Operation: Giant Panda

All right, sleepyhead, it's time to wake up and start the day!

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Got it. Then here comes the alarm gong!

Good morning, Master.

Today's forecast calls for blizzards as per usual, but did you at least get a good night's sleep?

I'll take that as a yes then. All right, I'll go wait outside until you're finished changing.

By the way, you were running low on toothpaste, so I went ahead and gave you a fresh tube.

Oh, and you might want to think about changing your toothbrush soon too, as those bristles were looking a little iffy.

Wonderful. Then I won't have to worry about you falling back asleep.

All right then, I'll go wait outside until you're finished changing!

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Okay then, let's get to the cafeteria, shall we?

... ...

Good morning, Osakabehime. ...Were you up all night again?

Oh, I'm fine, don't worry. I was just...finishing up my draft...

Are you sure? You don't look at all fine to me...

Ahh, the world looks so bright and cheery now. I feel as though I'm practically prancing through a prairie...

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Anyway, I'm gonna go hole up in my room now. Oyasumi...

...She's gone completely nocturnal, hasn't she? I hope you never follow her example, Master.

I-I know there may be Rayshifts where you have no choice but to operate in the middle of the night...

But I still want you to at least maintain a healthy lifestyle whenever you're here in Chaldea!

It looks like we have a Japanese-style breakfast and kykeon to choose from this morning.

Which would you prefer, Master?

Good morning, Master. Look, Mother made breakfast today.

Is mixed miso soup all right? Okay, here you go.

Go on then, eat up♡

So this is what breakfast is like in Japan...

Would you like some too, Liang?

You know, I think I would.

Thank you! It looks delicious!

Why do you look like you've just made a choice you might regret, Piglet!?

Need I remind you that kykeon is beloved by diners of all ages!?

It's healthy, nutritious, good for digestion, and it fills you up without overloading you on calories!

Here, I'll give you a little pop quiz!

What do you get when you mix Killer taste, Yummy flavor, Keen texture, Excellent health benefits, Overwhelming variety, and No drawbacks whatsoever?

You got it! Kykeon!

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Yes! Maybe! I don't know! I'm doing my best here, okay!?

N-now, now, no need to get worked up. Let me see... Porridge, honey, cheese...

It certainly does look very nutritious, but would you mind if I tasted it first just to make sure it's safe to eat?

What, you can't take my word for it!?

(Does she really think she's done anything to earn their trust to that degree?)

(Chewing)

Hmm...

...No hallucinogens, no magical energy reactions, no fever-inducing ingredients, nothing that I can sense...

Okay, Master, it's safe to eat.

I can say for certain that its threat level is a perfect zero.

So what, now kykeon's some kind of biohazard!? Come on, Master, are you gonna let her get away with

Oh, uh, good. That's all that matters.

(And on top of all that, she's so unused to people depending on her that she can't even take a simple compliment...)

No problem!

Well, don't let me stop you! Go on, eat up! Hehehe.

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Very well then, I think I'll have a bowl myself.

By all means, go right ahead♪ There's plenty more kykeon when all's done and said♪

(What's with the song? What is she, twelve years old? Actually, that would explain a lot.)

(It's the first movement of The Kykeon Song, "Joyful Morning." And yes, Medea, I've heard all your little comments.)

(Now she's talking directly into my mind!? That damn witch...!)

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This morning, you have Zhuge Liang's lecture on modern magecraft, followed by a training session in the simulator

Oh, Qin Liangyu. Excellent timing.

Yes?

!!!

B-but I suppose that can wait!

Hm? Hmm?

Aha. Now I get it...

C-come now, Lord Sima Yi! I mean, Lady Reines! Right this way, please!

Forgive me, Master, but I'm afraid I have some urgent business to attend to!

Hey, quit pulling! I might technically be a Rider, but I'm much more the strategical thinker tyyyyyype!

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Oh, hello, Master. What brings you here?

Ah, I see.

Hmm, Liang does seem very determined not to make any trouble for you whatsoever.

By our nature, Masters and Servants depend heavily on one another.

A Master is a Servant's anchor to the modern world, which makes them important in a broader sense as well.

However, I think there is more to it than that.

Good relationships are only possible where there is genuine trust and camaraderie.

Besides, um... There wouldn't be any point in a Servant materializing like this if they only saw their Master as an anchor.

Of course she trusts you. But everyone has a side of themselves they'd rather not show to others.

Especially when...

Oh, but I shouldn't say any more. I think your best option now is to ask Liang about this directly.

I'm sure she doesn't, Master. Sometimes, there are sides of us we don't want to show to others precisely because we're close to them.

In my case, I know that I would be mortified if Lord Yoshinaka saw how I get when I am playing video games...

Er, at any rate, I think your first order of business here is to ask Liang about this directly.

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Not to worry; I will be right there by your side.

... ...

(Siiigh) This isn't going to work, is it... Nope. It's not working.

No, I guess not. We do still have data for cats and dogs and other animals like that...

...so I thought we'd be able to bring one of them to life here as well, since this is a simulator and all.

But when data wants to bug out, there's not much you can do to stop it. Especially when it got mixed up with some other weird data, like this apparently has.

I can't imagine why it would look so different from the real thing otherwise.

All right, you imposter, off you go.

It's all right. I understand there's nothing you can do.

I gotta say though, this was a real heartwarming request. Believe me, I wish I could've made it happen for you.

Servant bodies might be super resilient to everything besides external injury, but that resilience comes at the cost of wearing our hearts on our sleeves.

So in your case, you use them to keep yourself grounded, huh.

I understand that they aren't real...

But there's still something about seeing them alive and in motion that never fails to cheer me up.

I could see that. There must have been some living near the village where you grew up, after all.

Seeing how some scholars even think they used to be worshipped as Divine Beasts, it's no wonder you might've run into them yourself at some point.

Yes, I did.

Their black-and-white fur... Their big, soft, round bodies... The way they roll around so adorably...

Their sheer cuteness has entranced the people of my land for generations.

That's right! Pandas!

Oh come now, really, Master? I'm talking about pandas, of course!

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Wait.

... ...

What's this now?

Our Master, dropping in on a private conversation? Well aren't you a naughty pupil.

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By all means! So, you were saying, Qin Liangyu?

Our Master, dropping in on a private girls' talk session? Well aren't you a naughty pupil.

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Oh well, what's done is done. So, you were saying, Qin Liangyu?

Oh gosh, oh gosh. This is so embarrassing!

I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about.

Y-you're just being nice.

We all know it's pathetic for a grown woman to have such a fixation on pandas.

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!!!

Right!?

G-good point! Thank you, Master!

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I understand. Photos and videos can only do so much. And you know, I think pandas are cute, too.

Well, now that you're all caught up, my pupil...

...do you think you can help us better recreate pandas to help out our dear little Qin Liangyu here?

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All right, let's get this first "Operation Panda" meeting underway.

I'm Zhuge Liang, who was brought in to serve as chairperson for reasons I'm still unclear on.

I swear, I haven't been forced to be part of anything this ridiculous since I had to go to the States under the guise of a "famous martial artist"...

Goddammit.

U-um, Lord Sima Yi, this is turning out to be much more of an ordeal than I had anticipated!

I bet. But what's wrong with that? The important thing is that all these people are willing to help.

...(Sigh. I know that look. That's the look she gets when she only cares about getting what she wants.)

Well, no matter. Now that I've been brought in, regardless of how I got here, I'm going to do everything in my power to make this happen.

At present, the sort of giant panda Qin Liangyu is hoping to see is an extremely endangered species.

Part of the Ursidae family, their primary food source is bamboo shoots and there are only eighteen-hundred left in the wild.

That said, the current state of affairs in reality does not pose a significant obstacle for us.

The only problem that need concern us is recreating them in the simulator.

As I trust you all know, the simulator is designed first and foremost for combat training.

As a result, its simulation of flora and fauna has typically been restricted to the bare minimum of texture required to maintain the illusion...

...but in recent years, there have been more Servants who prefer to live their lives inside it.

I certainly sometimes use it for recreational purposes, such as whenever I get an urge to visit my homeland.

And while keeping a Servant materialized requires a steady stream of magical energy, while inside the simulator, they require only a bare minimum.

All that is to say that in recent years, the simulator has come to play an increasingly important role.

Not only for combat training, but also for mental health purposes.

And that, in turn, meant that simulating flora and fauna with a much greater degree of fidelity became increasingly important as well.

Fortunately, Chaldea is blessed with an extensive database on all sorts of plants and animals...

One that should certainly include a wealth of data on giant pandas.

However, in practice

Yes. For some reason, the data we used kept changing into Lobo the Wolf King...

It's not just pandas. Data for other large animalsbrown bears, lions, Siberian tigers, and so onhas also been bugging out in similar ways.

According to the simulator logs, the lion turned into a chimera, and the Siberian tiger into a Soul Eater.

Of course, these creatures are still only simulations, and therefore completely benign. However...

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Just because they're benign doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get to the bottom of this strange bug.

Which is why we're going to tweak the simulator's settings and debug this glitch ourselves.

Once we do that, we should have all the pandas we could ask for.

Wow, I'm surprised to see you so gung ho about this, Brother. Does this mean you'll be out there on the front line?

No, debugging a glitch like this requires an expert's touch.

I've been briefed on the situation. This definitely sounds like a job for me.

Sir Babbage!

(Oh man, this ordeal just keeps on getting bigger!)

The problem here is that the simulator is "bugging out." Nothing else matters.

We should move to fix it immediately, if not sooner. Bugs may be inevitable, but that doesn't make them any less evil.

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Through battle, of course.

I can use the erratic data generated in combat with these buggy creatures to trace the irregularities causing them back to their source.

Once I repair the irregularity at the battle's conclusion, the animal in question should then regain its true form.

(Sigh) Good grief.

So you're just going to put your feet up in the Command Room and give us orders while the rest of us are out there getting our hands dirty, are you, Brother?

I know how it may sound, but operations like this really do benefit from someone overseeing things from a distance...

Relax. I was just messing with you.

Anyway, Qin Liangyu, you're the one who kicked all this off. Care to do the honors?

Yes, of course I'll be glad to take the lead on this expedition.

I look forward to working with you on this, Master!

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Hold on, Master. First, I have to tell you about another important mission just for you.

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Yes. You see, um...

This is a little hard for me to say, but if things play out as I think they will...

All right, so far so good. Next up, the giant pandas taking the form of the Wolf King.

Let's try fixing them with a judicious application of violence, see where that gets us.

Right!

Hang in there, pandas! It won't be much longer now!

Hmm.

It would seem that defeating those three "pandas" has brought us no closer to fixing them. This damn bug must go deeper than I thought.

I was afraid of that.

Well, Master, it looks like we're out of options. Did you have any luck with that matter we discussed?

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Well now, that doesn't sound good. What in the world did you ask my poor pupil to do, Brother?

We may not know why it's happening, but we do know that the giant panda data is being replaced with that of a Servant, Lobo the Wolf King.

In which case, the best way to fix a bug like that

Is to pit it against the correct data.

I see. That makes sense.

...Wait. Hang on. When you say "the correct data," do you mean what I think you mean!?

... ...

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...And so on, and so forth.

I understand you couldn't possibly care less about this, of course. But you know...

It seems to me like having imposters wandering around is a lot like having your territory invaded. Don't you agree?

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Master, Master. I don't suppose you can tell what Lobo is thinking right now, can you?

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I had a feeling that was it!

Any word of advice for how to handle this situation, Brother?

...The only advice I can offer you is this: whatever you do, don't get too close.

I'm pretty sure if you pull up the entry for "maelstrom" in Chaldea's database, you'll find a picture of the Wolf King in a foul mood.

Sounds like good advice to me. Okay then, let's hurry up and take that hostile Lobo

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Sorry. I mean that imposter down as quickly as we can!

...!

(The moment Lobo's jaws clamped down around the imposter's neck, he started slamming it onto the ground so many times I lost count...)

(He must have been reeeally unhappy with the idea of another animal going around impersonating him...)

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Lobo just exited the simulator. I believe this means he's now satisfied.

Quite so.

Now, at long last, I can set about restoring this giant panda data.

There, that ought to... Hm?

Is something wrong?

... ...

Qin Liangyu, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but...

I'm afraid the data needed to simulate the giant panda has ben lost in all of this. It seems this bug must have been around for far longer than the others.

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Nooo!!!

...The staff says they'll do their best to look for another source of giant panda data.

But, if I'm being honest, I wouldn't get your hopes up, since this doesn't have anything to do with Chaldea's larger goals.

I understand...

Thank you all for trying to help me with this, everyone. I'm so sorry to have put you out for nothing...

What a disappointment this turned out to be...

...Well? What are you waiting for, pupil? Go see how she's doing, dammit.

She's going to need some serious consoling, you know!?

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(Sigh)...

All that commotion, all that imposition on Master and the others, and I don't even have anything to show for it...

I guess today just wasn't my day.

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Is that you, Master? Here, let me get the door for you.

I'm so sorry for everything that

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You got me a present?

These...these are the same type of chocolates I made for Valentine's Day! Did you make them yourself this time, Master!?

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This is amazing... Thank you so much!

What are these?

They look like...panda pastries? I see. So you made them yourself...

You made them yourself!?

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Mentor? ...Oh, right, Lord Sima YiI mean, Lady Reines! Now I get it.

Well, if these were able to meet her high standards, then they must be delicious.

What a wonderful surprise. Thank you so much!

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Master, would you like to share these with me? I have some tea I can make that should go with them perfectly.

Besides...I forgot to tell you something important.

The main reason I wanted to recreate pandas in the simulator was because I wanted to show you how cute they are.

And so I could tell you my own fond memories of them while we enjoyed watching them play.

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Gladly!

I couldn't tell if this panda I'd run into again was really smart or just really, um, eccentric...

All I know is that he seemed to think he was just as important as the emperor, and the real emperor thought it was so funny he decided to have the panda coronated...

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And so, Fujimaru and Qin Liangyu had a wonderful time trading heartwarming stories. The end.

What's that? Why did I show up out of nowhere like this? Teeheehee.

Well you see, that's because Darling said he wanted to be painted black-and-white so he could be a panda himself...

...so I decided to make him ash gray instead by turning him into actual ash.

I'm sooorryyy!

Sorry won't cut it.

Gaah! Why do you sound so serious!? It's genuinely freaking me out!

Dammit, why do pandas get all the love!? I'm just as cuddly as they are!

Won't somebody think of the brown bears!?