Section 3: Stars at Dawn

Wow... I can see it so clearly up there, even with the ground in the way... I wonder what it looks like from up on the surface...

...Then again, I don't have time to bother with silly nonsense like that.

There's so much to do now that I've been left in charge of the underworld. I need to till fields, build houses, level mountains...

I'll do everything I can to make this land into the best nation ever! I can't wait to get started!

There's bound to be other gods stopping by here soon, so I need to make sure they'll be comfortable here!

Now what do I do...? I've been at this for a thousand years, and I haven't had a single person come to help!

This is impossible. I can't possibly warm up a freezing world like this all on my own!

They said I could ask the Anunnaki deities for help, but they all lost their Divinity ages ago!

The seven judgment pillars are basically nothing more than automatic law-reading lumps of clay!

The underworld's seven gates don't do a single thing unless I tell them to!

And there are new souls coming every day! It's all I can do to build houses for them!

I haven't even had time to start building my own temple... (Sigh)

Some cold-blooded goddess feared by all the other gods I turned out to be...

...No, I shouldn't say that. Sitting on the top of the underworld's mountain whining about this isn't going to help anything.

This world is still new, and they say there's more people on the surface every day!

At least I have plenty of books to read here, so I'll just keep studying until I find what I'm looking for.

Somewhere out there, there's got to be crops that grow without sunlight and water...

...livestock that doesn't need grass, and buildings that can safely, comfortably house disembodied souls.

Every living thing ends up here eventually. It's the last world most souls will ever see.

Being in charge of this land is an incredibly important job. S-so what if I haven't accomplished much over the last thousand years?

Just you wait. I don't care if it takes another ten thousand years, I'm not gonna give up. This place may not be as pretty as the surface, but...

No, on second thought, not having any stars shining down here means I can make this into a land fairer, more equal, and more beautiful than any other nation. And that's just what I'm going to do.

That's the whole reason why I awakened as an earth goddess. Bringing order to the underworld is my entire reason for being.

Which is why...

...I don't have any desire to fly across the sky, or even to leave this subterranean world.

And I refuse to tolerate the use of power for one's own benefit, or for humans, the way Ishtar did.

And so I vow that I will only ever use my Authority for the benefit of the underworld.

Thanks to the power of that oath, not even the other gods can defy me here.

...That's right. This is how it should be. I don't want anything for myself. That's my oath; it is the source of my power.

...Honestly, part of me wishes I hadn't gone that far. I wish that I'd made an oath that was a bit easier on me.

If I break the oath, I might end up losing all my power and become a Gallû Spirit...

Then again, why should I worry? It's not as if I would ever break my oath, you know!

The only things I care about are the underworld and making sure souls can rest in peace! Maaaybe I have my reservations if I'm being honest, but still!

But anyway, from now on, I'll never use my power for any one person in particular!

And forget about free protection! As if you guys have any idea how lonely it gets down here!

I'll never just help you humans on the surface out! So there!

If I do, I'll just explode right there on the spot!

Fujimaru? I hope I did not wake you?

？！

I see. I suppose you might have blacked out, or redded out, if you had been flying on a fast sheep.

But fortunately, you are in a gentle free fall. I suppose that, along with the sight of these sheep before you, would be enough to send anyone off to sleep.

We still have some time before we reach the next gate. Feel free to use my sheep as a pilloAchoo.

The underworld is so strange. Not only is the bottom too deep to see, but it's impossible to figure out our altitude here.

I suppose it'll reset when we enter the next layer. Or perhaps altitude is not even a concept here...

I get the feeling that the only sense of height here is based on something's level of importance.

The gates must be so high up because of how important they are.

Even if it were in the middle of an otherwise level field, a gate would be about five hundred meters higher up, I think.

We can probably apply that methodology to lifeforms as well.

The underworld's ruler would normally be at the highest place here, but Achoo.

Ho ho ho, "achoo" isn't a catchphrase, it's my body responding to the external environment. What I mean is, it's cold here.

No, I haven't. This is just a consequence of our environment. This Santa outfit isn't as warm as it looks, you know.

？！

...Hmm. We do have a few minutes until we reach the second layer.

As a special treat, I will tell you how I came to be Santa Claus.

It's a complex and labyrinthine tale, so make sure you listen closely. Aaand...flashback.

...Servants collapsed all around like sacks of meal. Looks like a battlefield.

Von Hohenheim says they've all caught a summer cold.

It looks like you have an immunity to this disease. I imagine it's a combination of your Natural Body, which keeps all manner of ills at bay...

...and what I'm guessing is a strong innate resistance to this planet's mythology, particularly the Age of Gods. I must say, I'm quite jealous.

I tried every sort of prescription I could think of, but to no avail... If anything, I'm in worse straits than before thanks to their combined side effeGurk!

He's coughing up blood like it's going out of style. Should be fine, though. I put him in the refrigerator to cool him off.

Can't celebrate Christmas like this, though...

This year was supposed to be my chance! My chance to see if Christmas was good civilization...or bad civilization. ...Hm?

This is terrible. I have a terrible feeling about this. I can't believe the underworld would stoop to such underhanded measures.

Goodness, look at all of these Heroic Spirits. Every single one has collapsed.

I see King Gilgamesh is still standing, but only because he's too proud to admit defeat.

His pride has him propped up like a house of cards. A lovely picture, that.

Still...now what do I do? There doesn't seem to be anything I CAN do. Guess I may as well go home then.

That's...a sheep.

Oh, just seeing the fluffiness takes me back. Still remember how soft and cozy my sheep's wool was, and how delicious they tasted.

You there. You must be a special sheep. Do you mind if I touch you? You look so fluffy.

Oh. It looks like there IS someone still in good health here.

I can't believe this. You're beautiful, and you can clearly see me.

Yes, I can. I can hear you speaking, too. Who are you?

Were you perhaps a Christmas decoration that got away?

Christmas... Aha, there's an idea. I think I see a way out of this mess now.

I'm a mysterious sheep. You can call me Dumuzid.

Would you be so kind as to tell me your True Name, Class, and marital status?

My name is Altera. I am a Saber. I have been married many times...at least on paper.

Only on paper, hm? Very practical. I approve. You must have ended up with quite the dowry.

I suppose so. I did gain more wealth every time I tied the knot. But never mind that now, sheep.

You said your name was "Doom Zed"...? I see... So are you going to make monsters grow into giants?

Giants? I see... That line of thinking does sound very much like you. But if anything, "Doomzy" might be better.

Now then, on an entirely different subject, may I tell you something? ...I'll take that as a yes.

Altera, this is happening because the underworld didn't get any presents. I thought of that. Just now.

...Just now?

Never mind! That doesn't matter!

HERE'S what matters! You're up against the underworld. The Sumerian underworld.

And its ruler has turned her Authority against Chaldea. She wants to kill you all.

Altera, you won't get anything out of this, but would you help me pacify her anger?

This is a lot to take in, and that on top of hearing it all from a talking sheep...

I would like to ask wiser Servants for their thoughts...but they have all collapsed already.

...Very well. If I'm the only one who can help you, then I will.

That said, exactly what is it you want me to do?

I've got four words for you: it's Christmastime, Santa Claus.

I'm told that Santa Claus can pay a visit to lonesome children, no matter where they may be.

I would like to lend you my power so that you can become Santa Claus.

I accept.

That was fast!

You must be awfully dependable with conviction like that. All right! I hereby entrust you with my Authority, and this precious cargo.

Oh.

Yes? What is it? ...Hmm. It looks like I've changed classes.

Did you do this, Doomzy?

Yes, I did, though I never expected this. You have quite a flair for being Santa, Altera.

That enormous flock of sheep is proof. You must have lived a very nomadic life back when you were alive.

Though I do wonder, why has your horse also become a sheep? Don't you have a great, noble steed?

What do horses have to do with Christmas? Isn't Santa Claus supposed to ride a sheep?

Yeah, sounds right. We're clearly well-matched. You're the best Servant I could have hoped to meet.

All right then, Altera Santa, do you know what the duties of Santa Claus are?

Yes. I merely have to deliver presents to all the good children on the night of the 24th, right?

That's not very long at all. Will I really have time to deliver presents to children all around the world on my own...?

Hmm, I see. I do feel bad using someone so naive, but my honor AND my life are at stake here...

Perfect, Altera. I've never seen such a perfect Santa Claus in all my life.

Not that I've ever seen a Santa before in any case...

I'm sorry... What was that?

Don't worry about it. Forget it. You heard nothing.

Now, I've given you the Authority to descend into the underworld. Use it to deliver a present to the very lowest level.

Here, take this manual I prepared just for this occasion. Feel free to read it if you have any questions.

I see. So, I am the perfect Santa Claus... All right, Doomzy, I'll take care of this.

Your parcel is safe with me. I too believe its contents are something one should never throw away.

That's...

Yes, you're exactly right. I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that, Altera.

The Master of Chaldea will soon head to the underworld himself. I can already see the scene playing out between him and King Gilgamesh.

I would like you to rendezvous with him along the way. Not as Altera the Saber, but as Altera Santa.

That Master is the source of this calamity. Once he reaches the seventh gate, I wonder what he will choose.

Pay close attention, because that'll be the moment when you understand the true meaning of Christmas.

I see. Very well, then. I will see that this most important of tasks is carried out wiAchoo.

Why did you sneeze? I thought you hadn't caught the Sumerian Fever.

...It is simply my body reacting to the world around me. You are partially at fault, Doomzy.

Look at how little of me this Santa outfit covers. How could I not be cold?

I see. You are clearly a woman of taste and discernment.

...There you have it.

Scammed? N-no... He wouldn't... Well...I haven't seen him since we got here...

But... But he had such a wonderful name... No creature with a name like that could be bad...

...Hm, now that you mention it, I don't know. How odd. He was by my side until we came here...

？！

At any rate, I appreciate you following along with my difficult tale. Have a candy.

？！

Ho ho ho. That is the blessing of my cane.

All I need do is tap you with my cane, with gratitude in my heart, and you get a candy just for you.

I think Doomzy must have vanished after entrusting his Santa powers to me. What a good sheep.

I am here to deliver these presents in accordance with his wishes. You are headed to the bottom of the underworld to save Chaldea.

We may have different goals, Fluffy Master, but our destination is the same. Yes.

All right, prepare to land. I can see the second gate now.

I sense a dark and evil aura emanating from that gate. Its gatekeeper is nothing like the last one...

Keep your wits about you, Master.

Hey, there you are, Santa Claus! Took your freaking time, didn't you!?

Where's my present? You DO have one for me, yeah? Good thing I've been nursing this grudge for so long!

Who'da thunk I'd be meeting Santa Claus at this age!?

Well? Don't you have a present for everyone who waits long enough?

Even if they're evil murderers and stuff?

C'mon, spit it out! Isn't that kinda compassion crap your whole deal?

Wha...

？！

What? You're stiffing me on presents? Seriously?

Freakin' weird. Here I thought I was a perfect fit for the underworld. I'm an old hand when it comes to human sacrifice, y'know.

Guess I'm just not famous enough, huh. Figures. I never did get much in the way of name recognition. I think they call me a Rogue Servant?

Anyway, you can just call me Shadow Santa. I'm actually a saint, if you can believe that! Heeheeheehee!

What...? Then, you're telling me you, too, are Santa Claus...?

Because you don't exactly seem, um...dressed for the part...

Nor do I see a sack of presents anywhere...

Well of course you don't. I don't got anything like that. I just deliver a buncha fakes and crap.

When I'm Santa, I just run to a dollar store and load up on cheap garbage.

Let me give you a little tip as your Santa senpai, you sheep-riding weirdo... Seriously, what the hell...

Christmas is an event. It's all about the PRESENTS.

The value of goods changes every year. All they need is someone to give 'em, and someone to get 'em.

The present's genuine worth is secondary at best. Not that anyone these days seems to remember that.

...Are you sure you're really Santa Claus?

Oh, sure. You and I are two peas in a pod. At least, when it comes to making shit up.

Seems like you're in a hurry though, huh? Fine, fine. Don't worry about me and my tragic backstory.

You just gotta focus on getting rid of me, otherwise the gate won't open.

So come on, lady! Let's DO this!

Christmas comes but once a year, right? What better way to deck the halls than with some good, old-fashioned murder with a smile!?

So, this man enjoys killing...! Come, Master!

It seems this Servant has no need of a present!

Take that! It's over, Shadow Santa!

Aaaaaaghhh! Sheep! Sheep everywhere! What the hell!?

...Man, you guys really don't pull your punches. I was just trying to scare you a little.

I actually do want a present, though. Nobody wants to just get written off as a one-note bad guy.

Hm... I suppose you have a point. Still, I'm afraid you're rather... How can I put this...

？！

Oh, yeah? So I just gotta look more Christmasy, is that it? Okay, then check THIS out!

TRAAANSFOOORRRM! Decorations, activate!

...! That gleam...

？！

Check out this badass body lighting! Even I can shine at least once a year!

You can use me as mood lighting for a romantic night or whatever if you wanna.

I suppose you are a Santa...kind of. I guess there's more to being Santa Claus than I thought.

I owe you an apology. I'm sorry for writing you off as an evil hooligan of a Servant...

Ah, don't worry about it. False charges? Punishment? Get it all the time. Anyway...

Baaa. (That hurts.) Ba-baaa. (That hurts too.)

What are you doing to Zerco!?

Hmm, how 'bout this one? Yoink!

Hmm, nah, that's not it. It oughta be something that can help me stay out of trouble down the road.

...

Good enough! I think I can let you off the hook with this!

H-hey! Only one present per person! These are special gifts, I'll have you know!

Ah, get the stick out of your ass. Who even made that rule anyway?

Nothing wrong with taking two or three, long as it's stuff you really want!

The problem comes if they start grabbing so much crap they're dropping things all over the place.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't get yours while the getting's good!

R-really...? I thought that Santa Claus never visited greedy children...

Not too bright, are ya? Anyone who waits for Santa to show up and give them presents is greedy, right?

And Santa himself ain't much better, visiting people who don't believe in him.

Huh, guess that's all it took to open the gate. Not bad, me. Pretty good for something you just made up.

Still, there's no way you'll stop the current underworld boss like this. You guys are WAY too by the book here, y'know?

Who, me? Nah, I don't know shit. I'm just a sacrificial lamb!

That'd be Ereshkigal, the only boss of the underworld. Who the hell else? Don't you already know her?

？！

Welp, looks like this is it for me. Thanks for the present!

Just a heads-up, there's a goddess you're familiar with at the next gate. You know, the one who's bright, cheerful, and really into pro wrestling?

I bet she'd be willing to fill you in some more. She's a total free spirit, after all.

Huh, guess I ended up doing the whole "leaving you with information before I disappear" bit after all.

？！

...So the next gatekeeper is a goddess. Yes... I sense a powerful divine aura from the third gate.

Lucky for us, I'm sure a goddess will understand our circumstances. Let's hurry on, Fujimaru.

Next time, we should find out more about the underworld boss Shadow Santa spoke of for sure.