First Clash of History's Mightiest Robots

Hmm.

Charles Babbage... Hmm.

Mecha Eli-chan... Hmm.

Trimmau... Hmm.

Sfyrí tou Tálos... Hmm.

Troia Híppos... Hmm.

... ...

...There are even more than before now.

So, on that note.

？！

Uh-huh.

Yes.

?

I've decided to hold a contest.

A contest? What sort of contest?

Well, if I had to give it a name, maybe something like...

"The First Annual World's Strongest Robot Contest"

...would do nicely.

(Crap. I think all the stress is finally getting to the poor boy.)

(Taking out party poppers)

What do you think you're doing?

I know, but this was the best kind of salute I could come up with on short notice.

I feel terrible that I couldn't give Avicebron a better celebration for the event he's long been dreaming of...

(Wait, what? I was scolding her for going too far, not reproaching her for not going far enough!)

I-I, uh... Yes, well... I suppose you do get up to this sort of thing now and then, don't you, Mash?

？！

Goredolf Musik, while I am aware this sounds ridiculous, and in many ways it is, it is also not without a purpose.

In most cases, Noble Phantasms are complete and perfect. Those Noble Phantasms tend to be legends inscribed in human history, or magical...holy relics that still exist today.

But now and then, one comes across an incomplete and imperfected Noble Phantasm. My own Golem Keter Malkuth falls under this category.

How could it not? It's a recreation of a dream I was never able to achieve when I was alive.

So, basically, you think that having other similar types of Noble Phantasms to fight with could help you refine yours?

Yup.

Hang on, back up. Did you just openly admit this whole thing is ridiculous?

Did I?

And now you're just playing dumb!?

...So, what do you say?

Would you be willing to let us use the combat simulator for a full day?

Sure thing! Right, Gordy? I mean, what reason could we have to stop some of our Servants getting stronger?

Well... None, of course, but...

Something still strikes me as veeery fishy about all this...

？！

There! That very attitude of yours right there is fishy on its own!

...Well, whatever. I'll grant you full access to the simulator for one day.

But you'll have to work out the schedule with the other Servants on your own!

Of course.

What a lovely day it is, my fellow Servants! Indeed, it's the perfect day for...

The First Annual World's Strongest Robot Contest!

Now, let's begin!

Throughout all of human history, there have been countless people in love with the idea of artificial humans.

From Galatea in ancient times to the latest cutting-edge robots, many have also gone on to be heroes!

Which is why I think the time is finally right to see which of them is truly the strongest!

For those of you who wish to gamble on the results, you can even find an unofficial bookie to take your bets if you know where to look (Hint: Rhymes with Schmarcher of Schminjuku).

And now, the moment you've been waiting for! Time for our contestants to make their...

Grand entrance!!!

(This is turning out to be a much bigger deal than I thought...)

As for me, I'll be your host-slash-sponsor, your friendly neighborhood Edison.

For all your direct current needs!

And joining me today is

Hello, everyone. My name is Chiron, and I'll be providing color commentary on today's matches. After all, everyone knows that Greek mythology and giant robots go hand in hand.

Thanks for coming, Chiron! Why don't you start us off by telling everyone about our contestants?

Very well then, let's go in alphabetical order.

First up, Avicebron, Chaldea's resident golem specialist.

His Noble Phantasm, Golem Keter Malkuth, enables him to summon an enormous golem.

However, he believes it still has room for improvement, which is why he suggested holding this contest.

Built with the five elements and his own unique style of magecraft, Avicebron's golem will be one to watch.

Next, we have Sir Charles Babbage, the father of the computer.

He wears a suit of steam armor powered by his Noble Phantasm, Dimension of Steam.

As the only contestant to make use of a steam engine, it will be fascinating to see how he does against the other challengers.

Not that anything will ever top direct current, of course!

Of course.

Next, we have Frankenstein. It seems she's in her swimsuit Spirit Origin rather than her Berserker one.

Why is that, my dear?

It's hot.

...There you have it.

Well, that's certainly understandable.

Indeed, it is. Next, we have

Oh, it's my turn now. Okay, I'll do my best!

Our very own Queen Europa. Her, um, robot is the bronze giant, Tálos.

Are we sure she's ready for what's sure to be a brutally tough competition? Actually, does she even know what's involved?

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure I do. My understanding is that we're going to "show off what we've got?" I think they call it a fashion show these days?

Now I'm even less sure about her participation!

Ha...ha...ha. ...Moving on.

O-oh, yes. Next, we have Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II.

She's been at Chaldea for a relatively long time now. To be precise, er...

Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel. The Mk. II version, specifically.

It should be very interesting to see how she fares against Mecha Eli-chan, who many call the greatest masterpiece of the entire Elly series.

(Ooh, Elisabeth would not be happy to hear that...)

Next, we have what I consider the overwhelming favorite to win it all.

With the legendary Trojan Horse as his Noble Phantasm, he is both one of the greatest strategists in all of history, and an ace pilot.

Odysseus of the "Odyssey"!

All right, let's do this!

Did he just launch himself from the Noble Phantasm hangar!? And transform his wooden horse mecha-style!?

In one fell swoop, Odysseus and his Noble Phantasm, Troia Híppos, have won the hearts of every robot-loving spectator watching today.

Even the ordinarily cool and unflappable Avicebron appears to be fired up now.

I've never been so inspired.

And last, but certainly not least, we have Little Ms. Nursery Rhyme, and...er...

... ...

All right, fess up! Who's the wise guy who heard "robo" and thought to bring Lobo instead!?

...It seems that would be Nursery, who dragged Lobo here apparently against his will, which has made him more vicious than ever.

Hahaha! I'd hate to be the one who has go up against them.

This team has definitely misunderstood the point of this contest at a fundamental level...but, no matter!

Now that all the contestants are here, we can get started!

By the way, Master, I think now would be a good time for you to prepare for the upcoming battles.

？！

I believed it was the fairest way to go about it. Anyone who wasn't lucky enough to win you will be given a Pseudo-Master to compensate, so it should all work out.

Of course, they won't be good for much more than healing and support magecraft, but oh well. Now, the first match is

Oh, yes, it's my turn. I'll do my best!

I do think it's rather childish to have my darling descendants egg Tálos on like this...

But this is what you want, right? So I'll do my very best.

Uh, yes, thank you.

... ...Master...

I'm not quite sure how to handle her!

Well, I am relieved to hear that.

My, my...grandkids... At her age...

？！

Okay, Tálos, leeet's goooooo!

Oh, is it over already?

Hmm.

That bronze giant's ironclad defenses were impressive. My Noble Phantasm could certainly use more of that, since it's essentially stark naked.

I wonder if I could accomplish something similar by hardening its skin...?

Here, have a candy.

Huh?

And here's one for you, Master.

？！

Okay, see you later. Good luck making your doll bigger and stronger.

... ...

It's not a doll! It's a golem...

？！

Oh my, I've never had a tea party with smashing, slapping, and grappling before!

It may not be the most ladylike pastime, but I simply can't pass up a chance to play with dollies!

So, Master and Avicebron, as the original doll player, I happily accept your challenge!

？！

?

Is there a problem? Surely there's no reason he can't enjoy playing with dollies too, right?

... ...

？！

Well, I suppose there is no harm in letting the Wolf King join us. All right, avatar of imaginative girls.

Come, let us do battle.

...Since you're wearing a mask like that, shouldn't you say:

"Heh heh heh. Soon, your data will be all mine."

...Or something like that?

What in the world are you talking about?

？！

Aww, we lost! I'm sorry I couldn't command you better, Lobo!

... ...

Now, now, that's enough of that.

Simulation or not, a loss is still a loss. Isn't that the rule even in the wilds?

In fact, rules should be even more important in the wild, right? Isn't that what the rules of survival are all about?

... ...

Hehe. I don't think he's happy about it, but he agreed to let me save face!

Bye-bye Master, Avicebron! Good luck!

Thank you. I promise I won't let your sacrifice be in vain.

Ugh, do stop that. I'm still very much alive, you know!

Er, yes, I never meant to imply otherwise...

This is humiliating. I don't think it's fair that a single unit can transform like that.

Heh. As I believe they say nowadays, don't hate the player, hate the game.

Though I do have to wonder: Is the ability to transform truly so unfair?

And with that, we have our final matchup: Avicebron vs. Odysseus!

Indeed. It's interesting that both their Noble Phantasms involve summoning.

Nonetheless, it would seem Odysseus still has the clear advantage.

True. One of our contestants is a scholar, while the other is one of the greatest adventurers ever.

Even from a mythological perspective, there is a world of difference between Greek mythology and the eleventh century.

That being said, to be a Servant is to be capable of prevailing against seemingly insurmountable odds, so I would love to see Avicebron surprise us here.

Hello, Master. I see you're with Avicebron. Too bad. If you had ended up with me, our victory would have been all but guaranteed.

Oh? Does that mean you admit there is a possibility you might lose?

Of course. There's a difference between fighting to win, and considering how I might lose.

Still, while I will certainly do my best to try to win...

...I have no intention of sticking to long-range tactics that focus on pursuit of victory to the exclusion of all else.

This is, after all, no war. It is a contest to see who is the strongest. As such, fighting my opponent on their terms is clearly the optimal tactic.

It may put me at something of a disadvantage, but that is a risk I am willing to accept.

Hmm.

And from where I stand, it doesn't seem as though you are overly concerned with victory, either.

Hmm. Now that you mention it, maybe I'm not.

I thought so.

However, I'm also feeling strangely elated right now.

？！

Then again, perhaps it's not so strange, since Master himself is elated.

More simply: I do want to win.

So I would ask you not take me too lightly, Odysseus.

After all, I wouldn't be here in the first place if I didn't think I could win.

...Well, I'm convinced. You truly do have a warrior's spirit, Avicebron.

Very well then, I won't hold back...within the bounds of the contest, of course!

Now that's more like it.

Excellent!

And on that note, let the final battle...

Begin!!!

Khh...

Now!

Golem Keter Malkuth!!!

That's a wrap, folks! The winner of the First Annual World's Strongest Robot Contest is...

Avicebron!

(Relieved sigh) We won, Master!

？！

Hahaha, you beat me fair and square! Truth be told, I never expected my wooden horse to take such a beating.

I'll have to do some serious trainingor rather, make some serious adjustments and modifications!

Oho. Modifications, hmm...

Oh? If you find my wooden horse that interesting, perhaps you would care to join me?

...Yes, I'd like that. I'd like that a lot.

Wonderful. You should be a tremendous help!

Not so fast! I want in on this, too!

Hahaha. It seems our MC has abandoned his commentating duties to pursue a new business opportunity.

Allow me to close this contest out in his stead. Well fought, everyone!

... ...

(I see. He's practicing. He must be a little upset about his loss.)

(I can almost hear him saying, "I'm not gonna lose next time!")

If I tweak this...and swap that out... Hmm.

？！

Not very well, I'm afraid. For every three steps forward I take, I end up falling three steps back.

But that's no surprise. This is the same endeavor I once pursued to the exclusion of all else. I knew improving on it wouldn't be easy.

That being said...I'm not about to give up, either.

Progress may not come easy, but it won't come at all if one doesn't pursue it, after all.

Humans are meant to move forward, not to give up.

...But then, I suppose you're the last person who needs to hear that, since you so perfectly embody that very spirit.

At any rate, Master.

If you ever need a retinue that is, shall we say, larger than life, feel free to call on me at any time.

I promise you that my golems will continue to get stronger so that they can serve you better.