Ishtar's Eleven

Hi! What a wonderful day here in Chaldea, don't you think, Master? By the way, I have something to ask you.

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What kind of response is that!? Just sit and listen! You too, Mash!

Eh? Me too?

What I want to talk about should be obvious! We need to discuss my reward.

Reward...? But there's no record of Senpai ever asking you to do anything...

Well, no, not here in Chaldea. But if you remember, I did something really big back in Uruk.

Oh. (Right, the Three Goddess Alliance incident.)

Now do you remember? If MY memory serves, I was never compensated for my services.

In exchange for my invaluable assistance, you promised me some valuables from you-know-who's treasury...

Ten percent? Twenty percent?

Or was it thirty percent!?

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Did you really think you could keep that from me? As if! You'd be lucky if I let you slither away from my shrine like a snake, trying to pull a stunt like that!

I bet HE was the one who talked you into that scheme. But that won't fly with me!

W-well, at that time...

It's true that we were all in a dire situation, but I believe the terms set by Master were valid!

Yes, they were valid. And that's why you're going to keep your word, correct?

Forsaking an oath made to a goddess is a grave, grave crime.

Normally, I'd punish you by dropping you into my mini Venus so you could suffer in its incredible winds for a decade or so...

But since we're such good friends, Fujimaru, we'll set that particular punishment aside.

Honestly, making such a huge bluff in a situation so dire took real guts, which means you must be a reliable Master.

But...

Any oath I make binds me as well, even if it's just a verbal contract.

I'm sure you all know what happens if an oath a goddess makes is broken...right?

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Exactly. I'm glad you're keeping up here.

In this case, if you do not give me my promised reward, you will face swift and severe divine punishment.

It's up to you whether Chaldea here ends up like Mt. Ebih.

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Senpai, this is no time to be joking around! We need to do something!

Ishtar isn't the sort to make idle threats! Myth and our own experience make that very clear!

Wait a minute. What do you mean your experience? Do you actually record my mistakes (read: evil deeds)!?

Well, Kid Gil mentioned that may come in handy one day. We expect the collected edition to be at least three full volumes.

There's no way I'd mess up three times in the same place!!! ...Uh, I mean...teehee...

Anyway! None of us will benefit from Chaldea's destruction.

So let me propose something to you.

I'm heading somewhere to collect a reward, and if you help me out, I will forgive your debt and crimes.

What do you think? It's not like I'm going to steal Fujimaru's savings or anything. Don't you think this is an amazing offer?

Working as your collections agent? Based on what you were saying, you mean...

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Rayshifting complete. We have arrived at a ruin in Babylon, Master.

King Gilgamesh mentioned that he created an underground treasury the size of a city.

It's surprisingly vast, and taking even ten percent of its contents may be very...very difficult.

No, my standard fee is THIRTY percent!

Plus the fine incurred for trying to trick a goddess who fought all by her lonesome!

Then there's the compensation for all my pain and suffering!

Oh, and there's interest accrued over the last five thousand years!

When we add together all the penalties, late fees, expenses incurred, commission, and a few other items, I suppose I can let you off with...

...half the contents of the treasury.

Half!?

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Hmph. Well, there's not much point in trying to collect from the dead.

Oh right...King Gilgamesh is already...

Huh? Um, but if that's the case...

You're thinking that a great goddess like me could easily smash through the front door if it's just a storehouse whose owner is gone...

That's what you think, right?

Yes.

Unfortunately, his treasury doesn't work like that. It's still active even after it lost its owner.

Even as an enemy, I have to admit it's impressive.

Does that mean...

Yes, the security measures are active. They're as persistent as their former owner was miserly.

Wait! While we're talking, I'm detecting an enemy nearby! Preparing to intercept them, Master!

Battle is over. That sure was a lot of Lancers, wasn't it, Master?

Did you see that!? They were all targeting me!!!

Now that you mention it, enemy placement was very efficient, as if anticipating Ishtar's every move...

Right!? That formation was downright malicious!

It was like they knew I float, and attacked every time I tried to jump into the fray!

But it looks like they didn't expect me to bring a reliable assistant, knowing something like this would be waiting!

Um, Mash, stand in front of me...just in case. Ahhh, now I feel safe! Yep, you really are a shield for humanity!

I-Ishtar! P-please don't ruin our formation...!

Fine, fine. Always the bashful one, aren't you, Mash? Do you not like physical contact or something?

...Enough playing around. Let's just smash our way through the door!

But I am kind of relying on you. So please keep protecting me and Fujimaru, okay♡?

Teehee. Since half of everything here is mine, I can just start taking whatever catches my eye, right?

Yep, yep! Now you're starting to understand! Woo!

Th-that's not true! I deserve this reward! I worked really, really hard, if you recall!

I even shattered the foundation of my own city, Uruk! It was REALLY hard fixing everything after that!

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...Ishtar, would you mind if I asked you a question?

I believe your shrine is already overflowing with wealth. Why do you love treasure so much?

It's not that I love it. This is just the way things are.

...What do you mean?

You think precious gems are beautiful because of how they sparkle in the light.

Right.

So, would you be able to tell the difference between a precious gem and a pebble in total darkness?

No... I wouldn't be able to sense the difference in their magical energy, either.

Exactly. So in this example, I am the light.

Gems I do not own are in the dark. They simply exist, and are no different than pebbles.

Once they are mine, the gems can properly shine, and those shining gems repay me for my light by making me more beautiful.

I'm not sure if it's because of my innate Divinity, or if it is just how things happened...

...but that doesn't matter. The point is: I love things that enhance my beauty.

And that's not just limited to treasures. The reason why I rule beauty, war, and the harvest...

...is that the ideal state of those Authorities is to belong to me. And things are at their most beautiful when they are in their proper place...right?

Y-yes...

You know...I don't remember being quite this infatuated with gems in the past...

But now, whenever I see gems, I get this antsy feeling and can't help but think I need to collect as many as I can, whenever I can!

That is likely an influence from your current vessel, Ishtar.

...Admittedly, I do not know anything about your vessel or how she lived and came to think as she does...

Who knows?

It's not as if my tastes have changed, just gotten stronger. It might just be a phase.

Oh look, look! That door! That door looks like it's hiding amazing treasure!

You're right... Its decorations are overwhelmingly ornate, and all based on Ishtar's tastes...

But why would there be a door like that inside the treasury...

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I concur, Master. I sense only danger.

What? It's fine!

Security outside was super tight, so they don't need as much inside!

...Gyaaah!!!

Oh no! The door's eating Ishtar!!!

(Pant, pant) What kind of sick freak makes a door-shaped mimic!?

You have to build up to something like that! Whoever designed this must be certifiable!

Don't tell me all the doors here are...

Nothing for it but to open every one of them up! Yaaah!!!

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Every single one was a trap! Whoever made this treasury is a real sadist!

Commencing...battle... Let's just try to hold them back, Master!

What's with this place!? It's all traps and guards... No treasure anywhere!

Perhaps...

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Not possible! Do you think I spend my days just aimlessly bombing things all the time!?

Absolutely not! Thorough intel gathering is the first step to victory!

Gilgamesh could never fool me with a fake treasury!

I tested the durability of each treasury to find the real one, and even made sure to perfectly conceal my efforts by destroying the evidence every time!

The most durable treasury would surely be the true treasury! Don't you think?

Ah...maybe. It makes sense to protect the real treasury the most thoroughly. That's the whole point of security.

Right!? That's why I was sure this one was the right one, and I've been spending my days and nights examining its structure in flyovers!

You know how I make a copy of Venus with my Noble Phantasm? Essentially the same idea.

I've so thoroughly memorized the layout, it's as if it's been etched onto my Spirit Origin. I can walk through this place with my eyes closed!

What spectacular dedication and diligence. I expect nothing less from you, Ishtar.

But even after all your efforts, you're still falling into every trap here... What does that mean?

Eh...? W-well, they may be detailed copies, but they're all miniatures that can fit in my palm.

I couldn't confirm all the internal structures...or copying the complicated structures and gimmicks...

B-but, it should be enough if I can remember all the paths, right? Besides, it's such a pain to memorize the location of all the traps.

These traps seem to have been placed specifically with intruders who know the layout in mind...

In other words...

Exactly.

If one can predict how the sneaky rodent behaves, then one knows exactly where to place the traps.

!!!

Th-that voice!?

I suppose I miscalculated a bit in making my traps too weak, as these rodents are unusually sturdy.

What!? Hey, you! What's the big idea, coming out here and haunting this place!?

Fool! I would never allow my death to be disturbed by something so trivial!

But alarms kept ringing all through the underworld because YOU kept getting caught in my traps, and I couldn't stay dead even if I wanted to!

And the Queen of Kur kept nagging at me, demanding I either go stop the alarm, or wring the neck of the idiot who keeps on triggering the alarm.

Hey! Don't apologize to HIM! And did you just say "terrible"!?

Rewarded?

That's right! You don't get to claim you forgot!

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I have a legitimate claim to half the treasure here as my reward!

I had no idea what you were talking about at first...but ah, yes. That. Heh...

How terribly unfortunate for you, Ishtar. You see, that agreement just reached its statute of limitations a mere day ago.

Come, take a good look at the contract. Do you see this engraving here at the bottom left of the back side of the tablet that's only visible when you shine the sun's light directly onto it?

"...However, in the event of Gilgamesh's death, or if no payment is made within fifteen days, this agreement shall be null and void."

Ah, how unfortunate. Truly unfortunate! Good for Siduri! That was marvelous advice on her part!

Who could have foreseen a goddess like Ishtar making such a foolish mistake!

Well aren't you clever, you goldy jerk! Looking at you, I'd much prefer the younger you than the way you are now!

Besides, there's no such thing as a statute of limitation in an agreement made with a goddess!

Either you pay up, or die! Or would you rather I destroy you AND all of Uruk!?

Hahahaha! I'm only telling you what is in the contract we signed. Besides, I'm already dead.

Ugh! No...that's not my point!

If that's how it is, then I'm gonna drag you out of the underworld, revive you, and THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!

And THEN make you pay up!

You...really want to repeat your trip to the underworld yet again? Even I'm impressed with how much of a mess you're willing to make for your own selfish desires.

That spirit of yours is the only thing worth praising! But since you're a grown-up, you should also be aware of how much of a pain you are!

Right back at you!!!

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Agh! Quiet! All of you, barbaric thief and her idiotic companions both!

You've dragged me into this mess, and that itself would be irritating enough.

I'm going to kick you mongrels out, stop the alarm, and go back to the underworld! I am NOT dying from exhaustion again now that I'm already dead!

I'm not going to move a muscle until I get the treasure I'm owed, and I'm not letting you get away!

Ishtar's starting to get incoherent in her anger...but we're going to have to fight, Master!

Now! Tell me where the treasures are! And get rid of all your traps!

Heh. Fool. Nothing could ever make me hand over my treasury to you.

I transferred it well out of your reach a long time ago. This is just an extra bank deposit vault.

No way!? How could a third deposit vault still reek so much of treasure!?

Just how high is your Golden Rule ranked!?

Hmph. It does make one wonder what too much wealth is. But in my case, I do not spend my fortune. I simply accumulate more riches.

I am a true collector. My infinite collection of treasure exists, as I cannot be the true wielder of each and every one of them.

But you can be neither collector nor wielder, you useless goddess!

You do not love your treasures, nor will they love you back in turn! You're the sort who comes and goes with all the constancy of a shooting star!

So forget about weighing yourself down with more wealth than you can carry. Do not burden yourself with earthly treasures. Flying about in the heavens suits you far better anyway.

King Gilgamesh disappeared... We were able to see him again, but he left so quickly...

...

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...Hmph. It's okay. I don't care. Not one bit.

I won in battle, and he won't bother us again.

But thanks for worrying about me. That cheered me up a bit.

But we're faced with another problem now. If this isn't the Treasury of Babylon...

...then all my research was for nothing. My plan (read: race) I came up with to get the treasure will need to be reexamined...

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Is that supposed to be encouraging!? Or are you mocking me!? Which is it!?

I believe those are Senpai's true feelings.

And what King Gilgamesh said before he left didn't sound like mockery to me, either.

Don't you think that was his own way of acknowledging who you are?

Hmph. Who knows? Being correct and being right aren't always the same thing.

Even if he did praise me, I'd much rather have found out where the treasury is!

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Ungh! That's the last thing I wanted to hear! Dummy! You'd better hold your tongue, Fujimaru!

Listen! I'm never going to give up! I'm gonna redeem myself for my blunder at the Demonic Front!