Selene's Story

Your Majesty. You know today is the day I check your picture diary, right?

It's for the week, so I expect seven entries. Hand over five bags of bread as a start. Now, be honest with me. How many did you actually do? One or two?

I did five.

Pardon? No, not how many entries in your diary total, how many have you written THIS week?

Here, see for yourself. I didn't write on the weekend, because I wanted to rest. I hope you understand, rest is important for my health.

And, Ner, just take some of the bread. I know I need to abstain. Work is hard, so the Master or you might need a snack in between.

Y-Your Majesty...?!

Oh, Master. Sorry, I'm reading the sprite denizens' letters right now, so do you mind going alone?

I-I heard you! And stop calling it a bakery, you know Ashur has her gripes about that.

I think you should be more mindful of the words you choose, Master. Well then, see you.

.........

Excuse me!

...Are you talking about Her Majesty too, Master?

Keep an eye on her?

Well... if feels somehow wrong, but whenever I try to ask Her Majesty directly, she avoids me... Come, let's go to the room next to her office.

It's almost 10 o'clock. Master, on second thought...

Maybe we're just overreacting.

...think so? ...win ...right?

No!

It sounds like she is talking to someone... Let's go in!

I've been acting like a proper queen, so give me that Phantom Pudding now! I want to try it!

Are you kidding? It's only been two days out of the promised week, and you're already whining about how hard it is?

You! Two days or a week, it's the same! I've acted like a queen long enough! Take it! I'm really exhausted!

H-Huh? Master? What are you doing here? Ner, you too?

Well well, you are caught. You said you wouldn't get caught by anyone? Then I am the winner, right?

Who are you? What do you mean you're the winner?

Me? I'm Selene. And I made a bet with your queen for the throne.

Thanks to you catching her, I won the bet. Now, I am the new Sprite Queen.

*Sigh* Your Majesty has made a strange friend again. Ms... Selene? Listen, the throne isn't something that can be transferred as a joke.

A joke? How shameless. I even have a contract with the queen's seal on it.

Wait, Your Majesty! Did you put your seal on some weird contract without my permission?

U-um, well, I thought she was one of the good ones! Because she gave me bread and candy. And, when I stamped in it, the paper was blank!

But how can you just hand out your stamp like that?!

I was a little uneasy too, but she promised she wouldn't use it for anything bad!

*Sigh* I'm sorry, but this is void. Her Majesty isn't even capable of making this kind of contract yet.

Void? Complete nonsense, I won't listen to that!

And if, as you say, your queen is a bonehead who can't even make contracts, then I'm the better choice for the throne.

If you have any complaints, then make a bet yourself and win. I'll cancel the contract, if you can resist my bait for 10 minutes.

But if... I win again, you'll have to swear loyalty to the new queen. If you're brave enough to do so, of course.

Fine, challenge accepted.

We have no other choice. Don't worry. I am a priestess of Yggdrasil. I'm second to none when it comes to staying calm.

Alright, you know the rules, Head Priestess?

No, I should call you the Queen's representative. That's closer to the truth, right?

.........

Don't you think so too? That clumsy queen... not even worth protecting. She'll just keep acting like this forever.

Hey! Why are you joking about me!

*Sigh* The Head Priestess is truly magnificent. If we didn't have such a self-sacrificing Head Priestess... I don't even want to imagine.

Thank you, not many people see me that way.

You don't need to thank me. Could it be... you're enjoying this? Pulling the Queen's strings from behind... Certainly sounds like fun.

*Sigh...* How childish you are.

Ah, yes... You worship Yggdrasil, don't you? How ridiculous! A tree that's supposedly so powerful, yet does absolutely nothing.

Normally, we'd call that... neglect, right? Or, to put it clearly, abandonment?

Argh, don't speak carelessly about Yggdrasil!

Pff, you don't need to get worked up. Not so tough, are you, Head Priestess?

*Sigh* I am sorry, Master. I guess I still have a lot to learn.

What, got something to say? Go ahead.

You are... the Master of the Yggdrasil Order? I've been curious about you, I welcome you.

Let me see... You... huh?

So, um... You're awful, Master.

Urgh... Bonehead! Dork! You must be one of those who leaves the crust when eating bread!

Hey, phantom! It's been way over 10 minutes! Stop bothering the Master and get out!

Who in the world are you? How can you be so calm? My words make you feel nothing?

Are you saying the clumsy queen is better than me at teasing?

Urgh, how dare you compare me to such a bonehead? You hurt my pride.

So you're just blankly staring ahead and not paying attention, huh?

You should pay attention to this very phantom talking to you! Those are basic manners, no?

Oh, yes, good for you! I don't care about the throne anymore. You completely ruined the fun, I'm leaving now.

Master... Don't you dare think you're above me, this was only round one.

You made her run off quickly! You're quite good, Master! I've been teasing you for moments like this, you know?

Your Majesty, now that this urgent issue is resolved, let's move on to the next one.

How, and where did you get the stamp...? Do you know the vault's password?

M-Master? Please stop Ner! She seems really mad, so scary!

Master, do you really care about the Order? Aren't you just pretending to work while enjoying the power?

Don't you feel guilty? What a hypocritical Master, shame on you.

...Say something!

Urgh... When do you get angry? What should I do? Don't you have any pride?

What do you mean?! Are you saying I look funny? Argh, now I'm even more mad!

Really?

Arrr, seriously. You make me mad!

Do I really have to explain everything in detail? Isn't it obvious that I want you all just to do as I want you to?

Urgh, you're creepy. Why are you giggling? Stop looking at me with those eyes.

What are you talking about?

Huh...?

Oh, you're just now realizing? I thought it was a handicap, but you must be pretty confident, seeing that you're bringing it up first, aren't you?

Of course, I might have been underestimating you. Fine, let's have a fair fight.

W-What is it?

Are you kidding? That has nothing to do with our bet! You're supposed to tell me how to make you angry! Are you a fool?

.........

Well, it seems there's no helping it.

Of course, I already knew that, but I was going easy on you because you seemed pitiful.

But to reveal it on your own, huh, how arrogant of you. Do you understand, that now you can't complain about whatever I do?

Yes?

Alright! Then, to prepare for a fair showdown, I'll take my leave for today.

Mmm, Master, it's been sooo long! I missed you sooooooooo much!

Aww... Master, whut's wrooong? Was I a baaaaaaad girl? Is that it?

Master... Is work more important than me? I worked sooooooo hard to prepare all this, just for you...

Mmm... Urrrrgh... You're ignoring all I have done for you, and gonna leave because you hate me? Waaaah!

Waaah... I won't let you go till you promise to grant Selene's wishes, Master! Promise!

Waaah... What?

.........

*Nods silently*

...Why...she...weird?

That...not...Selene...

Ugh, why is she here... Urgh, did I get too excited?

What are you talking about?! Take your hands off, ugh, you're no help!

Can't you see? Let go of me! How long will you keep holding me!

*Shakes head*

...You, why do you keep following me around even when I treat you like this? Seriously...

Your persistence is borderline creepy, you know?

Ugh... BigWood says sorry, phantom.

Master. My head's already pounding, so just leave it.

And, what? A friend? This loggerheaded wood elemental spirit isn't my friend!

She keeps stalking me, and it's seriously irritating that she never gets mad no matter how much I tease her!

Phantom... Sorry. But BigWood... not get angry like that.

Did you say sorry? Do you think you're on my level? Know your place.

...It's okay.

What? Master, who do you think you are? Don't tell me what to do.

If you're so worried, I can bully you instead of her. How about that?

Master.

BigWood... won't hold back...

So it's fine.

Wood elemental, what did you just say? You won't hold back? You must be joking.

If you don't hold back, what are you going to do, huh?

You can't do anything, while I mess with you like this.

And yes, you don't need to hold back. You're no threat to me anyway.

*Huff, huff* BigWood... won't hold back...!

Huh? Did you see that, Master? She's now breathing hard, isn't she?

And her face is turning a bit red too...

So, this is your true nature. Acting all nice, pretending to be sorry, but you've got a temper too, huh?

Why weren't you more honest from the start? What a disgusting hypocrite you are.

B-BigWood not angry...!

Stop lying. I know someone like you can't be unbothered by my teasing.

For a wood elemental, you held up better than I expected, so I thought you were quite resilient...

I must have overestimated how thick-skinned they were, just like that bark of yours.

Huh? What, Master?

What do you take me for? Do you really think teasing this woodhead would satisfy me?

I don't know why you're trying to stop me, but it's pointless. This one already got mad.

Right, wood elemental? Just admit it. You're totally mad right now, aren't you?

*Huff* BigWood... not mad *huff* at all!

Huh, Master? Did you say something?

Shame on you, Master, for slacking off in the middle of the day.

Look at this sorry appearance... If others knew, they'd be disappointed, definitely!

Tch, still good at justifying yourself, is that why you can resist my bait so well?

This video is all about delivering justice to that obnoxious elf causing noise pollution every day at the park under the guise of busking!

She's quite shameless, never cares about disturbing others.

But she'll get what's coming to her. Because I tampered with her guitar amp. Stay tuned!

Ah, um, thanks for coming to my performance today. I'll show you what real rock is.

Anyway, here's Wunderwall first!

Meow-

Huh? Why is the sound so weird?

Meow- Meow-

Why is my guitar making cat sounds?!

S-sorry for taking a break, there's some equipment issues! Urgh, what's going on?!

Cats? That's not Rock'n Roll at all. Are you causing an issue just to draw attention?

N-No, I'm not! This is an accident, don't make a mockery of my love for rock!

...What is this, Master?

It seems interesting. Do elves share stuff like this?

Why? Do elves enjoy pranks like we phantoms do?

So basically, they prank and mock others, record it on video, then the video makes money and their viewers praise them for it, right?

No way... Why didn't you tell me earlier! I'm going to start recording videos and debut as an ElfTuber right now!

Hi, I'm Se- eherm Seley, who is gonna show you slackers watching these videos how to really bait anyone into reacting.

Hmm, I came across someone interesting while passing by. So I thought I'd start a stream. Am I doing this right?

See that one over there? An elf in armor. Unfortunately for her, I know who she is. Let's mess with her.

They're giving out special sugar rations?

Really? Finally, Her Majesty seems to have the Kingdom under control.

No, no. Think logically. It must be coming from the Head Priestess' sugar reserves.

I-I think we should all be thankful to our ally Mayor Elena of the Sprite Kingdom Monatium!

What?

W-well I just suddenly realized that our Sprite Kingdom relies on imports from Monatium for all the sugar!

Is that so? Now that you mention it, I guess elves aren't so bad after all.

Yes, yes. And their denizens elected their mayor themselves. Who knows, she might be better than Her Majesty.

Who do they think will fall for such obvious propaganda? I can't just stand by and watch.

Hey, you there, elf in the helmet and armor! Why don't you come over for a moment?

W-What? Me? I'm wearing a helmet and armor, but I'm not an e-elf... Who are you?

You're right, sweety, elves couldn't possibly sneak in here! They're so full of themselves yet secretly clueless—it makes them perfect to toy with.

Moreover, an elf spy? I heard of one who's just a dummy and a bad liar. A pity, really.

What? That's so mean! How would you even know if I- I mean, an elf spy is dumb or not?!

Don't worry dear, she cannot hear me anyway. It's obvious she isn't here. No way she'd swallow her pride and just take this from me.

I'm pretty sure she is a coward who has no courage to complain about being treated this way.

H-How could you... Why are you picking on me!

What's she talking about? Why is she mad at those elf-insults?

Didn't that phantom say a spy? Could she be a real spy from the elves?

Right, come to think of it, that one's been praising the elves.

W-What should I do? Just, um, sorry, let me through!

She's running away! The elf spy is running away!

Pfft, did you see that? She's totally chickening out. Oh, that was fun. That's it for today.

Hello? It's Ghoseley, the ultimate bait icon!

Today, I'm going to play a little prank on the Monatium police station. Doesn't that sound thrilling?

See over there? An elf is guarding the police station alone this late at night.

How responsible is she! And I'm grateful because thanks to her I can stream something fun today.

Let me call now, ...Hello?

This is the Monatium Police Station. How can I help you?

Officer, my friend got lost on the hill just outside the city!

At this time of night? I'll need to get in touch with your friend immediately.

What's her phone number?

Well... I was able to call her earlier, but it seems her phone died, I can't reach her.

Is that so? This could be a big problem. Would it be better to call for backup?

You know, she said she can see the police station from far away. I know Morse code, can you help me send a signal to her?

You want me to send a signal using the police station's lights? Of course, we'll do anything to help save any elf! Please tell me what I should do.

Send short blinks for 'Dit' and long blinks for 'Dah.'

Understood, I'm ready. You can start.

Dit-dit... dit-dah, dah-dah... dit-dah, dah-dit... Dit-dit, dah-dit-dit, dit-dit, dah-dah-dah, dah.

Got it, I'll send it right away. Please hold on a minute!

Hahaha, do you see that? She's blinking so diligently! This is hilarious!

*Huff, huff* I've sent the signal. It was tough, since we have so many switches.

Oh, I forgot to ask, what does that mean exactly?

I AM AN IDIOT.

Excuse me?

You're an idiot. Are you really such a fool? You've still not caught on?

W-Wait, hold on...Is this a prank call?

If you think this is a prank call, why are you sweating so much? You're pretty dedicated, aren't you?

Urgh...Let me give you a warning first, prank calling public facilities is a crime in Monatium.

If you apologize and hang up now, I'll let it slide without a word.

Oh, I'm sorry, Officer? It was just a joke, I didn't realize I'd make you look foolish.

Alright, so you want me to play along? Got it.

Well, I know you're mad now, but how could you catch me? You don't even know who I am?

Did you pull this prank not knowing you can be traced using repeaters and GPS in Monatium?

Do you think big words can scare me? How silly.

*Sigh* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Since you haven't hung up by now, you must really not have know that.

I'll be there soon. Stay there.

What, how anticlimactic. She hung up first.

Isn't this fun? It seems you like it. This is called a chat, right?

Huh, I don't get what these comments mean. Elf slang is so hard to understand.

Why is everyone typing X in the chat? Ugh, there are so many, it's hard to focus.

Wait... I can see... someone behind me?

That elf from earlier! How did she figure out where I am?!

What? Mind the police behind?

T-That's the one from the police station earlier... It wasn't a bluff?!

Urgh, this is so annoying. Where can I hide... This booth should work.

Huh, did she leave? I can't lose my precious hobby over a mistake like this. I'd better take my phone back first.

Excuse me, Can I ask you, if you have seen...

W-What?

Hey, you're 555-2368 right?

Ah... Haha... Why are you being so scary... Ms. Officer? I was merely making a joke... I promise!

Haha, I'm just kidding, too. You know, I'm a police officer after all.

Would an officer hit a denizen? No way. But, don't do that again, alright?

Oh, really? Then I guess I'm free to go now, right?

Huh, that's rich, trying to act all tough over nothing. How annoying.

Why'd you lock the door? I said I'm leaving.

Hahaha, well... it's nothing, but since you said I am annoying.

Guess you were right, I'm slow to understand. I was late to realize that you're not even a citizen of Monatium. Are you?

W-What? What's that in your hand?! Stay away from me!

Shame on you, Master, for working in the middle of the day.

You too would be pretty disappointed if you knew all your hard work could crumble in an instant, wouldn't you?

Ugh, so pointless! All that effort, was wasted in one moment!

Maybe this is fate?

I'm but a phantom, paying the price for hurting too many people...

Oh, do you even know what I'm good at? Talking like you know me. Just because I teased you here and there you think we're friends?

Are you challenging me? I admire your courage, trying to beat me in my own game.

Or are you just too dense to realize that?

Hmm, that sounds good. What can you tell me?

Pass that on to your Queen friend. Next.

All I do it tease people and I already got in trouble for that! Next!

You can't start without finishing!

Sitting here and not coming up with anything good...

Pfft, an incompetent bonehead... who can't even get mad...

Who's going to watch that? It sounds strange.

Hmm... You could be right, you did introduce me to ElfTube in the first place.

Wait, you're not actually basic? Will you be my manager?

What? Did you just say you pitied me?

*Sigh* Acting all friendly, it's creepy. You're such a fool, Master.

I went easy on you, because you were helpful this time. Anyway, I'm busy, see you.

Hey, do you know Seley, the ElfTuber?

Huh? Never heard of her. It's all gotten so stale that I haven't been watching ElfTube lately.

That's why you got no friends, so out of touch with trends. How could you not know Seley's ASMR!

W-Wow, what is this? Just listening makes me feel like Monatium's chronic elven fatigue and insomnia could be cured!

Mayor, you called for me?

Amelia, find this ElfTuber and get her working as a public servant in my City Hall!

Yes, Mayor. However, if you impulsively decide to dig into an ElfTuber's personal information, you could face criticism for civilian surveillance. Would that be okay?

Nobody will care about that if we drop some fake news in the Sprite Kingdom news.

This is the first time I've slept this well since grad school, thanks to this ASMR!

I'll start a full investigation into the ElfTube servers immediately, Mayor!

Today's top headline in Monatium News is about trending content.

We will take a look at investigation data and conduct an interview with an expert.

We'll begin with the question "How did Seley become a giant ElfTuber?"

Chairman, we've completed the feasibility review for the ElfTube creator agency project.

Based on data analysis and expert recommendations, we must recruit the ElfTuber Seley to our agency...

.........

Really? I knew it would go like this. It's not surprising for great talent to get recognized, right?

Yeah, about that, the Mayor's apparently offering me an official pardon for the past incident.

Meluna, Chairman of Melo Corporation... has offered an exclusive contract with stock options...

Guess you might have played your role too. I think thanks are in order.

What are you talking about? You should be thankful to me!

After all, I make your ideas come true with ease. Aren't you proud to be my muse?

But what a pity that you can't get anything. Well, take this. It's for you.

It's a subscription coupon for my channel. It's a million points. It's about 100 thousand Gold if converted, you know?

Master? Why are you suddenly crying? Are you this touched? Ugh, this is embarrassing. Go cry downstairs.