Pira's Story

Pira...?

H-Huh? S-Snorky? You traitor!

So Master was tellin' the truth. You got captured, and now you're on cleanin' duty as punishment.

Wh-What are you getting at, yarou? Are you making fun of me, yarou?!

I ain't makin' fun of you, Pira.

.........

This is good for you.

Keep workin' hard and turn over a new leaf.

Argh... Mind your own business, gora!

You know, buildin' a clean future ain't the worst idea for someone like you.

You were pretty good with alchemy. Try doin' somethin' with that. Legally, of course.

Hmph... Alchemy...

*Sigh*

It doesn't sparkle like gold. It doesn't look fancy. It doesn't have that bright shine to it.

It only looks similar on the outside.

That's pyrite.

Others can't even tell the difference at a glance... There are even those who mistake me for that baka Goldy...

Tch, none of that matters! It still doesn't change the fact that I'm fake gold, gora!!

...Alright, that's it!

If I can't find a way to turn pyrite into real gold in this cave, then I'll scour the outside world until I do!

No matter what it takes, I'm gonna make gold, yarou!

...Is this the place?

The library that's supposed to hold every scrap of knowledge in existence?

Good.

I don't care how long it takes! I'll find my answers here!

Hehehe... HAHAHA!

Er, excuse me...?

Huh?

Pleeease keep your voice down in the Witch Library...

What? Who are you?

Um... I'm the librarian.

You have to be quiet in the library because it can be distracting when read—

Huh? There's nobody here. Who am I disturbing, yarou?

I've got something very important to do, so get outta my way, gora!

I... I'm...

Huh?

I'm reading... I meant you're disturbing me.

Yeah? So what do you want me to do about—

Tsk. Whatever! Fine, I get what you're saying, so stop being a pest and go away!

Please remember to be quiiiiet...

Geez! I heard you! Now go away, gora!

Tch. Annoying me over nothing...

Anyway, now that the nuisance is gone, let's look for a way to turn pyrite into real gold!

Not this... Not this either...

"Collection of the World's Tastiest Baked Goods"? What the heck is a book like this doing here anyway, gora?!

Huh? And this...?

"Transformation of Minerals, the Magic of Alchemy"...? Th-This is it!

An introduction to the infinite transformations of minerals! The basics and advanced theories! This is exactly the kind of thing I've been searching for!

Hehe. Good, good. With this, I can turn the fake into the real deal!

At last! I can be reborn as a true golden dragon, yarrrou!!

Umm...

W-Whoa! The hell?!

I specifically asked you to please be quiiiiet...

Hmph! Yeah, yeah, I know, gora!

Doesn't matter. I found this book, so I'm done here anyway.

Enjoy rotting away in this giant library by yourself, gora!

Excuse me? Uh, where do you think you're going?

What the...? Why are you getting in my way again, yarou?

If you'd like to borrow a book, you need to fill it out on the checkout list first...

Huh? Checkout? What are you talking about, yarou?

.........??

This book is mine now.

I can do whatever I want with it, gora.

It was covered in dust when I found it. It's not like anyone's reading it anyway, yarou!

So what's the problem if I just take it?! Huh?!

*Sigh*

Incidents like this haven't happened much lately...

Look, even if no one else is reading it, the book is still a precious asset of the Witch Library. I cannot just let you take it.

Hah! What are you gonna do about it then, yarou?!

What are you gonna do to stop me from taking this book, yarou?! You librarian aho!

*Sigh* You leave me no choice then.

I did not want to resort to this since it will make a mess of the library...

Go, my Ancient Book Library Cart...!!

Aaack! Wh-What are you doing, yarooooou?!

Tch, that kusogaki librarian! Launching that attack without making a sound!

I even left the book behind after bolting!

...Hmph! But I'm not giving up on that alchemy book! This is the breakthrough I've been searching for!

I'll sneak back in one day, master the art of alchemy, and become the greatest alchemist in the world!

This is not over until I, Pira, am reborn—not as a fake, but the real deal, yarou!!

*Siiigh* Those were the days, gora...

I really thought if I worked hard enough, there'd be some magic that'd just go, poof! and I could change who I was.

We've all been through a time like that.

It's the stuff you go through in your immature years that lets you change, Pira.

Now you know what you gotta avoid.

Haaah? Just because you washed your hands of your old life first, you think you get to lecture me, yarou?!

How long have you even been working for the Order that you think you can school me, gora?!

We've both washed our hands of that life now, Pira. You really gotta be so aggressive?

Tch... That and you stabbing me in the back first are two separate things, yarou.

I actually thought we were friends...

Then how about this? Since we're both startin' new lives...

Why don't we start over as friends, too?

We can forget all the hard feelings.

Hmm...

We can even get Canta to join later and have some grape juice or somethin' together.

Hmph... Starting over might not be so bad...

.........

Here's...

Here's to starting over, gora...

Yeah.

Sounds good.

Hoooo... *Sniff*.

This is embarrassing, yarou. *Chuckle*

...What's this? The Order Family's oyabun?

Well, well... What brings you all this way?

Hmph. Can't you see, yarou? It's always the same in here.

There's nothing to do except chew on bean logs, gora.

They're not half bad. Don't know why those sprite underling ahos won't touch them.

Yeah, I'm okay, gora.

Ah, I do have one thing I've been curious about...

The bars of the cell across from me... Why are they bent, yarou?

Hmph. Never mind then. It's not important anyway.

Master? Master! Where are you?

Still as loud as ever... Seems like she's got business with you, Oyabun.

Geez, why the heck are you holed up here?! I've been looking for you everywhere!

Master, you gotta help me!

The documents Ner gave me are missing!

Huh? What are you talking a—

Huh?! What the heck is this? I found them!

Hehehe. I knew I could count on you, Master!!

...Seems like being the oyabun of the Order ain't all sunshine and roses, is it, gora?

By the way...

Where's that smell coming from? I just got a strong whiff of some baked goods, yarou.

Huh? Me?

No, not you. I'm talking about this smell of baked goods.

That's what I mean. I think you're talking about me.

I just came from Ashur's Bakery!

It was so good I finished it all on the way!

Huh? Wait... on the way here, gora?

Yeah. Why?

Through the courtyard out front?

Exactly!

AAAARGH! What the heck, gora?!

Wh-What the heck? What's wrong with her all of a sudden?

I FINALLY know where all those crumbs I've been sweeping in front of the Order have come from, gora!

Do you have ANY idea what it feels like to clean all day and STILL see crumbs on the ground, yarou?!

Sheesh! It's my kingdom! So what if I eat a few baked goods?! Even Butter doesn't come bother me when I'm eating!

Arrrrrgh!

Grrrr!

Because the crumbs this baka drops give me more to clean, yarou! All she does is go around stuffing her face with baked goods instead of doing her job!

Hmph! It's your job to clean in the first place! I was generous enough to reduce your sentence to community service, and this is how you thank me?!

Hah! YOU reduced it?! The oyabun behind you is the one who did that!

And don't think I forgot! You got scolded by the Head Priestess during the trial, saying you were hungry and asking that bakery sprite for baked goods, gora!

Argh! I'm gonna get you for that!

Sorry, but I'm behind these bars. With those cheeks of yours, I doubt you can even reach for me!

Oh...

You think you're safe behind those bars, do you?!

E-EEEEK! What the...?! How are the steel bars bending, yarou?!

Wait, are you the one who bent those bars back there, too, yarou?!

What? Back where? What are you talking—

Ugh, whatever. Prepare yourself for my Headbutt of Justice!!

W-Wait! Wait a minute!

Hahaha! Heeeeeeere's Erpin!

Aaaah! Forget that, Oyabun! Hurry up and help me, gora!

Oh, is that...

Pira?

Haah? Who the heck is calling—gah!

That's Goldy! What's that baka doing here?

Was she in Sprite Kingdom? Tch!

Pira! Long time no see.

.........

I heard you went to trial for scamming the other denizens...

But seeing that you're out and about, it looks like you've been fully released? Congratulations!

.........

Hmm. Is this because of what happened in the past? You don't want to talk to me, huh?

True, we did clash a lot back then, and there were a lot of tense moments.

...If you know that, quit bothering me and get lost, gora.

Heh, you're finally looking at me.

I'm sorry if I was bothering you. I just wanted to put our past behind us and get along again.

Hmph. Worry about yourself, gora. Why are you taking an interest suddenly?

When it rains, the spot where you crushed me back then still throbs, yarou!

Oh right... There was that, too...

What?! "There was that"?!

That's all you gotta say?! My back almost snapped like graphite!

Well, it's not like either of us did anything we're proud of back then, so maybe we can just let it go?

Haaah?! Yeah, right, gora!

You're the one who flattened me first, yarou!

But before that, you impersonated me and distributed pyrite as gold, Pira...

Grrr... Well, that's true, but still!

Anyway, I've paid my debt to society, and now I'm out!

So don't go telling me to do this or that over what happened back then, gora!

That's what I'm trying to say. I'm not here to do that.

Kidian told me everything.

What? Kidian?

What did she say?

She told me about what happened recently. What the two of you did.

...What?

Sounds like you've changed quite a bit since back then, Pira.

And I hear you've been through a lot.

Tch. That baka runs her mouth too much...

So? What's your point, yarou?

Listen, I don't have anything more to say to you, gora.

So, let's just keep—

Hehehe, thanks again, Ashur!

Your Majesty! Next time, you have to tell the Head Priestess about your overdue baked goods tab! Please!

Otherwise, I'll be forced out and have to close shop!

Huh? Wha' d'you shay? I di'n't catch tha'!

...Tch. That aho is exactly as I remember her from my time behind bars, gora.

Hehe, yeah, the Sprite Queen is always the same.

...Some things never change, even as time passes. But looking at you, Pira? You're changing. Little by little.

Haah? What's that supposed to mean, yarou?

Oh, nothing really...

Just that in the past, you seemed so impatient and would focus only on charging ahead...

But now, you seem to be calmer. It's a good look on you in my opinion.

How should I put it...? It's like you've become more like yourself?

.........

Hmph. I'm not doing this to impress you or anything, so mind your own business, gora.

Yeah, yeah. I get it.

Oh, look at the time... I've left my store unattended way too long.

I'll get going. Don't impersonate me anymore, okay?

If you don't scram, I'll mint and circulate some pyrite coins with your face stamped on them, gora.

D-Don't do that. I'll really be on my way now!

Tch. Finally gone, gora.

.........

I've become more like myself...?

...Hmph. What complete nonsense.

That's something I already know better than anyone!

Hoo... I've been stuck in Sprite Kingdom so long, it feels strange being back.

Did a few business deals... worked a job with that Kidian gaki... even went to jail...

Hmph. Seems I've been busier than I thought.

Let's start by tidying up my underground office—no, my roost.

This is the business card I used for scams... And this is the portable alchemy device...

What's this? Oh, the counterfeit coins I made from pyrite.

Tch. Guess I should throw these out too.

...Huh? Who the heck is that?

Hey, Pira! I heard you're back!

I know you're in there, so get out here!

What the hell?! Who the heck is shouting at me to come out, yarou?

Who in the world is barging in at this hour—What the...?!

Ha! We finally meet again, you crook!

I have been waiting for this day!

What? You've been waiting for me?

Exactly!

I'm the victim you fooled into going all in on pyrite coins when they were at an all-time high!

Once the whole scam came to light, I went to get my money back—only to find you'd closed up your underground shop and escaped to the surface!

Don't tell me you forgot about me!

Uh... Yeah... I don't know who you are.

Urgh... Do you have any idea how many kusogakis I double-crossed back then?

How am I supposed to remember them all, gora?

Y-You bastard! How can you say that?!

...Look, I'm sorry.

...Huh? You're apologizing?

Yeah. I'm done with those obvious scams of the past.

It's time for me to move to a bigger pond now and start playing by the rules for a change.

Hmph! Ridiculous! As if you could ever change!

And I don't want your empty apologies. I want more!

Tch... What more do you want, gora?

That's what I've been waiting to hear!

Taking market fluctuations and emotional distress into account, I want at least ten times what I lost!

Haah?! What kind of garbage are you spouting, yarou?!

You really think you'll get that from me?! Hah! Over my dead body!

*Sigh* So that's how you're going to play it?

Then let's take this to Daya!

Fine by me! You think throwing Daya oyabun's name around would scare me off?

Let's go hear what Daya oyabun has to say, gora!

I see...

For this reason, thou hast come to seek my counsel?

Yes, Daya!

Verily, it sounds as though Pira acted most dishonorably in the past...

Right? That's what I'm saying!

'Tis always a delicate matter to weigh the deeds of the past. Tell me, Pira, hast thou truly sought forgiveness for thine prior actions?

I have. The problem is that this aho is trying to squeeze me for a ridiculous amount.

Hmm... Indeed. A tenfold demand is excessive.

Yet thy past misdeeds do not simply vanish, Pira.

Tch. I already know that, gora.

Since I'm planning on operating in the underground again, I was already thinking of settling things with those kusogakis I burned.

...Pardon?

If Oyabun Daya provides the sit-down, I'm willing to repay what's fair. That should settle what happened in the past, right?

.........

D-Daya, she is just saying that to wriggle her way out of this!

And the fact that she says she's gonna set "what's fair" means she's definitely going to lowball us!

Enough. Hold thy tongue.

To me, Pira seems sincere in her desire to atone for her past.

And I have already declared thy demand for a tenfold return excessive.

As for the particulars, I shall convene with Pira and the aggrieved dragons. We will speak as one and decide upon a fitting restitution.

For today, this matter is concluded. There shall be no further bickering!

...Hmph. That works for me, gora.

Though it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, having to apologize to those baka losers who were dumb enough to fall for a low-level scam like that.

.........

Aye. That doth sound like thee.

Yet thou hast changed, Pira. That much is plain.

Tch. Spare me the commentary and get back to your own business, Oyabun. I have money to scrape together if I'm gonna pay those ahos back.

Very well. So be it.

Hey, Kidian, you there?

It's me, Pira! Helloooo?

Is she not in? Kidian's not really one to go wandering around...

Maybe she's asleep and can't hear me?

Oh, I hear voices... Is someone else here?

Hey, Kidian, who're you talking—huh?

Oh, Sist's here?

...That kusogaki. Who's she trying to screw over again by flapping those gums of hers?

Kidian is exactly the type to fall for a smooth-talking baka like her. I'd better go and—

Wait, no...

That Sist aho might have given up pulling such obvious scams as I have...

She might have changed, so I'll just listen and see what she says for now. Then I'll decide what to do, gora.

So, if you just purchase this one item, I'll throw in this—and that one over there—completely free of charge!

Hmm... I still don't quite understand.

Isn't this one more expensive, though?

Aha... Our discount policy can be a teensy bit difficult to understand at first!

I'll break it down again slowly!

If you purchase this item and sign up for this package, this other product's free!

Then, when you go pick up this product and sign up for the next package, you also get that product for free!

Wow... Buy one and get two free? It's an absolute steal, isn't it?!

.........

That swindler baka... I knew it.

I had a hunch, but damn... she's really out here pulling such obvious scams, gora!

Heeya! Pyrite Kick!!

Eeeeeek!!

Ow! Who the heck was that?!

It's me, you cheating kusogaki!

What the hell? Pira?

Huh? What's going on, Pira?

What's going on? I came by to say hi, and I find you on the verge of falling for this con artist aho's tricks, so I came rushing in, that's what!

Who the hell are you calling a con artist?! You're the one who wrecked the market with that counterfeit currency!

Hmph! Sure, I've run a scam or two... but you're no different!

Where do you get off acting all innocent, haah?

Hmph... Even so, I've never destabilized the entire market as you have!

Either way, you were about to scam Kidian just now, weren't you?!

S-Scam...? Me? What are you talking about, Pira?

Read the terms and conditions for that package that kusogaki gave you, gora. It's got a mandatory monthly fee clause written in.

Give it six months, and you will have paid that Sist baka more than those "free" items were worth.

T-Tch... My carefully designed, Unbeatable Value Double-Tier Monthly Membership Package...

You have some nerve trying to hawk your fake junk in my turf. You ready to face the consequences, haah?

Excuse me? How is this your turf, Pira?

Whatever. Kidian's roost is part of my turf, yarou. It's something I decided recently!

Right, Kidian?

H-Huh?

Er... um... I guess?

See? She agrees!

Uh, I think she just said she's not sure.

Whatever! This is my turf! She didn't deny it!

Hey! Why are you trying to hit me again?! Stop using your fists!

P-Pira, stop fighting...!

Yes, Master. Please come in.

Long time no see, Oyabun. If I knew I'd be seeing you, I would've grabbed a gift for you from the underground.

Enough with the small talk, Pira. Please get to the point.

Pira has been at the Order for some time now, and she has been saying some very strange things.

Something about a new idea or something... *Sigh*

Heh, it's a new business venture!

I told her that I could not trust her and flatly rejected her. However, she also insists on speaking to you and refuses to leave, Master.

That's right! Even if the Head Priestess refuses, what matters is how the oyabun of the Order decides!

I wanna present my revolutionary business venture to you directly, oyabun! Hehehe!

...You should just ignore her, Master. Pira has far too many prior offenses. She is not to be trusted.

Oh, good thinking! You definitely won't regret it, yarou!

Now. Listen carefully! Introducing the Pyramid Loan Service!

We give out loans to Order apostles, and whenever they reel in a new suck—I mean, bring in a new customer—we lower their interest rate, gora!

With this amazing business venture of mine, it'll be no time before we fatten up the Order's finances, gora!

Because it is utterly absurd.

Lending money to our worshippers and lowering their interest rates each time they recruit another customer?

What kind of Order runs a pyramid scheme on its own apostles?

What? Master!

Hahaha! Perfect! I knew you would hear me out, Master!

Th-That is true, but...

Still, it is out of the question! Even if it truly helped our finances, I cannot simply take the word of this dragon at face value!

Haah? What's that supposed to mean, yarou?! I've already paid for my crimes, so what's the big deal?!

Hmph. Seems like you're more worried about your pride than making improvements to the Order, Head Priestess.

Wh-What did you say?!

Ain't it true, yarou? To me, it seems like you're rejecting my business venture because you were duped by me before!

Hah! Who knew you were that small-minded, Head Priestess... It's no wonder this Order is stuck in the gutter!

So, you mean that...

I am the problem here for falling for the con? Not you, the one who committed it?!

Huh? No, that's not what I meant...

GET. OUT. NOOOOW!!!!

AAAAH! H-Hold on!!

Where did you get that axe, yarou?! Wait, time-out!

If you so much as mention "business" in front of me one more time, you will regret it!!