Cyclic Wanderer

Until you clear the quest: "Cyclic Wanderer," your movement freedom will be restricted. ¥^ Proceed anyway?

No, I haven't forgotten my duties. And I haven't forgotten my mission. But my destiny awaits me... And I must go to meet it... Even if it means transcending the cycle of reincarnation.

Where am I?

In my first life, I was born to an ordinary Eezan family in AD 1,100. The time wasn't right, so instead of running out the clock, I moved the hands myself oh so slight.

And so...

And thus, my first life ended. I'd been a weak, sickly thing, destined to die after just a few days of living. And with a life that short, what difference would it make if it ended today rather than tomorrow? Death is death, whenever it comes. So I hastened the inevitable, and moved on to my next one.

My second life was in BC 19,800. I was a red lizard in a deep green forest place. The mere existence of a life so small and pitiful was, itself, a joke in poor taste. My time would be better spent elsewhere.

Fortunately, it didn't last long. There went my body and then on to the next one.

No, not here...

Life number three, life number four...

Another ten, another fifty...

And two-hundred more...

No matter how many lives, my destiny escaped me, how much death must I suffer before fate's hands find me?

And then, on life 414...

Aah, not again... Another waste of a life...

I saw the face of a goldfish reflected in glass, and decided to end things quickly. For what was the life of a goldfish? A worthless exercise of watching the hours go by. Name a life with less worth, go ahead, try.

Another failed reincarnation. I'll try again as soon as I get the chance...

But every time I tried, she got in my way.

But death is not the end. Your vessel may perish, but your soul will continue to reincarnate. Unless you're a sinner, of course. Sinners don't get to pass through the gates of this world.

Ah, that gives me an idea. I could starve myself...

What is wrong with this human? Why does she care so much about keeping a mere goldfish alive?

Come to think of it, I've never lived a life through to the end. Not once. Why waste my time living it when I knew the moment I was born whether that life was a success or failure? After all, life is just an endless cycle of sin and atonement. We kill other living things to survive. And we pay for that sin by old age, sickness, separation, and death. What's life worth that mortals would so eagerly sin to continue living? What would it be like to actually live a life through to the end?

I don't need a name. This vessel is disposable; it doesn't require a label.

Kagu...rame?

And why is that an issue? All living things are souls trapped inside vessels of flesh, forced to live within the rules of the gods. That's just the way of the world. There is no such thing as freedom. You're in the same boat as everybody else. So there's no need to be sad... Wait, what am I thinking? What use is there trying to comfort someone who can't even understand...

After that day, Xi-Yue started to get weaker and weaker.

The doctor who called upon her said she'd succumbed to the epidemic. The people at the store said she was no longer of any use, and to just do the bare minimum. After that, no one came to visit.

I'm not your friend. You and I have never even exchanged a single word. This has always been a one-sided relationship.

......

Why do you want so badly for me to live? Is it because you think I'm a lucky goldfish that can make your wishes come true? Then why don't you just wish for me to save you?

I realized this was all just a pretty little lie she was telling herself to try to make herself feel better. Xi-Yue was crying.

Goldfish only live a few years. It's nothing compared to the lifespan of a human. Barely a blink of an eye. So why did you have to die first? Why did you have to die?

Somebody. Anybody. Please come. Xi-Yue will die alone! Xi-Yue hates being alone. She's so lonely, she even talks to her pet goldfish!

Why are you happy? Why are you smiling at me like that?

Xi-Yue. Xi-Yue, please open your eyes. Look at me. Smile at me and tell me I'm beautiful. Xi-Yue. Say something, anything. Chatter away, ramble on about nothing at all, just say something. Please... I can't bear the thought that your life was meaningless... That you were never rewarded for a single thing you did, that nobody even noticed you... Even discarded trash can still have value, can't it? How could you be forced to go through a life of pain and misery just for it to end like this? It's not...it's not...

How much time has passed? It's hard to tell in this pitch-black room. My stomach is empty and I feel a pain as if I'm being clawed at from the inside. But all this is nothing compared to the pain of losing her. Her death was more painful than any death I'd ever experienced myself. I finally realized just how painful the death of a loved one could be. I'm sorry to all the versions of me whose lives I've ended. I'm sorry to all their families to whom I've caused pain.

...... Ah... My consciousness is fading now...

In my subsequent reincarnations, I stopped taking my own life, no matter how meaningless they seemed.

I thought that in doing so, I'd be able to understand Xi-Yue's feelings.

I've been through every walk of life imaginable. Male, female, human, animal, you name it, I've been it. I have lived countless lives and died countless deaths. I've never been able to understand Xi-Yue's feelings. And yet...

In my endless journey, I eventually came to a different realization. The living are such warm creatures. So kind, so indescribably lovely. Even if there is no real meaning in life on it's own... There's so much meaning in sharing it with the lives that help it grow.

Xi-Yue... Another life lived to the end.

Time for the next one, friend.

And then, hundreds upon hundreds of reincarnations later...