Harder Than Going Through the Eye of a Needle

Ooof. Oh hey, Fujimaru. Are you by chance looking for the Queen of Sheba?

Actually, in the hallway a few minutes ago...

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...I did not. Hahaha!

I had some business with her myself. She's the Queen of Sheba, after all.

She's the queen whose beauty was praised and noted in any number of texts and works of art. Even the Bible!

And now that beauty has come to Chaldea. I always meant to introduce myself to her!

I would start off with a brisk "hello" and a pleasant conversation starter. Then, I would lock eyes with her and seal the deal by taking her hand.

You have to meet a person to know if you're compatible with them, you know.

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Hey, I'm passionate about this! It's very important to me!

With the help of a certain someone here (a fellow fan of bronze skin and fuzzy ears), I've done a bit of sleuthing.

First, I checked when the Queen appears in common areas. Then I looked into her favorite facilities and how she likes to get to them...

But not once have I managed to meet her. Hrmmm...

I try to get a few steps ahead, but she always seems to see just what I'm planning, and so manages to evade me. I have only failed so far!

I'm not exaggerating. It's all true.

Oh, no. I wouldn't recommend that, Master. I'll have you know that I'm always innocent. My good looks always help me beat the rap.

But, should the security personnel be male, he may falsely accuse me out of sheer jealousy. How sad.

Besides, I'm only acting on instinct. As a sheep herder, I'm inclined to gather any lost sheep

Okay, fine! It's my fault! Just put your phone away!

...But honestly. Big as this place is, failing to run into someone at least once seems odd...

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Maybe it's because...she's using her power of looking into the future or something...

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You think it's annoying? But this handsome guy is so desperate!

I know my actions can be problematic, but don't you think it's funny when you think about it? That fact I, for once, am failing?

Don't you think that's a sight to behold? Oh, I hope the Queen of Sheba thinks so too.

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Thanks for that uninspiring word of encouragement, Master. I'll just have to patiently wait for my encounter like a gentleman.

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Meowhahaha!

Well, well...you fell right into my mousetrap, agent of the villainous universal genius!

There's no use squirming to get out! Not so much as a rat is gonna escape on my watch!

You'll get a punch! A kick! A body slam! Come at me! I've got moves like a jaguar!

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Ha! Everyone knows cats and the desert go together like peanut butter and jelly!

And now, the winds of South America will blow CATastrophically in this desert! What I mean is, you're gonna die!

Ack!!! Ptttfttt! Sand! It's rough and coarse and getting everywhere! And drying out my famous toe beans!

U-um...Jaguar?

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I believe Master has some business with me...

Oh, I see... I understand. Except I don't! The only thing I know is that there are butts that need kicking for entering my territory!

I thought I made myself clear, lovely animal-eared girl! I can only remember and follow one command at a time!

P-please wait! (Sigh)... I guess we have no choice.

I'm sorry to ask this since you only just arrived, Master.

But would you mind giving me a hand in calming her down? I will repay you generously.

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Oh gods! Oh gods! Have you forsaken me, Babylonia's

...Babylo-lo!?

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Ack...im...pawssible... So all this was just a desert meowrage...

Hahaha...it was a short-lived dream...the real me probably is asleep at a cat cafe...

Whew...have you calmed down, Jaguar?

Yep, I'm awake, and I'm feline fine. Hm. I don't even know what a Babylonia god whatsit is...

Wow. Amazing. (Clap, clap)

That was an amazing illusion. So potent. It felt so real.

I could even feel the burning heat of the desert sun, and it was making me thirsty.

I'm sure that skill came in handy in protecting the kingdom of Sheba.

Kid Gil...don't embarrass me... That illusion wasn't the one I wanted to use...

Some of Chaldea's magecraft equipment on the fritz, right? It happens all the time, don't worry about it.

That's a relief. That means there won't be any lawsuits... Anyway, this is bad!

I really didn't intend for Master to get caught up in this!

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Oh, my... Oh, my...

Da Vinci was looking for me? I-I didn't even notice.

I'm sorry. Kid Gil and I were having a business meetingI-I mean, we were in deep conversation, so I didn't realize...

And I asked Jaguar to stand guard and make sure no one disturbed us.

Yep. I accepted the task for an hourly rate of three tangerines. One to save for later, one for sketching, and one to freeze.

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Ehhh!? N-no! Nothing...nothing at all!

Oh, does it look suspicious?

I suppose it does. I guess Da Vinci does have the upper hand.

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Eh!? Tons of lost manuscripts unearthed!? THE Leonardo da Vinci's manuscripts!?

And she's trying to figure out how to handle them!?

Well then just give them to me so I can auction them off! I've got this!

We can even leave my handling fee open for negotiation. I've already opened up some back channels andOh.

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Ah...um...well... Oh, my... Oh, my...

Hm? What's wrong, my animal-eared amigo?

You just made this really devilish face that reminds me of another friend of mine.

What do you mean, you get it now!? Explain, please.

Okay. So you all know that my treasury is...you know...

Ehhhhhh!? Nooo, Master!

Yes, exactly. It's widely known that my treasury is...you know...

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Of course, I do have a fine collection of weapons and armor as well, but not only that, I also possess a vast number of ornaments and rare metals.

But to keep them all locked up is such a waste...

...That, at least, would be the modern take on it...and since we've had knowledge of modern norms granted to us, that is the conclusion that we came to.

That's why...I've suggested Kid Gil try some investment ventures to fund a side business...

It will serve as collateral to finance art exhibits for people to appreciate and admire. Growth industries where we can put his fortune to work for him!

She has a great eye for appraisal... This arrangement would be beneficial for me as well.

My treasury gets a bit more organized, and I get a chance to add some more modern treasures to it as well.

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Actually...you see...

I (discretely) approached some of the more...veteran Servants who have more experience in this modern world, seeking their cooperation...

Meow?

U-um...do you have a moment? There is something I would like to discuss with you...

Well! If it isn't the great queen of the southern desert nation!

You cannot imagine how excited I was to learn that you were summoned to Chaldea!

How reassuring! Ah, how holy! You, an individual full of knowledge and divinity!

Together, we shall become the sword and shield of Chaldea and lead it down the path of righteousness!

Uh...s-sure... P-pleased to meet you...

Um...well...thank you for your time...

Excuse me...

Oh, my! It is the Queen of Sheba! I am honored! Please, allow me to shake your hand!

...S-sure... Ooooucch! My bones! My poor hand!

You are the living embodiment of a miracle! Faith will surely take hold in this land now!

Should you need any help at all, please do not hesitate to ask me!

The fastest way to get a six-pack, the best bulking recipes...please leave all of that to me!

Um...okay... If I ended up needing that...I guess... Really...sorry for your trouble...

Tarasque...is so cute...I wish I had one... (Sob)...

...?

They are all great and reliable people, who hold the Queen of Sheba in the highest esteem...

But they weren't the right personnel for THIS job...haha...

Heh. So you're looking for the right connections and market? It's not that I don't know a few...

But all my sources deal in shady and dangerous addictive substances... Like gourmet candy.

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WHAT!?!?!? It's not who I think it is, is it?

Are you perchance thinking of an individual whose name starts with "D"? Specifically, a king whose name starts with "D"?

Impossible!

He's basically my chief business rival! A competitor!

Were I to team up with him, it would ruin my profit margins!

Oh, and don't forget that when the business takes off, I'll be taking my cut, too.

I'll invest as much as you need until then, of course.

Ack.

Something's bothering me...from a legal standpoint. Let me guess...

Sheba and Kiddy Gil...are you guys trying to get into some kinda shady business together?

Is this going to affect Chaldea's peaceful snack time situation?

I don't want to see Fujimaru and Mash with the expression of someone who's used up all their materials and embers.

Not in my Chaldea. I'd rather die than to have us eat only apple cores for every meal.

Th-things would never come to that...p-probably...

I AM confident!

For one thing, if she did anything THAT flashy, nobody would want to do business with her.

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Master, are you trying to get in the way of my side business? I'll have you know, I am not giving up on this endeavor!

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Hm! I agree with Fujimaru!

Time to boycat this plan! Losing out on three tangerines is tough, but it's gotta be done!

Start the simulator! Start the battle BGM!

Oh? This is...

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Meowhahahaha!

Behold the high-techiness of My Room instantly turning into a small-scale simulator room!

It was so worth getting help from an anonymous member of Chaldea (a fan of fuzzy ears and big sister types)!

Heh. A couple squeezes of my toe beans, and she was all mine!

Don't ask about cost! You'll ruin our P&L!

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...If brute force is what would make you listen...

Then maybe it wouldn't be so bad to let my fists do the talking to introduce this plan to Master!

Oh, wow. Looks like both parties are really fired up.

Oh well, I guess I did get on this ride! I'll just have to do my share for our business.

Shall we get down to it, Master?

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Meowhahahaha!

We won! Chaldea's snack time is made safe at the paws of your faithful Jag

Meow?

Excuse me for interrupting your...uh, deep discussion.

I received a report that the jaguar who's been looting our pantry is here.

Eh!? Oh crap!

H-hey! Lemme go! Don't just lift me up by the scruff of my neck like that!

...A-air...can't...breathe...

I got her. Target secured.

Sorry to cause trouble. I'll take my leave now.

...! Mrrroooooow!!!

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(Pat)

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...

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Ah, yes. We did not get an explanation of why she wanted to start up a business in the first place.

Not that I much care.

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Yes... That has been said before.

But this is about her, not me.

B-because...

C...camels...!

I want pet camels!

In Chaldea! I want to keep camels in Chaldea!

But...after I researched a few things, it sounded...so difficult...

At least...maybe one hundred... A-and I'm not kidding!

If there was only one, it'd get lonely!

Why is Chaldea in a place like this!?

Let's move to the desert! The desert!

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Ahaha...a full-scale camel zoo in Chaldea, huh?

Yeah, a few million dollars wouldn't be enough for that.

The cost to build such a facility, plus yearly maintenance...it'd be upwards of three hundred mil!

After all, we're in such an isolated location that we might as well be trying to terraform Mars or something.

So...it's impossible...isn't it? (Sob)... Camel...

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Oh? This is different than the usual simulator projection.

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Oh?

The Near-Future Observation Lens: Sheba keeps starting up because it synchronizes with the Queen of Sheba's mental state?

And not just that, but it's affecting the other machines too, causing a bunch of problems?

I see.

I suppose I should expect as much from something Lev Lainur created...

But, that's strange.

With so many Servants gathered here in Chaldea, why did this happen now?

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Oh...I see...

...Oh...okay...

Would an assorted camel-shaped cookie box suffice? They're all broken, though.

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Camel... (Droopy ears)

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What is it, Master?

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...You're not pulling my leg, are you?

Then...make sure you always bring me along when you go on a quest to the desert!

And even if it isn't a quest, just take me whenever I ask you, okay?

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...Really?

Promise? I want one with one hump, okay?

If you have two humps, I'll tan your skin and make you into a wallet.

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Heehee...

Teehee...heehee! Okay!

I'm feeling a bit better... Sorry to worry you all so much.

That's great. By the way, Queen of Sheba...

If you would like to tamp down this "power" of yours, I think I can offer some advice.

...!!!

Yes. It's a side effect of her future sight.

Yes. It appears so.

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I see...

Got it. I'll allow Kid Gil to help me once more.

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Master, are you going to go to Da Vinci to report your findings?

Understood. Good work.

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Aaack!

...Da...!

Hmmm...I see...

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No. Absolutely not. This is just a really, really, really fortunate coincidence.

Besides, if I was going to hang around outside, I'd have just knocked.

I just so happened to pass by (Fidget, fidget)

Hnnnrrrrrrgh...

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...Hmmm. Ah! She truly is the unparalleled beauty of legend!

I am unworthy of the honor of being in your presence, Your Majesty!

...But you know what? I'm a bit disappointed...

Just a liiiiiitle bit... She's not quite my type.

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Oh, how unfortunate! Unfortunate, but... Yes, I can move on.

The queen is a beauty, but not really my type of beauty. Let's just leave it at that.

Welp! Off to the cafeteria to enjoy some babka.

See you later, Fujimaru. I will let you take the role of the Queen's escort!

...

...Huh? WHAT!?

WHAT IS WITH HIM!?

With that face...that voice...saying things like that!

I don't like him! I hate him! I want to go back to the desert!

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Ahahaha. Master, you really do have your hands full!