Unforgivable Grief

Here. This is one of the coordinate sets. With Karin missing, I can't be sure of the exact location...but I have it down to a shortlist.

If something happened here similar to what happened in the last time layer I was in, then surely...

...It seems that's not the case.

Mm.

Does that make me feel relieved? Or uneasy?

At the least, it seems that the me from this layer didn't simply succumb to the corruption.

That could mean that an even crueler fate awaited her, though.

At least I didn't have to stumble upon my own desiccated corpse this time around. Now, I think we're done he...

H-hey! You there!

Human, eh? That's rare in these parts. What are you doing here, anyway? If you hang around too long, the sickness'll getcha.

No need to worry about that. I'm used to it.

Eh?

Never mind. Thank you for the warning. I was just about to leave, so I'm sorry for worrying you unduly.

Well, that's fine, then...

Daddy! Daddy!!

Hm?

It's a lady! A scary human lady! I was scouting around over there, and I saw her, plain as day!

Mm.

I didn't see her face, but she looked real unsteady, and kind of out of it. Like she was half dead...

And so I got really scared, and I ran away.

Maybe we should get away from here?

You and your wild fantasies, boy. There's no way there would be two humans just wandering around here.

Two?

Oh wow! You're human too, huh, miss! Why are you here?

...Just looking around.

If you really did see someone, that'll be a pain. The sickness is strong here and only gets worse... Further in. Can't have her dying on us...

I'll go have a look.

Hey, weren't you listening?! The sickness is way too strong in there to risk it!

Sir, I ask for your understanding. What I'm searching for...could be in there.

Well, if you insist... But be careful, you hear? You humans aren't as tough as we are. Try to avoid any deep pockets of sickness.

Thank you, but your concern is unnecessary.

I'm more familiar with places like this than you might surmise.

Eh?

Now, I should be going.

Familiar? The only livable place near the sick lands is Angal, I thought...

I've never seen a lady like that before. She sure was weird.

I see. He was right, the corruption is strong around here.

When I first became undying, I cursed that I could still feel pain, that I could still suffer, but...

Now, when the exhaustion of this long life catches up to me... The gnawing pain of the corruption is something I just can't do without.

The ache pours into the bottomless emptiness inside me... And for the barest moment, the edges of this endless cycle are dulled. Strange, that the sensation of my lungs burning inside my chest would fill me with nostalgia...

Ah...

Well, well.

It seems I'm just in time.

Who are you?

Oh, you can still speak. Not a ghost or spirit, then. And not what I'm looking for, either. Even so, I would rather not see you suffer needlessly. Step back, if you please.

Will you allow me to put you out of your misery? Don't think badly of me, I pray.

There. You're safe now.

You...wha...

You ought to leave this place as soon as you're able.

Why...

Why did you save me?

What?

I thought...I thought I could end it all here. Better than living the rest of my days all alone...

You've lost someone, then. Someone dear to you.

...My best friend. She was dearer to me than anyone in the whole world.

Ever since she left me, I've been so lonely. I spent days just crying, all alone.

......

And when I ran out of tears, I thought...well, what's the point in carrying on anymore?

...I see.

Will you say the same thing everyone else did?

What was that?

I said I wanted to go to her, to be with her again. And everyone always said the same thing...

"Don't throw your life away." "You should treasure yourself more."

But I don't treasure myself at all. Not compared to how much I treasured her.

You...wha...

I wouldn't say anything like that.

Or, more accurately... I just can't understand it.

Huh...?

I can't know how deeply your sadness cuts you. Just as you could never understand mine, you see?

If you say your solitude gives you more pain than living gives you joy, I certainly can't say any different.

No one has the right to tell you otherwise. They never have.

...... You're the first person who's ever said something like that to me.

I imagine so. Most people consider life to be more important than anything, after all.

And you don't?

I...well, I wonder.

But I can't say I don't understand what those around you say, either.

The loss and pain you feel now will, though perhaps in a different form, be visited upon those who lose you.

......

I won't tell you to consider their feelings over your own. But think of it in a different way... There could be someone whose life you illuminate already, simply by being yourself.

Illuminate...

...The final choice is yours, as it always has been.

I... I, I...

Sob... Urk...!

She's inhaled more of the corruption than she should have.

Foolish girl. I can hardly just abandon you when you haven't made up your mind, either.

Mmh... Wh-where...?

Hey! She's awake!

That was a close one, missy! Any later and you wouldn't've woken up at all!

I-I'm so sorry! Thank you so much for saving me. I promise I'll never forget my debt to you. Um...did you see anyone else?

If you mean that human lass, she left once she saw you were doing better. Wasn't more than a moment ago.

Hey! Where are you going?!

There you are!

You're in no condition to be up and running around like that.

But you just left, without saying anything at all, so...

I did leave a message for you.

That I hadn't heard your answer yet. If saving you was an imposition, then feel free to go right back there. The man and his son seemed taken aback when I said that, though.

...It wasn't an imposition.

I was so fixated on my friend that I never thought about anyone else.

......

And...when I was choking on that bad air and it all started to go black, that's when I finally realized.

I don't want to forget her yet. I don't want these beautiful memories of her to fade along with my life.

So that's your wish, then.

If you hadn't been there, I never would have realized it. Even if I had realized... I would have died unable to do anything about it, if you hadn't been there to save me.

So, thank you. So much.

No need. I didn't do it for you.

Um, if I may ask...

Hm?

Did you...have someone like that, too? Someone whose death you just couldn't accept, someone that dear to you?

...I did. Once, a long time ago. But I broke the promise we made.

Promise?

I wouldn't know what to say to her, if I ever saw her again. But I have no right to even wish for that. I'm not worthy even to suffer the ache of the emptiness she left behind.

You poor thing...

...I've said too much. You should go back inside and rest.

I hope that you can come to see your sadness as something precious to you, in time. Someday.