Thank You for Your Patronage! The Assassin Is on His Way!! Campaign

Wuh?! W-What the...?!

H-Hey! Enemy attack! Some weirdo's flying in outta nowhere! And...he's...

...riding a pillar!

A...pillar?!

Aloooohaaaa!

So, it was you?! You're the one who suddenly barged in here on a pillar?!

...Wait, why a pillar? The hell is wrong with you?!

And what's wrong with my using a pillar, exactly? Perhaps I should shut that insolent mouth of yours up forever...

Huh? Insolent?! Wha?!

YAAAARGH!!

Hmph. That's what happens to anyone who dares to criticize my style...

What is all this commotion about...?

You're the one known as Freeze or something, yes?

...! And just who are you?

Ha, ha, ha... Why, this is the assassin that I hired.

Indeed. I've come quite the long way from Earth on this job to kill you. Want an autograph?

My, my, Frost. To think that you would really send some Earthling assassin after me...

Wait... Did you say Earth...?!

Hold on one moment. Though it may be strange for me to be saying this...

...I do believe you have a much more impressive assassin by the name of Hit in your universe. So, why exactly would you hire someone so...eccentric?

In fact, you would be better off fighting me yourself. I know you make use of poisons and other underhanded tricks.

Heh, heh, heh... It's as if you don't understand at all. Obviously, this man is far more qualified than Hit or myself.

He is known as the "World's Most Notorious Assassin", after all!

The world's most...? Are...you sure...?

It is indeed true. And as such, I'm rather busy, so I think I'll get right to the killing.

Hmph. That is quite the boast considering you're just some lowly assassin from Earth. Now allow me to show you what you're up against...

Behold! I, Golden Frieza, shall show you power worthy of true notoriety!

Going out of your way to make yourself look so gaudy... You're clearly an amateur.

Clearly you need to be shown the power of a professional!

GWAAH?!

Ha! As I thought, you have nothing to back up that flashy exterior.

Now, then, I believe I'll bring this to an end with my secret weapon.

What...is that?!

Something with enough lethal force to incinerate anything it touches! Eat this!

SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

I...will eat...no such thing!

He...dodged it?!

No need to worry. This fight is already over! For you see...

...my patented Super Dodon Ray will chase you to the ends of the universe!

Wha-?!

Ugh!

GYAAAAAH!!

Agh... Grrr...! This...can't be...! I am Frieza! The Emperor of the...Universe!

Hmph... In that case, I'll have to promote myself to the "Universe's Most Notorious".

W-Well done! You're clearly as hard-boiled an assassin as your reputation led me to believe. I was right to hire you!

Heh, heh, heh... I have a reputation for being hard-boiled, you say?

Well, I do tend to take baths in water I've boiled with my bare hands. I even throw in some eggs with me!

Urgh...! You...are truly...ridiculous!

I must...commend you. The universe's most...notorious moniker is...fitting...

Now, then...I believe that brings this contract to a close. Shall we now discuss my payment?

I'd be delighted!

Thanks to you, I've exacted my revenge. And what's more, the remnants of Frieza's army are now mine. Ha, ha, ha...!

I'll be in command from now on! Serves you right! Haaaaahahaha!

Well, Frost, as the new commander of this army, would you be amenable to taking on a job for me?

...? What sort of job...?

Well, thanks to what that gaudy Freeze or whatever his name was said, I now have an idea for a good advertising hook...

I'm thinking of making a new poster. Heh, heh. heh...

Allllrighty! I think today's going to be a good day. Time to march on to the next assignment!

Are there any pillars around here...? It would seem not.

I suppose I'll have to borrow a tree... I'll need a good, straight one that's easy to throw. Heh, heh, heh!

...NRAH!

(Looks like the next location is northwest of Central City on Earth. Coordinates 5-28-KS, hm...?)

Hmm... I suppose this will do for the arrangements...

...Hm?

Aloooohaaa!

...! You're...

Mercenary Tao! The world's...no... Now you're the "Universe's Most Notorious Assassin", correct?

Ohh... You're already aware of my new tagline, are you? News travels quickly.

Don't tell me you're here to try and take me down?

I haven't come to merely take you down. I've come to tear you into tiny, untraceable pieces. It's simply business.

Tch... Fine, then. Go ahead and try. After all, this is the ideal place for a showdown...

This ring will decide the fate of the world, after all!

Hmph. It's pretty lame when you consider what's at stake...

...

Heh heh heh...

It's dreary, not to mention there's no food stalls or seating. Exactly WHAT about this place says "ring that will decide the fate of the world"?

Heh... Heh, heh...!

And what is with these four pillars in each corner? Not a lick of good taste...

Ohhh, now you've done it...

At any rate, I'm sure that this tacky ring is nothing but an eyesore to the locals...

After I take care of you, I may decide to build a theme park here instead! Now prepare to die!

URAAAH!!

And now, how about I end things with a bang as always!

...SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

I...won't stand for this!

NRRH...!

Tch! It's following me?! What a persistent technique...

In that case...!

How about this?! No way it can get me he!

...?! Are you KIDDING me?! All the way out here?!

DAMN YOOOOOOUU!!

Huh. How unsatisfying...

Ah...gah...! But...why...?!

Power...speed...technique...intellect... tenacity... I was supposed to be the perfect being in every aspect...

Do you want to know the secret to my strength? I suppose I'll tell you as a special parting gift.

Long ago, I was severely injured in an... "unfortunate accident"...

The fact that it didn't end for me there is a testament to my greatness.

I spent every cent I'd ever earned to have myself brought back to life as a cyborg, several times more powerful than before.

A...cyborg...? All this power...just from that...?

Heh... Ha, ha... You win. I accept defeat.

Heh. Looks like he finally bought the farm...

Quite the display, Mercenary Tao.

Your fee has been transferred. Feel free to confirm it later.

Hm... I wouldn't have expected a client to show up here in person.

I wanted to observe your fight from nearby.

Thanks to you, I've recorded some fine data. Next time, I'll be able to create a warrior even more perfect than Cell...

Unfortunately, there is no next time for you...

What?

The truth is that I received another job... One that requires me to kill you here and now!

...SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

DOWAAH?!

Heh. I have to thank you for saving me the commute.

"Perfect"... Come to think of it, that has a nice ring to it.

Alright, before the next job, I think I'll stop by town and make some more posters! Now, are there any suitable pillars...?

None. Bah! I've no choice... I'll have to live with using one of these horrid ring pillars...

Hm...this texture... This stone is higher quality than I'd first thought...

...NRAH!

H-Hey! Could that be...?

Mercenary Tao! It's the famous "Perfect Assassin"! Are you the real deal?!

Amazing! He's so dignified!

Oh? Are you fans of mine?

Um, sir! Is it true that you deflected a rifle bullet with just your empty shoe?!

Did that happen? I can't seem to recall, but as I am now, I'm sure I could deflect even a comet with either one of my shoes.

Amazing!

Um! I'm a big fan! Uhh, you see, my home planet, Zoon, has gravity 10 times that of Earth...

And there's someone there I really don't like... So...would you mind, maybe...?

I don't mind. But do you have the money?

I charge 50 million Zeni a head if you're interested in hiring me.

Ahh...well... Do you think maybe...I could get a bit of a discount...?

I see. So, you can't pay. In that case, how about I kill you?

GYAAAH!!

Feel free to keep the change.

He said it! A real-life "In that case, how about I kill you?"! So cool!

And refined! I think I'll practice fighting with just my finger or tongue like Mercenary Tao does!

Heh, heh...!

(I've become quite the superstar... What a great feeling!)

...

And exactly how long do you plan on hiding there?

...! You actually noticed me?

W-whoa! Who are you?! When the hell did you get so close to us?!

Isn't this guy the best in Universe 6? The legendary assassin Hit?!

Then you know why I'm here. I'm under contract to kill you.

Ohhh...? It's been a long time since I've been made the target. Heh, heh, heh!

Th-Th-This is amazing! A battle between the Legendary Assassin and the Perfect Assassin!

H-Hey! We're gonna be in the way! Let's give them some space!

Too many onlookers. I can't do my job like this. Let's change locations.

Hmph... You've got a ways to go.

...?

Using the location as an excuse. Your youth betrays you...

I'm...over a thousand years old...

You're in for quite the treat! Allow me to show you the power of a decades- long veteran assassin!

HYOH!

Grr...!

Nngh... No effect! You have some strange techniques...

It's no use. You won't be able to see through my attacks...

Ha, ha, ha! Well, aren't you cheeky? You can just keep on prattling.

Now! Time for the old faithful...

SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

No matter what you do, there's no way your attacks can...

GUWAAHHH?!

Guh... Impossible...! How could it have hit me when I was in another space-time?!

Heh... You have much to learn.

My Super Dodon Ray can reach its target no matter where they are! Haaaahahaha!

To think...such a technique existed... I've...lost...

Ohhhh! Amazing!!

Mercenary Tao has surpassed the Legendary Assassin! History is being made right now!

"Surpassed the legend", hm...? I like the sound of that. I think I'll make use of that moniker. Hah, hah, hah!

SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

GAAAAAH!

SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

GWAAHHH?!

Heh, heh. heh... What a beautiful spectacle. Soon, the world I've long desired will be made reality.

I can see it now. A bright and glorious future free from the vermin known as mortals!

Wh-What is that?!

Alooohaaaaa! It is I, the "Legend- Surpassing Assassin", Taoooo!

...?! Ta...Tao?! You mean you're the Tao I've been hearing so much about recently?!

Well, this is quite splendid. That's the power of a good advertising campaign for you!

Ohh! It's going down! Over here! Hurry!

Huh... They really followed me all the way out here. I swear, I've become so popular, I don't know what to do!

And? What does a lowly mortal assassin want with us?

Obviously, I've come here to kill you. I'll be sure to put you out of your misery quickly.

Is that so...? You believe that you can deal with us "quickly"? Your ego knows no bounds.

Why, of course. I accepted this job for half off my normal fee. If I don't work quickly, it won't be worth it.

HUH?!

HALF-OFF?!

To celebrate my surpassing legend, I accepted a job under my limited-time "2-for-1 Elimination Deal".

Hey, now, this is great! He took a cut rate even against gods!

Wow, what a bargain! You really are an incredible man, Master Tao!

You insufferable lot... You dare carry on deeming the divine to be worthy of half-price? A...bargain sale?!

It appears you all must be taught a lesson. You won't have time for regrets!

This ultimate body capable of limitless strength...

...as well as this immortal body, shall serve to be your divine punishment!

Ohh... "Ultimate" and "immortal", you say...?

You know, those other ones look pretty strong too, don't they? Not as strong as Master Tao, but...

Alright, fanboys, you're in the way of my work. Withdraw.

Ah! Yes, sir! So sorry, sir! We'll keep watching from afar!

Use that feeble mind of yours and think, assassin! No one can kill an immortal! I hope you're prepared for judgment!

Heh...what trivial bluffing.

You really think a decades-long pro known as the "Legend-Surpassing Assassin" can't see through your obvious lies?!

HYAH!

GAH!!

GUHH!

Hmph. And WHAT exactly makes you two so "ultimate" and "immortal"? My attacks are clearly working, aren't they?

This is ridiculous! How can a mortal have such power?!

You want to know the secret behind my strength? Sorry, but I'm not so generous as to give that away to a half-price mark.

Why, you...! How much putrid heresy do you intend to speak before you're satisfied...?!

We don't have a choice. Playtime ends now.

Now that it's come to this...!

...!!

My form is justice...and my form is the world. Worship me! Give praise unto me!

The two Zamasus have fused into me, the beautiful, the sublime. Me, the invincible, the almighty and divine!

WHAT?! YOU TWO FUSED?!

Are you surprised, mortal?! These are the works only privy to the gods! There will be no mercy given to you here or in the afterlife...

How horrible... The two of you merged into one. And that means...

It would seem even a fool like you can understand the predicament you're in...

...I can only get money for killing just the one?!

...? What?

I'm going to take a huge loss from this! Now you've gone too far!

Mortal scoundrel... You still continue to spout such idiocy?! You're an imbecilic lifeform doomed to never realize his own failings...!

I am the brightly glowing sun in the sky which illuminates this world! Through my light, you will know justice!

Hmph! Prattling on about justice to an assassin makes you the real imbecile, I'd wager.

It will be my pleasure to put an end to such an inane god!

SHAA!!

GWAAH!!

But how?! I should be immortal!

You've been going on and on complaining about something that should be obvious! Don't you get it yet?!

Even if they happen to be immortal, I can take the life of any being so long that they have one...

That is the "Legend-Surpassing Assassin", Mercenary Tao's guarantee!

Th-The whaaaat?!

WHOOOA! MASTER TAO'S AWESOME!

THE GREATEEEEST!

I think it's about time for my usual closer to send you off to the next world! Tremble at its name! Behold the‒

Here it comes! Master Tao's Super Dodon Ray!

Heheheh! No matter how fast you are, there's no escaping it! Better say your prayers!

Tch...

SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

Eh? Wait... Why's it coming this way?!

No, I'm sure it's just a little joke...!

DAAAAAAAH!!

...

Hmph... I have no need of meddling fans who step on my lines!

Now for the real deal! Off you go!

TAKE THIS! SUPER DODON RAY!!

...!

Heh, heh, heh... Did you forget? My body is immortal! I've no need to even dodge such an attack!

And who said it'd be over after the first shot?

What...?!

SUPER DODON RAY, FIRE!

Hah...?!

Dodon!!

Dodon!!!

Ugh! This...can't...

Gaaah!!

And as a special offer, have another free Super Dodon Raayy!

UWAAAAHHH!

H-How was I beaten by this...buffoon?

How could he...transcend the gods...?

Well, now! "Transcend the gods", hm?! That really rolls off the tongue!

The "God-Transcending Assassin"... I do believe I have a new catchphrase! Hahahaah!

...NRAH!

Looks to be a busy day as always! Haaaaahahahaha!

Haaahaha...!

HUH?!

Whoa! You're awake?!

Where...am I...? Did I doze off because I've been working too hard...?

You okay, mister? If you sleep out here, you're gonna catch a cold, you know?

...! It's you two! The fans from before?! Don't tell me you somehow survived the Super Dodon Ray...?

Huh...? What are you talking about? Why would we be fans of yours? Were you having a weird dream or something?

What...!

Well...now that you're awake, I guess there's nothing to worry about! You take care of yourself out there! Later!

A dream...? No...it can't be...

But...what about my popularity?! All that money I made?!

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING MEEE!

I won't give up here! I'm gonna do it! I will transcend the gods! For real this time! You'll seeeee!!