A Story That Will Run Rings Around You

So this is the famous "City of Water," Acteul.

It is truly as beautiful as the scholars describe it.

It sure is. You read about this place, Veina?

Indeed. I suppose part of its beauty is owed to the fact that it is fairly new.

New? How so?

Well, it was only built about two or three hundred years ago.

"Only?!" 300 years really long time!

It is? And yet the village of the elves was established many thousands of years ago.

I-I didn't know...

Oh yeah, I forgot that elves live for a really long time, don't they?

Hee hee. That we do.

Let us take a look over there, Aldo.

Sure.

Waaah! Waaah!

What was that?

It sounds like a kid crying.

That girl yonder, perhaps?

Yeah. Let's see if she's okay.

Whatever is the matter, child?

Mommy and Daddy...Uwaaah!

It's okay, you can talk to us. We'll help you as best we can, I promise. Did you lose your parents somewhere?

No... Mommy and Daddy were arguing and I...I...

There, there. Dry your tears. Myself and my companion will sort things out, I promise.

Right! Just show us where your mom and dad are and we'll talk to them for you.

You will? Really? Thanks!

Over here! By the Inn!

We shall resume our sightseeing later, Aldo.

Yeah. You know, that was really kind of you, offering to help that girl like that.

Amongst the teachings of my people is the phrase, "Treat others as you would have them treat you." However it appears that this is not solely an elven value. For you too were more than ready to lend that child your aid, were you not?

Well, I just do this kind of stuff all of the time.

Whatever the reason, your conduct is admirable. Now, let us be on our way.

I can't BELIEVE you! You careless OAF of a husband!

I SAID I'm SORRY, ya crazy harpy! How many times do I gotta apologize?!

Those are your parents?

Uh-huh...

What could possibly drive a husband and wife to such violent disagreement?

Guess we'll have to ask them.

Um, excuse me...

You LOST your WEDDING RING! Why shouldn't I be crazy right now?

Because I ALREADY GAVE you an APOLOGY!

Oh, PLEASE! What apology? Huh?!

......

I don't know if they can even hear me.

...Are Mommy and Daddy gonna stay like this forever?

No, dear child, they will not. Leave it to me.

Good day, sir and madam. I am Veina. I hail from the ancient village of the elves.

Well, ya LOOK crazy now bein' the only one wearin' a ring!

What did you say? Are you KIDDING ME?!

I wish to have your attention for a moment, if you would.

And y'always been a drama queen, even back when we were first gettin' to know each other...

And what's that make you since you were more than happy walking down the aisle with a drama queen like me? Hm?

......

Whoa!

Aaargh!

Now, then.

If you are finished, I would very much like to tell you a story about a ring.

A...A story?

Yes. A parable as old as time and arguably just as wise.

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a hardworking young man. One day, he happened upon an old ring...

...As rings of old were known to possess all sorts of powers, he expected that this ring too held some untold boon...

...The woman spoke thus: "Prithee, come away with me!" This moved the young man to tears...

...But the ring was the true source of their misfortunes. Alas, this realization came too late, for death had already claimed her...

...Using the ring's power the brave youth exacted his revenge upon the king, but found no joy in the coming years...

...And so the story concludes. Do you understand?

Uh... No.

In simple terms, from something as miniscule as a ring can the ruin of an entire kingdom spring forth. If you still have some difficulty understanding the story, I would be happy to retell it in further detail. It can be somewhat challenging to grasp without the full picture. So...

N-No, that's fine! I think we get it now!

Y-Yeah, yeah! The point was that I was completely in the wrong! I'm sorry!

A-And I really identified with the characters! Come on, honey, we should start looking for your ring now!

Yes, the ring! Do you have any idea when you lost it?

Err, it was probably when I tripped and fell over on that street back there.

Okay, can you show me where? I'll help you look for it, too!

How wonderful. Everyone seems to have taken the moral of the story to heart. Wait for me, friends! I shall help, too!

If memory serves, it was right about here.

Hmm...I don't see anything.

Fear not, for I have an idea.

What's that for?

Gathering each and every item in the immediate vicinity into one large collection.

Hold on, with magic?

Yes. Watch.

That should be everything. Is your ring anywhere amongst these?

Lemme see... Nah, it's not here.

That is unfortunate. In that case... I will try casting a much larger scud.

Veina, I'm not so sure that's such a good ide...

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

What do you think you're doing blasting that magic about in the middle of town?!

*sigh* I knew it.

Do not be alarmed, sir. Behind these unusual circumstances is a tale most reasonable and sympathetic. Here...

I-It's okay, Veina, allow me!

A word, officer?

Look, we're just searching for a sentimental item that someone misplaced. You don't need her to give you the full story. Trust me.

Or she'll make it a REALLY long story.

And you can't interrupt her. And if you ask any questions she just goes on EVEN longer. You can't escape it even in your sleep. It gets into your head and it invades all your dreams, and...

Egads! The legends speak of such a phenomenon... They call it the "Elven Yawn." Since elves live longer than we humans do, their perception of time is completely different. For them an offhand conversation can span an entire day and their "yarns" can supposedly go on for even longer.

Yes! It's exactly that!

Excuse me. If my compatriot has not sufficiently communicated the matter...

N-No, madam, that's fine! This young man has explained himself perfectly well!

If you can't find what you're looking for here, might I suggest trying the Man-eating Marsh?

Why there of all places?

A lot of lost items seem to turn up there one way or another these days.

Oh, all right then.

Very well. Thank you, sir.

Well then, Aldo. Shall we follow the guard's advice and investigate the Man-eating Marsh?

We might as well since it's our only lead. Wait for us here, mister. We wouldn't want your wife worrying for your safety out there.

'Preciate it, kids. Take care, y'hear?

Of course. We will.

Now, to the Man-eating Marsh!

...I don't see anything that looks like a ring around here.

And with the waters this muddy I doubt we'd find it even if it is here.

I concur. We shall have to do something about that.

You aren't thinking about trying to solve this with magic again, are you?

I am not, no.

Then what do you propose we do?

I propose that we clear the waters.

Great idea! If the water's clean and transparent it'll be easy finding that ring.

Precisely. We have but to call upon the power of the Water Elemental. It will not take long.

...How long is "long"?

For a body of water this size, only 30 years or so.

Only 30 years, huh?

Wait, "only?!" That's way too long!

Surely not? It is but a handful of moments. Comparatively, the ring of my fable took approximately a thousand years to bring ruin upon the kingdom.

I think your perception of time is just a little different to humans', Veina.

We'll just have to keep our search to the path. Let's give it the once over.

Shame. I thought my idea was rather good.

Still no sign of it anywhere.

Aldo, I really think we should give my idea to let the waters clear a fair chance.

I'm telling you, that's really not fast enough for...

Whoa! What was that?

Oh, my. The monsters appear to be crowding around a small, fallen object. Whatever it is, I sense a dark power emanating from it.

What the heck is that?!

Oh, no! It is headed towards...

Acteul!

The citizens will be in danger if it gets there! We have to stop it!

Then we must hurry after it!

Urgh...

Hey! Are you all right?!

M-Monster...

That thing we saw must've already got here!

Look out, Aldo! It approaches!

Ngh!

We may have failed once to prevent this foul monster from causing harm, but we will not fail again!

That's right. We've gotta take it head on!

In times like these, we elves say: "We make war that we may then live in peace!"

I couldn't agree more. Let's do this!

It's a ring...

It still emits a remnant of its evil magic. I believe this ring is responsible for spawning the very monster we just fought.

In fact, it bears a remarkable similarity to the cursed rings of old that the elders of my village often spoke of.

Wait a minute, like the one that caused the ruin of the kingdom in your story?

Essentially, yes.

Wow, I never thought that story would have any actual relevance to getting that guy's ring back...

Wouldja look at that! You found my ring!

Uh, Veina? If the ring has the power to bring about misfortune, should we be giving it back?

Oh, yes. With the monster defeated its evil power is naught but smithereens now.

All right, if you say so.

Honey!

Where's the monster at? SHOW YOURSELF, foul beast!

Worry not, humans. The beast is already vanquished.

Yeah, that's right! You shoulda seen the ol' one-two I gave him! Never stood a chance!

Oh, really? Well, I saw your back give out and you cowering in terror on the ground.

Daddy! Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Well, here's your ring.

Try not to lose it again. It was a real pain to find.

Luckily, find it we did. Nevertheless, unabating prudence is paramount. If one is not sufficiently vigilant there are many misfortunes that can occur even in the absence of cursed artifacts. In fact, the reason why ancient relics often come into such power in the first place...

No, please! Not again!

...And so the story concludes. A fascinating tale, is it not?