Prologue: The Haniwa, Beyond the Light

Curse you, Iyo! How dare you try to claim my Yamataikoku for yourself!?

You caused this! Your hoarding of all the rice is why this is happening, vile queen!

Now I, Majin

I mean, Iyo, will bring you to justice!

How dare you!? You were my best disciple! I taught you everything I know, and this is how you thank me!?

Very well then. You leave me no choice. My hellfire will consume you!

As long as I still draw breath, I, Majin

Er, it's...uh, Iyo, right?

I, Iyo, will ensure there is enough rice for everyone!

O piping hot rice, lend me your strength!

This is my ultimate move! Majin Beam!!!

Aaarrrgh! Which is it, Iyo or Majin!?

...You may have won today, accursed Iyo, but remember this:

Even if it takes me one or two more forms, I WILL rise again to destroy this nation once and for all!

Heh. Now then, let's get the show going, shall we?

Though I fall to dew, and fade away with the mist...

Hm? Hang on. This is Monkey's deathbed haiku.

Okay, seriously. What hack wrote this garbage?

Well, no matter. Farewell...

...It's over.

Okay, better head home.

...I don't want to be late for dinner.

And so, Iyo the Hero saved Yamataikoku from the tyranny of Demon King Himiko.

So it went. In time, Yamataikoku would disappear into the annals of history, never to be heard from again...

That's it!? What happened to Yamataikoku after that?

I mean, the whole second act felt SUPER rushed, like you knew your show was getting canceled and had to tie everything up all at once!

What else could we have done? We ran out of money.

Oh come on, there must've been something you could've tried. This IS a historical show, right?

Still, it was a nice touch having Himiko as the Demon King and Iyo as the hero, right?

If I were reincarnated today, I'd make a kickass light novel author.

I could call my first book "Oda Nobunaga Got Reincarnated and Is Writing Light Novels: My Author Story."

What do you think? Pretty catchy title, right?

Chacha is pretty sure plots like that are reeeally popular these days!

？！

It all started when Nobunaga said she wanted to make her own TV show.

She said something about how it would be a great way to teach other Servants about Japanese history.

I worked really hard on it, too.

Hmph. What an absolute joke.

Calling itself "ancient" history even though it took place centuries after my time. Bah!

Indeed. Incidentally, this period was also right around China's Three Kingdoms era, when myself and Lord Lu Bu were at the peak of our careers.

Eh? Lu Bu and I had already been defeated by this point?

Hahaha! Indeed, that was the best part of the entire Three Kingdoms era!

Just as I suspected. If we are to do a historical show right, it should begin with Uruk, the birthplace of the great King of Heroes.

Don't be silly. This is supposed to be a show about Japanese history, remember?

That said, I do think the ratings would be much better if it focused on, say, Japan's Warring States period, instead of some boring super ancient history nobody knows or cares about.

It could even be an all-new show that focuses on Echigo's god of war. People would love that.

Wahahaha! I'd love to see the fans talking when the last episode ends in the shitter!

Ahahahahaha! You're dead!

Ugh, can't you lot ever keep it down?

And when's the food gonna be ready, anyway?

It won't be much longer now. Just make do with your chilled pickles in the meantime.

Anyway, my suggestion is for a new show depicting all the daring exploits we got up to in the Shinsengumi.

The lead character could be a mysterious and beautiful genius swordswoman who is a natural fit for tons of merchandising opportuni

All right, guys, dinner's ready. Turn off the TV and come eat.

Ooh! Hamburg steak today!

Just a light sauce for mine, thanks!

Hey, Ryouma. Trade me your steak for my cauliflower.

Oryou figured you'd say that, so Oryou got a whole bucket's worth of cauliflower just for you. Go on, eat up.

The hell do you think you're doiiiiiing!?

Now, now, Izo. You know nobody likes a picky eater.

Yeah, Izo. With your brains, you need all the cauliflower you can get.

What are you even talking about!?

Um, if you're still hungry too, Senpai, you can have my steak, if you like.

Is everything okay?

Thank you, Senpai, but the same goes for you.

？！

...!

Fujimaru, Mash, there you are.

Have you guys seen Nobukatsu anywhere?

Nobukatsu?

We haven't seen him in a while, so we're a bit worried.

He didn't even show up for dinner.

Then again, I kind of forced him to materialize by attaching him to my Spirit Origin.

Maybe his time just ran out and he disappeared.

Oh, hey, Sister. Hey, Sister's Master. I've been looking for you.

Oh, so you are still here.

Of course I am, Sister! Wherever you go, I go!

Did you want to see Senpai about something, Nobukatsu?

It's not that I have any business in particular, but I found this in the hallway earlier.

Uh... Wh-what is it?

？！

Oh geez, don't tell me we have yet another Mini Nobu variant on our hands.

What did you do this time, Nobbu?

Depending on your answer, we might have to do another Honnoji...again.

Hey! We already did that, remember!? It even had "Final" right in the title!

Besides, there's absolutely no connection between me and haniwa!

Not that I had much connection to tanks or UFOs either, but still!

Hey guys. What's going on here?

Oh, hey, I know what that is! I've seen others like it in Japanese scientific journals before. It's a clay figure called a haniwa, right? The kind they used to make in ancient Japan?

That's right. I've seen pictures of them in a book I read, too.

I believe it said they're a kind of unglazed ceramic that was made in great numbers during Japan's Yayoi and Kofun periodsfrom about the third century B.C. to the seventh century A.D., if I'm not mistaken.

Is it just me, or does this one look a little...wonky?

What the...!? Don't just sneak up on us like that! Especially when you've got that freaky look in your eyes!

Rude.

You should be thrilled to have Echigo's adorable god of war around to help.

So, where did this haniwa come from, anyway?

I thought it was a new killbot Sister had secretly commissioned to take over Chaldea, so I was just bringing it to her.

Dammit, I knew Nobbu was behind this.

Will you listen to me!? I'm telling you, I don't know anything about it! I'm being framed! It's a conspiracy!

Whatever this thing is, it's gotta be the true mastermind behind the mess at Honnoji!

What's that? People now think Monkey or Takechiyo were behind it?

Wahahahaha! So even in death, I'm still the most sought-after Warring States daimyo by a huge margin!

Some punk wannabe god of war who died on the crapper can't even begin to compare!

What was that? You're looking to die a second time?

I always knew you were the best, Sister! You're really nothing like some backwater bumpkin daimyo.

You've still got everybody's attention even after you died!

By the way, these Monkey and Takechiyo people need to pay for their transgressions against you, so why don't we go kill them right now?

Best thing you can do with folks like that is kill them as soon as you suspect something!

Uh, Nobukatsu? Why's that haniwa glowing?

Huh, I didn't know haniwa glowed like that.

？！

In the...two, ...erish.

Huh? Did anyone else hear that?

You know, I do think I hear a voice coming from somewhere...

It's the haniwa! Senpai, the haniwa is talking!

A clay figure that glows AND talks? Now I've seen everything!

So what's it saying, anyway?

Oh geez, don't tell me we have yet another Mini Nobu variant on our hands.

What did you do this time, Nobbu?

Depending on your answer, we might have to do another Honnoji...again.

Hey! We already did that, remember!? It even had "Final" right in the title!

Besides, there's absolutely no connection between me and haniwa!

Not that I had much connection to tanks or UFOs either, but still!

Hey guys. What's going on here?

Oh, hey, I know what that is! I've seen others like it in Japanese scientific journals before. It's a clay figure called a haniwa, right? The kind they used to make in ancient Japan?

That's right. I've seen pictures of them in a book I read, too.

I believe it said they're a kind of unglazed ceramic that was made in great numbers during Japan's Yayoi and Kofun periodsfrom about the third century B.C. to the seventh century A.D., if I'm not mistaken.

Is it just me, or does this one look a little...wonky?

What the...!? Don't just sneak up on us like that! Especially when you've got that freaky look in your eyes!

Rude.

You should be thrilled to have Echigo's adorable god of war around to help.

So, where did this haniwa come from, anyway?

I thought it was a new killbot Sister had secretly commissioned to take over Chaldea, so I was just bringing it to her.

Dammit, I knew Nobbu was behind this.

Will you listen to me!? I'm telling you, I don't know anything about it! I'm being framed! It's a conspiracy!

Whatever this thing is, it's gotta be the true mastermind behind the mess at Honnoji!

What's that? People now think Monkey or Takechiyo were behind it?

Wahahahaha! So even in death, I'm still the most sought-after Warring States daimyo by a huge margin!

Some punk wannabe god of war who died on the crapper can't even begin to compare!

What was that? You're looking to die a second time?

I always knew you were the best, Sister! You're really nothing like some backwater bumpkin daimyo.

You've still got everybody's attention even after you died!

By the way, these Monkey and Takechiyo people need to pay for their transgressions against you, so why don't we go kill them right now?

Best thing you can do with folks like that is kill them as soon as you suspect something!

Uh, Nobukatsu? Why's that haniwa glowing?

Huh, I didn't know haniwa glowed like that.

？！

In the... two, ...erish.

Huh? Did anyone else hear that?

You know, I do think I hear a voice coming from somewhere...

It's the haniwa! Senpai, the haniwa is talking!

A clay figure that glows AND talks? Now I've seen everything!

So what's it saying, anyway?

In October of 2022, Yamataikoku...

Hm? Yama what now?

In October of 2022, Yamataikoku...

Will perish!

？！

P-please calm down, Senpai!

If you remember that TV show we just watched, you'll know that Yamataikoku is already long gone.

In fact, it seems to have vanished into the shadows of history, with no surviving records as to what became of it...

Hey, is it just me, or is that haniwa glowing brighter?

Oh, yeah, it is, isn't it? You can see it everywhere now.

Hang on. Haven't we seen something like this happen before?

Oh, yeah, we have, haven't we? A lot of times, now that I think about it.

Huh? You mean this kind of thing happens all the time here?

Yeah, this is kind of par for the course in Chaldea.

Wait, why are we still talking about this!? Nobukatsu! Hurry up and get rid of that thing!

The light just keeps getting brighter! Senpai!

...e...nued...

Huh? What was that!?

Continued in Yamataikoku!

Say whaaaaaaaaat!?!?