Under the Hood

You in the hood! Stop there, woman!

What? They shoutin' at me?

No doubt about it. You fit the description with that hood.

What's you're problem, eh! Need some of those teeth removin' or somethin'!

Remove your hood this instant.

Touch my hood! I dare you! Come on, punk, make my day!

So you plan on resisting? I thought as much. You are up to something suspicious.

No doubt a member of those body snatchers!

Body snatchers?!

What are you talking about? We don't know anything about that!

And, Elga, you calm down too. Let's hear him out first.

......

Fine. I just can't say no to you, Adders. Maybe it's the hair.

I offer my apologies. I may have been somewhat uncouth in my approach.

So, what is all this about then?

There has been trouble recently. A suspicious person has been donning a hood and showing up across the land. We have reports of people being abducted wherever they show up.

Across the land? Just how many people have been abducted already?

More than I'd care to mention. There is even a reward for anyone who can catch this hood-wearing criminal.

Whatwhat now! You mean like...a bounty!

I suppose yes. It is a bounty in a way.

Adders, did you hear that nugget of happy news? Let's get this rascally hood wearer!

Okay, I'm in. Either way, I can't just ignore people getting kidnapped.

So, where can we find this earless hood freak?

Most sightings have come from around the Nuaru Uplands. I would recom...

You got it! Let's do this, Adders! To Nuaru!

Adders, wake up and get your peepers on that over there!

You think that's the hooded criminal the knight was talking about?

It obviously is! Anyone who needs to wear a hood is suspicious and definitely up to somethin' shady!

Umm... So, you, as well?

Hah! Of course me as well! I'm as suspicious as they get. But this ain't about me, Adders.

......

In the name of my febrile desire!

Bequeath to the soul of our wondrous Leader!

For the glory of a world free of hoodless heads!

What the?! This got weird so fast!

What's their deal? Hood fetish? Whatever it is, it's creepy and makes me sick!

But did you hear that? They said something about a "Leader." Do you think that's the person with the bounty on their head?

I like your thinkin', Adders. There's no point wastin' time with minions. Let's just go straight for the leader!

Okay. Looks like they headed into the Moonlight Forest. Let's follow them!

Whoa! Look at all those hoods!

This is bad, Adders! How we supposed to figure out who to pummel if they're all wearin' the same lame getup?! I didn't eat a big enough breakfast to take on all these smooth hoods either!

I guess that was what they were aiming for. What with all the hoods and that.

Looks like we'll just have to sneak in among 'em and look for the leader that way.

I got my hood, so I'll be fine. But what we gonna do about you, Adders?

Wha?! You don't think you won't stand out a bit with that hood?

Hah! Shows what you know. A hood's a hood, man. Stop sweatin' the small stuff already!

I really don't think that's "small stuff"!

Oh man, oh man, oh man, I'm so late!

Huh? Hey, I haven't seen your hood around before, you new or something? The meeting place is just up ahead. Come on, we gotta hurry.

(No way! Can they really not tell the difference?)

See, Adders! What did I tell you, a hood is a hood.

Wait. Who is that?

H-He's not wearing a hood! By all that is hood!

Hoodbrothers, hoodsisters! Come quick! There's a vile hoodless being trying to infiltrate our meeting!

Hey! No yelling in the forest!

Whoa, Elga! You can't just do that to someone who's unarmed.

Did I have any other choice? Anyway, I just put him down for a nap. Quit worryin' so much.

Forget about him. Everything worked out great, didn't it?

Huh? What did?

You just got yourself your very own hood now. Join us...

You don't mean...

Well, would you look at you! Adders, you don't half scrub nice up in a hood! Plus, they'll never be able to tell you apart now.

Well, yeah, I guess.

Okay, let's go then. We sneak our way in there and sniff out their Leader.

Hey, Elga, you know...

You know, I've never really given hoods a chance before but wearing one now, I get it. This is great.

Right? And when you're wearin' a hood you can always hide away what you don't want others peepin' at.

So that's why you're always wearing a hood, huh? I think I finally get how you feel now.

That's great, Adders. I'm pumped for your awakenin' to hoods and all. But I think we need to get movin' now.

You're right, you're right. We gotta go see our Leader, right? I'm pretty excited to meet him.

Righ, Wait, what?

Obviously I want to meet our wondrous Leader, who gave us our precious hoods.

HOODS FOR ALL OF HUMANITY!

Hey, Adders, snap out of it already!

Whoa! Wait a second! Adders, come back!

Oh man! Which one is Adders? Adders! Adders?!

I'm here, Elga. Right here.

That's really not a lot of help!

Now I'm here. Here!

Is there any weapon in this world stronger than the equality that a hood provides? Hah, I doubt it.

If you really want him to take off the hood, you'll have to figure out which one he is first.

But can you tell us apart?

What the?! Man, these hood freaks are quick! I ain't got a clue!

Now choose! You get one chance!

I can't mess up pickin' out Adders now. If I do, then he'll be stuck as a hooded monster for the rest of his life...

Got to think...

*sniff* shirt *sniff*

*sniff* soft *sniff*

*sniff* shirt *sniff*

Aha! Here you are, Adders! I knew I could never mistake the musk of that soft shirt of yours!

What in the great name of hood?! Someone was able to see through Leader's hoodwink! Oh good hood no! We have to warn Leader about this! There's not a hood to lose!

Whoa! Hey! Wait right there, you lot!

You really saved me there, Elga.

You feelin' all right, Adders? Just what was that all about?

I dunno, the moment I put that hood on, I was just suddenly so amazed at all things hood. It was like I wanted nothing more than to give my life for that leader person and in the name of the hoods.

I reckon there's some kind of magic been used on those hoods. What a waste of good hoods...

That would make sense. I bet everyone else is being controlled by those hoods too.

Which means, if we take out the Leader then the hoods should lose their power!

I think you might be right. Let's get after those hoods!

So these are the hoodless blasphemers?

So you're the Leader! What exactly are you trying to do making everybody act strange with your weird hoods, huh?

All I want is equality across the world. By making everybody don a cowl to look the same, we can achieve just that. Just think, when everybody looks the same, they'll be no stereotypes, no more prejudice, no more discrimination.

You what? You wanna make everyone look the same, huh? Then why are you wearin' that fancy hood!

Heheheh. How else will people know who their king is? I am the rightful heir to this world. King of the Hoods!

So the Leader was a monster all along!

Grovel before me and I may just spare your pitiful lives! I shall make you into fine hoods, subjects of my shining new kingdom!

I'll never wear that hood again!

And I never stopped wearin' one!

Leader! He's gone...

Our hopes for world equality!

Whoaaa!

Th-Thank you. You finally broke us free from those terrible hoods.

Thank you. I don't know what to say, we owe you our lives.

Seems like the magic's completely worn off now.

Yeah, that explains the body snatchin'. What's more we took down that hood-lovin' freak leader as well.

Let's hurry back to Unigan, Adders. It's bounty collecting time!

I hear all of the missing persons have found their way safely back home. Here, this is the reward for taking down the criminal responsible for the abductions. It's all yours.

Wowzers! That's a pretty purse! We did well here, Adders!

Here, Adders. This is your half of the reward!

Just keep it. I was only doing this to help you after all. Plus, you did kind of save me back there.

What! No way, really? You're a goodun, Adders! I always knew it!

In that case, I'll take all of the reward then. Don't need to tell me twice!

Huh? I got this feelin' I knew a good person like you before, somewhere. They always used to laugh a lot, just like you, Adders. But I just can't seem to remember their face, or name, or anything really...

Welp! I guess it don't really matter anyway!

Hey, Elga, you know...

Whaddya want, Adders? Don't tell me you do want some of that sweet bounty after all? I'll cry again, I swear!

Nope, that bounty's all yours. It's been bothering me ever since you mentioned it.

But, remember when you said a hood let's you hide things from people? Does that mean you're hiding something too?

What! I...No! I don't know what you're talkin' about, I'm not hidin' anythin'!

There's no horns or nuthin' under this hood. You got it? I... Fine! But just for you, Adders.

Under this hood, see, I got cat's ears. Get it? Hoodin' adorable cat ears! But nobody else can know this! Hear me?

......

Man! I'm hungry! Let's eat. I got all that bounty cash after all, so it's on me this time!

Giant salads for all! No holdin' back okay? Off to the tavern!

Oh my. Well that is an exquisite hood indeed.

You see, I'm something of a hood enthusiast myself. I am, in fact, head of the prestigious Cowl Society. How about it? Could I perhaps interest you in initiation into our group? With such a individual hood as yours you'd be right at home.

Get lost! I got no interest buddyin' up with more cowl cretins!

And you know what I hate more than buddyin' up?

I don't do teamin' up!