A High School Girl Stroll in Chaldea

Here, Senpai, I brought you some tea.

I think this pot turned out better than the one I made yesterday... How is it?

？！

I'm glad to hear that. Okay, I'll pour myself a cup too

...?

OMG! I, like, can't even! You're MY Master, Master, so you've gotta, like, do something!

Suzuka, what's wrong? Here, have some tea first.

Tea? OMG you're like, so considerate! I'm so touched knowing Mash can really look after people.

This Jasmine tea is delish! BTW, this tea actually goes really well with Japanese sweets...

...AND THAT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE! The tea is, like, so good though...

Then...why are you here?

Why? Do you even have to ask!? Isn't it freakin' obvious? I am literally...

...bored AF!!!

...Huh?

I have got, like, nothing but time here. I mean, I'm a high school girl!

We should like...not ever have entire days in our planners empty!

I-I see... A teenage girl, huh...

We can't fall even one day behind! We gotta, like, keep up with the trends and stuff or we'll end up looking like total losers!

It's how us high school girls gotta live! It's, like, an actual war!

Now that I'm all, like, materialized, I'm not wasting another second hanging around this boring dump! YFM?

R-right...

Hm? Hold up... (Staaare)

...You said your name's Mash, right? How old are you again?

Me? Well, it's sort of complicated in my case...

Really!? Aren't you, like, at LEAST high school age!? Such a waste... Oh wait, maybe this is actually, like, perfect?

'Cuz, like, you'd be perfect for what high school girls do. You know, like cliques and stuff!

All right Mash, you come with me. Oh, I guess you can come too, Master.

Huh? Where are we going?

Dunno. We don't, like, have to have a destination, do we?

We can figure that out later. I just wanna get outta here and chat a little and stuff.

It'd rock if there was someplace we could chill, like a mall, but since there isn't, we'll just have to settle for walking around this Chaldea place.

I mean, you could even, like, show me around if you wanna. I don't know this place at all.

Well, I don't mind giving you a tour, but, it doesn't have to be right NOW, does it...?

Senpai and I were just enjoying a nice, relaxing teatime while we

C'mon, let's GO already! We're burning daylight or whatever! (Tug, tug)

Well...umm...I guess I can't refuse...

Haha! It's not every day you get to go on a walk with two cute high schoolers hanging all over you. Isn't Fujimaru like the luckiest guy out there?

I... I'm a staff member of Chaldea, not a student...

Um, Suzuka, please don't take this the wrong way, but you're not really in high school, right...?

Hey, don't get hung up on the details, Mash.

It's like they say, you're only as old as you feel, right? And I am for sure a teenager at heart!

Now shut up about all that age crap and show me around! Oooh, where's the nearest crêpe stand? Real high school girl walks totes need munchies!

I'm afraid we don't have any food stands here... But there is a tearoom up ahead.

See the sign that says "Moonlight"? It used to be an empty storeroom until Dr. Roman fixed it up.

I'm told it has AV equipment, soundproofed walls, and even a karaoke machine.

Karaoke! Oh that is just, like, a perfect place to stop for our walk!

Besides, you've gotta have mad karaoke skills when you go out to mixers and stuff!

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty good when it comes to music. So good I drew out Takamaru when he was hiding in a cave.

Oh but to set the record straight, karaoke isn't about who's the best singer.

The most important part about karaoke is having fun and making sure everyone can enjoy it.

Oh this will totes help me max out my high school girl game! C'mon, what're we still doing here!?

Okay, let's go pay it a visit. But I don't know much about singing, so I'll probably just stick to listening.

...

(Speaking of which, I remember asking about this karaoke machine...)

(...Da Vinci was deadly serious when she said it would be better if I don't go near it for a while... I wonder why?)

Here we are.

...? I think I hear something inside... Maybe someone's already using it?

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Oh? Is another high school girl in there? C'mon Mash, Fujimaru, let's go meet them!

I am the♪...per... p-p-p-per!

Perfectest emperOR♪ (Bleat)

Bloody, bloody, nice and bloody♪

Hyper Idol ShowTIME♪ (Squawk)

...!

Th-the hell...!

？！

Senpai!? Hang in there, Senpai! Please, get a hold of yourself!

Heh, your lovely singing voice gave my goosebumps goosebumps, Lancer! I am reminded once again why you are my rival!

I'm impressed by your devilish singing too, Saber. I never would've guessed you had an auditory train wreck like that up your sleeve, given your adorable looks.

That was good. Great, even! So awful it was perfect! And you were so off-key you were like a locked door.

As in the door to success!? Please, stop! You'll make me blush!

And I love your Tyrant Burning Shout! It'd be the perfect...for a top idol like me!

It's...Nero and Elisabeth. They seem to be smiling and glaring at each other simultaneously...

Wha... What WAS that singing? That was, like, the ACTUAL WORST! My brain is trying to shut off my sense of hearing...

Hm? And just WHAT do you mean by that?

You there, Fox Ears! Just because you are a devoted fan lured by the siren song of my beautiful music does not give you the right to simply listen for free!

Yeah! Where do you get off sighing during our recital!? Beat it, before we start charging admission!

Yikes... Admission? For karaoke? That is, like, so not funny.

I'm afraid it's no joke, Suzuka. Hard as it must be to believe, they are both completely serious.

As far as they're both concerned, singing gives their lives purpose. They would never joke about it.

Oh... Okay... So that's these chicks' deal, huh...

...Chill... I must stay chill... Their songs might've almost knocked me out cold but karaoke isn't about who's the best singer!

...Not just me, but EVERYONE has to enjoy karaoke... Yeah...we should be having fun. All right!

Ahem... What you two think about your singing is like totally not my business, and it's not my place to critique it or anything, y'know?

Some people might call your singing...unique. But as long as you two are having fun, who cares?

Anyway, if you're done... I think it's our turn to use this room.

I'm a high school girl, so I gotta do some serious karaoke training. My social life DEPENDS on it. Now get outta the way!

Huh? Do not be ridiculous, Fox Ears.

My performance has only just begun. How can you expect me to step off the stage after only twenty hours?

And I still have over a hundred songs to get through! Even if most of them are just remixes.

There's my Halloween standard arrangement, my Halloween demon realm arrangement, my Halloween Goderi arrangement, my Halloween sound arrange

...I see. So you're saying you aren't going anywhere, aren't you?

Um, Suzuka? What if you sang with them?

Of course, Master and I just remembered something urgent we have to attend to, so we definitely won't be joining you.

Uh, what? Are you nuts? I'm not singing with them! I'm trying to improve my skills, not make them worse!

Besides, I don't wanna sing with just ANYONE! You're the only other high schooler here besides me, Mash!

There is, like, not enough money in the world for me to sing with Little Red Tone-Deaf Hood and her creepy idol wannabe sidekick.

Um, as I said before, I may technically be a teenage girl, but

What was that!? You dare refer to a great emperor like myself as "Little Red Tone-Deaf Hood"!? I have a most beautiful singing voice!

Creepy idol wannabe...sidekick!?

Heh, hehe, hehehe. Now I get it, Saber.

This girl must be...jealous of our immense talent!

Aha, so that is it! She must be a contrariana "hater" who despises things that are popular.

This only serves as proof that my singing is spreading beyond its intended audience!

Still... Umu, it is sad that we cannot see eye to eye, even after becoming Servants...

...but that does not mean I shall be relinquishing this mic anytime soon. All that matters is that I am enjoying myself!

You there, Fox Ears... Hm? Fox Ears...? For some reason, that appellation fills me with dread, but no matter.

If you wish to claim this mic as your own, you shall have to pry it out of my hands!

True. In the idol world, everything comes down to power and violence eventually.

And since I am the top idol, if you're going to try and steal my mic, you'd better be ready for a world of hurt!

Ha! What are you two talking about? I don't even... Whatevs, if you're hoping for a fight then I'm totes down!

Oh no. These incredibly powerful Servants are about to fight for an incredibly insignificant reason...!

Khh... I suppose my performance must have taken a greater toll on me than I realized... (Thud)

Aw man, if only I hadn't put in those two hours of high touch practice before singing... (Thud)

Hehe... Teenagers are totes the best at being greedy!

Now let's get this karaoke party starHuh?

It seems our battle ended up destroying the machine...

Y-yeah, that sucks. I wish I could've shown you guys what real singing sounds like.

？！

(Sigh)... Oh well, guess there's nothing we can do now that it's broken.

But hey, it's not like there aren't a bunch of other things we've still gotta do!

C'mon, Mash and Master, let's blow this popsicle stand and find somewhere else to go!

Hold on, let me just finish submitting the damage report and repair request... Okay, done. Although, now that I think about it, we may be better off if the machine is never repaired...

(Standing up) What? The machine is broken? In that case...

...we shall now test our singing might free of the confines of musical accompaniment! Lancer, I challenge you to an a cappella contest! La la laaa!

(Standing up) Challenge accepted! A true idol has no problem keeping her fans enthralled with the power of her voice alone! Laaa!

...UGH, whatevs. Just get me away from this freak show...

Hey, Master? Mash? I've said this before, so I'm pretty sure you know what the deal is, but...

Yes?

I wanna be the cutest girl ever. That way I'll be gucci when I finally meet "the one."

Like...I've got no idea if any other versions of me already met "the one" somewhere, or if I'm gonna meet him myself one day...

...but I am totes certain he's out there.

He's, like, gotta be perfect. Someone I can devote all my love and stuff to. And be a killer hot bae.

Sooo, if there's any chance I might meet him, I can't just slack off on being awesomely cute, can I?

I, uh, I see. So that's why you want to, uh...polish your skills.

Yup! So karaoke is pretty much off the list now...but I can totes hone other skills on our walk!

...Besides, the way I see it, a top-tier high school girl's gotta know how to play the game, which means she's gotta be used to hanging out with guys.

If my future boyfriend gets away 'cause I end up freezing at a crucial moment, that'd just be the worst, right?

Um, no. Obviously.

I mean, you HAVE heard about the whole, like, missed connection thing, right? You get ONE shot to say the right thing, and if you blow it, it's all over!

So I can't just sit in my tower waiting for Prince Charming or whatever! I gotta go on the ATTACK!

？！

So! My next goal on this walk is to find a certified hottie and chat him up♪

A, uh, certified hottie, huh... Well, there are a good number of other Servants here.

...While we're on the subject, what sort of things are you looking for in a romantic partner, Suzuka?

Ooh, you wanna talk about boys?

Hehehe, I KNEW we were totes on the same page, Mash!

N-no, I don't think so. I was just asking purely out of curiosity. I'm not

Right, yeah, anyways... Hmm, I don't really have a clear picture, you know? I mean, if I did, that'd sure make finding "the one" way easier.

So I guess I'll know what I'm looking for when I see it.

...I see. So you can't say anything for sure until you've actually met him...

Does that mean you can't tell if it's fate or not until it's actually happening?

Oh, yeah, totally! That's it exactly! Don't overthink it and all, right?

If you wanna talk, talk. If not, don't. You just gotta figure it out as you go.

Now come on! I wanna see what sorta guys this place has!

Hello Master, Mash. Are you out for a walk? ...May I ask who your new friend is?

Hmm...nah. He might be handsome, but he looks like he's got hella bad romantic luck. Plus, for some reason I feel like a boar would kick his ass.

...!

Oho, is the mongrel out for a walk? You must be starved for stimulation. Very well. I am in fine spirits today, so I shall grant you an audience.

Just this once, I will permit you to regale me with the tales of your many comedic failures. Be certain to make them entertaining.

Hmm...nah. It's cool to be an influencer, but he's way too stuck-up for me. I think I'd prefer the kid we saw earlier who looks kinda like him.

...!

Hmm? What's going on? Huh? Huh?

...Nah, not really my type. Plus, nobody likes a guy who's cuter than her. Nobody!

...!

What. The. Hell!? There are tons of good-looking guys here, so how come all I can do is swipe left? There's just something wrong with all of them!

Forget finding a boyfriend! There's not even someone worth practicing my flirting on here!

I feel oddly bad about that...

？！

Hmm... You might be onto something there. Maybe I should try older guys. Silver foxes are totes a thing.

Ah. Speaking of which...

Hm? If it isn't Mash and Master. I'm glad to see you both in good health.

And...I don't believe we've met?

'Sup. I'm Suzuka, a Saber. I'm outie five thousand. Peace.

Oho, a Saber, you say? What a coincidence! The name's Fergus and I'm a Saber myself.

Hmm... (Staaare)

...?

I must say, Lady Suzuka... You are one fine woman.

Eh? A-ahaha, for real? Aw, that's so sweet.

I guess that super jacked look can work.

Haha, I see, I see. In that case, Lady Suzuka...maybe we should have ourselves a little "sparring" session?

You seem like you have energy to spare. I would love to have you as my partner.

Oh... You mean that thing swordsmen like to get up to? Hmm... Yeah, why not? I was getting kinda tired of just strolling around.

Senpai. Senpai!

Is it just me, or are the two of them speaking English and still somehow managing to not be speaking the same language?

Then you accept? Wonderful.

So where do you wanna do this thing? I passed a training room earlier if you wanna go at it there.

Oho, the training room, you say? I was thinking either your room or mine...but I see you prefer someplace a little...roomier! Very well, I gladly accept.

Ahh, I can't wait to get started. Despite your flippant demeanor, I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that you were ripe for the plucking.

Between your full, perky breasts, your shapely bottom, and those childbearing hips, I can tell I will truly enjoy some vigorous lovemaking with you! Wahaha!

Huh!? W-wait. When you said "partner," you meant... Wh-what are you, stupid or something!? What the ACTUAL HELL, creeper!?

...I knew it.

Forget it! I take back literally everything I said before!

Now, now, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Come on. Come on. (Approaching determinedly)

Wh-why you... Dammit, I knew this place was a freak show! Left swipe. Left swipe! LEFT SWIIIIIIIIPE!

Ugh, that sucked ass.

I'm so sorry. Usually, he's a paragon of Sabers, and highly dependable, but he can get...carried away...

You don't need to apologize! It's that old freak with the drill who's way out of line!

And where the hell's he get off calling me "ripe"!? Can't he talk about how I'm a cute teenage girl in the prime of my fricking youth!?

...It's un-freakin'-believable!

N-now, now, at least it's all over. There's a break room right over there. How about we rest a bit?

...Hehehehe. I've lost count of how many drinks this is. But who cares? Bottoms up!

Yeah! Wine shared with you is always special wine, Shuten!

And the snacks we stole off of the green Archer are sooo deliciously sweet! Mmm...

Now, what were we talking about again? Oh, right. So I gave those humans an earful.

I said ... from the bottom of my heart...so you all must be ...! So there!

My, my, you must have scared them out of their minds, Ibaraki. Your transformations surprise even me sometimes.

Fufu... What could be scarier than a sudden, unexpected, and dramatic transformation...? I don't know WHAT I'd do if I ran into a big oni with a completely blank face...

...Right!? Kind of a masterstroke from me, don't you think? I wish you could've seen the looks on their faces! Ehehehehe...

？！

The two oni? They do seem to be thoroughly intoxicated.

Tch, it's the oni! And I was already in a bad mood... What gives...!

...Mash. Do they do this kinda crap often?

Yes, I'd say so. I've seen them like this several times before.

Dammit, this is exactly why

Ugh, they're annoying and I just can't with this freakin' stench! Hey! Oni!

Hm? Do I know you...?

Do you, like, not know what a total pain you are being with all this drinking!? Get outta here!

This is TOTALLY why people always say oni suck, or that they're clueless, or that they just like to attack when you're minding your own business...

I mean, okay, so, like, that might've led to a couple romantic encounters or something, but that really doesn't matter anymore!

Just...shape the hell up and quit making trouble for me already, oni!

So you say we suck? That we are clueless? Big words from a little fox! ...Wait... You're not actually a fox, are you...?

Well, well... If it isn't that Demon King's princess. I'm deliiighted to meet you.

Hm? You know her, Shuten?

It's Suzuka Gozen, daughter of the Demon King of the Fourth Heaven.

She lived in Japan long before I set foot in Ooe, so I haven't had the pleasure, but I've heard aaall about her.

...Care to join us for a drink? Oni have sooo much in common with the daughters of Demon Kings. We should get along reeeally well. What do you say?

Tch... So you know who I am. Then I have A LOT more to say to you now.

Your lazy asses are why I got sent to Japan in the first place. You caused me no end of trouble.

Japan is just a few tiny islands. You could have turned it into a demon kingdom in a week if you actually cared! But nooo! You failed to do so.

Easy to believe all you did was get drunk even then! I suspect you only bothered attacking humans when you were bored and felt like it!

An oni who doesn't know her place is bad, but a lazy oni is just infuriating.

You've got some nerve showing your lazy side to me. If you cannot be of service, then go take your useless hide somewhere and disappe

U-um...Suzuka?

What?

Oh my, Suzuka. Listen to yooou! It sounds like the reeeal you is starting to show!

I guess seeing an oni must have jolted you back to your true self, hmmm?

...! I-I was... That was just, like, an accident, 'kay?

I just, like, could NOT be bothered to say how much you guys suckthough you still totes suck!

Ugh, I am, like, embarrassed AF. Wait, I mean...no I'm not! Being a teenager is totes the best! We're cute, and awesome... We're just the best! Totes!

S-Suzuka? You seem a little flustered. You're also blushing bright red.

I slipped... I can't believe I slipped...! Being around those things forced my old self out...

...That side of me is old news; this is the real me now... But since I haven't been manifested here for long, I'm still weak and immature... Even though...

I decided that this time, I was gonna find true love...and stick with it...to the end... (Mumble)

Sh-she's just facing the wall and mumbling to herself!

？！

...Um, Senpai, I think her speech pattern may have...rubbed off on you a bit?

...Hra! There, I'm back! And I am a thousand percent better!

Which is good, 'cause I'm, like, gonna need all the energy I can get for this next part.

N-next part? I'm glad to hear you're feeling better now, but...what comes next...?

Oh come on, even you can totally figure that out, right?

...Put the fear of god into these punk-ass oni for sending me on a cruddy trip down memory lane!

Mwahahaha. Did you hear that, Shuten? I think the little demon princess is angry at us.

Oh, how annoying. I don't see why she doesn't just join us for a drink.

Uh-oh... I think we're about to get drawn into another battle. Be careful, Senpai!

Tch... I guess they're too tough for us. C'mon, Shuten. Let's go somewhere else.

Hmm, maybe I had a little too much to drink...? A little hair of the dog should help...

(Sigh)...

...Just so you guys know, Master, they were basically right about me.

I'm the daughter of the Demon King of the Fourth Heaven. I'm just another Servant, just another Saber.

But...that doesn't change the fact that I'm a high school girl at heart. That's just who I am now. Capisce?

It's not about a choice! It's about being true to myself above all!

Actually I'm curious about that too. If you don't mind, would you please tell us why?

Aha, so you DO get it, Master.

Still, I'm curious why you chose this of all things to begin with.

？！

(Sigh)... Look, a lot of real crazy stuff went down while I was alive.

Then, after I became a Heroic Spirit, I found out what modern high school girls are like, right?

They're, like, the embodiment of popularity, beauty, and cuteness. It's just, like, super fab.

Plus, they enjoy life to the fullest! So I thought, this is it. This is what I've been looking for.

...Totally makes sense, right?

So my wish is to find the best boyfriend ever, have the best romance ever, and get the whole happily ever after thing, 'kay?

So, to do that, I decided to be the best teenage high school girl ever.

Aha... Now I understand, Suzuka.

You just really, really...

...REALLY want to find romance.

...Pretty much.

...Hehe.

Hey, don't you know it's, like, rude to laugh in people's faces!? C'mon, let's go to this damn break room of yours.

Sure. I'll show you where it is.

Well, well, now look who's all high and mighty... I think it's, like, truth or dare o'clock.

So, as a fellow teenage girl, you're gonna tell me the truth about your experiences with boys when we get to the break room! C'mon let's go.

Huh? Huh!? I...I never agreed to that...!

Aha, don't bother running! You're not going anywhere! Just, like, resign yourself to your fate!