A New Divinity

So...hot...

Hey, Otoha... Why are we here in Zarbo?

A fine question! The answer is, of course...

...To train our bodies and minds in the harsh clutch of the desert!

Train?

As one who seeks to master the path of martial perfection, my spirit must also be forged of steel! With a clear and focused mind, even fire itself will not burn, as the saying goes. With enough focus, even the extreme heat of the desert will be as nothing before our disciplined minds!

Oh, is that an Eastern warrior creed? Training hard enough that you don't feel heat...that's really something.

Indeed! Once the heat of the desert feels cold to us, we will have achieved the peak of mental focus! Come, Aldo. Let us meditate! Day and night, until we reach our goal! Hnnnnnngh...!

Well, nighttime in the desert is cold anyway, so...

Just be careful you don't end up with heat stroke, okay?

Nyahaha! No need to worry! By channeling the great Nekogami, the Cat Deity, I will move beyond such petty concerns! Even a fierce sandstorm will be like a pleasant spring breeze to me!

Wait, if you can ignore the elements by channeling, what do you need to do all the training for?

O-oh, um... Er...well...

Th-the power of the gods is already perfected! But relying on it makes one soft and weak! Only by experiencing peril and hardship can we mortals approach the realm of the gods! That's why!

So you're not going to channel...? Either way, I guess the Cat Deity wouldn't be happy to have its power for something so pointless, yeah.

P-pointless... You certainly have a sharp tongue at the most surprising times, Aldo.

Sorry, did you say Cat Deity?

Are you two here to partake in the blessings, too?

Huh? What blessings?

You said it yourself, the Cat Deity's. The one that shows up in the desert. It's pretty famous around here. It's even bringing in tourists, and their coin. It's a good time to be in hospitality here in Zarbo.

A Cat Deity, in the desert...?

Nyahahaha! Amazing! Wonderful! To think my glory has been recognized so fast! Truly, my majesty knows no limits! Nyahaha!

Ah, she thinks it's her... Yeah...

Think about this, Otoha. We only got here an hour ago. There's no way word traveled that fast.

All that means is that my godly majesty spread faster than human thought! Think, fool! Use your head!

That's ridiculous and you know it! What a leap of logic...

No, what this means is that there's someone other than you claiming to be a cat god somewhere in Zarbo!

S-say what?! Hrrrm... someone else being worshipped as a cat god...

You there, local fellow. Have you seen this so-called deity with your own eyes?

Sure have. I tossed a prayer its way just for the heck of it, and what do you know! In comes the profit!

Really? Wow. What kind of profit?

Not to brag or anything, but I'm more or less set for life. You see...

I found 10 git under my nightstand!

10 git, huh... I wouldn't say no to that, but...

What a pitiful profit.

Hey, if he's happy, I guess it's okay.

Such a pathetic blessing brings shame to the name of cat deities everywhere. This is clearly a faker! Not only are they deceiving these good people, they're stealing the adulation that is rightfully mine!

Come, Aldo! We will drive out this false idol!

Do we really have to?!

I guess I am kind of curious as to what it actually is. Let's go have a look!

Ah! Welcome, good visitors! Are you here to meet the Great Cat? There's no line currently!

So this is where it is.

That's right. If you call out with a sincere wish in your heart, the Great Cat will appear to you!

A wish, you say? What did you wish for?

Well, veggies are expensive here. I asked for them to be made a little bit cheaper, you know?

That's pretty pragmatic for a sincere wish to a god...

I see. Let us give it a try, then. My thanks, good woman!

Of course! May your wish be profitable!

...This scoundrel. Deceiving these townsfolk with sweet-talk and empty promises. When I, the true Cat Deity, am not even talked about this much in my own hometown... This isn't right...

Are you envious of the way this cat god's won their hearts?

N-no! Not at all! That's not it!

Well. I guess all you can really do is keep on doing your best, right? In your own, Otoha-ish way.

Grrrr...! You just watch me! I will throw down this false idol and return true peace to this land!

It's not like it's not peaceful now.

You! Charlatan! Deceiver!! I know you can hear me! You can't fool my divine eyes! Come out, right now!

Whoa! Who said that?!

Another believer cometh to offer prayer unto Me...

I-it's a huge cat!

You've got to be kidding meow! It's bigger than some monsters I've seen!

You definitely lose the battle in terms of scale, at least...

S-size has nothing to do with divinity! What's important is how you use it!

What a noisy bunch thou art. I am a busy God, mortals. Giveth me thine wishes and be hasty about it.

Hiss...! You giant lump! You...you cattail! I see right through your lies! You...are nothing more than a fake! A pretender playing at divinity! You deceive the town with sweet words, but I will expose your falsehood to one and all!

How entertaining. And on what grounds, pray tell, do thou claimeth I am a fake?

That should be obvious! There is only one true Cat Deity in this world! And that's me! Otoha! My divine eyes can see right through your wicked schemes!

...Ho ho ho. A true cat god with divine eyes, art thou?

If you find it hard to believe, trust me, I understand, but...

"But" what? "But" what, Aldo?! Where's the rest?!

No, that's all I wanted to say.

There's no more?! "I understand it's hard to believe, but Otoha really is the true cat god and worthy of worship and praise!" Nothing like that?!

...So anyway, Otoha here thinks that you're a fake.

He totally ignored me...

Are you actually a cat god? Or someone connected to one?

A foolish question. What of thine "divine eyes"?

Oh, now you're just asking for it! I'll look so hard I'll unearth all your most embarrassing secrets!

Ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha...

What's so funny?!

I have been waiting for you. Looketh upon my true form, and...

Wh-what's going on?!

Forgive meeeeeee!! I never thought a real cat god would actually show up here!

Huh? He shrunk...

I'm just a harmless bakeneko! Just a weak little monster who got too big for his britches!

Wha...eh? Huh? You mean...you're a fake?

I thought you'd seen through it?

A-ahem! O-of course I did! I knew that! I knew it all along!

Of course you did, o great one! Please forgive this pathetic insect! I meant no disrespect to you!

U-um...

N-nyahaha! So you have learned your lesson! Praise me more, vassal!

O great and powerful one! O merciful and beauteous one!

Wow, Otoha was right. The world is full of wonders.

So, at first you just meant to spook people, but you got famous for it, and it went to your head?

That's right. People said I could grant luck with money matters. But mostly folks just complain. Veggies are too expensive? Tell the farmers that, not me...

But some said they actually had more money luck.

That's a total coincidence! Tons of people came who didn't get any kind of lucky happening at all! They ask me for luck in love or for rich catches at sea... I'm just a cat, you know?!

Little bits of luck can start to feel like a blessing if you're already thinking that way, after all.

Maybe, but that's not my fault...

The wishes have really escalated too. I'm at my wits' end here! They want me to stop desertification! I can't spell that, let alone stop it! But I can't let them all down...

Sounds like you could use an excuse to step down. And then Otoha came.

Well, I AM all-knowing and omnipotent. I saw your predicament, and in my mercy, I came to save you.

That's a weird way to say "cast down this false idol"...

Nyahaha! That time has passed. Now then, cat! Rejoice and praise me. I, Otoha, shall take on your duties!

Really?!

Indeed! I will show the people of Zarbo that I am the one and only true Cat Deity! Then no longer will they trouble you, an abject fake, with their pleas!

And so... Actually, give me a moment here...

Ta-dah! Behold, my divine vestments!

S-so majestic!

These are special vestments intended to showcase the might and majesty of the true Cat Deity.

Huh, really? Where did you get them? Are they a treasure of the Cat Shrine or something like that?

Listen and be amazed, Aldo. They were lost from the Shrine... And the tale of their recovery is an epic tale of adventure, heroism, and triumph to bring you to tears!

Necoco! Fukurobe! Nabeshima! The time has come!!

Otonya! You finally found them! The legendary vestments!!

I have! The legend of our Cat Shrine begins anew this day!

Mreow! Ooh, I just got shivers all over!

It really has been such a long time since we set out on our hunt...

Who would have guessed they were only sold in one village all the way in the crummy mountains?!

Every piece hand-made to exact order... A shining example of the varied arts of clothcraft.

Otoha just had to have them, though. She placed the order without thinking.

That's coming out of your allowance, just so you know.

Nyaaaaaaah?! Wh-why?!

......A-ahem!

So you just went to pick up an order?!

Hah! Even a Snitch Sardine can be a god if enough people pray to it. Likewise, anything can be an adventure! If we believe the vestments hold power, they will naturally come to hold power. That's how it works!

Is it now...

With these, I am truly invincible! Even here in this foreign land, the Cat Deity's power is undeniable! Come, Aldo! Let us spread the word of my magnificence and free this cat from his self-inflicted bondage!

Wait, what?! Wait up, Otoha!

I'm counting on you, o great one!

There are plenty of people here! This will be a fine place to start.

Come around, good people, come around! I am the true Cat Deity, Otoha!

From the far East I descended, clad in divine raiments of glittering silk! I am the Cat Deity made manifest! Fret not. No matter where you are, I am here to assist you, and protect the peace of this world!

Oh hey, what's this? Some kind of street performance?

She says she's a cat god. Maybe she's from a troupe that got a blessing?

Ooh, is it a play? Can we stay and watch?!

It's not a play, dummy! This is called a "comedy act"!

Comedy?! How dare you! I am the tested and true divinity!

Listen well! I am far, far stronger than that sham god in the desert! I see and know all with my divine eyes! Come and worship me, one and all!

I can't see this going over well...

Huh, you say you "see and know all"?

Indeed! There is no truth of this world I do not know of!

I lost my wallet yesterday! Please tell me where it is!

Ha ha ha! Child's play! The wallet has fallen underneath your bedframe at home!

Oh, uh, I have my mattress put right on the floor. I don't have a bedframe.

......

...Then it's inside your bag.

I already turned it inside out! It's not there!

What about your pockets?!

If it was in my pocket, I wouldn't be asking for help!

Ah-HA! You never lost anything at all! This is a trick! A test!

The only thing getting tested here is my patience!!

*huff* *huff*

...Next question!

Huh?!

My divine eyes should not be used on matters of such insignificance! Bring me something bigger!

Mama was saying it's hard to do the wash with the well so dry.

I know! Make it rain, miss Cat Deity! Make it rain so much it fills the well right up to the tippy-top!

R-rain?! In the desert?!

Can't you do it?

She can't do it! What CAN you do?

Grrr... D-don't look down on me! Such a simple thing is not beyond me!

Behold! Mlem mlem...brush brush...

...What are you doing?

Haven't you heard this saying? When a cat washes her face, rain will soon fall!

So, I'm washing my face. Mlem mlem...brush brush...

So, when can we expect the rain?

Heh heh. The rain will come...

...Eventually!!!

So you mean... We just gotta wait until then?

She doesn't really SEEM like a god.

So, you can't actually do it.

This is a waste of time. C'mon, let's go.

...Everyone's left.

I-I'm just not on top of my game today! Everyone has off days! This doesn't mean I've failed!

Problems you can solve with Cat Deity power...is that what you said?

Indeed! You have a problem, I can tell! My divine eye tells me so!

We did get a claim in from a guest that they developed a weird pain after using the sand baths. Could you check that out, maybe?

Leave it to me! I will resolve your troubles with my divine might!

A weird pain, huh... Maybe there were some big rocks mixed in with the sand or something. See anything, Otoha?

......

...Otoha?

...Purrpurr... So snoozy...

Why are you napping?!

Aah! A-ahem... It was just so warm, I couldn't help myself. But I feel no pain, either. Does that mean the matter has already been settled?

Not until we find out the cause, right?

This sand bath truly is wonderful. I hadn't thought anything could measure up to our onsens in the East... But this is a fine bathing culture. It truly feels like heaven... And when you are about to doze, this prickly pain running up your leg does wonders to...wake...

...Hmm?

Gyaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Ow, ow, ow, ow ow ow!!!

W-what is it?! What happened?!

Ow, ow, ow! Pain! Pain happened! My buttocks are stinging like hell!

B-bu...?! L-look, just stay calm!

What is this?! What's going on?! Am I going to die?!

Aha! I see it! There's a scorpion pinching you!

A scorpion?! Noooooo! Get it off, get it off!

Stop wiggling around! Let me get it!

Wow, that was a real ordeal... Thank goodness it was non-venomous.

Sniffle... My butt still hurts...

I see, so there was a scorpion nest. Thank you for finding that. ...That wound looks rather deep. Are you alright?

I-it was nothing... I saw that there was something within the baths with my divine eye. After that it was a mere matter of luring the creature out. So?! Will you praise my power now?!

If you saw something in there, you could have just told me. There was no need to get in... It wasn't exactly dignified, but you did get hurt for my sake, so thank you for your hard work, miss.

Hiss! That's no attitude to take with a divinity! Pah!

...Hey, Aldo. Is my butt swelling up?

Whoa! Don't lift your skirt up!

......

Well, I'll be! You say you can fix problems with these Cat Deity powers?

I certainly can! Anything you need! Come, there must be something. Are you low on customers? Is your food vile? Anything works!

Haha! Wow, you're a rude one. No worries like those, sad to say! In fact, we're doing great business thanks to the Great Desert Cat.

Awww. Well, that's awfully boring.

Can you do fortune-telling? I'm working on a new menu item for the tourists, and I'd like to know if it'll end up being a hit.

Ha ha ha! A simple request! So? What is this new item?

I call it Great Cat's Favorite. An herbal tea you can't get your hands on anywhere else! It's made with local silvervine and catnip, grown by yours truly. It has a bit of a kick to it, but it's a mild one. Even kids can drink it safely.

S-silvervine?! Catnip?! You...you...!

Wait, is that bad?

Bad?! This man is a genius! This tea will become a world- famous delicacy for certain! Quickly, now, shopkeep! I must try it!

No need to rush, there's plenty. Just let it steep a minute... And it's ready. Enjoy!

Aaah...what a divine aroma! It's like it's tickling inside my nose!

I must savor it... N-no, I can't wait any longer! Gulp!

...Aah, wonderful! My taste buds are enveloped in swirls of rich herbal flavors! And yet, it's light and refreshing! Not cloying or heavy at all!

Shopkeep, do you realize what you've done here? You've changed the world! Gulp, gulp! Aah, it's so good!

Hey, you can really put it away! You want some more? I've got plenty!

Nyahaha! Yes, bring it to me! Keep that kettle flame lit!

I thought you were just taste-testing. Aren't you getting carried away?

Don't be such a spoilsport! Leaving offerings of drink to the gods is a fine Eastern tradition! Which is to say, not a single god of the East can't hold their drink! Nyahahaha!

Come, come! Drink up! Enjoy! Nyahaha!

......

Hmmnya... More tea...hee heee...

There she goes... Hey, Otoha. You okay?

Oh, Aldo... You have some too? Catnip... heee...

Okay, I'm cutting you off.

Nooooo!! More... more tea! Tea... catnip tea... hee hee.

You know, you're not acting very divine. Just saying.

Nyaah?! I'ma... catty god! Power...very strong...god! Cat!

You're not making any sense! Come on, let's not make a scene.

Nooo! No no no! Teaaaaaa!

First time I've ever seen anyone get THAT sort of kick out of it... Is she some kind of cat person, or what?

...So, Otoha. Let's review your progress so far.

......

I-I am just simply too divine! The villagers just can't keep up with my high-level godliness!

I respect your optimism, at least...

...Hm?

Oh, you're those comedians, right? Maybe you should pray to the Great Cat for some funnier jokes, huh?

I am not a comedian! I am the true Cat Deity!

Haha. Sure, missy, whatever you say. Anyway, I'm about to go pray. For myself, and for the village too.

For the village? Ah, you mean for rain?

No, no. We've been getting some monster around here no one's seen before. A really weird one.

A monster?! Has it attacked anyone?

Not yet, but we've got tourists coming from all over to visit. Can't be having monsters around. So I'm gonna ask the Great Cat to get rid of them all for us.

Does that mean they want the god to fight the monster for them?

...That would be bad. He said himself he was just a weak bakeneko, didn't he?

Yeah. He's gotten lucky so far, but I wouldn't want to test that against any real monsters.

Hey, I know. Why don't we tell the god your wish? You just wait here!

Oh, really? Thanks! Even aside from the new monster, the desert's pretty dangerous.

Right. So let us handle it!

...Okay. Let's go tell the bakeneko what that guy told us.

Indeed. If it's true, he may be in danger himself, after all. Normally I would not mourn a faker, but mercy is a sign of true divinity!

Yeah. Let's hurry to the desert!

You! Bakeneko! Where are you?!

If you can hear us, show yourself! Preferably fast!

Hmm? Who calleth...

Ah, it's you again! What brings you here? You sure seem agitated...

Listen and listen well! Now is no time to be playacting! There have been monsters sighted around this area!

And the people of Zarbo want you to be the one to drive them away!

Huuh?!{lang-nuance}OtohaAS Desert Cat Deity{/lang-nuance}

D-d-drive away? Monsters? Me?! I can't fight! I'm way too weak!

We know. So you should get out of here and find someplace safe. Until that monster is gone, it's too dangerous to stay here.

Indeed, safety first. You should...

Did you hear that?!

Gyaaaah! Is that the monster?! It's terrifying!

I guess they must be. They seem agitated...

Eeeep!

Hmm. It seems I have no choice.

I shall defeat this monster with my own two hands!

You want to fight those?! Don't be ridiculous, Great One! Let's get out of here together!

Nyahaha, fear not! You know who I am, do you not?!

But they look so strong and scary...

With focus, the fiercest blaze loses its heat! I shall weather their rage like a willow weathers the storm! I am Otoha, and I know no fear!

I see...it's just like the meditation you told me about before.

And above all else... They have threatened harm to a cat. As the Cat Deity, bound to protect all felines, I will not allow it!

Oh, great one!

...Yeah. Right with you. I'm not going anywhere.

Wonderful! Now then... I may have made a slip-up or two in Zarbo, but now I'll give them something to feast their eyes upon!

Bow down before my divine blade! Mroooow!

Wow, you actually defeated them!

Are you alright? You weren't hit by accident?

N-no, Great One!

Very good!

I'm really impressed. That thing didn't even make you flinch for a second.

Phew...with a clear mind and spirit, my true power is brought to bear.

No matter how strong you are, it's not useful if you lose the mental battle, after all. Even without any godly power, the work you've put in is the real deal, it looks like.

Nyahaha! Finally, you understand! That is unusually perceptive of you! Yes: training will never betray you! Come now, more praise! More worship!

...Wait, what do you mean, "without any godly power"?! You take that back!

Haha! Well, the desert is safe again.

I see you changing the subject... But this should be more than enough for the villagers to see my true power and majesty!

It should be...hm? Wait a minute.

What, is something wrong?

No, just... Think about it.

The way things played out, won't the villagers assume the "Great Cat" wiped out the monster?

B-but...

Doesn't that mean they'll ask me to fight even more monsters?! No way, no way! I don't wanna!

I see. I was here to help this time, so matters worked out, but... It would be difficult to fight such monsters as such a small cat...

Wait a moment. A small cat...

Has something come to mind?

Yes! And it is a fine idea indeed, if I do say so myself! Simply come to Zarbo in this form!

...In this form?!

You want to show them what he really is?

Nyohoho. I am on a roll today! What a brilliant plan! I truly am divine!

Oh, hey there! Did you make that wish to the Great Cat for me?

About the monster? Well, the monster is gone, but...

Really? That's great news! I'll have to leave an offering for the Great Cat later.

Well, you see...

I am afraid... That will not be happening.

Why, was there a problem?

Wasn't the monster defeated?

Just listen, and do not panic. The monster was fearsome, with crushing hooves and fierce tusks. It was a match even for a god. The Great Cat fought well, but he faltered under its rage...

However! The Great Cat remained true. He bestowed such godly power upon me... That in a single swing of my blade, the monster was cleaved in twain! The desert is once again at peace!

Wow!

But what about the Great Cat? What happened to him?

Well...here he is.

His power is all but gone now. He is little more than an ordinary cat.

He cannot even speak anymore... Right?

...N-nyaaa! Mewww!

(I see! If he's just a regular cat, he doesn't need to pretend to be the Great Cat anymore!)

His power will take time to return. Hundreds...or perhaps thousands of years must pass.

What?! You mean we have to get on without a Great Cat at all now?!

What should we do?! How can we live without the Great Cat?!

......

Nyahaha! Fear not, good people! Even with the Great Cat gone, hope remains for Zarbo! In the form of Otoha: the TRUE Cat Deity!

Huh?

From now on, I, Otoha, will protect you as your beloved Cat Deity! Come now, praise me! Don't be shy!

Oh, um...

E-Erm...

Y-you know, I've always heard it said that the gods help those who help themselves.

You're right! We'll have to learn to manage on our own. It may be hard, but we have each other!

We'll find ways to call in visitors with our own talents and ideas!

You can count on me! What better way to shake off that travel dust than with a good meal and some strong drink?

Come on, everyone! I hereby call the first meeting of the Zarbo Revitalization Project to order!

.........

Um...well... I guess they had the same thought you did? Relying on the power of the gods makes you weak?

But there's a wondrous god right here! A little bit of relying won't kill them! Come on! Do they really not recognize divine greatness staring them right in the face?!

W-well, at least you saved the village. Nobody can take that away from you. ...Yeah.

He's right! You beat that monster for me, and saved my tail from a lifetime of fighting baddies! I really can't thank you enough!

W-well...I suppose it makes sense for a Cat Deity to be worshipped by a cat, if nothing else.

But this isn't what I had in mind! Grr... I'm not giving up! You just wait!!