Chicken Is a Lie

You just made all of that up! You don't even use language that fancy in your war speeches!

Th-The important thing is the message, not the phrasing!

It's about appreciating just how much we owe the chickens we've been pretending not to notice.

Even in times this hard, we should be grateful that we can still eat chicken...!

So that's why breakfast is chicken breast salad again.

Two days ago it was fried chicken and braised chicken. Yesterday it was roast chicken and chicken stew.

It's been chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, ch-ch-chicken for a whole week now...

Even I, the magnanimous Fairy Queen, have my limits!

Has every last farm animal in the world besides chickens gone extinct?! If the world ever ended because of chicken, this is exactly what it'd look like!

Which is why I've been changing the recipe every day...

Chicken is still chicken. Just like how a pig, no matter how hard it tries, is still just Ethan.

Why am I suddenly catching strays here?

Speak of the pig and it appears. Perfect timing, pig!

Here, take a look at the monstrosity on my table.

M-Monstrosity...?

Ugh, chicken again today...

E-Ethan too?!

Yes, chicken.

Chicken... again...?

Chicken indeed. Our twenty-first chicken dish in a row, three meals a day!

Don't be disheartened, Princess! This dish is delicious too!

Even the same chicken breast salad can be eaten over and over if you just change the dressing...

...can... can... can ea... urk-!

Bedi-!!

No wonder everyone's sick of it. The only ingredient left in town is chicken.

Of all people, they had to hit Ria's ranch. Who had the nerve to pull that off?

Those damn Imperials keep attacking the trade route, so we're low on spices too...

And the North Sea route froze over, so we can't even bring in fish...

The village granary got hit too, so we're almost out of flour, and we have to ration the vegetables...

If I'd known the shortage would last this long, I would've gone with Ria to help back then.

This is definitely the work of heretics who worship chicken.

They wiped out not just cows and pigs, but even fish, just to starve this Fairy Queen to death.

Much as it pains me, I have to admit it. It worked perfectly.

Wait, that leftover disposal unit left food on her plate...?

That's bad. At this rate, things might really be dire.

It's my fault. If it were Ria, she would've been able to make the finest meals every day with chicken alone...

E-Everyone... I know none of you even want to look at chicken anymore.

But if we don't go out and catch some now, dinner will be salad only.

What? There are chickens all over outside right now, like slimes.

Well... the shortage's been going on so long that everyone keeps going out to catch chickens now.

People got so worried the town's chickens might go extinct that they started a sort of quota system.

The whole town is limited to twenty chickens a day, and even the eggs are first come, first served...

No way. Weren't the chickens in this town basically monsters with infinite respawns?

Guh... so this is the tragedy of the commons I've heard so much about.

Why are you babbling in a crisis like this?!

Let's go, right now! We'll stop the heretics' plot and seize the last meat left in this world!

So the day finally came...

Finn, put that chicken down and back away.

I don't want to hurt you either. But... but!

Boss, I've got little brothers and sisters to feed too.

Carrying the heavy burden of the Swordbringer, you of all people should understand what it means to be someone's support.

Even if it's you I'm up against, I can't back down this time-

You can make your excuses in hell, you evil heretic!

Fiiiinn-!

Hey! Even so, you can't just open up with dangerous magic?!

Did you not see me leave behind that chicken breast salad earlier?

Anyone who stands in the way of the Fairy Queen's resolve gets the death penalty, the death penalty!

That's not the point. Your magic burned the chicken too!

...

Th-Those utterly vile heretics! They dared use sacred chicken as a meat shield!

Even when you're out of your mind, shamelessness is still your default setting...

Still, thanks to her getting fired up, our haul's pretty good. We caught six of them.

We got lots of eggs too!

I tripped again earlier, so half of them broke... sniffle.

Eggs and chicken, chicken and eggs… Chicken and chicken... eggs and eggs...

That's it, an omelet. I'll make chicken omelets for lunch today.

I swear on the honor of the manager who taught me to cook...!

Wait, then does that mean lunch and dinner are chicken too?

Better than salad, but... uuuugh... urk-!

Thank goodness. Morgana's eyes are back to normal.

She just woke up to the grim reality. Better than salad, sure, but chicken is still chicken.

Even so, please try to look on the bright side, Morgana.

There are still plenty of people out there making do with things like black bread.

Being able to eat meat every day is an incredible luxury in itself.

...

...Orcs look like pigs, so wouldn't they taste like pork?

Or maybe Ethan, since he's basically a pig too...

Hey, what are you staring at me for?

M-Morgana's eyes are rolling back again...!

This was inevitable from the moment she left that chicken breast salad behind.

Hunger and her aversion to chicken are colliding and causing cognitive dissonance.

Then I'll hurry and make chicken omelets. I swear on the honor of my father, King Uther...!

Sorry, Elizabeth. I know you're trying your best, but...

I can't eat dry, gamey chicken anymore either.

Good grief... even Ethan, in the end...

No, I'm perfectly sane. If anything, I've reached a kind of enlightenment.

Elizabeth... no, nobody in this fantasy world is doing "chicken" right.

What is this pig babbling about? Sit quietly and serve up some pork belly instead.

Pork belly's great too. But where I came from, chicken wasn't just ordinary meat.

Depending on how it was cooked, it was the king of all meats. Some even worshiped it.

Ho... now you're finally acting like a proper Swordbringer.

Explain it all, right now. Unless you want to become the last pork belly of this age!

Wow... It was like listening to a bard's song!

To think a description of ordinary food could sound so romantic.

Ordinary food?! For an unemployed job hunter like me, it was basically a cure-all!

They used to say no matter how deep the wound in your heart, slap some chicken on it and it'll heal.

...

...

...Princess Elizabeth Pendragon of Britannia-!!

Y-Yes... y-yes?!

And Bedivere too, useless as you may look!

Whimper... But I did pick up lots of eggs...

Kneel before this pig at once and reverently take down the recipe.

I swear on the life of Fairy Queen Morgan le Fay and the fate of Britannia!

By any means necessary, bring Lord Chicken down into this world!

M-Morgana... your eyes are scary.

Chicken... so in the world Ethan came from, there exists a cooking method so great that the ingredient itself became the dish's name.

Leave it to me. I swear on every bit of honor I have, I'll recreate it no matter what!

...

Sorry, I don't know the recipe either.

...Listen, I am not in the mood for jokes.

Unless you want to be roasted piece by piece, hand over the recipe.

Right now, this instant. At the same speed you were rattling off fantasies while staring at pretty women.

No, I really don't know it. I'm not a chef, so how would I?

Is that so? Then I suppose I'll have to force you to remember.

Elizabeth! Bedivere! Grab Ethan's arms and legs this instant!

In any case, stake all your honor on it and bring about the advent of glorious Lord Chicken!

Chicken heaven... hell to the unbelivers...

No matter how I look at it, she's the bigger heretic.

She's worshiping a chicken she's never even seen before in her life.

The inn wound up wrecked too. I wonder if we can fix it before Ria gets back...

You're already too late, so you may as well prepare your excuses.

If your answer satisfies me, I'll kill you as gently as possible.

You're finally back, Ria!

I'm sorry. My cooking skills weren't good enough, and Morgana ended up... sniffle!

No, Princess. You really did your best.

Wrestling with chickens and eggs every day... staying up nights researching recipes...

No, Bedi... if you say things like that right now...

You even dreamed of chickens, and the cock-a-doodle-doo kept you awake at night...

Waaah...! Princess, you've worked so hard all this time...! We're saved now!

Sob... Bedi-!

That's an even more pathetic and leisurely answer than I expected.

I heard the situation, but to think the uproar really started over nothing more than complaints about food.

...No, this time it's different. This wasn't just some petty complaint about food.

You who've lived your lives never knowing it can't understand the despair of knowing you'll never taste that heavenly nectar again.

Morgana, just this once, even I will affirm that ravenous desire of yours.

...!

Good heavens, who is this intelligent pig? Am I hallucinating right now?

A temporary alliance. Whatever it takes, we're bringing real chicken into this world.

Real chicken...!

It won't be easy. I'm sure many chickens will be sacrificed for nothing.

But it'll be worth it. Trust me.

Sigh... I suppose it can't be helped.

If you're willing to go that far, even this Fairy Queen has no choice but to show some generosity.

P-Princess... is this...?!

Yes, Bedi. I think we've just given birth to a rather dangerous combination.

Honestly... if only they showed this kind of teamwork all the time.

You heard that, Ria? We have convictions we can't compromise on too!

No matter how strong and scary you are, I won't tolerate anyone insulting Lord Chicken-

I know the recipe for chicken, actually.

...!!

...!!!

What are you doing, you useless pig?! Kneel at once!

Forgive me, O great Death Dragon Estheria! I failed to recognize one so exalted...

Have the two of you turned into chicken-brains from eating too much chicken?

Well, fine. It's progress enough that freeloaders like you have finally learned your place.

I can make chicken for you easily enough, but I'll need some special ingredients in return.

You have half a day. Bring me the ingredients I named before the sun fully sets.

You'll need to keep up that same spirit you had when you dared talk back to me.

According to research in my world, chickens are descended from dinosaurs, basically wingless dragons.

In other words, if dinosaurs count as chicken, then dragons count as chicken too.

Um... well... I don't think that's how it works...

Silence-!!! Are you denying the Swordbringer of Chicken?!

Eeeek-! Morgana's eyes rolled back again!

Oh, there it is! There's our ingredient!

Go, smart pig! Hurry up and separate the bones and flesh of that giant chicken!

In the name of drumsticks, wings, and chicken breast...

O. V. E. R. D. R. I. V. E-!

Wow... We didn't even need to step in.

Either way, we completed Ria's request... so I guess it worked out?

I don't even know anymore, Bedi.

If we sent those two to a battlefield like this, wouldn't the war be over in an instant?

Estheria!

O great Death Dragon Estheria!

As you ordered, we've cut off the dragon's head and separated its bones and flesh!

Hang in there a little longer, Morgana! It's finally all over!

Do not... underestimate me...! No matter how exhausted and hungry I am...

there are things I will never... give up on!

A-Am I hallucinating...?

Morgana ran all the way here without even eating...!

Maybe we've misunderstood all this time.

The true power and role of the Swordbringer. The meaning contained in that name...!

Get up, Morgana!

You're the exalted Fairy Queen! You're not someone who should fall here!

Of... course not. What do you... take me for...?

For Lord Chicken... a little hunger like this is...!

You got back fairly quickly. I assumed you'd die on the roadside.

Put the ingredients you brought into storage and go wash up. Change out of those chicken-feather-covered clothes too.

Huh? Can't we just bring it straight to the kitchen?

That huge chicken... I mean, dragon... was supposed to be the ingredient for chicken, right?

Ch... chickeeeen...!

Of course that was a lie. Why would a dragon be an ingredient for chicken?

As you no doubt guessed, that dragon was the culprit that wrecked my farm.

I narrowly let it get away while protecting my livestock, so I sent you to finish the job.

What? Then don't tell me those two defeating the dragon was...?

It means they only took down something that was already exhausted. I did think it felt strange.

...

...

Estheria-!!

You evil heretic-!!!

Morgana...! That expression is really scary, so please calm down!

Well, it was no harder than catching real chickens, but you still did well.

Here is your reward. I made it following a recipe left behind by a legendary hero of the Duchy of Aurelia.

The yellow box is fried chicken, and the red box is seasoned chicken.

For a legendary dish, those names are awfully plain.

...!!

...!!!

Ooh, so this is the legendary...!

Yeah, that's right.

This crispy coating and that glossy sauce in perfect harmony.

The perfect balance of crisp outside and tender inside. It truly deserves to be called the king of all meats...!

Waaah! This is really delicious!

The first bite is like eating a snack, but the more you chew, the richer the juices get.

I see. So this is the dish that's compared to a king in Ethan's world.

It pains me to admit it, but this is a level my skills still can't reach.

That's how much work goes into it, and how expensive it is.

You need oil that won't burn even at high temperatures, and there's a complicated brining process too.

It's not the kind of menu you can sell at an inn. Perhaps at a royal banquet, but nowhere else.

A royal banquet? This tastes worthy of the gods' own table.

Sob... I'm so glad I'm alive. I finally have a reason to keep living...

Certainly... smack smack-! At this level... munch munch-!

I can't help but... crunch-! admit it... gulp-!

Heh, right? It's not like religions sprang up around it in our world for no rea-

...Wait, where did the chicken box that was here go?

Where else? It just held a splendid coronation in my stomach.

What? While I was busy tearing off one drumstick, you ate an entire chicken? Bones and all?!

Quiet, pig. Delicious things are meant to be eaten by people of high station first.

You traitor! Weren't you just my comrade-in-arms who staked all honor on this?! Weren't we allies who faced life and death together?!

The alliance lasted until we made the chicken dish. Eating it is a separate matter, is it not?

I did leave you the neck bones. Shed tears of gratitude for this Fairy Queen's mercy.

...

...You damn freeloader...!! Give it back! Spit out my chicken right now!

It's been digested for ages already?! Stop being pathetic and accept defeat!

Bedivere! Grab her, now! Even if we have to cut her open, I'm getting my chicken back!

Eek-! W-What do we do, Princess?! Even Ethan's eyes have rolled back now!

No, Bedi. This might actually be for the best.

I've come away certain that no matter the temptation or trial, we'll always end up like this.

Um... are you sure that's a good thing?

Hmm... probably?

I don't care either way, so clean up after yourselves.

If you damage the inn even a little more, I'll turn every last one of you into chicken.