The Broker Who Deals in Darkness

How's it goin', pal? What's the latest? Got any news on those cursed weapons around here?

Oh, Ewan. Back in Unigan again, are we? Well, you know the kind of weapons you're interested in don't pop up all that often. ...Honestly, when are you going to give up this odd fascination of yours? Most people in their right minds stay clear of those kinds of things.

Oh come on, ya' know full well I keep a safe distance. And if I don't take 'em, who will? I'd say I do ya blacksmiths a favor really. Anyway, I know ya've got your reservations, but ya must've heard some rumors at least.

Yeah, I might have heard something... Something about a crazed Katana-wielder roaming in the shadows of Moonlight Forest.

Now that's exactly the sort of thing I like to hear.

Ewan, you don't think it'd be more wise to avoid this kind of stuff? If things took a turn for the worse with a cursed weapon involved, it could get ugly...

What're ya talkin' about? This is how I make my livin'.

By hunting for cursed weapons?

Huntin'? No, I wouldn't say that...

There you are! Everyone's favorite broker of wayward weapons!

Wayward?

Sounds almost cute, right? But we're talking about the kinds of swords that demand blood. And sap your life force if you don't give it to them... They're insanely powerful! This man here is a broker of weapons like that. He hooks up buyers and sellers.

So that's what you do for a living, Ewan?

Ya didn't realize? Well, yeah, that's the name of my game. I can handle myself though, don't ya worry.

Even so, that's a pretty dangerous occupation you've chosen...

It can be a tad touch-and-go at times. But seein' as I don't have many competitors, the money's good.

All right, what'll it be? Ya here to buy or sell?

To buy of course! It's kinda abstract, but I want to find a cursed weapon I feel like I was born to wield!

Uh-huh, well, no job's impossible for me. This isn't a good place to talk, though. Can ya come with me to Karek Swampland? We'll discuss the details there.

Okay, there's no one around here so I can talk now, right? Great, so what I'm looking for is...

Calm down, son. First, I need to know more about why ya're interested in cursed weapons.

So that's how you do business? By sticking your nose into your customers' personal matters?

Yep, it's part of my job. Knowin' your circumstances will allow me to get ya a weapon just right for ya.

......

What are ya so on edge for? If ya won't tell me it's not that we can't do business. But if ya want to be sure ya're gettin' the perfect weapon for ya... For instance, say I could offer ya Ogre Rancorem. I've been in talks with the owner recently; he's ready to sell.

Huh?! I won't be selling Ogre Rancorem to anyone anytime soon, Ewan.

Shhh... Just follow my lead.

Well as long as you know I won't be parting with Ogre Rancorem, okay.

I got it. Just relax and trust me.

Oh yeah? Ogre Rancorem, you say?

Ya've not heard of it? It's one of the nastiest swords ya could ever hope to come across.

Wow... And you can get it, can you?

I can, but there's no guarantee that ya'll be able to wield it. Very few can. We're talkin' about a sword that's possessed by the bloodthirsty spirits of the extinct ogre clan.

That sounds like the kind of sword I was always meant to hold!

Ewan, I'm absolutely not giving this guy my sword.

Shh... Leave this to me.

So how soon can you make arrangements with the buyer?

This oversized sword right here is Ogre Rancorem. And this is the owner.

Oh, so you're the current owner of Ogre Rancorem? Okay, good. It's certainly big enough. So, about that sale...

Quit playing around, Ewan! I'd never give up Ogre Rancorem, not even for a moment!

Not even for a moment...? Aldo, I really need ya to play along here. Ya do trust me, don't ya?

How can I when you're completely ignoring what I'm saying? Listen, Ewan. I refuse to be separated from this sword under any circumstances. Got it?

...Come here a sec.

......

So I'll be getting the best weapon from the best broker in the land. Perfect! Sure sounds like something I was destined for!

What have you done?!

Oh, oh no...

What have I done?! Ahh, someone! Help! I don't want to be eaten! I'm not even tasty, seriously!

Oh? He certainly seems to have had a change of heart.

I knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Huh?

It's not enough to have an eye for a good weapon in this business. Ya've got to have an eye for a good customer as well.

And you knew he was no good from the start?

Ya can't be handin' out top-class weapons to chumps. That's a sure-fire recipe for disaster. This guy wouldn't have got much out of a lecture so I had to show him the hard way. Thankfully we got it cleared up nice and quick. No tears, no mess.

Well, maybe some tears... Still, I'm really sorry. Dunno why I thought trying to buy such a scary-sounding sword was a good idea...

I'd say my work here is done then.

Hang on! I would still like a cursed weapon, just one not as evil as that!

Hah, so that didn't kill off your interest completely, huh.

Maybe one tenth as nasty? Could you get one like that? Or even a hundredth? That'd be good too!

There's no widely recognized system of units for nastiness, ya know...

You're not seriously going to get something for this guy, are you?

I was hopin' to cool his interest. It'd be unprofessional to back out now, though. I've got somethin' in mind, but it'll be by no means easy to get. Go on ahead, son. We'll meet up back at the blacksmith's in Unigan.

Okay, cool. See you back there, buddy!

Sorry for not catching on earlier, by the way. But you could've just told me that you weren't gonna sell Ogre Rancorem from the start.

Sorry, but ya're...y'know, a bit too expressive. Your emotions would've given the game away.

Oh, right... Yeah, I was never much good at acting. But more importantly, where are we going to get this weapon you've got in mind?

Moonlight Forest of course. Ya comin' along for the ride?

I sure am. It's up to me to make sure you don't try and make any dubious deals.

A real goody two-shoes ya are. Well, it'll be easy enough with the two of us. Make yourself useful and I'll make sure ya get your...reward. Heheh... All right, let's get goin'.

Hey, Ewan... Do you think we're being followed? Also, this weapon we're looking for... I guess it's the one the blacksmith in Unigan mentioned?

Yeah, that's the one. A little late comin' but an accurate guess nonetheless.

......

What does this guy want?

This must be the crazed Katana-wielder we heard about!

Hmm, very fancy. This was well worth the trip.

......

Woah... What are these supposed to be?

I've seen this before. The sword sucks up the owner's impure feelings, and gives form to them. The guy probably has no idea what's goin' on. He's no longer the master, the sword is.

How can we bring him back to his senses?

First, we batter these small fries, then we knock the sense back into him. Let's hop to it!

Now, Ewan!

Wakey-wakey!

Urghhh...

Looks like he's all right!

Huh? How did I get here?

That blade got the better of ya. Do ya remember how it happened?

My head's a mess. I don't even...

Ya shouldn't have touched that sword if ya weren't sure ya could handle it. I'll leave the lecture at that. Now, I've got someone who wants this. Are ya willin' to sell?

Sell it? I can't get rid of the horrendous thing fast enough, just take it.

Not a bad day's work. Stocked up with a decent sword, and not a single Git spent.

I want to trust you this time, Ewan so... You're not really thinking of selling it to that guy, are you?

That's exactly what I'm thinkin' of. It's good business.

Ewan, giving these weapons to people who can't handle them will lead to big problems, you said so yourself!

Sheesh, son. Ya really do need to trust me a bit more.

Ya don't need much, do ya? It's a deal then.

All good.

What was all that about?

Never ya mind. Now back to Unigan.

Y-Yeah...

Ah! My buddy the broker! Nice to see you.

This is what ya wanted. A sword ya were destined to wield, right?

Will this amount be enough?

Oughta do. Pleasure doin' business with ya. Anythin' happens, ya come to me straight away.

You actually sold it! Seriously, Ewan?! This won't end well, surely! What if he loses control of it, like that last guy?!

Calm down, son. The corruption in the sword has been reset, I removed it.

You did? Wait, you can do that?

Sure. The sword might possess him someday, but there's no problem for now.

Okay, but "someday" is still a point in time that will come... It could be dangerous!

So? I'll take care of it then. I'm not as irresponsible as ya seem to think.

But...

So tell me, Aldo... Say I didn't sell him the sword, do ya think he would've just said "okay!" and gone on to live a peaceful, quiet life?

Well, maybe not...

He wanted a cursed sword so bad he actually tracked down a broker. If I'd refused to sell, he'd have found someone else. Or he'd have found another outlet for whatever it is he's out to accomplish with a cursed sword. He could've ended up doin' business with someone much worse than me.

I see... So you have thought this through.

Yeah, I didn't need your stamp of approval, Aldo.

Hang on... I bet it was you who sold the sword to that guy in the first place.

I won't deny it. Won't confirm it either. My client's wouldn't appreciate me sharin' their details. Anyhow, lucky ya! I'm in your debt now, and I intend to pay ya back. Remember when I said ya'd get your reward? And luckily for me... I didn't have to borrow much of his power.

Not sure if I want my reward... Wait, "his power"? Who's power?

No one's. Was just talkin' to my imaginary friend. Now then, ready for a feast? We're goin' to the tavern, I'm pretty well-known in there, to say the least.

Oh yeah... Well, I guess I'm looking forward to it.

I hope ya're hungry.

Hey! My usual, the full course, and one for my friend here.

Always back for more, aren't we. Very good, I'm on it.

...So, earlier when you said you were going to sell Ogre Rancorem, I thought you'd lost the plot.

I know full well how dangerous that sword is. I'll be the first in the queue if there ever comes a day when ya no longer need it, though. With the money I could get ya for a thin' like that, ya'd be set for life.

How many times are you going to make me say it? Me and Rancorem are basically inseparable. And in any case, I'm pretty sure Rancorem itself wouldn't be very accepting of a new owner.

I know, I know. I wouldn't sell it to any old chump. What do ya take me for?

Uh, well... Hm, actually, Ewan, what got you into this line of work in the first place?

There's this one weapon... One I absolutely have to find. And this job is helpin' me do that.

And this is another cursed weapon, is it?

Most likely. One thing's for sure: the power of this thing is virtually unrivalled.

All ready now!

Now this is the stuff! The perfect treat after a hard day's brokerin' around.

First course is Stew Sandwiches, filled with four creams from the four corners of the kingdom.

But this looks like a dessert? Wrong order, I guess. What he asked for is his usual, a full course meal...

The best full course meal around. Time to chow down.

Wait, what?!

For your second course, you've got Regachoco Brownies. These are a firm favorite with the royal family.

Oh wow... They're practically sparkling with sugar.

And now to top it all off... Crowning Glory Cake, made with eggs laid by the royal hen.

A three course meal...of dessert? My stomach hurts just looking at it!

I told ya, ya need to trust me more. This stuff is surprisingly nutri, *nom* and the flavor, well mmh-mmhmmm.

This is your "usual," huh? Well, you seem in reasonably good health, so... Okay, I'm going to trust you on this.

Here goes... *nom* *nomnom* ... *NOM*!

...This is hitting the sweet spot a little too much...