Those Watched Over by the God's Consort

Oh, hello, Fujimaru. Are you taking a walk?

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Hehe. I'm pleased to see you in such good spirits.

I'm actually taking a walk myself right now. If it's not an imposition, would it be all right if I joined you?

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Hmm... Well, I kind of feel like I've just completed a major project.

So I've been taking it nice and easy and enjoying my downtime until you need me for another mission.

I've been cooking with Boudica, having Vlad teach me needlework, that sort of thing...

O-oh, and of course, I still train with my spear every day, so please don't worry about that!

I am a goddess, after all, so if you ever need my help, please know that I'll always do my best to provide it!

Speaking as both a goddess and the girl whose body I'm inhabiting right now...

...I would hate for you to think I'm just a lazybones Servant with nothing but time on my hands!

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O-oh, good. Hehe, I'm relieved to hear that.

(Still... I can tell I'm a little out of it right now, though I'm not sure why.)

(Maybe I'm burned out or something?)

(Whatever it is, I need to figure out what's wrong and fix it soon...)

Hm? Is that...?

Oh goodness me, whatever am I going to do?

...No, I know what I have to do. I have to go with that!

Oh, but... That's important too. Which one affects me more personally?

...Then...perhaps I should go with that after all?

...

Huh? Oh goodness! I was in such a hurry I didn't realize I wasn't dressed!

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Oh, if it isn't Master and the goddess from India. Good day.

Have you been there this whole time? I'm so sorry you had to see me like that.

Please, don't be. Can I ask you what's wrong? You seem very out of sorts.

Yes... I suppose you could say that. I'm afraid the fault is entirely mine.

I know that a true warrior should be able to make these sorts of choices quickly and decisively...

...but my current predicament has me going in circles.

How so?

Well... I was originally planning to go on a public decency patrol for the first time in a while.

I've been so busy as of late that I've been neglecting my prefect duties, but I figured I could wait no longer.

After all, once public decency starts to slip, things can get out of hand very quickly.

So it is imperative that we run a tight ship when the time calls for it.

All the more so now that a number of new Servants have joined our ranks.

I see. That's very admirable of you.

But then, just as I was about to set out on my patrol...

...I received word that those accursed horned insects were going after my darling Kintoki!

So of course, I couldn't simply wait around for them to get their claws into him.

Protecting her children from evil is a mother's sworn duty, no matter how much they may call her overprotective!

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Now I see. So you couldn't make up your mind over which course of action to pursue today.

Embarrassing though it is, I'm afraid not...

...

Well in that case, why don't I take over patrolling for public decency for you?

!

Th-that... That would help me enormously, but... I hesitate to ask so much of you, Lady Umahi, goddess of India.

Are you quite sure you don't mind?

Of course not. I had some free time and was already out taking a walk, so it's no trouble at all.

If I can put myself to good use, helping everyone else just by changing my course and checking in with them...

...well, that's just a no-brainer!

Oh my! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, since you are a goddess and all, but I can almost see your good nature bathing you in light like a halo!

Very well then, I will gladly accept your kind offer. I don't know how I can ever repay you for this...

I-it's fine, really. Think nothing of it. As I said, I was already going on a walk anyway.

Anyway, you were in a hurry, right? Shouldn't you get going?

Yes, you're right!

Thanks to your kind assistance, Lady Umahi, I can set out with no misgivings clouding my mind!

At last, I can bring every single one of those insects preying on my dear Kintoki the swift and terrible retribution they deserve!

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I know, Master. Don't worry. I could never bear it if my beloved child were to come to hate me, after all.

So I will do my best to keep my execution natural, and stick solely to what is strictly necessary.

Specifically, I'll go after them like a mother visiting her child's school to tell them Kintoki forgot his lunch!

For what more natural reason could there be for a mother to appear suddenly out of nowhere!?

Oh, yes, I almost forgot.

This is a list of the Servants I planned to check to ensure they weren't disturbing public decency.

I truly am sorry to foist this task upon you like this, Lady Umahi...

Please, don't be. I'm doing this because I want to!

Thank you again. I swear I will repay this debt to you someday. Now then, if you'll excuse me!

Hehe, I see Raikou is just as passionate about her pursuits as ever.

Just watching her in action has a way of cheering me up.

All right, let's see who we've got on this list...

Well, well. It seems like most of these Servants should be right up my alley...

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Thank you, Master. Having you along would be a huge help.

All right, let's go be provisional prefects!

I know I have a reputation for being a gentle goddess, but they'll soon see that I can chastise with the best of them!

It looks like we have a major case right from the get-go... One with a great deal of personal significance for me.

Of course, I've had one eye on the situation for some time. And I knew I'd have to face it directly one day.

It's not that I've been avoiding it up until now. I guess...I just needed some time to steel myself.

(Inhale)... (Exhale)...All right, I'm ready.

Let's go inside...to the rec room!

...Then you take turns moving your pieces in accordance with the predetermined rules. Simple, right?

Hmm, yes, this could be very good practice for commanding troops. It seems there's more to these tabletop games than I thought.

Right? I'm glad I invited you. I was sure you would like them if you just gave them a chance.

Okay, next, we have the rules for combat. When two pieces come in contact with each other, we each take a turn rolling the dice to

Urk.

Is something wrong?

You use...dice...?

Yes, that's part of the rules. Otherwise, there would be no way to determine which piece won.

Well, each troop does have its own strength level, but that would get boring very quickly, to say nothing of lacking in flexibility.

In reality, there are many variables that go into winning a battlelike morale and hunger, to name just twoso we use dice in this game to approximate that sort of unpredictability.

...If it's not too much trouble, could I give those dice a try?

Of course. Go right ahead.

(Wow, snake eyes right out of the gate...)

L-let me try that again...

(I don't believe it... She had two sets of dice and somehow managed to roll snake eyes with BOTH of them!)

...

Um...

Maybe it would be better if I rolled the dice for you?

Y-yes, I think that would be for the best...

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Hmm, I see. It looks like Lakshmi's getting along here better than I'd hoped...

...Ahem. Sorry, no. One of them was on the list, but she's not the main reason I'm here.

This was actually helping me to work up the courage I need. All right, here goes nothing...!

Oho, so that's how you want to play this, huh? Guess it's time for me to break out that rare drop I got earlier then!

Nani!? No fair! How come you get to be that good AND get all the rares!?

There is nothing to gain from arguing about matters of luck, Lady Osakabehime.

That is why I only train my technique, so that I will be in fine shape regardless of the state of my equipment.

I guess you've got a point. That does sound like how a true warrior would handle these things...

Except I really don't think that applies here, Tomocchi! This is a battle royale, remember?

If one player gets an overwhelming equipment advantage, the rest of us are over!

Here, I've got a proposal for you! Why don't we form a temporary truce and fight together!?

That way, I'm sure we can stop Gacchan from gaining any more momentum!

We're so close together that it only makes sense! Hell, it's practically our duty to team up!

Oh? A last-minute party, huh? Fine by me! This oughta make things interesting!

Heh heh. 'Course, you're still gonna end up losing miserably either way!

Hmm. You make a good point, Lady Osakabehime.

A single nation gaining power far and above its nearby peers is not necessarily a good thing.

As they say, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down. That is only more true in an age of war.

All that is to say: yes, I would be happy to accept your proposal!

Yatta! Then let's get going! Don't worry, I've got your back!

(Although...if you leave your back TOO open, you can't complain if I stab you in it, right?)

(Really, in a game like this, it would be wrong if I didn't try to kill you when I had the chance, right? Especially since I'm technically still an Assassin!)

...Ah! Someone means to kill me!

Gyaaaaaa! But I didn't even do anything (yet)!

Oh, I'm sorry! I sensed something was amiss and reacted on instinct!

What's this? Now you're infighting before your party's even gotten off the ground?

Well then, I guess I'll just have to take advantage of this chance to demonstrate the destructive power of my ultraheavy weaponry! Eat this!

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I'm glad you understand, Master.

Hm? Who's poking me in the shoulder? Can't you see I'm busy engaging in a serious power play here!?

What'd I just say? I'm busy right now, dammit.

I don't care how badly you want my blessing. I'm already closed for today, got it?

You'll just have to come back on my next business day, whenever that turns out to be!

Aaargh, that does it! I don't know who you think you are, but you'd better be prepared to face divine retribution for the crime of interrupting the great Ganesha's game

Yes? What would I face divine retribution for exactly, Ganesha?

Gaaah! Ganesha's ma-maman!? Uh, I mean... Mother! Wh-what are you doing here?

"Gaaah," you say? That almost sounds as though you didn't want to see me.

H-haha, hahaha, who, me? Don't be silly. Why wouldn't I want to see you? Ahahaha.

Good. I'm glad to see you still remember me, even though we're both inhabiting vessels at the moment.

Your vessel's consciousness may be stronger than your own, but that doesn't mean you aren't still my child.

In fact, I get the sense that I'm partly responsible for your current manifestation, so I would hope you remember me.

W-well of course I do, Mother. I am Ganesha right now, after all.

I can feel our relationship deep down in my soul. And stuff.

I'm totally not freaked out about you surprising me like this out of nowhere. No way, no how.

A-anyway, um... Good day to you and stuff, Mother. What did you want to see me about?

Do you really need to ask? I'm here to make sure you've been living a healthy lifestyle!

I'd heard rumors that a god with an elephant head had been doing nothing but eating, sleeping, and lying around playing video games while gorging herself on junk food ever since she got here!

I've been telling myself they must have been exaggerating, only to find out things are even worse than I'd feared!

Eep! Y-you've got it all wrong, Mother! I haven't been gorging myself in the slightest! I haven't even had a single sweet bun all day!

Sure, I've been chugging boatloads of juice to make up for that, but it's lemonade with fruit in it, so it's good for you!

Ah yes, the good old "french fries equals potatoes equals vegetables" logic.

Anyway, are you thinking what I'm thinking, Tomocchi?

Yes, I believe I am. There is no place for mercy in battle, after all. Hup.

Aaah! No fair attacking me while I can't look at the screen!

Don't you turn away from me, Ganesha! I'm still talking to you!

C-come on, Mother, you're supposed to have fun in the rec room, right? That's the whole reason it exists.

If anything, it'd be rude for me NOT to give our game my full attention while we're all here.

I'm not saying you can never have fun. There's nothing wrong with indulging in sweets every now and then, either.

All I'm saying is that balance is important, and I want you to be better about exercising moderation.

For example, let me ask you this: how long have all of you been in here playing games?

Um... The two of us have been here for about an hour, Lady Pārvatī.

Yes, that sounds right.

Wonderful. Then there's no problem.

Hehe, it's a mysterious feeling, talking to you like this. It must be because of the goddess inside you.

What would you say to having tea together some time, Lakshmi?

It would be my honor.

Now then, what about you three?

O-oh, yes. Well, um, to be honest...

Um... Oh bats, when did we get here again...?

I'd say probably...yesterday?

Th-that's the complete opposite of balance and moderation!

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Y-yes, you're right. I was so caught up in our game that I lost all track of time. How embarrassing...

All right, I guess I can take a little break then.

I'll recharge with some more lemonade, and spend some time studying and working on self-improvement things.

I'm glad to hear that. As long as you understand, I'm willing to let you off without a lecture this time.

Hmm, I'm kind of thirsty too. Would you mind if I had a lemonade too, Ganesha?

Oh sure, go for it. There's a whole caseload where that came from.

Huh, you're that into this stuff? (Gulp, gulp)... Oh wow, this IS umaicious. I like how it's really filling, too.

You know, I bet this would make a good energy drink for my next doujin all-nighter...

...Are you and Ganesha good friends, Osakabehime?

Hm? Uh, that's hard to say. I guess we're birds of a feather, but...

Yeah, there's definitely some stuff we just can't agree on. We're like the yin and yang of shut-ins.

Hehehe. I guess you could say we're something like eternal rivals?

I'm not quite sure what you're talking about, but I'm glad to see my child has such a good friend. I hope you'll continue to play with Ganesha for years to come.

Ugh, stop it, Mother. You're embarrassing me.

Hm? Hang on. Now that I'm all reenergized, I just got a great idea. Let me just open up the old skill screen here.

Okay, if I put this here, and combine these together...

Whoa, sugoi! I think you might've just come up with a new meta!

You're right! I never thought of this approach before!

There's no time to lose. I've gotta test this baby out in live combat and level it up so

...

H-hey, come on. I took a break, just like I said I would...right?

And how long was this break?

Five minutes.

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I knew it! You still have no idea what the issue is here!

It's clear to me now that the indolent attitudes of civilized society have infected you down to your very bones!

Needless to say, this sort of behavior is well beneath the dignity of a god.

I am a fellow Divinity of India! More importantly, I am your mother, and I cannot permit you living your life like this!

So I'm going to whip you and your slovenly friends into shape myself!

Wha!? How'd I get caught up in this!?

Y-yes, you may be right! Perhaps I have been overly indulgent as of late.

If the great goddess Pārvatī of India is offering to instruct me personally, then I will gladly accept!

Perhaps this will be like the zazen training with warning sticks I've heard about. Thank you for this opportunity, Lady Pārvatī!

Cut that out! You're making the rest of us look bad!

Thank you for your instruction!

I can't believe how happy you are about this! This is exactly why I don't get you athlete gamers!

Dammit, my camouflage failed... Man, didn't you ever think about what would happen if my friends tried to invite me to their group while all this was going down?

Huh? We all know I don't have that many friends? Please don't say things like that. The truth hurts, you know?

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You're usually so responsible, Tomoe. What is it about video games that makes you lose all sense of proportion?

I'm...not entirely sure myself.

I've always felt like I was merely enjoying a new form of recreation...

...but I suppose I do have a tendency to become a bit...overenthusiastic when it comes to matters of warfare.

I see. In your case, it may be a form of training.

Well, please don't feel too bad about it. Even I know that modern games can be highly absorbing.

The only thing I'll say is to be careful not to get carried away.

How about you, Osakabehime?

Me? I'm just an otaku, that's all. I daisuki this kind of stuff.

Though...I guess part of it is that games also help me come up with ideas for my next book. Research, basically.

I see. So you take the joy they give you, and pass it on to others in a different form.

I-it's nothing as noble as that. It's more like I've just gotta get it out of my system...

You might be surprised. I have a feeling most creative people would say something very similar.

At any rate, making art is a wonderful thing, and you should be proud of it. Just make sure you don't get too carried away in your research.

Well, Ganesha? What about you?

They're fun!

That's literally all there is to it with me! No deeper meaning than that whatsoever!

I see. Then it would seem you leave me no choice!

(Oh man, why did I say that!? Gaaah! The pressure!)

(I shoulda known Papan (read: Shiva) wouldn't marry just any old goddess! I mean, I DID know, but still!)

W-w-w-well, uh, I guess I kinda sorta thought I might be slacking off a liiittle more than I probably should...

And the thought did cross my mind that I should probably do some real work every now and then...

Good. As long as you understand, that's all that matters.

Phew.

However... While I am of course willing to take you at your word...

...I can't help but get the impression that you aren't exactly used to resisting temptation.

So I'm going to take some preventative measures.

And by that... Um, what was that thing you're holding called again? A controller?

I'm going to confiscate yours for the time being!

Oh... Okay.

Hate me if you wish, but know that overcoming this adversity will ultimately make you a better god.

This hurts me just as much as it hurts you, but I'm doing it for your own good. I hope you can understand that.

Uh, yeah, I guess I can.

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Good! Then that takes care of this public decency AND lifestyle check!

Now that we've had this talk, I'm sure you'll all take better care of yourselves from now on!

All right, let's keep this momentum going with our next check-in, Master!

Seriously, Maman? We're not stuck in the 16-bit era anymore.

It's easy to get replacement controllers nowadays. You're not actually stopping me from playing as much as I want.

Trust Maman to be so woefully behind the times.

Hehe. Perhaps she is, but she still seems like a wonderful mother where it counts.

She's only tough on people because she cares. Not only for her own child, but for us as well.

That much is abundantly clear.

Yeah...all right.

I guess I can do my job and be a good god for others to worship for a while.

'Sides, I don't need her getting on my case if she catches me slacking off again.

Huh, I guess even you have a serious side to you, Ganesha. You know, I think I'll go back to my room and start working on my next draft.

Heheheh. How many pages are you planning to make this one?

I'll come hang out once you get bored and decide to take a break.

We don't have to do all our gaming here, you know! Besides, we still gotta finish this match!

Y-you haven't actually learned a thing, have you!?

Hey, what Maman doesn't know won't hurt her (or more importantly, me), right?

...Right. I should've known you wouldn't be you if you weren't constantly slacking off.

Honestly, I'm surprised you decided to do any work at all.

Well, you're free to come to my room if I get bored, but I'm warning you now, depending on how my draft is going, I might not let you in!

So if I have my "No Trespassing" sign up, you'd better respect it!

Okay, here's our next stop. I can sense multiple Servants on this list are gathered here, too.

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That's right. It looks like someone's already usingHuh?

Hello, Arjuna. Is something wrong?

Oh! Hello, Lady Pārvatī. Hello, Master. I'm honored to see you today.

Um, I wouldn't say anything is...wrong right now, but... (Constant side-glancing)

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...No, that's all right. I don't have any reason to go in there.

If anything, I think I would only get in your way.

Please, go on in. Don't mind me.

I'm going to find somewhere quiet and pray to Shiva to thank him for this fortunate encounter.

And to once again convey my gratitude to him for my Pashupata here.

Oh, right, I'd forgotten you had that. I'm sure you'll be fine, but...

...please do be careful with that. It's very dangerous.

Thank you, Lady Pārvatī. Your kinds words fill me with joy. Rest assured, I will heed your warning. Good day.

Hey, Arjuna?

...Yes?

You are the picture of a fair and righteous warrior. I know I don't have to worry about how you lead your life.

That said...

Yes?

I believe it might not be so bad for you to think a little less before you act.

Much like the people in here are doing.

...

Hehe. Thank you for another word of advice, Lady Pārvatī. I will gladly take it to heart.

But in this case, I really do think I would only get in your way if I were to accompany you.

And since that is the last thing I want, I'm content to leave things be for the moment.

Besides, I'm sure I'll have plenty of other chances.

I see. Very well then, I won't press the issue any further.

Thank you, Lady Pārvatī. Now then, if you'll excuse me...

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Hehe. Let's just say I was heeding my goddess intuition.

Okay, now that we can check Arjuna off the list...

...I think I'd better go see what things are like inside the simulator.

Let's go!

Is that...?

Hey! Cut it out already!

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Hm?

Hello, Boudica.

Oh, hi, Fujimaru. Hi, Pārvatī.

...Um, I know this probably isn't the reason you're here, but just to make sure...

...you aren't here to join these rowdy kids, are you?

Um, no, we're here to check up on how Servants are behaving around here, on behalf of Raikou.

I must say, whatever you're cooking smells wonderful, Boudica. Are you here on a picnic or something?

A picnic!? I wish! Just take a look over there, and you'll get an idea of what I've had to put up with!

Woo! Damn, son, you really are a beast! I almost thought my fist was gonna burn off when I hit you!

Tch... So that's Chinese Boxing, huh? Goddamn pain in the ass.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were using an illusion or something. I'm impressed you can pull that off with physical skill alone.

Kaka, I take it you're starting to feel the heat in more ways than one, Skillful Star?

Let me have a turn then. I'll be glad to show him all the Chinese Boxing techniques he wants.

Hey now, no cutting in line. It's my turn to fight him next.

Was it now? That's not how I remember it.

Oh yeah? Well let me give you a little reminder then!

Since it seems those two are now rather busy...

...I'll be taking the next turn.

Now, prepare to face the demonic swords of the First Knight of Fianna.

Hey! Don't you go cutting in line, either!

Guh, would you lot just shut up already!? I don't give two shits who I fight next!

That's great for them, but I'm sure as hell not. Ugh, I swear...

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What in the world happened here?

You see that boy with the red hair over there? I think his name's Aśvatthāman?

He showed up while I was in the kitchen, looking inside the fridge and wondering what to make...

...and said something to the effect of "I'm hungry. Get me something to eat," so I whipped this up for him.

I knew he was from India, and he's a fellow redhead, so I can't help but feel a sense of kinship with him, you know?

But then, after I put my heart and soul into making this food...he won't even bother to look at it!

？！

Exactly! So I've been doing this to try to get their attention:

Heeey! I said, your food's ready! Take a break and eat up while it's still hot!

Sorry, can't stop now that my engine's all warmed up! Just put it down on that rock! I'll have it later!

You see!? He won't listen to a thing I say! Ugh, it's so frustrating!

Yes, I do see what you mean... Indeed, this is absolutely unacceptable! He's not showing you the least bit of respect for cooking for him!

For what it's worth, I'm very sorry...

Usually, Aśvatthāman could never pass up fine cooking, but when he gets caught up in the heat of battle, well...

Indeed. I certainly appreciate how Boudica always cooks such delicious meals for us...

...so I would love to help her out here if I could...

...but I'm afraid I'm already so full on bananas that there's nothing I can do. Believe me, I feel very silly.

？！

We're waiting for our turn. We originally came here hoping to get in some exercise, but then the others all said:

"You already had plenty of chances to fight him, right? It's only fair we get a turn now."

We couldn't argue with that, so now, we're just waiting for the others to finish before we have a go.

What a wonderful attitude. You both get a gold star♡

Aah! L-Lady Pārvatī? I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there.

It's all right, Rama. There's no need to be so formal here.

We're both Fujimaru's Servants now, so please, feel free to address me as an equal.

I see... As you wish then.

Oh, back to the topic at hand: if you have an issue with Aśvatthāman's behavior, why not tell him yourself?

I doubt even he would ignore whatever Lord Shiva's wife had to say. Ah.

I-I'm sorry. I was only referring to your relationship. I didn't mean anything more than that.

Oh Rama. You may be eloquent in most things, but you can't lie to save your life. But that's hardly a bad thing.

Not to worry. Given my position, it's absolutely my duty to point out the error of his ways. All right... Let's get to it!

Ahem. Excuse me, Aśvatthāman?

Ha? Who the hell do you think you are, interrupting me when I'm having the time of myShit.

Hi there, young man. I'm Pārvatī. Wife to Shiva, the one who has so kindly kept you under his protection all this time.

Ma'am, yes ma'am! Aśvatthāman, at your service!

Huh, that's a surprise. I'm guessing those two already kind of know each other?

You could say that. Aśvatthāman is actually Shiva's half-incarnation.

Given how he's acting towards her, I'd say he's kind of like a young man on her husband's side of the family.

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Oh, I think I might have seen something like that in the library. What're they called again? Yakuza families?

So basically, they're like distant relatives? I don't really get it, but I guess I can see it.

Uh, g-good day, Goddess Pārvatī.

Of course, I have nothing but respect for you. How could I not, given my root essence?

However, even as a brāhmana, I cannot fight the fever of battle!

Hehe. I understand you were preoccupied, but that's no excuse not to mind your manners. You really do remind me of Shiva, and not all in a good way.

With all due respect, ma'am, I don't think it's fair to him to be compared to a wild brat like me.

Anyway, as you can see, I really don't have time to eat right now!

Though I can at least grab a quick drink in between rounds. And I've already got some right here.

These things are surprisingly filling, so they're all I need right now.

Ahh. All right, now I'm ready for more!

Anyway, just sit tight for a bit, Goddess Pārvatī. I'll wrap this up in no time!

All right, guys, this idea pisses me the hell off, but if you still wanna play with me, come at me all at once!

('Course, what pisses me off is not being able to fight each guy one-on-one.)

You're on!

(Itching to join in)

...Don't even think about it.

Oh for... What is it about Indian boys!?

Whether it's zazen or fighting, it's like they're completely incapable of doing more than one thing at time...

Oh yes, Boudica, it's not just you. I can hear mothers lamenting all over the world.

Dealing with children so wrapped up in playing that your scolding goes in one ear and right out the other, or having them turn down the food you so lovingly made for them...

Now that I'm like a goddess with a child of my own, I know how you all feel painfully well!

Very well then, I'll just have to go from scolding to really punishing them! I'll make them turn over a new leaf if it's the last thing I do!

And that starts with putting an end to this incredibly dangerous playdate!

That sounds like a lot to handle on your own. Let me help you.

Are you sure?

Oh yes, don't worry. Fujimaru was kind enough to watch my pot for me.

Now my hands are free to dish out some tough love for these naughty brats.

Thank you, Boudica. That will be a big help. All right then, let's get to it!

Ghh... Sh-she has Shiva's spear!

Training and sparring is all well and good, but you mustn't get so carried away that you can't take a break.

In the future, I want you to remember to follow the rules, and exercise moderation in all things.

Oh, and one more thing.

Above all, you absolutely must not take others' good will for granted, whether you mean to or not.

But if you do, just make sure to apologize, mean it, and accept their good will again with a smile.

And of course, you can't forget to say thank you.

Ghh... Huh?

Here you go. Eat up.

？！

Guh... Gah... Aguh...!

...I can't believe it. This stuff is...amazingly good.

Gurk... Thanks for...the meal...

You're quite welcome.

？！

Yes, there is. This takes care of everyone on Raikou's list, so today's public decency check should be over...

But something's still nagging at me.

？！

Unfortunately...I'm not entirely sure. Right now, it's just a vague feeling of unease in the corner of my mind.

But I think I've almost put the pieces together...

Sure, I've been chugging boatloads of juice to make up for that, but it's lemonade with fruit in it, so it's good for you!

Though I can at least grab a quick drink in between rounds. And I've already got some right here.

Hmm? Those are the parts I keep coming back to... But, what is it about

Huh? What's that sound?

"Step right up! Right this way! Come and get your delicious ice-cold lemonade!"

"We've got all kinds of varieties to suit all kinds of tastes!"

？！

Oh, I've heard about these.

Children running lemonade stands to make some pocket money during their summer vacation is a staple of Americana.

I think it's a wonderful custom. It lets them earn money and teaches them about the ways of the world.

Why don't we have one ourselves while we're here?

Who knows? Maybe a nice sweet drink will help my brain to relax and figure out what's bothering me.

Oh, and please don't worry about paying for yours, Fujimaru.

I insist on treating you to thank you for your help!

？！

Here they come now. Aww, look at them. They're adorable.

Ahoy! Care for an old-fashioned American-style lemonade?

Ahoy! How about a lemonade that's as cool and refreshing as Christmas snow?

Ahoy! Try our pink lemonade! It's as pretty and colorful as freshly spilled blood!

Ahoy! Jack and I made it together! Teehee, if you want something sweet, it's the perfect picture-book treat!

Ahoy. This lemonade is perfect for grown-ups too tired to

Hold it.

？！

What is it, Pārvatī?

Don't you think it's kind of rude to stare daggers at people for no reason like that?

I, um, I guess you do have a point there. Sorry, I couldn't help it.

I just can't shake this impression I have that you only show up like this when you're up to no good...

And why is that? Aww, now I'm all hurt and stuff. Maybe I should sue, you know, for emotional distress or whatever.

Honestly, I haven't done anything wrong. Right?

Uh-uh! She's just the little sister of the pretty lady we see sometimes. At least, we think so.

I've seen her eating flapjacks at the cafeteria!

Me too. She likes them with lots of honey, just likeI mean, just NOT like me, 'cause I'm a grown-up and stuff.

And today, we're selling lemonade together, as you can see!

You hear that, Pārvatī? If you're going to grovel for my forgiveness, now's your chance.

Hmph, honestly. I didn't even do anything wrong today.

All I'm guilty of is selling special lemonade just for grown-ups.

？！

...Yes, Master? What's with the look?

I'm pretty sure he's thinking there's something very fishy about that, and I agree!

In fact, I think I know exactly what's been nagging at me now.

Both Ganesha and Aśvatthāman were drinking lemonade...

The exact same kind of lemonade that you're selling right now.

Well, that's no surprise. It's been quite the unexpected hit, after all.

My special grown-up lemonade fills you up completely, both physically and mentally, giving you an overflowing feeling of well-being.

Basically...all I'm doing is making everyone who drinks it happy.

That sounds for all the world like some sort of dangerous drug...

Are you sure there's no corrupting essence or something in it? Something like Paracelsus's elixirs, but for depravity?

Be honest. You're up to something with this, aren't you?

How many times do I have to say it?

I. Haven't. Done. Anything. Wrong. Not unless you think it's wrong to love people for who they are.

(Continuing to glare)

...Ugh, I swear, you are SO paranoid.

I'm telling you, there's nothing out of the ordinary in this lemonade. I can swear it on anything you want.

Yes, it makes everyone who drinks it happy, but only because that's the sort of product I set out to create.

It's not like I put any special divine power into it. I mean, who do you think I am? A god of alcohol, like Soma?

You believe me, right, Master?

The only reason it's so popular is that it tastes really good. That's all.

Say, I know. If you won't take my word for it, why not try it for yourself?

That's the spirit. Come on, right this way then. Don't worry, this one's on the house.

W-wait just one second!

I know you're also one of Fujimaru's Servants now, Kama, so it's not that I don't trust you...

But it never hurts to make sure! As they say, trust, but verify!

So I'm going to taste it first. In fact, I think I'm obligated to!

Y-you took the words right out of my mouth, Master.

I think I'd better try some myself to ensure it's harmless. I mean, I'm sure it is, but you can't be too careful.

？！

Tch.

...Fine, suit yourselves. I'll just be over here, crying on the inside about how nobody trusts me.

Okay, here you go then.

Thanks. All right... Here goes nothing.

Oh my. This is...

Heh heh heh. Well?

This is really good. And it doesn't seem like there's anything strange in it, either...

The only unusual part is that it really does seem to fill me with energy...

...I still don't fully buy it, but I can at least tell that there's nothing bad in here.

It feels like it has some kind of nutrient-rich substance... One that's just as good for Servants as humans.

Right? That's what I've been telling you. I didn't put anything strange in it whatsoever.

...I'm sorry, Kama. I guess I was being a little overprotective.

I shouldn't have ignored the fact that you're a fellow Servant now and decided you were up to no good.

I hope you can forgi

That's right. There's nothing bad in it whatsoever. It just has very, very generous amounts of nonbad things.

Which means...

...it's got calories like you wouldn't believe.

Wait. What did you say it has...?

Uh, calories? You know, those things humans are so obsessed with?

The amount of sweet, delicious magical energy it takes to heat a kilogram of water by one degree that's also used to build our Spirit Origins?

It was a lot of work figuring out how to cram that many into a single cup of lemonade, but I eventually succeeded.

Now there's enough in every glass to pack on the pounds, even in a Servant's body.

Wha... Wha...!? (Trembling with anger)

Ahh, it was truly a job well done, if I do say so myself. I can almost hear my customers' grateful voices now.

It's the perfect casual meal for shut-in gamers who don't want to move from their consoles but still need nutrients.

Sure, the more she drinks the bigger she'll grow, but seeing what she started with, she won't even notice.

And for that delinquent on Shiva's side of the family, it's the perfect pre and post workout protein drink.

Of course, I had the other girls bring him his order, as he's so close to my own Divinity that it's kind of gross.

Not to mention there's no way in hell I'm getting close to anyone who stinks of Shiva that badly unless I have to.

Anyway, given how much high-intensity combat training he's doing...

...I'm sure he's burning so much magical energy that his appearance isn't going to change.

But what's this? Oh no!

If an ordinary housewife like you were to drink it, the sheer amount of calories would go straight to her stom

This ends now.

？！

H-hey! Hold on, Pārvatī! What's the problem here? It's just a cute, harmless prank, right?

Okay, yes, I'll admit this wasn't the nicest thing to do to you, but you're the adult here! You shouldn't get THAT upset!

I thought you were just going to scold me for a while and leave hating me a little more than you already did!

I took all that into consideration when I tricked you into drinking the lemonade, you know?

I'm angry because you didn't actually take anything into consideration at all!

Despite what you may think, I don't hate you.

What Shiva did to you was wrong, and I agree that I'm partially responsible for it...

...so I don't blame you at all for holding a grudge against me.

Honestly, if playing pranks on me is enough to satisfy you, I'm willing to go along with them up to a point.

But this? This is going too far!

Tricking someone into gaining weight is one of the most evil things you could have done!

Maybe this is all fun and games to you because you can change your body on a whim...

...but for women who don't have that luxury, this is anything but a harmless prank!

No, Kama, this act of evil deserves my full, unbridled wrath, and that's exactly what you're going to get!

...Right. I forgot she was the goddess of elegance and grace.

It makes sense that she wouldn't take too kindly to a prank that messes with her core beliefs...

Ooh, it looks like we're gonna get to see a fun show, Master!

Why don't you have some lemonade while you watch? Which would you like?

？！

Wh-what do you think?

？！

Merci, Master! I'm glad you like it!

H-how is it, Reindeer?

？！

Yay! I'm so glad!

H-how is it?

I hope you like it.

？！

Yay! Thanks, Mommy!

You can always have seconds if you like.

？！

Although... Master, how come you look even kinder than usual right now?

I don't know if I'd say kind. It's more like you're looking at something far away! Is that what they mean by looking beatific?

Yeah, it's like you're looking, but not really seeing. How come? Don't you wanna see the show?

？！

？！

You're going to apologize, and you're going to hand over an antidote! Right now!

Why the hell would I have an antidote for a glass of lemonade!? Haven't I already told you it's not poisoned?

I only wish Shiva could see you now, so he'd know what a loon you've become! Serves you right!

？！

Hmph.

No fair! This is tyranny!

I'm just trying to do what I can... Yes, that's right. I was just doling out love like I always do.

If someone wants a full-course meal, that's what I make them. If someone wants a quick and easy bite to eat to keep them going, that's what I make them.

Pretty good service, if I do say so myself♡ Really, if anything, you should be praising me, don't you think?

Hi, don't mind me. Just your everyday unparalleled genius inventor passing through.

I couldn't help but overhear your discussion, so I'm just going to analyze a dropperful of Kama's lemonade here...

Hmm, interesting. With all these calories per drop, this could make for some excellent emergency rations.

This is too intriguing not to study further, so I'm going to leave the QP here and take a cup with me to go, okay?

Ciao, bambinas!

...All right, I can accept that what you're doing here isn't evil.

There's nothing inherently wrong with selling lemonade that's delicious and rich in nutrients.

If you'd just make a batch with fewer calories, I wouldn't have any issue with it. I don't suppose you'd be willing to make one?

No way. If I made something that was all upside and no downside for someone else, well...

...that would mean I was just straight-up loving them normally.

And that's exactly the kind of serious work I told myself I would never do if I can possibly help it.

Don't you feel better knowing that too?

(Sigh) I swear...

You know, you may not have realized this yourself, but thanks to all that fighting we just did...

...you probably burned all the calories you got from that lemonade. Too bad.

Guess this is your lucky day, Pārvatī. Looks like I'll have to wait till some other time to see you truly miserable.

Well, ta-ta for now.

Byyye!

Ooh, we just remembered the Red Person said there'd be flan in the cafeteria today!

Oh my, she just made a very sudden turn around that corner.

Let's all go get snacks after we sell a little more lemonade!

Good idea! Come on then, let's go!

Then we will see you later, Master and Pārvatī!

...See you later then. Oh, and be careful not to bump into anyone in the hallways, okay?

We will!

...Phew.

？！

I'm so sorry you had to see that, Master...

I guess there's just no escaping the fact that Kama and I have a very, um...special relationship.

？！

At this point, I don't think Kama's ever going to change.

I'm sure she'll continue to do the bare minimum required of her as a Servant, but she's also not going to stop playing these kinds of impish pranks.

Oh, but please don't feel like you have to worry about her yourself, Master!

I feel like it's only right that I continue to keep an eye on that troublemaking goddess, even when I'm not standing in for the head prefect.

...You know, now that I think about it, that might be true for all the other Indian deities as well.

In fact...watching over them from a careful distance like this just might be part of my job.

After all, much as it pains me to admit it, a lot of Indian deities do tend to, um, go a bit overboard.

？！

Indeed. Which is why they can easily get carried away if I don't keep an eye on them.

So I think they need someone who's aware of that to help keep them in check.

And I also think that a goddess who's just a goddess is probably best suited to be that someone.

In other words...someone like me.

I know I'm usually just sort of...there. I don't have any great talents, nor am I especially strong...

...but maybe I can be the pillar that watches over and supports everyone else.

No... I realize now that that's what I want to be.

Hehe. I can't thank Raikou enough for giving me an opportunity to figure this out.

？！

I...guess so? It's a little embarrassing, hearing it put that way.

Oh, and of course, I'll also be sure to do my very best if you need my help in combat!

As I've said before, I know that sort of thing is very important, so please don't hesitate to call on me!

？！

...Uso. Was this flab here before?

Th-this has gotta be my ki-no-seimagination, right? It's gotta be.

Hmm... Maybe I should get on the Servant scale just to make sure...

Aaaaaah! It's real! It's all too real! But why? How!? Doushite!?

Is it because I've been eating junk food while working on my draft!? But this isn't the first time I've done that, and this never happened before!

Hey hey! I stopped by like I said I would, and I come bearing gifts of potato chi

No freaking way! I'm going on a crash diet starting immediately!

Any potato chips I see right now? Shindead! Cake? Ultra shindead!

Oh, I know. I'll ask for suggestions on my go-to, creature-friendly social media too!

"Quick! How do I lose weight fast without setting one foot outside!?" ...Come on, replies, hurry up already!

...I don't know if you meant for me to hear all that, but now that I have, as a fellow shut-in, I have to say this:

Not even the great Ganesha could grant an impossible wish like that.

I think you're just gonna have to start living healthier.

Or, alternatively, you could just give in to the fat side, like me!

Never! Iyaaaa!