Bet on Fun

That'll be it for me today, folks...

Hm? Wasn't that Kuchinawa?

I got a bad feeling about this, I should go see what he's up to.

...Now, gather 'round folks! Cause today yer in luck!

Yer not gonna wanna miss Kuchinawa's famous Nawa-thon day sale!

Nawa-thon day sale? What's that?

Looks like this here fella's about to show us some stuff he's got fer sale.

Don't blink now, cause you may not ever see somethin' like this ever again!

...The plate spinner 2000!

It...spins plates?

Just put a plate on the spinner and... Wouldja look at that!

The plate starts to spin! Need a slower spin to set the mood for a romantic dinner? Fret not, folks... The plate spinner 2000 comes with five different speed settings to fit any situation!

It'll spin paper plates and porcelain plates. If yer serving fine dining or dining that's just kinda fine, the PS2000 has got ya covered!

Every home should have a Plate Spinner 2000! The only plate spinner that is fully automatic!

A Ku-Mart exclusive product you won't find anywhere else! Whaddaya say, folks?

So...it spins plates? ...Why?

Wonderful question, young lady! ...Why not?

Aren't ya tired of makin' the same old meals and puttin' 'em on the same ol' table day after day?

Kids just love the PS2000! They love watchin' them plates go 'round and 'round. It's a real hoot, I tell ya.

And if they're havin' a hoot, well you better believe that'll work up an appetite!

And hey, wouldn't you like to see the meal you slaved over for hours spin around like it's some kinda show-room prize?

I suppose you make a good point... Hmm....

Well you convinced me, anyway! I'll take one!

Really?!

I've been looking for just the thing to spice up my life, you know?

And this is just the thing! This plate spinner is going to turn things around, I just know it!

Then I guess I'll take one, too!

If everyone else wants one...well I guess... Okay! One for me too, please!

Happy to be of service, ma'am!

Come back again, all right?

Hey there.

Ack! Er. I mean, well if it ain't my favorite customer. What brings ya to this neck of the woods, friend?

What a coincidence, right? I was just watching your little show there and I couldn't help but wonder...

That plate spinner thing...all the stuff you sell, come to think of it, it's all garbage, huh?

Garbage?! I'd probably be offended if I wasn't so flabbergasted!

You saw the looks on their faces! Everyone's a happy customer.

I get that, but I can't shake the feeling they're only happy because you tricked them into believing they bought something good.

And the slander never stops, huh. Yer bringin' me down, friend.

I suppose rumors like that just come with the territory, though. The peddler walks a lonely road, ya know.

I dunno, the other traveling salesmen I've met don't have this problem at all?

Of course they do, they just don't tell ya about it.

Anyways, I gotta go. There's one more spot I gotta hit today. Hope to see ya there.

Yeah, about that.

I'm coming with you.

Well then, welcome aboard, partner! I'm headed over to Acteul next.

Ya know what they say, more the merrier! Now let's get goin'.

All right friend, just for you, here's the top deal of the day.

It's the Light-up Feather Flinger! Dunno about you, but I'm always talking about how there just ain't enough feathers in my house. I keep tellin' myself I'll take the ones I got out of storage and fling em around someday, but who's got the time for that?

A...feather flinger? Are you serious?

So that's your "deal of the day", huh?

And you're sayin' if I buy this Feather Flinger thing, all my troubles are just gonna fade away?

Hey, how'd ya know I was gonna say that! It's a Kuchinawa guarantee, friend.

Yer life's gonna change. And that's a fact, Jack.

Turns yer grey skies into par-tay times. You'll be laughin' the days away and it'll all be possible because of this here beaut.

(Here he goes again...)

Huh... I think I understand...

Glad we see eye to eye, friend! Now, I take all forms of payment, including...

...I understand that you only sell cheap crap! You're a trickster! A fraud!

And frauds belong at the bottom of the man-eating-marsh! Yer comin' with me!

Ummmmmmmm?!

Kuchinawa?!

...Hope he realizes he brought this on himself! But I can't just let that guy drown him, either!

Where could they have gone...

C'moooooon, friend!

Could use a little help over heeere!

There they are!

DON'T you come any closer. You friends with this shyster?

Friends? Are we? Mmm....

Sure, we're friends.

Did ya have to think about it first?! Yer killin' me over here!

Well maybe if you weren't so shady I wouldn't have to think about it! Ever think about THAT?

Well, I hope you know yer "friend" here is a con man, a snake oil salesman of the highest order!

I...do know...sorry...

...You do?

That's defamation of character, ya know!

Not if it's true! Listen, I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I get the feeling he's mad at you for something you sold him.

So I think the right thing to do here is apologize.

That's the thing! I didn't do nothin' wrong. I sell fantasy, dreams, hopes of a better future. Ya saw the stars in my customer's eyes, right? And YOU yerself were seein' stars when I sold ya that, uh, what I sold ya!

I suppose you're right about that.

Tch... It was a nice feelin', sure.

So maybe I sold ya a chunk of iron I found in a river, but that could be said for anything you buy! It's the salesman that gives that chunk of iron meaning!

Look at this, for instance. Ever wanted to not just see yer dreams, but collect 'em too? Then the Dream Diver's the product for you!

Ya ever wanted to see someone else's dreams? Don't tell me ya haven't cause I know ya have!

Alls ya gotta do is take this needle part here, and the Dream Diver detects dream waves via a patented process...

That's...amazing...

The Dream Diver can take ya places YOU could never even dream of! How's that sound?

Yer itchin' to give it a try I bet! Am I right?

...Y-Yeah...I am...

Snap out of it! He's trying to trick you again!

Huh?!

Now why'd ya have to go and say that, friend?

You're not gonna trick me this time, you... you snake!

A monster?!

Ya hate to see it, huh? Gettin' all mad about such a wonderful product.

Hello? There's a monster? I'll join, but only to help calm him down!

Good luck with that, I'm gonna sit this one out. I'm a peddler, not a fighter, ya know?

I don't think he cares! And besides, you're the bad guy in this situation!

Okay now let's just calm down and talk...

Ohhh NoooOOooo! Somebody heeeeelp meeee!

What is wrong with you, man! You look like you're enjoying this?

What can I say? I live for the spice of life. The hooten and the nanny. Ya get me?

WOOOO!

Yeah, it does actually sound like he's enjoying this...

This sucks. Are all you humans this weird?

...Mm?

...HEY! Your face! You....

To think I got tricked by the likes of you! Makes me even more angry! Grrr... I think we're gonna need another round!

Now wait just a second here. C'mon. He's learned his lesson.

He's sorry, okay! And I'll make sure he steers clear of you from now on, okay?

Just let him go, will ya?

Heeeeeeyyyy!

Shut up or you'll bite your tongue. We're heading back to Acteul!

Whew...Hopefully this is far...enough...

Hoo boy! Quite the run, eh? Was worried we weren't gonna make it for a second there!

I did all the running! And what is with you, man? You coulda died back there, and you're smiling? There was nothing wrong with what that monster was saying, you know. Do you not understand that?

Hey, friend! Don't look at me like I'm some kind of criminal or somethin'!

I'm very upfront about my business. I sell fun. That's it.

And that's all I care about, to be frank. To me, a near-death experience is just another type of fun, ya get me?

I do not get you in the slightest.

Ya don't? Well you're missin' out.

Missing out? I don't think so.

That aside, there was something he said towards the end there, it was weird...

...Yeah it was "the likes of you".... He said it as if he didn't know who you were this whole time. Weird, huh?

Well, I'm no stranger to that kind of talk. Didn't surprise me one bit.

I'm guessin' he's probably from the same "part of town" that I'm from, and when he figured that out, he couldn't hold it in.

What do you mean? What part of town?

Heh... Maybe I forgot to mention?

I'm Kuchinawa the snake, and I hail from deep in the Darkrealm.