1st Night: What Ever Happened to Jeanne?

Senpai, are you ready to go? That reindeer outfit really suits you!

Oh, you forgot something important. Here, your red nose.

Yes! Of course!

？！

I have sort of a care package for you from all the Servants.

We expect you to be out for a while, so please take it with you.

First... This is a portable heater.

You'll be flying at over 7,500 meters, so this will make sure you don't get cold.

It's made with Medea's magecraft, so it will definitely keep you warm!

？！

And this is a lunch from Emiya.

If you pull this string, it will automatically warm up.

He developed it together with Edison, or so he said...

Oh, the one flaw is that it emits a strong smell of dumplings, so be careful when you eat it.

？！

And this is from Marie.

"It's a little early for Christmas, but this is warm spiced wine," she says.

"I'll put it in an insulated case, so drink it when you find yourself getting cold."

？！

And lastly, Senpai, this is from Santa Alter and me.

It's a talisman we made together. It's meant to give many effects, such as safe travelling...

At least, I hope it does.

Oh, and I have a message from Santa Alter. "You'd better not make her cry," she says.

Hehehe, I guess Santa Alter is kind of worried.

This year's Christmas is going to be a little bit... crazy...

But I'm sure you'll make it work.

I need to undergo emergency maintenance, so I'm staying here with the doctor...

But I'll be monitoring you carefully!

So um... If you would contact me too, that would make me happy.

？！

Right! Goodbye, Master! Be careful!

All right, it's time for Reindeer Master to head out! Let's go!

It is pretty cold outside, but we'll be fine!

Because I, Jeanne d'Arc Alter, am Santa!

It's extremely logistical! I mean, logical!

？！

Um, let me start from the beginning

Time for you to learn a lesson...

Oh, Jeanne! Why are you summoning me at this late hour?

If you wish to do a ritual of dark magecraft, can't it wait till morning?

No, no, no. Definitely not.

I don't care about those weird rituals. I don't even think they work.

You know... It's almost time, right?

Time for what?

All the younger Servants are starting to get excited. I mean, so are the adults.

Why are they getting all excited for? Can you even call that candy-loving book a legendary hero who left a mark on history?

Ugh... Those so-called "real Servants" are satisfied with merely existing, and not at all interested in bettering themselves.

According to Master, someone once said that anyone without a desire to improve is an idiot.

I don't know who it was, but it's a great saying worthy of a Jeanne Alter gold star.

Haha, you're getting off track, Jeanne. So, will you tell me what it's time for?

...Ahem.

Basically, it's almost Christmas. Doesn't it piss you off to see them in high spirits?

No, not at all.

On the contrary, when I see the children get excited, it makes me want to smile.

Though for reasons I can't quite understand, my smile seems to frighten children!

...I see now what a stupid question that was. Also, those kids are right to run away.

Anyways, listen.

When Christmas comes, she starts getting excited.

Who is "she"?

Don't you know?

That awful, dark Santa with the skin the color of a corpse!

Last time I was just walking through the halls when I almost got blown away!

"You aren't looking where you're going, fallen saint. Can't you tell I'm in the middle of tuning my Llamrei Mark II?"

"Of course you can! It's almost Christmas! It's almost time for Christmas fun. My sword shall save the world once more!"

She said it twice! She just wouldn't shut up!

And then she went into the combat simulator and started humming "Jingle Bells" while blasting off her Noble Phantasm for hours before finally going home.

(Is my Jeanne stalking Santa...?)

Can't you see? She's much too merry to be a proper Santa.

So I'm going to stealahem, borrowSanta Alter's sack.

What? The sack she uses to carry presents!?

That's right. And then I'm going to hand them out before she can.

The children will cry. Santa Alter will cry. It will be my best Christmas ever!

Do you see now, the genius of my plan?

But, my Jeanne...

If I may point out, even if it is the middle of the night, she is still a Servant.

And we do not even have Presence Concealment. Won't it be quite difficult to steal from her?

Hmph. You underestimate me, Gilles!

Don't worry! The cute little kiddie King of Heroes gave me a potion that makes you invisible!

Ooh! So that the pitch-black potion you've been holding...!?

Yep. I'll turn invisible, steal her sack, and then spend the whole night delivering presents! It's foolproof.

And tomorrow, when the children are happily opening their presents, I will feast on the sweet salt of Santa Alter's tears

SERVES YOU RIGHT!

What a beautiful, perfect plan! So all you have to do is drink that potion, my Jeanne!

Yep! All that's left is to drink this potion, Gilles! That's...all...

...

How strange. I'm suddenly a little...nervous for some reason...

It should be safe, right? I was careful not to ask the scary evil Gilgamesh and chose the dumb kid, as a precaution.

Yes! I have no reason to be confident about that, but I am willing to bet your life on it!

Gilles, feel free not to say everything that comes to mind.

But that's fine. If I stopped to worry about consequences, I wouldn't be a Servant.

I am the witch of vengeance. Even if I've been tricked into taking poison, I'll still laugh and gulp it down. All the potion. All of it.

Well, bottoms up! (Swallow)

...Ugh! This tastes awful!

They say good medicine is bitter, Jeanne.

Right, right. So? Am I turning invisible?

No, not really.

Grr. I knew he tricked me. Well, then I'll just go STEAL the real thing from Ack, gah!?

What's wrong, Jeanne?

M-my body is on fire...Gyaaaahh!

Oh no, not again! Jeanne! Jeanne!

JEEEAAANNE!!!

Hey, you're being real loud, Mr. Gilles de Rais!

Huh?

Hmph. Trying to turn invisible to stir up trouble. The grown-up me is awful, huh?

Eh? Eh? Eh?

But I respect her desire to want to be Santa! I shall carry on her will!

Wait... Wait... Are you...!

I am Jeanne Alter Lily. I was born to become the next Santa!

Oh, Jeanne... Jeanne...! You have turned into a child too adorable by far...!

Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my! I'm so excited I seem to have ascended! Prelati would be delighted!

Anyway, the grown-up me is a dummy to think I could steal by turning invisible.

Oh? So you have a plan, sweet young Jeanne?

A plan? Mr. Gilles, are you stupid? I don't need a plan!

I'm just gonna convince Miss Altria Santa that I'm the better Santa!

Ooh! Even in youth my Jeanne was so very reckless!

Nothing good will come of this, but she may at least learn a life lesson...!

...? Off I go!

Oh, you stay here, Mr. Gilles de Rais. You sneaking into a woman's room at night is bad, bad, bad!

...

What'd'yuh mean you wannnabe Santa? ChristmasSwordOfPromised-calibur!

Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaah!?

Huh? Did that voice sound younger or something

Meh, whatever. Bedtime... Zzz... Get lots of sleep f' Christmas...

Ooh, Jeanne!

She's the sort who may bite if you get too close! Well, she may bite whether you're close or not!

Perhaps the reason you failed was that you approached unguarded. Oh, how sad...!

Why didn't you tell me before!? She was scary! She was really, really scary!

Nuh-uh, I'm not crying!

Bulging-eyed Gilles... What is the meaning of your intrusion at this hour?

The Servants are one thing, but Master and the staff are sleeping.

If you want to make noise, do it when everyone is awake

The properly grown-up me! It's Regular Adult Me!

I see. That explains why Adult-Me is all panicking and stuff.

But this year, Santa's job will be miiiiiine!

...

...Gilles?

Wh-what is it, Jeanne?

Is it just my imagination, or is your smile a little more strained than usual?

How could it not be strained? Now, tell me what's going on!

If you don't tell me everything, I will poke those googly eyes right out!

...And that's what happened.

You don't seem very calm, my Master.

If you're my Master, you need to be composted and remain calm at all times!

Hey, Master. What's that attitude for!?

That's right, Master. Multiplying like bunnies is Altria's thing.

Me multiplying is an exception to all exceptions!

？！

I'm sorry. May I ask your name and class once more?

Of course. I am...

"Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily Lancer!"

？！

F-faster? All right.

"Jeanned'ArcSantaAlterLilySanta"! Huh? Waaait a minute... Um...

"SantaJeanneAlterd'ArcLily"! No... Um...

"ShantaJantaLilyncer"! Huh Um... Hmm... Um... Well...

Master, please don't tease her too much.

Tease me...? M-Master, what are you? A kid!?

I think I see what's going on.

Jeanne Alter has become Lily. And the cause is the young Gilgamesh's potion. Am I correct?

I'm really sorry!

Nope. She woke me up in the middle of the night. Not my fault I grabbed the wrong potion!

It wasn't deliberate. It was an innocent mistake.

Thanks!

...Well, if I were to make an excuse, it was because I was woken up at night and I grabbed the wrong thing.

Maybe I shouldn't have opened the door to my treasure vault while I was still lying on the floor.

？！

That was very careless of you, Gil!

Hahaha. I never thought I'd see the day Jeanne Alter had a good reason to yell at me.

Adult-Me is a good-for-nothing!

Ishe is not that bad...

Deep down, she has the potential to become a proud Servant...

The way the other me spoils me is the reason why I think of things like trying to steal sacks!

...I see. So this is what that weirdo looked like before she grew up.

...

Miss Calls-Herself-a-Holy-Maiden, Master, come with me. I need to talk to you.

I've never called myself anything like that!

Mash, you play with her for a while.

I'm too old to play.

More importantly, Miss Altria Santa, give me Santa's sack

Just play. Or you get the naughtygirl-calibur.

Whaaaaaa!?

...Heh.

I-I don't think Santa should be threatening people! (Shaking)

Should I call you Jeanne Alter Santa Lily?

Or maybe something shorter? A nickname...?

Jeanne Alter is fine. Or Santa Jeanne.

Then for now, I'll call you Jeanne Alter. Why do you want to be Santa Claus?

Because I'd be the best Santa ever, duh!

I can do a much better job of delivering the proper, ideal presents for everyone.

The proper presents...?

I do remember Emiya's unreadable expression upon receiving Black Keys last year...

What's an Archer gonna do with Black Keys, anyway? That's why she's bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!

...Good point.

I know most of what happened last Christmas from grown-up me's memories.

I know I can give better presents, and that everyone will love them!

Heh. Listen to you.

Welcome back, Master. Is something wrong?

？！

Wh-what is it, Miss Altria Santa? Is it another-calibur? Whatcha-calibur again?

D-do it, if you dare!

You are not fooling anyone, talking tough while hiding behind Master.

...But we talked, and I've decided that you can be Santa this year.

Take this. This is Santa's secret sack.

...Huh?

I-it's okay? Really?

Well, if you don't want to, I'll just be Santa again.

N-no! I'll do it! I'll do it!

Reindeer, this year will be different than last. You take the lead.

What you do is no different from last year. Gather the stockings that are the crystallizations of children's hearts.

Babysitting will be an extra task, but you can do it.

What!?

Th-that sounds like I'm just some useless kid!

Take that back! I demand a reduction!

I guess I have to babysit Master, then.

Fine. I'm gonna lead the Reindeer to the best Christmas ever!

Do our best? There's no need to work that hard.

Hehehe. Why, you ask? Because my plan is perfect!

？！

(I have a bad feeling about this, but hang in there, Reindeer. Fujimaru is the only one who can control her.)

Consider this a request from me as well, Master. Please, make Lily into a great Santa...!

Thank you...!

I know this should be obvious, but Alter Lily is also a different being than myself.

Please treat her as a full-fledged Servant.

Heh. That's the answer of one who knows what he's doing.

？！

All right, I'll start by testing your power.

Santa, Jr., Fujimaru. We'll start with Santa warm-ups.

Santa needs an iron will, an icy heart, and the fury of a demon! Fight without fear!

To the combat simulator, right?

Don't worry. I'll show you my powers as a Santa Servant.

Very well. I will be your opponent, Santa, Jr.

A-already!? Uuhhh... Wait! I'm not ready

There's no use arguing! I shall test you to see if you're a Santa worthy of my Reindeer!

You passed. Barely. But, I suppose I must give you my secret sack.

Now, Reindeer. Work hard so you don't tarnish the Santa name.

Th-that was scary... That was real scary...

Are you okay? It looked like you were maybe crying a little, Jeanne Alter...

No, I wasn't crying! There's no crying in Santa Claus! It's a Class that delivers smiles!

Anyways, old Santa gave me her blessing. Now let's go deliver preseeents!

Huh? It's still early? What are you saying, Reindeer?

You know how the song goes! "Santa baby, hurry down..."

V-very well, but we have to prepare, so hold on a little bit!

It may not be winter yet, but it is late fall. There might already be snow falling in some places.

We should at least get some winter equipment ready!

Anyway, that's enough reminiscing. Time to get going, Reindeer!

There are Servants waiting for us to give them their presents!