon you to my office.

But I figured this would be a much better way to test your skills, Ethan.

...

So, what is your answer?

Do I even have the option to run away?

Probably not. Fufu.

Ah, much better. Unfamiliar clothes really are quite uncomfortable.

Disappointed that the show is over, Ethan?

I know someone like you has absolutely no need to hire me as a personal guard.

Just tell me what you really want. I'll cooperate as much as I can.

So you want me to show my hand.

Fufu, I don't usually agree to such requests.

Then, shall we look at yours first?

...My hand?

Yes. Let's see... the 'Queen', the 'Knight', and the 'Fairy Queen'.

I wonder which of the three has captured your heart.

Since you are a man, you can't possibly feel nothing while living in such close quarters with three beautiful women, can you?

Come on, show me your hand.

…

You want me to choose between a clumsy queen, a stuttering knight, and a gluttonous hamster?

That is the ultimate dilemma.

...?

Sigh... You can't be serious. It would take me at least three days and nights of agonizing just to choose.

Why... why would I ever choose one of those three... *sigh*...

...

...Ahahahaha!

Well, that certainly puts my mind at ease.

Very well. So none of them, then? I'll consider the fact that you have no hand to play as your play.

I have no idea what you're talking about. And why does that put your mind at ease?

This is a personal guard duty, after all. Between a woman and a man.

Might as well call it a date, wouldn't you say?

...

Or, seeing how you gave a flower to Nia...

Perhaps you have feelings for Nia instead? That would be quite entertaining in its own way.

Absolutely not. Nothing like that.

Still, it seems like you were quite interested in her body.

Since you noticed the difference in size right away. Fufu.

Ugh...

A size like that is bound to leave an impression!

My, you're making me quite jealous of my subordinate.

So today, you must treat me to an 'impressive' date.

What on earth...

It will be very, very memorable. Heh...

An elopement is always memorable, isn't it?

...!

Look above you, Ethan.

Aaargh!

This is crazy...!

Just what kind of grudge did you manage to incur?!

Who knows? For now, I'd appreciate it if you could get me to safety.

I can trust you, right?

Run!!!

This is driving me crazy!

Ah...?

Well, this is quite beyond my expectations.

...Huh?

That was highly impressive, Holy Swordbringer.

I didn't expect you to embrace me here.

...If you're not hurt, let go of me.

Ah. The 'bad boy' routine, is it? Fufu.

Anyway...

You can all leave now.

No wonder you were only running away without fighting back.

This was all a setup.

Of course. Who would dare strike me in 'my Serranople'?

Besides, if I were to attack, my hard-earned subordinates would get hurt.

...Let me tell you one thing.

This is not how you ask someone out on a date.

This totally sucks.

Then, let's see...

Then, were you hoping for 'this' instead?

...

Get... away from me. *sigh*...

Your ears are turning red.

Was that a bit too stimulating for our Swordbringer?

Ugh...

Ahaha, what a fun face you're making.

...Don't take your work stress out on me.

But thanks to you, I had a wonderful time.

You performed far better than the script I wrote.

In the web I've spun across the stage of this world, those who exceed their expected roles are...

...extremely rare. Quite special.

Truly, you deserve some <praise>.

...Spoken like a true politician.

Is that how you view the world?

Of course.

You, me, even angels, demons, and the gods themselves.

Everyone is just playing a role, deceiving and being deceived, intoxicated by love, glory, hatred, futility, praise, and blame.

Mundus vult decipi. For the world wants to be deceived.

Your role as my 'guard' ends here for today.

I look forward to our next meeting, when you resume your role as the Holy Swordbringer.

See you around.

Please, let's meet normally next time.

Fufu. I'll consider it.

Welcome back, Crassa.

It was a fruitful meeting indeed. Quite entertaining, I must say.

...I am glad you enjoyed yourself.

If they stop by the casino again, let me know.

They are rather amusing, after all.

As you wish.

Desire, stimulation, gold, and power...

I wonder, can you truly be free? From the rules of this world's stage, that is.

An unpredictable variable... I do hope you turn out to be one.

For a gamble is only exciting when the outcome is undecided.