The God of Love's Time Off

...No, I don't remember doing or saying anything particularly unusual.

Since I'm a god of love as well, I just thought we could work together to double our faith and our walleI mean...

...to double the earthly benefits those confused about love stand to gain by following a god's teachings.

All I did was suggest that she reconsider my eminently reasonable proposal to work together to maximize our respective returns...

Who, me? I didn't do anything.

I just asked her to lend me her bow for a little bit, since she wasn't using it, anyway.

I even wrote an affidavit swearing that I'd only use it on a single beaer, person, but she still turned me down. It's such a shame.

Huh? Hang on. Why're you talking to me now?

How did you find out I also went to borrow her bow and arrows!?

You've got it all wrong! I was just thinking I should practice my archery skills in this form for once!

It had nothing to do with getting hotties to fall for meGaaaaaah!

I plead the Fifth!

Well hey, she always looks like she's got time on her hands, so I figured I was pretty much obligated to invite her to hang out!

Huh? How often?

Well, lately, I'd say I've been coming...every day and night!

The best time's the time you're living right now! That's my motto and I'm sticking to it, hehehe! Wooo!

？！

？！

Fou. Fooou.

I see... So that's why she's like this now.

(Zzz...)

？！

Hmm. Her expression's completely blank...and she's crossed her arms over her chest...

Hey, I know! She must be mimicking a mummy!

No, she isn't! I was a pharaoh, so I know mummies, and THAT is not a mummy pose at all.

She's simply fast asleep with her arms forming an "X"!

Damn, really?

Man, I only came here 'cause I heard Kama-cho had gone all Sleeping Beauty on us.

Heeey, Kama-chooo. Wake up, Kama-chooo, or I'm gonna draw all over your faaace.

And I'm not just talking a few scribbles here and theeere.

Check it out. I brought in a bona fide artist who's maaaybe a wonky in the head! If you'd do us the honor, Teacher!

This's why you brought me here? Can't say I was expectin' this...

Still, gettin' ta use a genuine celestial maiden's face as a canvas with permission ain't the kind of thing ya can do every day.

I could always paint some kabuki-style kumadori stage makeup on her... Or I could go a whole 'nother route and paint another pretty lady on top of her, so people can enjoy lookin' at a pretty lady while they're lookin' at a pretty lady.

(Damn, she's way more into this idea than I expected.)

I just hope a little scribbling on her face is enough to actually wake her up.

I've tried all sorts of things, but I haven't been able to snap her out of it.

She's been sleeping like this for several days now.

Fooou?

In fact, I think this pose she's taken expresses her current state of mind.

Which is to say...

...she's gone to bed in a super huff!

？！

That's right. Kama's never been very...proactive when it comes to her job...

...but now, she's outright boycotting it. More so than usual, I mean.

She's completely forsaken her Servant duties and has retreated into her own mind even more than Osakabehime retreats into her room.

I suspect the "X" she's making with her arms is meant to convey her intense defeatist attitude. Something like:

"I can't do this anymore. Please don't wake me up for anything."

Based on the eyewitness testimonies I heard earlier...

...I'm guessing she'd had it with all the teasing, and her frustrations finally boiled over.

You know how Kama likes to hold all the cards and go on the offensive in any given situation, right?

But many of the Servants here are...let's say, unflappable, which makes her usual tactics completely ineffective against them, so...

I, uh, I see?

So she has abandoned her duty and given herself over to a slothful slumber...

I may just be passing by, but since I'm one of Master's Servants as well, I can't just ignore this.

Isn't there anything we can do to wake her up?

？！

I did everything I could, but this spell is essentially a self-imposed seal.

Any simple external stimuli or other half-hearted attempts we'd typically use to wake someone just won't work.

But, if we can find the key to this spell, then I should be able to undo it.

That key is probably inside her, so I've been doing my best to find it, but...I'm afraid I haven't been successful.

Damn, so this is beyond even your capabilities, huh, Parurun?

(Parurun...?)

I'm certain the key must exist somewhere, given the nature of the spell, but it's strange that I haven't been able to find so much as a trace of it.

Maybe she's using some unusual parameters no one would normally even think to try.

Ugh, of course the only time she'd fully apply herself is when she's trying to get out of doing her job.

So then, there ain't anythin' we can do?

No, there is.

But I'm afraid I'll need your cooperation for it, Master.

？！

Thank you, Master. I'm glad to hear that.

What I would like you to do is go inside Kama and look for the key directly.

That involves using your magical energy connection with her to conceal your entry from the spell, so to speak...

...which is why you're the only one who can do it.

？！

Mindscape, dreamworld, subconscious space... There are many different terms for it, but yes, that's the general idea.

Isn't that kinda dangerous? Maybe we oughta go with him?

I don't think Kama would actually try to attack him, but...there is no way of being sure what might happen.

Fortunately, by making Master the host body, so to speak, I can send a number of Servants along with him.

I'm glad BB taught me the spell needed to enter someone else's mind like that.

...However, um, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid I already asked other Servants to accompany him.

I was hoping you would stay here and keep an eye on things while Master's away...

(Besides, I don't think Kama would be happy to see her right now, especially inside her mind.)

Yeah? Well, that's no problem at all then. So who'd you get to be Master's bodyguards?

They should be showing up any mo Oh, there they are now!

Wh-what the...!? THOSE two!?

Okay, I just kinda thought it'd be fun to act all surprised, but those two actually do seem like a solid pick.

First, the cool, beautiful, and exceedingly polite Tam Lin Barghest. What's a Tam Lin? She can't say.

I don't really know either, for that matter!

And then there was the fairy seamstress, Habetrot, aka Habbycat.

She's been killing it lately in the bridal gown industry. All that positivity and her surprisingly big personality for such a small gal have made her a real hit!

Kama-cho's never interacted with anyone like those two before, so it should make for some fun and novel situations.

Indeed. Kama is both the god of love, capable of loving all of humanity, and the Demon King of Depravity.

But since those two Heroic Spirits are neither human nor god...

...they should theoretically be better able to resist Kama's depravity.

Okay, it looks like they made it in safely. I'll try giving them a call.

Hello? Can everybody hear me okay?

？！

We can hear you just fine, and there's nothing strange happening around us, either!

So this is what you meant when you said you needed some of my string, huh!?

I knew we would need a lifeline we could trust with Master's, erm...life, and your thread's phantasmal strength is certainly up to the task.

It was also a fortunate stroke of luck that it can serve double duty as a means of communication.

Status report: we appear to be in a city covered in fog, but we're not seeing any other people nearby.

Understood. Thank you, Barghest. I'm counting on you and Habbycat to keep Master safe.

？！

Of course. I am simply doing my duty as your Servant.

Besides...I'm a little curious as to what a god of love is like.

Even if I can't change how I act on my own romantic feelings, it should still be illuminating to learn about other forms of love.

You can't have a good marriage without love, so I'm interested, too! I don't know what a god's love is like, though!

All right, you're in Kama's...let's call it her mindscape. Please be careful.

It may look like it's based on reality, but there's every chance it operates on completely different rules from the outside world.

？！

Good question... For the time being, would you mind taking a look around at whatever catches your eye while Habbycat continues unfurling her thread?

If I'm right, that should be enough for you to run into her.

Oh, and since Kama's likely to clam up if she hears me, I'm going to keep my communications from here on to a minimum.

I'll still be keeping a close ear on things, though, so please don't hesitate to ask if you need my help!

Okay then, I'll leave you to it!

If we're done talking, then let's be on our way. I'll take the front. Master, you stay behind me, and Habetrot, you bring up the rear.

Remember, we are in enemy territory. Be on your guard and be prepared to act at a moment's notice.

Man, you sure take things seriously, huh, Barghest? But hey, that's probably why you got chosen for bodyguard duty!

Okay, let's go!

Don't worry! My thread's super tough, so there's no way we'll get lost!

Hmm. I don't know a lot about human cities, but is the terrain...usually like this?

Remember, this is a Servant's mindscape. There is little point in comparing it to the outside world.

We could find an ocean in the middle of a city, or a snowy mountain in the middle of a desert.

Perhaps that is the sign of a free heart... Truly the stuff of dreams.

'Cause we're in a dream right now? I've never heard you crack a joke before, Barghest!

That, um...wasn't my intention...

...! Hold on. Something's up ahead. Be careful.

Oh wow, you're right.

It looks like...a lost little kid wandering around and wondering which way to go?

(Huff, huff...)

？！

Eep!

Huh? M-Master? What are you doing here?

？！

You came all this way just for that? ...Oh. I see. Pārvatī must be behind this.

Our connection was the only one I couldn't seal off, so of course she'd send someone in that way...

Gah!

Got you!

There we go. She's all wrapped up in Barghest's chains. Mission accomplished.

...How disappointingly weak.

Well, no matter. Master's safety comes first right now. Come on, let's go back.

Hey! Stop that! Do you have sprites for brains or something!?

If you must know, I'm just one part of Kama. She's been fractured and spread all across this mindscape!

I'm not the key you need to awaken the main Kama! Bringing me back's not going to do you any better than eating me!

...Really?

Hmm, you do seem a lot smaller than I was expecting. You're no bigger than a tiny fairy.

？！

Well, um, technically, I am still really Kama, but I'm just a part of her personality that's been cut off from the rest.

I guess the simplest way I can put it is that I'm like a virtual alter ego that only exists in this world...

All right, you want the truth? Here's the truth!

I'm Kama's conscience!

I'm the part of her that's always second-guessing everything she thinks and does.

Like, "Is it really okay to boycott my job like this?" "Am I making trouble for Master?" "When should I wake up?" and so on.

It's embarrassing to admit that, but I can't help being what I am.

That's why I'm down here in the lowest levels of Kama's mind, and why I'm not going to run away or attack you!

？！

So you have no intention of resisting, hmm... What about waking up? That would save us all a great deal of time.

Well...since you did come all this way to meet me...

...I would certainly be willing to meet you halfway and wake up.

But I'm afraid I'm not the key, and so I don't have the ability to do that.

I was just wondering if I should go look for the key myself, but honestly, there's probably not much I could do with all my other, bigger selves out there...

Oh, so that's why you looked like you couldn't make up your mind about whether or not to go through that gate. That's adorable.

？！

Yeah! We're not about to get lost here, though we have no idea where to go either, so I was just thinking we could use a guide!

Well, okay, if that's what you want, Master. I mean, I am your Servant, after all.

But to be absolutely clear, I'm just a single, tiny part of Kama that thinks she should wake up.

The other, bigger parts still want to stay asleep and are relieving their stress in various ways here in this dreamworld.

None of them will be nearly as willing to wake up.

They might even try to attack you, so please be careful, okay?

Not to worry. That's why I'm here.

...I only hope these attacks are new and exciting. I hope they can teach me more about love...

Wha...?

Ah, don't worry about her. I think she's just doing her best to improve her bridal appeal.

Anyway, it sounds like we need to go through this gate, yeah? Then let's get going!

Man, it's like there're more Kamas everywhere we go.

Some of them are sunning themselves on the beach, some are getting a bite to eat... It really seems like they're making the most of a vacation.

I told you.

Those are just parts of Kama's mind that have gone off on their own, like me.

They're not like my physical ability to accept and adapt to all human greed, which manifests an aspect of Beast III/L's abilities.

They're just different virtual aspects of Kama's desire to relax and unwind.

So we don't have to do anything about them. Let's just avoid them and keep going.

Like you just saw, this world is divided up into several different areas.

And in one of those areas is the part of me that is the key needed to wake me up.

？！

Y-you don't have anything to apologize for, Master...

And just to be perfectly clear, it's not the other Servants' fault, either.

I mean, yeah, there are plenty of times they really got on my nerves, but even so.

Honestly, I'm here now because I needed to sort of...defragment myself.

It takes a lot of work for dangerous Servants like us to stay in a place like Chaldea, you know?

So sometimes, we need to do a sort of...maintenance. Something to work out the kinks, so to speak.

Why do you think that other woman who's basically the same as me but nothing like me is almost never around?

？！

Er, I mean, who could I possibly be talking about? Wish I could remember, but I just can't. Darn.

Tell me, are we going in the right direction? Where are we ultimately headed?

Beats me.

What was that?

Geez, you're a much more loyal dog than I thought, aren't you? Please don't bare your fangs at me.

You ARE going to show us the way to the key, right?

We only made our way in here 'cause there was no way to search from the outside. If we can't search from in here either, then what's the point?

Hmph. That's because the key's changed her form a lot.

That way, not even Pārvatī can find her from the outside. Serves her right.

Basically, the key looks like a version of me that can only exist in this mindscape, for numerous reasons.

It was painfully obvious that someone would try and interfere, so that choice was made to tighten security.

But don't worry. Just heading down this path is getting us closer with every step.

It's only a matter of time until we run into her. That's how this is set up.

What do you mean?

Well...right now, Master's the only human in this whole world.

So of course my other self is going to seek him out of her own accord.

There's nobody else but me in this world, after all.

I can't change the fact that I'm a god of love, and I also can't love myself, so...

...

Oh, right. I can at least make sure you're ready for what's to come. Here's a very important question for you, Master.

Which version of me do you prefer: small me, regular me, or my more demon kingy self?

(So Master likes small builds...)

(N-not that I need to concern myself with that at all... I mean, why would that matter to me?)

(Wha...!? But he always tells me how cute it is that I'm so small!)

？！

Hmm, I see. Hehehe.

Okay then, I think you'll be very happy with what's to come. Though maybe not in the way you were expecting.

You got separated from your mom, huh? That's awful.

But you're so smart to stay put and wait for her! And you're not even crying! I'm so impressed!

Don't worry. We asked them to make an announcement on the P.A. system, so you'll be back with your mom in no time!

...Thanks.

(Ohmigawd, he's so cool!)

(Look at him doing his best to hold it together and not cry even though he's a little nervous! So cuuute!)

？！

I told you I'd changed my form.

I can't do that so easily on the outside thanks to this particular vessel, but this is a dream.

I was male to begin with anyway, so I don't think it's really that odd.

It's mostly just a way for me to avoid detection. You really don't need to read deeper into it.

So what is that other you doing?

Blowing off some stress by play-corrupting some NPCs he made for fun.

As the key, he's closer to my true self than other parts of my mind...

...and a situation like this makes it easier for him to corrupt people, especially the unsuspecting.

Think of it as the godly equivalent of going to town on a punching bag.

That's great and all, but what do we do now? Do I just tie him up with my thread and drag him back with us?

It's not that simple. For one thing, I can't even leave unless we do something about him.

And I don't mean ganging up and destroying him, either.

That Kama there is basically the center of this world, so he can escape in the blink of an eye.

So the first thing we need to do is pin him down so he can't get away.

I'll stay here so he doesn't see me, and I'll get ready to...hack into him, for lack of a better word.

In the meantime, I'd like all of you to get his attention by letting him corrupt you, so that he'll drop his guard.

Otherwise, he'll be onto me in no time.

Here, I'll give you some camouflage so he doesn't recognize you.

？！

...Hm?

？！

Hello, hello!

It looks as though you have escaped your guardian's supervision, yet valiantly remain on the battlefield.

That is...um...

(I believe the right thing for a weak person to do in this situation would be to step back and let a strong person handle this...)

(But is this really the right time to point that out?)

(What should I say here? How do I pretend to let him corrupt me...?)

？！

Right, how about some ice cream? It's really good.

But, Mom told me I shouldn't take gifts from strangers...

Oh, this wouldn't be a gift. I ordered this dessert a little while ago, but oops, I didn't realize I was already full.

So really, you'd be doing us a favor if you ate it for me. Waste not, you know?

So, would you help me out? Please?

Well...okay, then.

(Munch, munch...) Oh wow, this IS really good...

Honestly, I was kind of worried up until now.

But I feel a lot better now that I've had something sweet. I'm so glad I ran into such nice people!

Thanks, ladies!

(That smiiile!!!)

？！

Indeed. We consume to gain strength. The strong are meant to protect the weak, and to provide them with food. That is the law of nature.

Yeah! I bet there are some brides and grooms out there who look great together BECAUSE of their height and age differences, not in spite of them!

Ooh, I'd better write that one down so I don't forget it!

You know, it kind of pisses me off that the fairies don't seem at all affected by this...

But, eh, whatever. Yah!

Huh? What the...!?

Yeah, okay. Break time's over. No more need for camouflage, either.

Oh, it's you...

And...Master? You came all this way just to wake me up!?

Looks that way. Hey, I'm Kama too, so I'm all about taking some well-deserved time off...

But I think it's been long enough now that I can deal with going back.

Besides, I wouldn't want to give Pārvatī the impression that I'm a second-rate god who can't even honor a Servant contract.

No way! I'm not done resting!

Otherwise, I'll never be able to purge all this frustration!

I figured you'd say that.

Okay, Master, I've got the key properly locked down now.

Now you can capture him...forcefully.

Oh, and please be aware that it's impossible for me to engage in combat in this world.

Even if I were big enough to make a difference, I still can't attack myself here. Attacking leads to love.

So does that mean the other Kama can't attack us, either? That'll make this easy then!

Fine. Then I'll just do this, like how I made the NPCs!

So, you made some simple familiars. You really don't know when to quit, do you?

Don't worry about hurting them, you three.

They're not living, thinking things; they're just a bunch of animated magical energy!

Attacking oneself is a form of...love?

(It looks like Proper Human History is even more complicated and diverse than I realize. I clearly still have a great deal to learn...)

I'm a friend to brides everywhere, and a hardworking spinner fairy.

I know all too well how easy it is to miss an easy deadline if you get in the habit of slacking off!

So I'm gonna whip you back into shape myself!

Khh...

Heh, too slow!

Dammit, he's so fast! And that hang time! What a crazy dunk!

Looks like we win.

So we're keeping this court for ourselves, just like we agreed.

(Ohmigawd, he's so cool!)

(He seems so aloof, but he fights so passionately for his friends! What a guy!)

？！

I told you I'd changed my form.

I can't do that so easily on the outside thanks to this particular vessel, but this is a dream.

I was male to begin with anyway, so I don't think it's really that odd.

It's mostly just a way for me to avoid detection. You really don't need to read deeper into it.

So what is that other you doing?

Blowing off some stress by play-corrupting some NPCs he made for fun.

As the key, he's closer to my true self than other parts of my mind...

That's great and all, but what do we do now? Do I just tie him up with my thread and drag him back with us?

It's not that simple. For one thing, I can't even leave unless we do something about him.

And I don't mean ganging up and destroying him, either.

That Kama there is basically the center of this world, so he can escape in the blink of an eye.

So the first thing we need to do is pin him down so he can't get away.

I'll stay here so he doesn't see me, and I'll get ready to...hack into him, for lack of a better word.

In the meantime, I'd like all of you to get his attention by letting him corrupt you, so that he'll drop his guard.

Otherwise, he'll be onto me in no time.

Here, I'll give you some camouflage so he doesn't recognize you.

？！

...Hm?

？！

Hello, hello!

It seems you are the local champion of this sport. It is definitely better to be strong than weak.

(Hmm. I can pay my respects easily enough...but how do I pretend to let him corrupt me...?)

(I...actually don't even know the rules of this sport.)

？！

...

Nah, that's okay. I can just use my shirt. See?

(Ohmigawd! Did you see those abs!?)

？！

Oh... Okay.

...Hey, this towel smells kind of nice.

Thanks. I'll wash it, then give it back to you.

(He is SOOO sweet!)

？！

If your principles dictate that you should not accept gifts from the weak, you should stand by them.

If, on the other hand, you believe the weak's possessions are yours for the taking, then you should simply do so.

But your noncommittal wavering between refusal and acceptance only makes it harder for anyone to know where you stand.

Scented fabric, huh. That's a good idea! I'd better write that one down so I don't forget it!

You know, it kind of pisses me off that the fairies don't seem at all affected by this...

But, eh, whatever. Yah!

Huh? What the...!?

Yeah, okay. Break time's over. No more need for camouflage, either.

Oh, it's you...

And...Master? You came all this way just to wake me up!?

Looks that way. Hey, I'm Kama too, so I'm all about taking some well-deserved time off...

But I think it's been long enough now that I can deal with going back.

Besides, I wouldn't want to give Pārvatī the impression that I'm a second-rate god who can't even honor a Servant contract.

...Forget it! I'm not done slacking off! I'm sick and tired of everyone using me for their own ends!

I figured you'd say that.

Okay, Master, I've got the key properly locked down now.

Now you can capture him...forcefully.

Oh, and please be aware that it's impossible for me to engage in combat in this world.

Even if I were big enough to make a difference, I still can't attack myself here. Attacking leads to love.

So does that mean the other Kama can't attack us, either? That'll make this easy then!

Fine. Then I'll just do this, like how I made the NPCs!

So, you made some simple familiars. You really don't know when to quit, do you?

Don't worry about hurting them, you three.

They're not living, thinking things; they're just a bunch of animated magical energy!

Attacking oneself is a form of...love?

(It looks like Proper Human History is even more complicated and diverse than I realize. I clearly still have a great deal to learn...)

I'm a friend to brides everywhere, and a hardworking spinner fairy.

I know all too well how easy it is to miss an easy deadline if you get in the habit of slacking off!

So I'm gonna whip you back into shape myself!

(Sigh) That was so much fun it made me thirsty.

I could really use a drink... Ooh, it's that new cocktail I've been wanting to try.

You want it? Then order it.

But, it's so expensive. You already said you'd treat us, so I couldn't possibly ask you to

Ha. Why even worry when you've got me around? It's only money.

Now quit that before you make me look all stingy.

All you girls have to worry about is enjoying the good times I've got in store for you.

Whatever you want, it's yours. Don't even think twice about it.

Go on, take some too. Hell, get your own bottle if you like.

Wow, really!? You're okay with that!? Yay!

Of course it's okay. But you do know what that means, right?

I'm only doing this because you're all so very, very beautiful.

So don't you forget: tonight, you all belong to me, entirely.

(H-he's a demon! A demon king!!!)

？！

I told you I'd changed my form.

I can't do that so easily on the outside thanks to this particular vessel, but this is a dream.

I was male to begin with anyway, so I don't think it's really that odd.

It's mostly just a way for me to avoid detection. You really don't need to read deeper into it.

So what is that other you doing?

Blowing off some stress by play-corrupting some NPCs he made for fun.

As the key, he's closer to my true self than other parts of my mind...

That's great and all, but what do we do now? Do I just tie him up with my thread and drag him back with us?

It's not that simple. For one thing, I can't even leave unless we do something about him.

And I don't mean ganging up and destroying him, either.

That Kama there is basically the center of this world, so he can escape in the blink of an eye.

So the first thing we need to do is pin him down so he can't get away.

I'll stay here so he doesn't see me, and I'll get ready to...hack into him, for lack of a better word.

In the meantime, I'd like all of you to get his attention by letting him corrupt you, so that he'll drop his guard.

Otherwise, he'll be onto me in no time.

Here, I'll give you some camouflage so he doesn't recognize you.

？！

...Hm?

？！

Hello, hello!

Hmm. At first I thought you were weak, but here you are giving off the aura of a truly fearsome predator.

You would certainly make a worthy opponent. However...

(Perhaps I chose my attire poorly. A good knight should know how to dress properly for any occasion.)

(Maybe it's not too late for me to change into my formal dress...?)

？！

...What was that?

Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?

Do you have any idea what I could do to you if I get angr

？！

Wh-what the hell? How are you not scared of me?

Well, now you're just bothering me.

I've never met anyone like you before! Damn! Don't think you're getting away with this.

(Eeeeee! What I wouldn't give for those raw emotions of his to be aimed my way!)

？！

So, you are unable to logically accept a suggestion made with goodwill, but refuse based entirely on an emotional response...

This is hardly how the strong should conduct themselves. Perhaps I was mistaken.

Calm down, demon king guy. Let's just take it easy, yeah?

By the way...are you planning to make all these ladies your brides?

Wow, that's pretty bold of you! I don't know much about human laws, but that doesn't sound bad.

Tell you what. Just say the word, and I'll make the perfect bridal dress for each of your brides!

You know, it kind of pisses me off that the fairies don't seem at all affected by this...

But, eh, whatever. Yah!

Huh? What the...!?

Yeah, okay. Break time's over. No more need for camouflage, either.

Oh, it's you...

And Master's here too, huh. Hahaha. What, does he not have anything better to do?

Right? And hey, I'm Kama too, so I'm all about taking some well-deserved time off...

But I think it's been long enough now that I can deal with going back.

Besides, I wouldn't want to give Pārvatī the impression that I'm a second-rate god who can't even honor a Servant contract.

...Forget it. I'm the Demon King of Depravity. If other people are just going to use me for their own ends, then I'd rather just sleep.

I figured you'd say that.

Okay, Master, I've got the key properly locked down now.

Now you can capture him...forcefully.

Oh, and please be aware that it's impossible for me to engage in combat in this world.

Even if I were big enough to make a difference, I still can't attack myself here. Attacking leads to love.

So does that mean the other Kama can't attack us, either? That'll make this easy then!

Hmph. Then I'll just do this, like how I made the NPCs!

So, you made some simple familiars. You really don't know when to quit, do you?

Don't worry about hurting them, you three.

They're not living, thinking things; they're just a bunch of animated magical energy!

Attacking oneself is a form of...love?

(It looks like Proper Human History is even more complicated and diverse than I realize. I clearly still have a great deal to learn...)

I'm a friend to brides everywhere, and a hardworking spinner fairy.

I know all too well how easy it is to miss an easy deadline if you get in the habit of slacking off!

So I'm gonna whip you back into shape myself!

Aw man.

Oh well, guess I'd better listen to myself. You just want me to wake up, right? Yeah, yeah. Fine.

Hmph.

Oh well, guess this means it's time to pack it in. If it's me telling me to wake up, who am I to argue?

Tch.

Ugh, I can't believe it. That I still have a conscience at all means I must still see some value in the outside world.

...Phew.

Whoa! You're big now!

This is my normal small size, not that teeny tiny weirdness I had going on... But, eh, whatever.

Chalk it up to me having more data or whatever.

More importantly, I have the key parameters now, and I already undid the lock.

Just give me a moment while I open up a way for you to get back.

？！

I-it was nothing...

Besides, I shouldn't have let my boycott go on as long as it did.

Yeah, I'd been meaning to ask you once this was all settled: How'd this get started anyway?

Honestly, I'm still kind of shocked a god of love would ever boycott their job at all!

I mean, even putting marriage aside for now, love's the strongest parameter of all, right!?

You certainly don't beat around the bush, do you, short stuff?

And I can't even get too mad at you since you're a fairy, and weren't even originally mixed up in this.

Hmph, damn Pārvatī really knew what she was doing when picked who to send. Man, it pisses me off how deviously virtuous she can be.

...(Sigh)

All right, fine. There's no point in telling you this, but since we need to kill time until your way back opens up anyway, I might as well.

Love...is love. Its power is both artlessly powerful, and hilariously dull.

It's so damn strong, it has a natural tendency to draw what's around it in.

Depravity, desire, death, distress, despair... All sorts of things, good and bad.

Managing all that, and thinking about it constantly...is really, really tiring.

I see. So it's not like you got sick of love then.

But hey! There's nothing wrong with taking a break when you're tired!

I certainly don't see a problem with it!

...Huh?

Still, a little break's fine, but you probably shouldn't give up entirely, you know?

I get that thinking about that stuff all the time has gotta be exhausting.

But I'm also pretty sure the people at Chaldea aren't gonna take out their romantic frustrations on you...

...or blame you for any unhappy incidents involving love and stuff.

Well, I guess they might do that sort of thing every now and then...

But I really don't think they'd hold any unreasonable grudges or anything like that.

I mean, when they're all ready to lay down their lives in service of our goal here, they tend not to get too hung up on the little things, you know?

And if I can tell that even after just getting here, there's no way you don't know, right?

...

So like I said, there's nothing wrong with taking a break when you're worn out.

But if you're gonna spend all your time doing a Sleeping Beauty, you'll never get to enjoy the fun parts of love.

You said yourself love can be fun, too, so you know that'd be a waste, right?

(Whispering) Oh, and of course, that goes for the stuff happening with Master too. I've been paying close attention to that.

...(Sigh) I swear, this is the whole problem with you fairies. You're all so damn easygoing.

(Muttering to herself) Of course I know all that. Why do you think I've stuck around?

Hmm?

It's nothing. There, look. The way back's open now.

Oh, yeah. Guess I'd better start reeling in my string, then. Long as we follow this, we'll make it back, no problem!

...Oh, right. Let me know as soon as you feel anyone's romantic prospects blossoming, 'kay?

Miss Crane and I'll make the best bridal dress you've ever seen! She's got awesome fashion sense, you know!?

...Could I talk to you about something?

Oh my. A secret chat just as you're about to leave? You must REALLY not want anyone else hearing.

I-it's not like that. I just, um...thought this would be a good way to kill time.

Anyway, there's something I wanted to ask you in your capacity as a god of love.

I only know one form of love, myself.

It's...a kind of love I'm terrifyingly helpless against.

It burns me from the inside out with irresistibly fierce passion and impulses.

So...I was just wondering what your kind thinks of that sort of love.

I may not be able to do anything about it since I'm a faerie.

But

You being a faerie has nothing to do with it.

Huh?

It's not a faerie thing. There are plenty of humans out there who love exactly like that.

So I can tell you for certain that your form of love is as valid as any other.

...

So I don't think anything of that form of love. I can't even say whether it's good or bad.

I'll just smile and say...it exists. So sayeth this lazy god of love.

...I see.

(Yaaawn...) ...Good morning.

？！

Ugh, I swear. Do you know how much trouble you've made for everyone?

What are you talking about? Is sleeping a crime now? Besides, I was just about to wake up anyway!

Hmph. I was all set to get back to work when I woke up, too, but now that you forced me to get up, I don't feel like it anymore!

？！

Yes, yes, whatever you say.

At any rate, I'm glad you finally decided to join us again.

Okay, my work here is done. Thank you both for your help again!

Ah, don't worry about it! 'Sides, I didn't even do anything!

Though we were just about to try.

...Now I wish I'd just started drawin' on her face instead of tryin' ta mix my paints exactly right.

Huh? Why do you have that paint set spread out next to me!? Go on, get out of here! All of you!

You got it. Oh, but one last thing before I go.

Even besties get fed up with each other sometimes, right? Sorry if I've been annoying you by inviting you out too often lately.

It's fine. This wasn't your fault. Not that you haven't been annoying me.

You know, if you really want to make it up to me, you could do a lot worse than bringing me some fancy sweets.

I think that's the least you could do to show your sincerity.

Nahaha, can I take that to mean you're always up for a sweets party?

Okay, I'll bring a bribe for you the next time I come by to hang out!

Good grief. That may not have been the most graceful way to take some time off, but at least I did get to rest up.

I think the fact that I was just letting myself be bombarded with requests only made me more exhausted.

So maybe...it'd be better for me to go back to being a little more...proactive then.

They do say the key to staying healthy is to get regular exercise, after all.

So maybe it's time I got back to my godly duties. It should be good rehab for me, too.

But be warned, Chaldeans.

Coming to me for love doesn't guarantee you'll be happy with the outcome.

Remember, nothing about love guarantees that it will make you happy.

So if you're going to seek my help...make sure you think it through♡