Life and Death of a Certain Great Detective and Villain

Let us begin with the beginning. So, good ladies and gentlemen, the prologue. The title...let us say "The Big Bad Professor's Big Mistake."

Hm? "Why 'big bad professor'?" you ask?

Well, that's what Mash calls my younger self, so... Goodness, just how badly did he screw up, anyway?

Ahem. At any rate, my story for you today...

...is about a certain elderly gentleman who got carried away, and suffered severe repercussions as a result.

You DO enjoy stories about scummy old men getting their just deserts, no?

Well, I certainly do!

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I know he said he wanted to talk to us in the simulator...

Oh!

Hello there! I've returned from the depths of hell!

... ...

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Professor Moriarty, this is in extremely poor taste.

You think so?

Because I daresay it's downright wholesome compared to what I'm about to tell you.

Huh?

Okay, let's stop right there! Take a look at that smug face...that self-satisfied grin.

So, as for what this old man is up to...

...he's about to try and get his kicks by unveiling a shocking truth.

And as for what happens to him next, well, let's all watch and laugh at his pathetic, old behind ourselves!

It's about Sherlock Holmes.

He was once thought to have died by going over the Reichenbach Falls during a fight with myself...

...only to later reappear and declare that he had actually been alive the entire time.

So you're certain this time is bound to be no different, especially since he fell down the same Reichenbach Falls.

...But has it never crossed your mind that this line of thinking might be naive?

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Professor Moriarty...

How exactly did he survive Reichenbach the first time? Was it purely skill, or was it simply because readers demanded his return?

Either way, his survival was like lightning in a bottle. And that kind of lightning simply doesn't strike twice.

Do you understand that?

All right, let me pause once more. That glint in my eyes is most incredible, wouldn't you say?

You can practically hear me saying:

"That's right. I know exactly what's going on here, and I see right through it!"

And for good reason! I wished to scream death at the heart of the world!

...Anyway, mortifying as this is, let's get back to it, shall we?

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That's what I thought.

... ...Wait, what?

Senpai is right.

Director Goredolf made that very clear when he talked about this with us.

Yes, um... I'd like to say something about our administrative advisor.

Naturally, we fully believe that he's still alive, and we are simply classifying him as MIA until he returns.

That being said...we also can't deny the possibility that coming back alive after going over Reichenbach Falls...

...may have been a once-in-a-lifetime miracle, even for our administrative advisor.

So, perhaps...it may be that...

...there's a possibility that he...won't be coming back.

Still, whether he does or not is out of our hands. All we can do now is trust in him.

...Right!

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Very good.

If and when he does return, should I award him with a medal of some sort?

Hahaha, great idea. I bet even our administrative advisor would be speechless with a surprise like that!

I see. An interesting idea. So who's going to do the cooking? Me?

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...Ahem.

Well, at any rate, there you have it.

Now don't start acting out just because he's not currently here to supervise, got it?

Yes, sir!

... ...

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Yes. Senpai and I were both thoroughly briefed on this subject.

Still, I do agree with your advice, Professor Moriarty.

We'll trust that Holmes will come back to us someday, and do our best in the meantime!

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There. This is the exact moment when I completely died inside.

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Three reasons.

One: I thought I would play the part of a crafty, cold-blooded old man telling you what you needed to hear, only to be blindsided when I learned I was well behind the curve.

Two: This was also when I learned that I myself hadn't yet come to terms with the news of Holmes' death.

Three: I was completely at a loss for words.

The end!

So, there you have it.

I see...

So, that's why, back then...

Heh... Hehehe...

...you silently walked away with an inscrutable smile on your face.

Hohoho. Has anyone ever told you how good you became at twisting the proverbial knife, Mash?

(Sad eyes)

Oh! I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Indeed!

I'm offering up my pain on a silver platter here. The least you can do is accept it!

Oh yes, I'm fine.

Sure, I sometimes fall into inconsolable bouts of depression, but other than that, I'm doing great.

Fooou...

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...All right, let's move on, shall we?

Why did I put on such an embarrassing performance like that in the first place?

... ...

...I think I may have been in shock.

... ...

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That he was actually one of the Foreign God's Disciples? Yes, and no.

Logically, I was absolutely sure of my conclusions, yet I was also certain it couldn't be true.

Conviction means nothing in the face of cold hard logic, but sometimes, humans choose it over logic anyway.

Very humanizing of me that I did so here, don't you think?

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Good!

Ahh, how embarrassing. Perhaps this sort of thing is inescapable in one's old age.

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Indeed, I perceive just about everything, including myself...

...exclusively through the lens of logic.

...Except when it comes to Sherlock Holmes.

Ouch. I'm hurt. Well, what do YOU think, Mash?

For better or worse, you'll always be the Professor.

Beyond that, I can't say.

Hmm. Just the sort of answer I'd expect from you, Mash.

Right... I'm sorry.

Oh, no, not to worry. I was just having a bit of fun at your expense.

...Anyway.

Now that the opening act has concluded, let's move on to the next one, shall we?

What do you mean?

Ah, yes, well...

Now that I've shown you one of my more mortifying moments, next I'd like to show you one of my better sides.

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Simulator, change background to Reichenbach Falls!

Oof. Just the sound of water rushing over those rocks is making me dizzy...

Yes I am! ...No, you're right. I'm not.

Oh yes, and a severe case at that. It's hard to get more traumatic than the place you actually died, after all.

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Still, that aside...

...now that I'm here, I understand why my younger self chose this place for his final showdown.

What do you mean?

From everything I've heard, it feels like my younger self's timeline simply isn't connected to my own.

You've heard similar stories before, yes?

My understanding is, it's not uncommon for a summoned Servant to have no recollection of a prior encounter in a Singularity or Lostbelt.

Yes, that's true. It often varies between Servants, but...

...some have said they've felt like they only learned about their past actions as though reading about them in a book, or watching them through a screen.

And others have said they have no memory of their past actions whatsoever.

There you go. In the same way, my younger self has no concept of being me, and I have none of being him.

I daresay it feels as though I was born directly into this ripe old age!

That sounds unusual... Don't you have any memories of your childhood?

No, I don't. Besides, why would a Servant need such things?

Of course, this is strictly my own, personal interpretation. Other Servants may feel entirely differently.

...Now then. For the second act, let's have a talk about logic, shall we?

Logic...

Indeed.

Even at this point, there are still many mysteries regarding the Bleached Earth Phenomenon.

That's fine. For the moment, let's just put those mysteries aside.

My point is, you once said that as long as mysteries persist, the great detective will return to solve them, did you not?

Then let me ask you this: Have you ever considered that the next great detective summoned may be a different one?

What!?

It could be that Father fellow, The Old Man in the Corner, The Thinking Machine, or a certain orangutan-nabbing detective that predates even Holmes.

And outside the realm of fiction, one need look no further than France's Eugène-François Vidocq, or the U.S.'s Allan Pinkerton.

It's absolutely possible that one of them could be summoned instead of you-know-who, no?

Theoretically, if Holmes did disappear here, and if one of these other detectives were summoned instead...

...wouldn't that mean the chances of Holmes' return have decreased, if not vanished entirely?

I...

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Correct!

R-really?

Really. Let's get one obvious thing straight.

There is more to Holmes than being a great detective. In this case, he has one other hugely important aspect:

He's also a witness.

As one of the Foreign God's Disciples, he, of course, must have had some degree of involvement with her.

And no matter who or what the Foreign God truly is, we can also be sure she possesses intelligent thought.

So even if we presume there's another detective greater than Holmes...

...it won't change the fact that he is directly involved in this matter.

As such, Holmes must be both a detective and a witness simultaneously.

Which means Holmes' role in this matter is far from over.

Regardless of who else may step up to solve the remaining mysteries, it won't change his importance in this matter.

I see...

Phew.

It seems I've finally made it past my mortifying failure in the opening act...

Incidentally, I'm sure you would have eventually realized and resolved this problem yourselves...

...but it would have been most unfortunate if you had happened to do so while, say, fighting an enemy.

In the meantime, there shouldn't be any issue in overcoming this problem here and now.

Speaking of problems, this last one in the closing act is the real one we need to face.

Now that we're done talking about Sherlock Holmes...that just leaves the matter of myself.

This final act is about me. Will you hear me out to the end?

Wonderful. Thank you.

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Hahahahaha! But you will listen to me, won't you?

It does depend on where you're going with this...but yes, of course.

Good.

Now, who is James Moriarty? He is, of course, Sherlock Holmes' ultimate rival.

That much is abundantly clear to anyone who knows anything about me.

One could even make a strong argument that my life's sole purpose is to defeat him.

And yet, the fact is, I've already done just that...or at least, I believe that to be the case.

It was the Shinjuku incident, if you'll recall.

There, I managed to pull one over on him, and win.

Well, I say "I," but it was really another version of me; the one who created the League of Phantom Fiends.

Not that I mind overly much, since it still counts as my victory!

Yes, I really did think that! And without an ounce of shame! Can you believe it!?

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Of course I am.

Logically, I know that this other me defeated him, but it never truly seemed real.

Still, the fact remains: if I was able to defeat him once, I should be able to do so again.

You see, the thing I feared more than anything was the idea that I would always lose to him one-hundred-percent of the time.

Huh? Weren't there times when I beat him back when we were alive? Well, that was more of a battle of survival than a contest of wits, so...

At any rate, once I knew I wasn't always fated to lose to him, I knew I could beat him again.

Doing so here in Chaldea should have been no exception. ...Or so I thought.

But now...he's gone.

And as an irredeemable villain, my first thought upon hearing that was:

"I can't believe it. I always thought I would be the one to push him over this ledge."

My younger self may as well be a completely different person. We certainly differ in our looks, mustache, lower back, eyesight; just about everything!

And how did he end up as an amalgamate of the three goddesses of fate, anyway!? Is it some kind of harem!?

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Not at all.

Fou.

Thank you for cooly returning me to my senses.

So, you're saying you wanted to kill Holmes, Professor?

Whoa, whoa, easy there, Mash. Please, put away your shield. At least for now.

...Yes, of course I wanted to kill him. But you see... Hmm... Well...

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Get what, Master?

I still don't understand.

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... ...

Oh, I see. So Professor Moriarty likes Chaldea...

... ...

Oh! NOW I get it!

Ah, Mash... Your pure and innocent eyes pierce me to my very soul.

And you, Master. Well done on figuring out approximately eighty percent of my true feelings.

Still, as much as I like Chaldea...

...all that amounts to is how I'd hate to see it ruined.

And without Holmes here to fight on your behalf, Chaldea's obviously going to struggle in the battles that lie ahead.

As much as killing him would have pleased me personally, I understood there would be no merit in that for Chaldea as a whole.

And I highly doubt anyone would have trusted me if I'd tried to take up his mantle after it was my younger self who defeated him.

Which brings me to why I asked you to come here.

I want to settle things once and for all here at these same falls. Of course, if you'd rather not, feel free to refuse.

Simulator, begin a battle, if you would.

Is that...!?

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Oh, yes. When you get right down to it, I'm still the Napoleon of crime: an irredeemable villain.

So if we don't settle this, I'm worried I may end up going well and truly rotten.

And while I would normally do everything in my power to make it a battle of wits rather than a bout of fisticuffs...

...I figured something so stupidly straightforward would be better for settling things clearly.

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Yes!

If this is how the professor's chosen to settle things, then I think we should respect his wishes.

I'm good to go anytime!

Thank you, you two. All right, let's set the difficulty fairly high.

And to make up for that, a couple tweaks here and there... Done.

All right, are you ready?

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Very well then. Let's go!

Phew! That was much closer than I was expecting!

H-he really was strong, wasn't he...

Also, um, was it just me, or did we have some strange new attributes, too?

Well, you WERE fighting beside me here, so I thought it would be easier if you all matched my style.

So I was...a big-bad...

Fou fou!

Ouch. Ouch. That hurts, strange little creature.

Th-then...does that mean you were a villain too, Master...?

What? No, I didn't imbue him with the Evil attribute.

So please cease with the devilish grin, would you, Master!?

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Anyway, that concludes my final act. I believe we've settled this once and for all.

Now, let's go home, shall we!?

Right. I'll go ahead and shut down the simulator then.

... ...

Hm? Oh, that's easy.

I don't actually have any great affection for Chaldea itself.

Hm, no, I suppose that's not quite right. Perhaps I should say that I don't trust it implicitly.

No, the ones I trust and have affection for...

...are you and Mash, Fujimaru.

As for Sherlock Holmes, I may not like him, but I do trust him.

Though I'm certainly loath to admit it! Anyway, that covers my remaining twenty percent. Satisfied?

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You're quite welcome, my wicked student! Er, I assure you, I'm only joking.