The Three Djinns' Report

Tell me, has this thought ever crossed your mind?

If there was only one language on this planet, and every person spoke it...

...how much more glorious would everyone's daily life be?

Oh-ho? Another one of Her Majesty's riddles?

So what do I get if I solve it? Are you going to treat me to some of your secret rose-scented baklava?

Nothing. I'm just making idle talk about this all too fleeting world we live in.

And since you ruled for so many years, King David, I'm curious what your vast wealth of experience has to say on this matter.

Whoa, whoa, give me a break. I'm just some shepherd right now, remember!?

Is this your way of getting back at me for always lavishing you with queenly praise?

Well, that aside... It is a good question.

The merits of a lingua franca, or homophonoi, versus multilingualism, or alloglossoi, huh.

Way back before our time, when Noah made his ark, there was definitely just one language in the world.

That was also the age when a famous symbol of humankind's strength and wisdom was built in the land of Shinar...

The Tower of Babel.

However, God was displeased with humans' arrogance in building such a tower, so He scattered them across the world and bade them speak in different tongues so they could no longer communicate.

If it hadn't been for that incident, maybe the world would still be using a single language today.

Speaking strictly metaphorically, wouldn't having a single worldwide language be ideal for a king?

I see...or maybe not.

A shared tongue would mean that every word a king spoke could be heard by everyone; noble, subject, warrior, slave, foreigner, and so on.

But that would also be a painfully small and narrow-minded world to live in. After all, different words, and different languages, can have profound effects on one's way of thinking, right?

For example, they say there was once a tribe who had no concept of possessions...

...and so they lived in a veritable paradise, because everything there existed for the benefit of everyone.

But then, an outsider came and oh so kindly taught them the word "possess." And what do you think happened next?

From then on, even the smallest of babies refused to let go of so much as a single toy.

Discord and strife spread like wildfire, and in an instant, the former paradise was no more.

And let's not even get started on words like "real estate," "debt," and "compound" interes

Yes, I see your point. There are indeed some dangerous words that should always be treated with care.

For words are a powerful tool; one that can hurt just as much as help.

And yet, even so, Adam and Eve were still banished from the Garden of Eden. There's no going back now.

Hmm?

...Aha! Now I get it!

So that's where you were going with this latest riddle of yours. This is so you, I should've seen it coming.

... ...

Shalom, C-C-C-C-C-Circeeee♪ How are you this fine day?

Geh! The Queen of Sheba!?

And what's with the weird P-P-P-P-P-Pigleeet♫ greeting, huh!?

I'm a busy witch, I'll have you know. If you're just here to make small talk, save it forHuh!?

Th-that box you've got there... Is that...!?

Ta-daaa! Thank you for your patience!

I finally got the item you requested in stock, so I thought I'd come deliver it personally.

(Blissful sigh)

Th-then there's no time to waste! Come on, Medea, give me a hand! My workshop isn't gonna get itself ready!

Now then, Circe, before I hand over the merchandise, I just want to make absolutely sure that I've got it right.

Let's see... You ordered a Japanese plastic model kit, yes?

Specifically, a robot that looks like some kind of grotesque bird monster named, um... "HG Penelo

Aaah! Aaah! Stop, stop! You don't have to read out the name! That's it, okay!?

Also, it's not a robot, it's an MS, okay? Anyway, yes, this is definitely it!

Man, this thing has been sold out for so long I'd given up hope of ever getting my hands on one. Impressive.

(Triumphant giggle)

...Hm? Wh-what is it, Medea? Why are you looking at her like that?

Huh? You think she might have acquired it via...less than legal means?

Oh come on, of course she didn't do that! ...Y-you didn't, right, Your Majesty?

(Sigh) (Double sigh) I see. You suspect I'm selling contraband, is that it?

That has certainly been a problem as of late; one that's given me no end of headaches. But never mind that.

In regards to this item, rest assured that I ordered it in Lady Circe's own name, and acquired it through entirely legitimate channels!

It is in every way the genuine article! No contraband here whatsoever!

You ordered it in my name!?

Khhhghhh... ...(Sigh) W-well, I guess what's done is done.

Anyway, I owe you for this. And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the payment we discussed.

Great! I'm counting on you☆

Anyway, now that that's settled, time to grab my tools and get to work!

...Huh? Medea? Where'd you go?

Oh, she whispered to me that she was going to let her younger self take it from here, right before she ran off.

Geeeh! Lily!? But she's so uncompromising about models!

Huh? Did I hear you right?

Why pay 1444 yen for something worth 889 yen? Is that what you want to know???

Oh my gosh, I'm mortified! Who told you about that, anyway!?

On second thought, never mind! It's not like I'm going to chase them down, anyway! So please, let's just forget this whole thing! Okay, Master!?

This conversation is over!

Want me to tell you what I think, Master?

Da

？！

Hehe, it all comes down to instinct. Specifically, the survival instinct of a natural-born merchant!

Imagine you're a merchant traveling across the desert. You'd want to carry as few bulky items as possible, right?

So if you're making an 889 yen purchaseand the fact that it's in yen is important here...

...paying 1444 yen would mean you use one 1000 yen bill and twelve coins: four 100 yen coins, four 10 yen coins, and four 1 yen coins.

You would then get back 555 yen in change consisting of only three coins: one 500 yen coin, one 50 yen coin, and one 5 yen coin, which means you're now carrying nine fewer coins than before.

It's a perfectly even exchange of multiple types of hard currency, and a supremely well-balanced combination.

Yes, your wallet may end up lighter, but the value of its cargo, so to speak, increases. Any merchant as wise as the Queen of Sheba would never pass up such a good opportunity!

？！

C-come on, Master! There's no need to actually discuss this serio

944 yen? In that case, you could just pay 889 exactly and get rid of thirteen coins.

Of course, the downside with either of those options is that they won't leave you with any small change at all, and your wallet will be cleaned out.

I can see how that would make you feel uneasy. It's pretty risky, especially for such a small transaction.

After all, it's not uncommon for a prospective customer to haggle down a price because you don't have the exact change they want, right?

It really is a fiendishly tricky problem... Now, here's a thought! If the purchase was instead for 9889 yen, then

Oh for Yahweh's sake! How much longer are you going to keep prattling on and on about this meaningless thing!?

You want to know why I did it!? So I could put down a single bill and donate the change to charity!

Just what do you think I am, anyway!?

A single, worldwide language... Right, let's see.

No matter how great the ruler, there were always some who refused to listen to what they would say: merchants.

That's because they already had their own way of communicating.

In a word: money.

No matter how much translation techniques may advance, linguistic and cultural differences are always going prevent modern societies from uniting as one.

Money, on the other hand, is the great equalizer. Well, apart from a few uprisings here and there, of course.

In which case, one could make a strong case for merchants being the only people to use the last homophonoi God overlooked: the language of money.

No, then again, that may be giving them too much credit. Perhaps it was more a case of them worshipping money rather than God?

...For the time being, I'll strongly consider going ahead with the baklava reward.

All right! That sounds great! While you're at it, I don't suppose you could throw in some nice aromatic tea too, could you?

You know, in the New World, tea is one of the most essential trade items around.

In our time, the most common things traded in Jerusalem were gold, silver, jewels, spices, purple dye, horses, cattle, sheep, monkeys, baboons, camels...

...Egyptian chariots, Ophirian sandalwood, Phoenician cedar, beautiful ivory accessories...

Don't forget the olives, wine, and Jericho dates, either.

Oh yes, Jericho dates. Those truly were delicious.

Anyway, we would trade all those items using their weight in silver as a measure of their value. A chariot was six hundred shekels. A horse was 150 shekels.

...Well, if the whole world spoke a single language, I'd just be glad that we wouldn't have to waste our time going to all the trouble of fighting wars, but...

...

But a truly ideal rulerthe kind that anyone and everyone would worship and admirewould know how to capture the attention of everyone in the world whenever they spoke, despite any language differences.

...At least, that's what I think most people would say.

...

...Yes, I'm sure they would.

Money, information... The whole reason business works is because there's always something the two parties lack.

Do people truly try to follow their ruler's example because that ruler embodies an ideal to which they all aspire?

...Jacques de Molay?

Coucou♪

Sadly, it seems that for most people, money is still a curse that brings more sorrow than happiness.

An ideal nation. An ideal reign.

Could it be that the destructive king's legacythe lost language all people once shared...

...could still be hidden somewhere as a great secret treasure waiting for someone to discover and awaken it?

Hmm...

Hmmmmmm...

Um, Erice?

Just so you know, it's no problem if you'd like to take that catalog back to your room.

Hm? Oh, no, that's okay. I mean, my humble apologies, Your Majesty.

I'd probably take even longer to make up my mind if I did that, so I think it's better if I just decide now.

Oh, this book looks really nice, too... Ooh... Hmmmmmm... Man, how am I going to decide...?

I see. No problem. I'd be glad to help however I caOh?

Well hey. If it isn't the Queen of Sheba and little miss Eriché.

G-good day, Emperor Bonaparte.

By the way, I know they sound similar, but my name's actually Erice, not Eriché.

Ah, sorry about that, Érice. That's my Corsica accent for you. Anyway, you've got something on your mind again, no?

Since the Queen of Sheba's here too, I'm guessing it's something to do with business, but I take it negotiations aren't going well? That's unusual.

Erice here is having trouble deciding how best to use her allowance.

Allowance? Since when do we get an allowance?

It's one of the new measures being implemented to try and keep things fair for all Servants, since not everyone can easily distinguish between wants and needs.

They tried implementing it in a limited rollout before...

...but this time, Director Goredolf thought it would be a good idea to use all throughout Chaldea on a trial basis.

So you're a vivandière! Man, that takes me back! I used to buy wine from female merchants on a multitude of battlefields.

I think there was only so much wine they'd sell you if they knew you wanted it for fun or a party. Makes sense.

Of course, some of them would sell you as much as you wanted just so they could maximize profits.

Oh, I bet. Anyway, what've you got your eye on, Eriché?

Th-these catalogs. They have ones for natural history museums, art museums, art shows...

Hm? Come again?

She means she's looking at a catalog of catalogs.

Specifically, a catalog of different catalogs for various art and history museums.

Catalogs like this are one of my many business tools, you see.

I told her I would give her any one of my spare catalogs as a bonus with her purchase.

Just one? Why not give her as many as she wants?

...Ah, I see. I'm guessing her righteous personality would never let her take more than one, huh?

Exactly.

Now I got it.

Well, if you want these catalogs that badly, Eriché, why not just buy them outright?

You're right, I should. But the thing is...well...I don't even have a single QP of my allowance left...

What, really? Damn, this saga just took another turn.

What in the world did you buy that cost everything you had?

Just some spices I could bring to the cafeteria. I didn't think I'd bought that many, but before I knew it, all my QP was gone...

Spices? That's it? What, did the Chaldea cafeteria go back to the Age of Exploration when I wasn't looking?

Erice happened to purchase some custom-made spices that go for far more than the usual asking price.

What, like a pair of boots stuffed full of saffron or something? Actually, never mind. I don't need the details.

I used to have more money to play with back when I was working at Akihabara.

But Chaldea only gives out allowance based on your age...

...and even Voyager and Illyasviel's allowance combined actually added up to more than mine, so...

...Hey, I know! Could I get an advance on my allowance or something?

Well, since you don't hand out the allowances, I guess what I'm asking is...could you lend me the money for these?

Oh yes, I can certainly do that.

As long as you pay me back a fixed amount each month, you can take as looong as you need paying back the rest. How does that sound?

That sounds...amazing! What a revolutionary consumer-friendly idea! I'm blown away by your genius, Your Majesty!

Hold up! Arrête, arrête! I'm getting a real bad feeling about this!

Eriché, you're the type who acts cautious, but completely lets your guard down around a certain kind of wicked woman, aren't you!?

Teeheehee, now that's not very nice. I'll have you know I have specific payment plans just for students.

Sweet.

Nope! Nope, nope, nope! I'm not having it!

Servant or not, she's still a kid, and you don't saddle a kid with a tab.

Okay, know what, I'll take care of this! Which catalog do you want most, Eriché?

Huh? Well, uh, I think I'd have to go with this one for an Egyptian archaeology museum. It's by far the best out of

Oho, Egypt, huh!? That's great! Seems you and I might have surprisingly similar tastes.

And as luck would have it, there should be an expedition out to the Middle East in the very near future.

So let's go talk to Maître about visiting the ancient ruins there right now! Why settle for just a catalog when you can go see the real thing!?

Hell, while we're at it, we can rediscover ancient monuments and golden masks ourselves! I don't know about you, but I'd much rather hang the genuine article in my room than a paper reproduction.

Whoa. That sounds amazing... But, wouldn't that be fundamentally incompatible with Rayshif

Hey, you never know unless you try! Now come on, let's go, Eriché!

A-aaah! It's Erichi! I-I mean, Erice! Uh, Queen, I think I'm going to borrow this catalog after aaall!

...'Kaaay.

...Hmm? Did I just lose a big prospective customer?

Oberooon? Oh Oberooon?

Don't bother trying to pretend you're not home. I can tell you're in theeere.

Are you aware of how many bills you have piled up? I really need you to pay them today.

Ahh, I wish you could see this, Blanca. This right here is one of the most pitiful creatures in all of nature: the debt collector.

They've never worked a day in their lives. Instead, they force innocent people to work themselves to the bone and make them cough up their hard-earned money!

It sure didn't take long for you to become known as "the King of Debt" since you came to Chaldea, did it, Oberon?

If it wasn't for me, you'd have to pay back all your creditors individually instead of paying me a single lump sum.

So I think I deserve your gratitude more than your snark.

Oh really? And just who did you buy these so-called debts of mine from?

Good question. There were so many I simply couldn't keep track of them all on my own.

First, we have Beni-Enma. I'm guessing this is your drink tab?

Then we have Vlad III, Ishtar, Europa, Miss Crane...

Nightingale, Kama, Mr. Meunière, and last, but not least, Karna.

Oh, that's right. Yes, of course I remember them. After all, they're all so gullible that it was easy to

Wait, I almost forgot one: Mr. Shakespeare.

Huh? I never borrowed from him.

I never asked him for so much as a single shilling.

Oh my, I see. Then this hastily scribbled IOU must simply be his idea of a practical joke.

I'm so very sorry about that.

However, that being said...

...your other creditors have said they would be willing to accept a pound of your flesh as payment.

Aha! I see where this is going now! Well, too bad! They won't get so much as a drop of blood from me!

Oh? As a matter of fact, one of your creditors did say they would like your blood.

Huh!?

You've got to be shitting me. I thought Chaldea was tax-free. Now you're telling me debt collectors are allowed to literally take our blood, sweat, and tears?

Your creditors have also authorized me to collect your organs, bones, hair, skin, wings, clothes, jewels...

Basically, anything and everything you own is on my seizure list.

Come to think of it, I think it was Mr. Shakespeare who came up with that excellent idea.

Khhh, Shylooock!!! You've got some nerve coming up with that after all your run-ins with debt collectors!

Next time he has a deadline coming up, I'm gonna tell his editor about debtors' prison law right on the last day!

Izooo? Okada Izooo?

Don't bother trying to pretend you're not home. I know you're in theeere.

G-go away! I-I'm Oberon! There's no sword geniuses by the name Izo here!

Oh my, still as stubborn as ever, I see. How many times do we have to go through this?

Dammit! How do you always sniff me out?

I've always had a good nose for this sort of thing. Good ears, too.

Anyway, I'm sure you're sick and tired of hearing this by now, but, this is a key part of my job, so...

I've been asked to collect your debts by Yagyu Tajima-no-kami, Kyokutei Bakin...

Heracles, Red Hare, Ivan the Terrible, Kijyo Koyo, and Karn

Stop, stop! I get it, I get it!

(Sighhh...) How can I put this...?

It seems the people you're asking for money have gone past "random" and right to "anyone."

Kyokutei Bakin was especially worried about you, you know, since he had his own share of money troubles in life.

Hm?

Oho... I see. So that old man still has heartstrings left to pull on...

Good grief.

At any rate, I don't have any money to pay you back with! None, you hear me!?

Reeeally? Are you sure you weren't just on your way to another secret gambling den?

Wha?

Eeep! Please don't fluff my taaail!

Wow, this tail is real! And it's got a great coat of fur, too!

Izo! Izo! Give us money, please!

Yeah! Break out the pocketbook!

Oho, if it isn't the annoying brat pack again!

All right, how much do you want? Go on, don't be shy.

Here. Go buy yourselves some manjyu or dumplings or whatever the hell you feel like.

Yaaay! Thanks, Izo!

...Izo?

Wh-what!? It's just for good luck, okay!?

You'll see! Any day now, this generosity's gonna come back to me tenfold!

(Sigh...)

No wonder you have so much trouble paying back your debts.

...I don't think that king's legacy was anything concrete.

It wasn't treasure, and it surely wasn't something idealistically impossible like a homophonoi.

So it wasn't money OR valuable information? Personally, I'd much prefer it was something concrete, but oh well.

A king who cared about his nation; any legacy he left behind would surely be something that would enrich his land and his subjects.

Hmm? I don't know if I agree with that.

There's no guarantee that a king will enrich his nation. If anything, we usually see the opposite, no?

As much as he may have been praised as a wise king in his prime, who's to say he didn't ruin things by going senile or nepotistic in his so-called golden years?

What was that? Are you trying to pick a fight? Because I WILL take you up on it.

Oh my, you're deadly serious, aren't you? Yikes. So sorry, Your Majesty. I do beg your pardon.

I should've known better. In fact, I'm sorry for butting in on your conversation.

Oh, that's quite all right.

After all, as a Grand Master of the Knights Templar, you have more right to speak of his legacy than most people.

Why thank you, Your Majesty. That's very kind of you to say.

You know, now that you mention it, why don't we take this opportunity for you to tell me aaall about him?

I, too, would love to hear some of his great wisdom secondhand.

Of course. I'd be glad to.

But that's not to say I'll do it for free.

Honestly, I don't think this riddle has a clear answer.

After all, the answer the world needs changes along with the world itself.

So I think the answer to this legacy must itself be alive, at least in a certain sense.

It's not the kind of thing you can buy with money, and it will never be something you can use to barter with.

Hmm...

Perhaps the answer is something that neither succumbs to, nor depends on, the power of the sword.

So then, it's not something that will tarnish you with fear or hatred, either?

That sounds just like salvationo, never mind.

Hearing your and David's thoughts has helped me remember something important.

No matter how wise one might be, true wisdom does not come so easily.

So then, king or not, what sort of legacy should one aim to leave behind?

I think it's just a genuine, heartfelt wish to leave the world a better place than you found it.

In my opinion, that is true wisdom, and the kind of treasure we must always be careful to hang on to.

Sounds kind of sappy to me.

Did you say something?

Now, now. Either way, I'd say we've discussed this enough for today, don't you think?

I don't know about you two, but I'm definitely running low on blood sugar.

Maybe I'll have some of your baklava right now, if you don't mind.

WhaUgh, when did you get into my personal belongings, David?

How about some coffee to go with it? I bet an extra bitter batch will go really well with baklava.

(Sigh...) All right, then I guess I'll have a mocha, please. One with lots and lots of sugar.

Huh? The baklava's already sweet enough. Now you want to throw even more sugar into your coffee?

Wh-what's wrong with that? I happen to like sweets for teatime, okay?