Blackbeard's Misery

I always do wonder... Isn't he ashamed to be alive?

Now, Mary. You can't say such things.

Earthworms, cockroaches, even plague-ridden sewer rats are all living beings, you know?

That means it's okay for this Servant to live. I shall allow it.

Ohoho! LOL My, my, such intense and poisonous talk you're engaging in! LOLOLOL

Heh heh! LOL Missy Anne is always so gentle when she throttles me!

Because I'm naïve, if you ever said that to me, I'd have to *&£¢% you both on the spot! (Just kidding!)

...Let's kill him, Anne. He shouldn't exist in this world.

I said no.

If you keep your distance, he's just a harmful, unpleasant, and stinking guy, right?

Now Captain, give us your orders soon, or I'll gouge, crush, and blow away that lighter-than-a-balloon head of yours.

Oops, good heavens me! LOL Sorry, sorry. Please, let me work hard from now on. LOLOLOL

...

Anne, calm down or you might pop a vessel.

Going into totally serious mode! Wowowowow! It's coming, coming, coming

...And so, my brothers. The licky-enthusiast's treasured Muse Euryale

Let's go catch her! Oh, and the you-know-what from the old hag, too!

Huhuhu. That's the main target, idiot.

No good, he can only think about Euryale. Fine, we'll just have to be careful.

Duhuhuhu! Missy Euryale is so fine! I love her so much!

Now, Missy Mary Read! Missy Anne Bonny! Mistah Eric Bloodaxe! And

Teacher! Our teacher! Please, take the field!

Ah, I wonder... I never did anything great enough to be called a teacher, yeah? As you can see, I'm an underdog.

Haha, stop joking! With you by our side, great hero of the Trojan War, our power level will be over 9000!

Plus we've had a nutritionally balanced breakfast! Great and Ne-great!

...Hey, guys. Are you really okay with a captain like this? Hello?

...

...

Ahnm, these freezing glares feel so good. They should be coming out soon... Fuhehe!

All right. Remove the Bounded Field.

Under...stood...

Geez! If you're gonna shout, tell us first!

...

There. The Bounded Field has been removed. Now, let's go.

Mm.

He's huge! Huge! And scary!

Boss? Are we taking these two with us as well?

What's this "scary" nonsense! You guys are veteran pirates! Yes. Those two are guests.

Erm... What're your names again?

Remember! I'm Euryale. And he is Asterios.

Just so you know, we're the same as that human named Mash.

If you touch me, I will beat you up, okay?

How aggressive...

With matters like this, it's better to make things clear from the start.

Okay, Fujimaru's on board, too. It's time to set sail!

Good weather, low waves. It's a really good day!

Days like this make me want to grab a drink.

...Isn't that every day?

Hahaha! You're right!

Boss! Unknown ship detected starboard!

Okay, let's deal with it, then booze it up!

...Now, according to the map, the next island is a bit further... Huh?

What's the matter?

Oh, the wind just changed direction. There might be a storm around sunset.

You guys, get the freight and food organized!

Aye, aye!

～♪

...Song?

Oh, did you hear that?

Yes.

Well, fine then. I'll let you hear it as a special treat.

La-la-la♪

I like it. Beautiful songs are so soothing...

Oh Captain, I don't remember giving you the permission to listen.

Oh, don't be like that!

Fine. But it's not something you get to hear often.

Be grateful, and listen to the music of a goddess.

...It is a beautiful song.

Fou...

There. The end.

Mmm...

Euryale, I have a question. Why are people chasing after you?

You sure know how to open up old wounds.

...I'm sorry. But I thought it was something I should still ask.

...Hmmm. Since you don't mean ill, I'll forgive you.

...See. I'm cute, right?

...Huh?

I said, I'm cute, right?

Erm... Well... Yes.

You think so too, right?

？！

Yes, I'm pretty and cute. That's why guys always want me...

But this time, the most atrocious pervert is after me. A strange pirate, just like Drake.

A pirate?

Not just an ordinary pirate. A "Pirate Servant" is after me.

!!!

I don't know his True Name. But, he's certainly the most disgusting guy in the world.

Even Scylla would feel pretty in front of him.

...Not strong, not scary, but disgusting... What kind of pirate is he?

More importantly... Asterios, are your wounds better now?

...Mmm.

Oh, I see. Then you'll be all right carrying me on your shoulders?

Mhm...

All right, what a great view What? What's wrong, Asterios?

...Ugh.

Boss! A ship up ahead!

Are they pirates?

Yes! ...Oh, it's THAT flag! Boss! That ship's raising the same flag we've seen before!

Meaning they're enemies! ...Huh? That ship looks familiar...

That flag... I know! Doctor!

Mash? Thank goodness, I finally got through! What in the world's happening over there?

？！

What, you forgot about me? I'm the lovable and reliable Dr. Roman, remember?

Sorry, but can we talk about it later?

Could you tell us about that flag again? Communications broke down and we couldn't hear you.

Oh, yeah. That flag isa legendary Jolly Roger. Belonging to the most infamous pirate in history!

Most infamous... In history... It can't be!

Right! Blackbeard! His True Name is Edward Teach! Be careful, Mash!

...Unfortunately, Doctor, it's too late.

What?

Ah! It's him! It's him! The pirate who was chasing my ship!

I found him at last. I'll blast him beyond the horizon!

(...Sneak sneak...)

...

Hey, are you listening you hairy oaf?

Huh? Sorry, my ears don't pick up old-hag noises!

Say that again?

...What?

What. Did. You. Just. Say?

I- just- said! I didn't ask for old hags! What's with them useless huge knockers? Is that a joke?

Guess scars are okay? Blade scars are great, they turn me on. But, the age, that's a slight problem.

If it were only half that, you'd be in my strike zone. Du'huhuhuhu!

...

Boss? Boss? She's dead... (Inside.)

It's hopeless. She's all frozen up. I was the same during my first encounter, too.

...I'm surprised I survived it.

Mm-hooooooooo! You really are here, Euryale-chan!

Ah, really cute! Cute! Kawaii! I want to lick and be licked! Mainly armpits and groin!

Oh, and step on me, too! Barefoot! Step all over me! I want to be treated like a cockroach!

Don't you all want that, too?

Uh... I don't like this...

...

What? You there! Big guy! You're in my way!

Show me, show me, show me, Missy Euryale!

...Huh? I'm sorry, I almost passed out.

？！

Erm... What is that?

？！

I refuse. I won't admit that he is a Servant.

...Hmm?

!!!

Mm... Mm, mm-hmm...I approve! You're accepted! Ta-da-dah-da-da-dah!

Eek!

Mmmm, who was the one that liked one eye covered? I think it was that guy Bartholomew?

No, his fetish was both eyes covered... Well, it doesn't matter.

Anyway, you Servant there! Tell me your name! If you don't

I-If I don't what?

I will dream about you tonight when I sleep♪

My name is Mash Kyrielight! I'm a Demi-Servant!

Mash... Mash... Mashmallow. Mallow mallow... How beautifully raunchy... Bofufufufu...

Please save me, Senpai! The goose bumps just won't stop popping up.

？！

Th... Thank you very much. But, what can we do...

Someone so disgusting... How do we deal with him...

...Fire!

What?

Cannons.

B-Boss?

Cannons. Every single one. I don't care. Just fire! Otherwise I will pack you guys in as cannonballs and fire!

A-Aye, aye, Captain!

Oh, old hag-chan? You mad? You mad, bro? Like huff and puff?

Bring the ship around! Send that bearded fool down to Davy Jones' Locker!

Oh my, how scary. Mm, Mr. Bloodaxe King.

...Gigigi.

Can you take a minute and grab you-know-what from that old hag for me?

Meanwhile I will be busy here licking Euryale! 'Tis my duty as a human being!

...Hey Fujimaru. You too, Servant.

Make sure that disgusting sea roach doesn't come near me. Protect me well. Got that?

Fortunately, my class is Archer. I can at least give you some cover.

...Understood. Mash Kyrielight... heading in!

More incoming!

...Me... Kill!

Asterios, don't move in your state! You're already injured!

...Ugh...

Fire the cannons. Fire, FIRE!

We're coming alongside them, everyone! Go Team Blackbeard! Yeah!

Go Team Blackbeard! Yeah!

Go Team Blackbeard! Yeah! (glances)

Yeah!

... (glances)

...You want us to join in, too?

Ahaha, no way. If we have to do that, I'd rather be killed by Command Spells.

...Ah, actually that sounds good right about now. Teach, could you order us to commit suicide?

You hate being my subordinate that much?

Yep.

Don't say that. Please help me...

I don't really think you need our help. Why don't you just steamroll them with your Noble Phantasm?

Dammit! No good! Our cannonballs are bouncing off!

Their armor thickness is on another level! Crap... They're coming on board!

Damn! Seriously? Our only option is to retreat!

Can we retreat from this chaos?

We have to! Reload the cannons! We'll use smoke bombs to create a diversion!

Here it comes, Boss!

Hey! Don't overexert yourself, old hag! If you behave and hand over the Holy Grail, we'll let you go, yeah?

Holy Grail!?

They know about the Grail?

Hey, are you gonna hand over the Grail or what?

Shut up! Keep your mouth shut!

Gyafufufu! Scary, scary! LOLOLOL

Gigigigigi! Kill! This time, kill for sure!

...Eric Bloodaxe? How?

W-We already defeated him, right!? We even verified he vanished

？！

Th-That's right! There was a turbulence in the magical energies that shape the Servants.

Could it be...teleportation? Then, he's a Servant that Blackbeard summoned to begin with!

A Servant summoning another Servant... Is that even possible? By BLACKBEARD!?

Perhaps he has a Holy Grail, or something similar in nature in his possession?

Kiiiiiiiillll!

Ugh!

Kyaaa!?

Di...e!

Yooouuuuuuuuu!!

What are you doing, Asterios? You can't!

Asterios, stand back! This time I will finish him for sure!

...Kill...you...kill...you... Damn... Get... Holy... Grail...

All right! He's gone for sure this time! We defeated Eric Bloodaxe!

Hohohohoho! It's too soon to be happy! LOLOLOL

Eric Bloodaxe was the lowest rank among us Blackbeard Pirates!

Plus he smelled bloody all over, his armpits reeked, and his feet were greasy. There was nothing good about him!

That's all you, Captain.

!!!

？！

...He's so stubborn! That guy!

You don't let your guard down. Good girl, good girl.

I thought it would be easier if we killed the Master as soon as possible...

You're really something special. What kind of Servant are you?

Well, if you're defeated by something of this caliber, then it's not worth "letting you live."

Do your best, young girl.

If that's the case...

All right! Set sails! Hard starboard! We're gonna get away from them!

We are faster compared to that bulky ship!

Aye, aye!

Ah, they shot the ropes connecting the ships. Looks like they're trying to flee.

Hum. She shoots as well as I do.

As expected from Francis Drake, the first person to survive a trip around the world.

Though, doing nothing does make me feel bad. I guess I'll help a little bit.

Anne, you're so earnest.

Huhuhu. In the end, it's only a show, Mary.

My bullet. My pride. Our name is Freedom. Catch the prey like a falcon... Just kidding.

Ugh... What happened?

Seems like an explosion in the bilge!

What!?

Impossible!

Dammit, they'll catch up. No, at this rate, we'll sink before that!

I'll go fix the hole in the bilge! You guys keep the ship balanced!

That's unreasonable, Boss! Everybody, stop the boss!

Hey, let me go, idiots! If I don't go, who will

Asterios!?

The ship... He's lifting it up!?

We recovered! Okay! Drop all Barrel Bombs behind us!

Drop 'em, drop 'em, drop 'em

Oooooou!? Wait there! I don't care about the old hag, but please leave Missy Euryale and the Holy Grail behind!

I don't want the old hag's body at all, so at least give me Missy Euryaleeeeeee!

Our main objective is the Holy Grail, Captain. Euryale is just a bonus.

Huhuhu, this captain isn't listening at all.

You said you're Blackbeard, right? Someday! For sure! No matter what! At all costs!

I'll take your head and tie it on my bow! Remember it, idiot! Dumbass! You...

Oooh, I can't think of any more insults! In any case, I'll make sure to get revenge on youuuuuuu!