About Soul's Light

...To be completely honest, this is more a confession than a blessing.

One day, on the spur of the moment, I decided to stop fighting.

I don't remember exactly when I actually stopped...but I do remember when I made the decision.

The "Mahabharata."

The battle where everything was ruined beyond recognition.

The great war where I dissolved god, human, and beast into a slurry.

I absorbed that slurry into myself; I sipped it like soup.

Apologies. That was merely a figure of speech. I did not literally do that.

What I did was far worse.

"It was a mistake."

It would be so easy to say that. Everyone would understand if that is how I said it happened.

But I can't do that. I still don't believe what I did was wrong.

As I said earlier, though, there is one thing I do regret.

I regret that, from the moment I absorbed the gods, I decided to stop fighting.

Why? Because from that point on, every battle...

...was reduced to grave, indifferent prayer.

If nothing else, I should have carried on as a warrior right to the very end...

What was I just thinking about? What was I just feeling?

My own awareness of myself is so hazy right now. I know this feeling. It can only mean one thing...

Strictly speaking, that's not entirely accurate.

If anything, my immature Spirit Origin could be said to be far more complete.

I began as a warrior and became a god, abandoning my old path. Somehow, that felt more like a reduction than an evolution.

As a god, I scaled down the world, tore it to pieces, passed judgment on it, and even purged it.

Ahh, so many sins. So much blood on my hands.

And yet, I can never make amends, because neither confinement nor execution hold any meaning for me now.

I could spend my days doing everything in my power to atone. Maybe if I did, I could be forgiven for my sins.

I would submit to execution. Death Is the ultimate punishment for living things.

But unfortunately, I have already accepted that punishment.

That's right. I, Arjuna, have already died once before.

I fell in battle against Chaldea and Karna. As a result, the matter of my sins was settled.

Indeed, a Servant's sins must be settled by their death.

No matter how evil, or how good, someone may be...

...every hero and Anti-Hero alike is stained by sin.

And those sins are wiped clean the moment they are summoned.

What could possibly be gained by condemning the sins of someone who is already dead?

Sins can only be judged as such based on a Servant's actions after they have been summoned.

In that sense, we Servants are all equally sinners, and all similarly atone.

To bear a sin is to be arrogant.

I don't know who said that, but whoever it was, I agree.

I have been able to forgive everyone except myself.

I can even bear fighting alongside Karna now.

Of course, nothing can erase our longstanding feud, but we can at least set it aside.

That's why this body I possess now is without sin. And even if it weren't, I should be proud of those sins.

For they are the scars that prove I have fought to protect what history is meant to be.

Intellectually, I understand that. And I'm doing my best to accept it.

But...not now. Right now, I need to focus on the battle at hand.

The glittering lights of the city glow even brighter than the moon.

This is where the Demonic Beast at the heart of this Singularity took up residence.

The Demonic Beasts which had taken up residence in the city were certainly frighteningly strong.

But in terms of sheer combat prowess, precious few Servants can match me.

While I did have to be careful not to endanger my surroundings...

...I still managed to evacuate the local residents and corner the monsters by employing precise attacks.

However...

The Demonic Beasts then took off flying, escaping as swiftly as a fleeing rabbit.

As Sheba continued to follow their path, Master and I made our way through the nighttime city.

That is when the Demonic Beasts revealed their true colors.

I think these Demonic Beasts are actually spiders, or something similar.

They spin thread to make their webs, where they wait for prey. Then they feast on what they capture in the comfort of their homes.

And unfortunately for us, those we fought earlier elected to do just that. They retreated to their webs.

It could, therefore, be said Master and I have just walked into a trap.

An uncomfortably warm breeze carrying the faint stench of rot blows past us.

A fair number of the people who live in this city probably disappeared overnight.

I don't know if these Demonic Beasts are acting on instinct, or if there is malign intent behind their actions.

In either case, these monsters have no place in human society.

It's unfortunate that we lost contact with Da Vinci the moment we entered their nest.

Now Master and I will need to track down the Demonic Beasts holed up in this ward by ourselves.

？！

Having determined where it both originates and ends, we should know where we need to search.

Master nods his head.

Obviously, whatever lurks in the heart of this nest must be the Demonic Beasts' queen.

So the question now is, how do we hunt it?

While I was thinking about it, I realized I was also feeling relieved.

Yes, that's right. If these creatures' very survival mechanisms are evil...

...then I needn't hesitate to bring my sword of recursion down upon them.

Dense, sickly sweet poison. That is how I would describe this magical energy.

Both Master and I enjoy a measure of immunity to such things, which means we can continue our investigation with no more than a sigh.

In addition, there was one more truth this magical energy revealed.

This is proof these creatures have hunted the food in the area to extinction.

Which, in turn, explains why we ran into several away from the nest. They no longer had any viable food sources nearby.

If these creatures can eat so many people in a single night, and they continue hunting outside their nest...

...they could empty the entire city in under a week.

？！

Evil. Evil. Evil.

Even as my heart burns with a sense of duty, my thoughts turn to an unpleasant truth in the deep reaches of my mind.

If humans were also this obviously evil

I was once a god. And thanks to that experience...I have a tendency to come up with shortsighted solutions to problems I face.

Ideas meant to justify my actions.

Ahh, how woefully immature of me... I feel so foolish.

I know Aśvatthāman is an old comrade in arms...

...but I simply cannot understand what he is thinking.

As I cocked my head in confusion, his smile widened, as though this only enhanced his enjoyment.

Faint chills ran down my spine.

I banished them to the back of my mind and readied my weapon.

？！

Earlier, I described these Demonic Beasts as spiders.

Not so much because they look like spiders, but because of their propensity to use webbed nests as traps.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten another of the core attributes of a spider.

？！

They tend to carry vast quantities of eggs.

I loose an arrow without turning around. I don't need to look to know it found its mark.

We had no choice but to escape from that underground lair into the nearby corridor.

We were far too exposed. Had we stayed, we might have been attacked from all sides.

And while I might have been able to manage on my own, I couldn't do that while keeping Master safe at the same time.

Master may be right. But even so, I'm still responsible for handling the situation.

I will protect Master, and defeat the enemy.

If a Servant is unable to fulfill their primary duty...

...they may as well just vanish on the spot.

...I'm about to use my Noble Phantasm, a sword of recursion completely unequaled in sheer destructive power.

Every time I use this Noble Phantasm...

...I wonder what my god self was thinking when he acquired it.

The sword is sufficiently powerful to bring an end to everything.

When my other self used it to remake the world over and over...

...did he truly believe his actions would lead to peace?

The light of the planet will be snuffed, and the fate of the people shall be judged.

I have succeeded the power of god to fulfill the duty.

The world will cycle and evil shall be anni

My Clairvoyance shows me someone who should not be here.

A man of perfectly ordinary evil.

A man who hurts the weak and fears the strong.

A man who chooses not to speak out even when he thinks something is wrong.

But the very instant something IS declared by all to be wrong, he will gladly add his voice to the chorus shrieking for justice.

The sort who will wait until ten others have gathered before casting a stone of his own.

A man, as I said, of perfectly ordinary evil.

He found himself near this nest by pure coincidence.

Perhaps he caught wind of a sweet aroma, and came to see what it was.

But no, it was just a coincidence, nothing more. In the end, that's what it all comes down to.

He was simply unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Had he arrived but a few seconds later, he would have seen the road before him suddenly swallowed in an enormous, gaping hole.

He would have collapsed in shock, or perhaps pulled out his phone to take a picture to show his acquaintances later.

Unfortunately, he instead stepped onto the road at the worst possible moment.

The man didn't know it, but he'd stepped into hell itself.

A hell in which enormous, carnivorous spiders greedily devour any living thing they can reach.

By and by, he gained an instinctiveif not intellectualunderstanding of the situation in which he found himself.

This is no place for humans.

It is unfortunate that he did not heed his instincts sooner.

Had he looked around him earlier, he would have noticed that not so much as a stray dog, cat, or even rat...

...had set foot anywhere near the place in which he stood.

He no longer even has the strength to cry out. His mind shatters the instant he finds himself facing his end.

He stares, dumbfounded, at the monster before him.

It hisses, much like a snake, and the man finally understands. He is staring down his own death.

He will die here. Alone. No one will ever know what happened to him or understand what he endured.

He knows the monster's fangs will crush his skull like a grape.

Unable to so much as scream, he watches helplessly as his doom bears down on him.

As the final precious seconds of his life tick away, he thinks of each as though it were a precious jewel.

Three seconds... Two seconds... One second...

And then, just before the fangs reach his head...

A slash rends the air. The monster's remains disappear.

Now, something even more terrifying than a giant spider stands before him.

Beautiful, yet ferocious. Wild and untamed, yet unmistakably noble in appearance.

His name is Arjuna: the great hero of the "Mahabharata."

Or rather, his Alter.

As more Demonic Beasts pour into the area, Arjuna (Alter) stands his ground, trying to hold them back.

At first, Arjuna (Alter) thought the man was simply paralyzed with fear. But then he realized the truth.

He wasn't refusing to run. He was unable to run.

Looking closer, Arjuna saw that the man's hands and feet had been bound with spider silk.

Silk the man, who was not a mage, could not even see.

Once the creatures realized Arjuna (Alter) was protecting the man, they opted to take him hostage.

The man's voice grated on Arjuna (Alter)'s ears. His cold, rational mind told him to forget about the unexpected bystander.

His Clairvoyance showed him the man's true nature.

The man was evil, at least in Arjuna (Alter)'s eyes.

He wouldn't hesitate to stab someone in the back if he thought it would help him in any measurable way.

He wouldn't think twice about treating those he perceived as beneath himself with disdain.

He was not the sort to ever get his hands dirty. He just left everyone he met a little worse off than they had been.

And all of this for even the tiniest of hints of self-satisfaction.

Such meaningless rewards were practically the man's entire reason for being.

He made many enemies, but none who would go so far as to kill him. It was simply more than he was worth.

And so he continued living a life of sloth and indolence.

To be sure, he did not come close to qualifying as one of the great evils of the world.

No, he was just like countless others, all across the world, exulting in their meaningless lives as though they were anything but as hollow as they are.

No matter what may come, he would not change his life, up to the moment of his death.

That death would be an insignificant think, having no bearing on the world's future.

Were he to go on living, he would no doubt cause some slight pain to all who encountered him.

If he is to die now, so be it.

But does that make it okay to abandon him to his death?

This man may cause pain, but not death. His crimes were simply unworthy of judgment.

So...should I allow this to happen? Or should I stop it?

"Who cares? Even if he gets caught in the blast and dies, nobody will miss him."

"Now hurry up and release your Noble Phantasm. Destroy this entire place already."

"It's what you need to do to repair this Singularity."

"You do know that every second you delay puts Master in greater danger, right?"

I could not help but agree.

This is exactly the sort of thing one should not bother worrying about. Don't forget what really matters here.

I am Fujimaru's Servant...

...and my primary duty is to protect all of humanity.

So I tried to abandon him. I tried to forsake him.

But something inside me resisted. Something told me I must not forsake the evil in front of me.

As if out of patience, the Demonic Beasts began pulling the man towards them.

He must have understood he was being dragged to his death...

...and that the being looking down upon him was allowing it to happen.

Countless times before, the man had heard others begging for help and turned a deaf ear to their pleas.

Of course, such please were only of a social or financial nature, not matters of imminent death.

Even so, he never thought twice about ignoring them.

Now, finally finding himself on the wrong end of that arrangement, he realized something.

To be deemed worthless by people, society, and institutions alike...

...was every bit as painful as having your insides torn out.

I tried to create a good world by destroying all the evil within it.

Why?

Because evil harms good. No. Not just harms. Given a chance, it would destroy good entirely.

I want to help all the good people of the world. That is the side I wish to stand on.

That was my wish when I decided to fight...and when I decided I would abide no evil in this world.

Does that mean abandoning evil is the right choice?

Well, Arjuna? Or rather, Arjuna (Alter)?

He who consumed the gods' power to become a god in his own right, and who now lives in a human body.

Did you choose correctly?

The doubts were a sharp blade pressed to his throat.

Arjuna (Alter) took a deep breath and cast his mind back.

Back before he met Master. Before he became a god. Long before any of this occurred.

Back to when he decided to fight to protect those who could not protect themselves.

Back when he was still a living child.

He made that choice on his own, without anyone telling him to.

Though he made some mistakes, even accumulated some bad karma in the time since...

...he must never forget why he made the choice which set him on this path.

Whenever I see Master's strong gaze, I remember where I came from, and what it is that led me here.

Yeah. That's right.

Never mind good, evil, justice, villainy.

Beyond all of that lies something simpler...something far more important.

...That's it. That's all there is to it!

I see now where I went wrong. I was completely overthinking it.

I should have kept things simple, like Master does.

How good or evil this man is does not matter. I am good, and that is reason enough tono, it demands I save him. So I will.

If he continues to do evil, that will be his responsibility, not mine.

Hordes of spiders gathered around, as if they'd completely forgotten their goal of getting outside.

But Arjuna (Alter) had no more reason to hesitate. He knew there was nothing to worry about.

The problems which had plagued him had finally and fully been wrestled into submission.

All right, no more doubts! Now let's finish this!

His arrows, blade, and light tore through the Demonic Beasts everywhere around him.

His shots and slashes quickly surpassed a hundred in number, his expression calm and placid despite the ferocity of the battle around him.

His victory was never in doubt. His domination was absolute.

Without so much as "thank you," the man picked himself up and ran off, practically tripping over his own feet.

I don't know what's going to happen to him.

Perhaps a mage will be sent to erase his memories. Or perhaps he'll live with what he saw here for the rest of his days.

Will he repent and do good from now on, or will he go right back to his old, evil ways?

Or, as with most humans, will he simply take the middle road, not truly aligning with either side?

Honestly, I no longer care.

Determining what is good and what is evil has not been my concern for a long time now.

I have sinned. I have punished. I have atoned. I have provided salvation.

I have been good, evil, just, and villainous.

More importantly, though, I have transcended all of that and now know that I must continue to fight as I am now.

I have faith in my current position. I trust myself, and my decision to place my faith in Master.

I was once a god. I once undertook unspeakably cruel, devastating action in response to a cruel and tragic battle.

I will never forget that. Ever.

But...those actions are now only relics of the past.

I may still have need of them, but Master does not.

As a life story, the answer I arrived at was incomplete, lacking, and insufficient.

I must find a more fulfilling answer, one in which the truth is clear and obvious.

Should I try to find that answer now, though, I would only be fooling myself.

I must keep considering this question. Struggling with it. Agonizing over it. Even if I never find a good answer.

If nothing else, the search itself will be honest.

Karna leaves to go on his way, and I leave to go on mine.

...What a truly surreal conversation. Even now, I feel laughter bubbling up within me in response to the sheer absurdity.

I fight the urge. Were I to burst out laughing here, alone in the hall, I would surely look deranged.

Come on, Arjuna. Keep it together...

Then, in the moment I think I have myself under control, something pushes me over the edge.

And then I begin to laugh, but can I really be faulted?

It was a very human laugh, and as such...I think it may well be part of the light of my soul.

Because, thanks to this laughter, my soul truly does shine brightly.