Chloe's Snack

...And that's why things have been a little lacking in the kissing department.

...

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Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not complaining about your technique or anything...

But I just...want to feel something else...like butterflies in my stomach.

...

No, no, go on. This may be something I need to hear.

Please continue, Chloe. Depending on what you have to say, I may have to contact the authorities.

This is my default expression. My various emotions are typically not reflected in my catalog of expressions.

So please carry on. As you can see, I am quite calm.

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Oh no, did I hit a nerve?

Normally, I'd keep prodding and hope for some good drama...

But since Mash is a good girl, I'll leave it alone.

O-okay...

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Right. I came over to see if there was anything we could do to improve the situation.

If you can increase the magical energy supplied to me, I can increase my output, which will help everyone.

I-I didn't realize that's what you were talking about. I just thought...

You thought...?

N-no! Nothing at all!

So this is about getting stronger. I believe this is one of the most important topics to discuss here in Chaldea. Absolutely, yes.

Yep, yep. You really are cute, Mash.

I don't know why...but I feel like I was just teased by an older sister or something...

I think they're around here somewhere.

We tagged along because you asked us to, but why did you take us here?

I heard there's good snacks around here. I figured I could taste them all at once.

Ah! I smell something delectable over there!

Um...what happened to you getting stronger?

There they are! Over there! Hide, so they don't see you!

They are...

Tea time♪

Tea, tea, tea...ocha in Japanese♪

T-tee...

Chacha!!!

Are they having a tea party? That's so adorable...

...Though they seem to be a bit lacking in terms of vocabulary...

Heh heh heh... Every single one of them looks to be positively brimming with magical energy...

Gasp! D-don't tell me you're going to...

Yep, I'm going to start snacking...

By sucking their magical energy!

Down to the last drop!

Suck suck suck!

Wh-what!?

If there's a girl that I'm super compatible with, my charge efficiency will go way up!

That's why I'm going to sample them one by one!

Th-that makes sense on paper, but...n-no!

Th-that's not right... In fact, it may be criminal!

It's fine, it's fine. I won't do anything that would traumatize them♡

All I have to do is make sure they don't remember. That just means I gotta fight them.

Either way, I don't think they're going to let me suck them directly, so I'll do it after I knock them out.

S-she's thinking like a random serial attacker!

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Master!?

That's good! I'm getting excited now!

Tea tea tea tea tea♪

Tea, tea, chachacha! Chachacha-tea!

Teee...hee hee...

Chacha!!! We're talking about Chacha, aren't we!? Wahahaha!!!

By the way, why are we all only saying "tea" and "cha"?

Eh? Are we allowed to talk normally?

We thought chanting "cha cha" was customary in a Japanese tea party.

A tea ceremony isn't this wacky! A Japanese tea ceremony is a social gathering that mixes etiquette and being fashionable!

I feel things went off the rails somewhat when Chacha started randomly shouting "Chacha!"

Chacha!?

Cha-cha-cha!

This is so stupid it's hurting my head...

Setting matters of intellect aside, those girls are all pure and innocent.

For you to attack them and...k-k-kiss them... I don't think we can permit such an immoral act...

Yeehaw! Let's go! It's time to make some flowers bloom!

Wh-what the!?

CHLOE!!!

Cha...

Chaaaaaa...

I-I feel like we're being handled...

...crudely! ...Unnnf...

...Battle complete. ...So it's finally happening...

I'm sure this will also come back to haunt you, Senpai. But there's nothing we can do about it now, is there?

This is definitely something I won't want to witness!

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Whew. They fought hard, but they were no match for the Serial Kisser Squad.

And now we're a part of this shameful group!

Now that they've all passed out...

Time for a taste☆

Hm...

Oh...my...

...Ahhh...w-wow...that sound...ahhhh! That's too much...!

S-Senpai! I don't think this is right! This is...this is SO wrong in SO many ways!!!

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Y-you really think so?

N-no, you're right. The...methodology may be troubling, but it really just amounts to a medical procedure.

It is just one way to exchange magical energy. Yes... So there is no problem here...

...No problem...I hope...

Ummmmmmf... Phew!

...Wanna try, Mash?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

In the end, none of them were compatible. I'm disappointed...

I feel sorry for them...

I was hoping the ponytail witch Medea Lily would be the one... But even though she was unconscious, she had really strong magical resistance!

She was the hardest to deal with, despite how she looks. She's probably got a lot more going on than meets the eye.

Really? Out of those four, I feel she has the most common sense. ...Although that can be its own burden.

As much as I respect your adaptability, I don't think it's working in your favor this time, Senpai.

It's good that you're really into my cause, but quit acting like that, it's gonna end up making things take a bad turn (read: get us shut down).

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Okay, next. I went after kiddos last time, so maybe I should look for a stronger girl this time.

Maybe I should find myself a king, or...oh! Maybe a Berserker...

I predict a whole different kind of disaster from last time.

...To be quite clear, disaster beyond reckoning is sure to ensue.

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Eh? When it comes to boys, I wouldn't want them to get serious with me... None of them are my type anyway.

Oh wait... There are maybe one or two good ones, but those guys...you know...honestly...

I-I don't know how to respond to that. I can only surmise that you have a very complicated situation here.

So there you have it. Now let's keep looking for other girls with potential.

Girls like the last ones, the sort who aren't challenging, are just boring... I wanna try getting a strong girl to submit to me.

You are much too gung-ho about these morally questionable endeavors!

Hmmm, is there anyone around? A cute and strong and stimulating girl...and possibly a Saber who's compatible with my class.

Yoohoo, are there any girl kings swinging their swords around here...?

After I give her a gentle thrashing, I wanna nurse her back to health with the utmost care and tenderness!

Where's the patient!?

...

...

...?

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No, no, no! She's no good! I was trying to put up a flag to lure someone like Altria or Altera!

That last bit might have pushed her over the edge. She's gone berserk herself.

Do not fret. Now that I'm here, I will thoroughly expunge this mental anguish troubling you.

It will not be unnecessarily painful... That is, it will be excruciating, even highly traumatic, but that is only because it is necessary.

Sadly, there is no anesthesia to numb pain of the heart or soul. I must ask you to grit your teeth and bear it.

We can't reason with her! Figures! Wh-what are we going to do with her? There's no way I can handle her!

No, no. There is nothing that cannot be handled. Your perspective in this is all wrong.

What cannot be dealt with simply must be amputated. All that is necessary to sustain a patient's life is to keep the vital organs intact.

Despair only when there's nothing left to amputate!

It may sound like we're having a conversation, but you're actually talking to yourself! Argh! This is why Madness Enhancement EX is impossible to deal with!

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S-Senpai!? Please don't egg Chloe on!

A-are you telling me to attack her? Seriously? Are you NUTS?

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...

...Heh.

You're right. What was I thinking? Being scared of dessert (read: women) is so unlike me.

U-um Chloe? You're kidding, right? You're not really going to...?

The Serial Kissers never turn their backs on their prey! As long as there's a girl around, I'll try to jump them from behind!

Those lips of yours will be mine! Brace yourself, head nurse! Or rather...!

Kill☆Kill☆Nurse!

Take my lips...? Did you just say you mean to take my lips from me?

Manpower, medicine, bandages, bed, and other resources are all being taken and running low! And now you're trying to take away my lips too!?

Oops. I already decided I wouldn't talk to you. Instead of filling your mouth with words, I'm going to fill it with something warm and wet!

I understand now. You are poison. You are the danger. You are an infection that must be eradicated!

Kill☆Kill☆Germs!!!

...

(Gasp!) I'm sorry! I could not intervene during that intense and bizarre back and forth.

But...yes. Commencing battle! Good luck!

...

...

...

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I'm not sure what you're saying, but it truly was an epic battle...

And I learned from this battle that fighting can be completely empty and futile... I have never in all my life felt so sad...

I managed to get a strong woman to submit to me, just like I wanted... It's nothing like I expected, though.

Whew... I'm beat, so I should go home and take a shower.

W-wait! Did you forget your initial plan?

...

If you leave now, what was the point in fighting Nightingale!?

I forgot. Oh, right, right.

But do I really have to? I'm kind of over it.

After all that effort...!

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Okay... This is such a mood killer, but I guess I have to do it.

Then, here I go... Hmf...

...

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I-I'm not looking, and I don't want to get involved!

...Pfaaah!

H-how did it go, Chloe?

Well, you know... I kinda expected it, but...she tasted like antiseptic.

Ah, well that makes sense, but I really wasn't asking how she tasted...

Oh you mean, magical energy? That was so-so too. I suppose I was wrong to expect more from a Berserker in the first place...

...Wrong.

Eh?

Wrong...! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Everything is wrong!

Nightingale's awake! No, perhaps she was never unconscious...

So what am I wrong about!?

Everything! Your resuscitation procedure is totally wrong!!!

Huh? Resuscitation!? Huh!?

Oh, Nightingale just reached out and grabbed Chloe's throat...

First, find the airway! Tilt the face sideways, and if there is anything inside the mouth, scoop it out with your fingers!

Bleeah... Your finger...! Ack!

Lift the chin up, pinch the nose, and blow in with all your might for one second!

Hey, Ihrmgh! Ack!

I don't think you need to breathe with all your might...

But most important are chest compressions! Punch the chest one hundred times per minute to force the heart to restart!

(Cough) ...Heart!? But it didn't stop... Ow...owowowowowowowowowow!?

Multiple hits with no rest between them!?

...You have just witnessed a chief modern medical technique to combat death. It is known as CPR.

...That isn't...right...

Um. I don't know how to react to that.

That was a wonderful demonstration. The only thing that was unfortunate was that, rather than being a resuscitation exercise, it is guaranteed to kill the targum, patient.

Mash. Should your respiratory organs shut down, come to me immediately. I will be sure to resuscitate you.

N-no thank you! Um, I'm fine with Chaldea's medical equipment!

I-I thought I was gonna die... Ungh...what did I get myself into...?

Nightingale really was unexpected. By the way, are you familiar with the phrase "what goes around, comes around"?

Hmmm, nope.

Oh? There's a flyer posted in the hallway. Actually, there's a ton out here. Let's see what it says.

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What the heck is this!?

Looks like word of Chloe's evil doings has spread. Perhaps now your wicked quest will come to an end.

But I haven't finished playing around... I mean...I still haven't found someone who's compatible with me!

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Indeed. We got dragged into this because of Chloe's insistence, but that will now come to an end. We cannot overlook your deeds any more.

If you continue to corrupt Chaldea's morals, I will stand in your way as Chaldea's shield!

Mash is betraying me now!? Unbelievable... Desertion will not be permitted!

Come on! Don't be such a square just because you wear glasses! You dummy! You...Mashmallow Goody Two-shoes!

I never once joined your squad, and I am not acting like a square. Also I don't understand why you'd call me Mashmallow.

Ungh... That Shielder is so serious. Fine. Be that way.

Whew. I'm glad she listened.

But there's one thing I want you to know: it may seem like I was playing around, but I really did want to make myself stronger.

I want to get strong for Fujimaru... No, I wanted to be useful for big brother...

Chloe...

Don't worry. I believe you. Sometimes you may go overboard, but I also know you have an inherent kindness within you.

As for you getting stronger... Let's think about it together. I'm sure we'll find something for you.

Thanks. But...it's fine.

Eh? But...

Is this it? We're coming in.

Huh, Chloe? What's going on?

We're in...Illya's room?

Mash! And big brother Fujimaru too! What great timing!

Someone in red was teaching me how to make sweets. I just finished up a batch.

I'll brew up some tea, so let's have them together.

What a wonderful, kind invitation. Even though you're so young, you are very domestic, Illya.

What is this feeling? I feel secure, as if I'm in my childhood home. And I simultaneously sense a newlywed and old-wifey aura from her...

Yeah...I knew it all along... In the end, everyone wants to go back to Illya.

I don't know what you're talking about... Oh, by the way! Chloe, you should be careful too!

I heard that there's some serial attacker lurking around in Chaldea! There's tons of victims already!

Uh...um...

Hm?

That's me.

...Come again?

And now I'm here to make you my last victim.

...Come AGAIN!?

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W-wait a minute...! Um...um...what you're trying to say is...?

Yep. The ones I attacked before were just for fun. I always knew the one most compatible with me was Illya!

I was foolish to believe in Chloe even for a minute!!!

I'm running low on magical energy from that last battle! I'm gonna suck you harder than usual, Illya!

Eh? What!? What's going on!? Somebody explain!

Please run, Illya!!!

Waaaaaah!!! Something like this always happens to me!!!

Yahoo!!! It's hunting time!!!

...

... (Cough) ...

Yep. Delicious.

That's the familiar taste I enjoyed in Miyama. I think the fact that it's nothing out of the ordinary is proof that I succeeded.

Oh... So in the end, I could not prevent Chloe's barbarism... I failed to defend Chaldea's morality...

Illya doesn't count. We're like twins. Just think of it as sisterly bonding.

... (Twitch, twitch)

And this is the result of that bonding?

N-no...I'm not going to comment on Chloe's bizarre morality anymore.

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Of course! From now on, if Illya is by my side, I'll just keep sucking from her!

I'm kinda disappointed I never found another snack other than Illya, but I'll just keep looking on my own time.

And whenever Illya's not around, I'm counting on you to supply me with magical energy, okay Master?

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...

...May I interject? I just remembered my first question about all of this...

Do you do it...with Senpai...normally?

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You know...with Chloe...

DOING SUCH THINGS AS THIS!?

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Ahahaha! I knew Mash was jealous!

Th-that's not what this is about!

The magical energy necessary for a Servant to manifest is supplied by Chaldea.

That's why...there should be no need to siphon extra from other Servants...let alone from Master!

I know. That's why I've been saying "snack" this whole time.

Come again?

A healthy lifestyle requires three meals a day, plus delicious snacks in between.

Actually, I can live off of my snacks, so they really count as my meals! In other words...

My meals are snacks!!! (BAM)

That doesn't make any sense!

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Senpai? Why are you making a mad dash out of here without even looking back!?

Please wait, Senpai! If you're running away, you must be hiding something! Explain...explain yourself!!!

And there they go. Mash is seriously cute.

And Master didn't need to fret. I haven't done anything too bad that Mash would be concerned about. I only took a little sample.

But if Mash doesn't make a move soon...

U-unnnnnngh...

Oh I forgot. I forgot you were lying there, Illya.

H-horrible! You treated me worse than usual...!

Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I admit I went a little overboard this time.

Now come on, stand up. Let's go home and have some tea.

Tea... Oh right.

You made some snacks for us, right? Let's have them together.

Together for...for now♪