Shark Fishing!

I wonder... Do you think this water is safe?

Well, it sure seems okay. Look, it's so clean and clear you can see right down to the bottom.

I see.

Well then, since we are wearing swimsuits and all, we should go for a swim!

Yay! That sounds great!

I don't know why, what with the lake being right here all this time, but it's never occurred to me to do that until now!

Oh? So this lake IS safe to go swimming in then!

Jeez, why didn't Jeanne just say so?

?

Excuse me, Mordred, but why did you just bring up Lady Jeanne?

？！

Cowabungaaa!

Oh, right, no waves in lakes. Well, my Noble Phantasm oughta fix that

Ah!

No, Mordred, don't! That lake is still

All right! Time to get some waves going!!!

Releasing Noble Phantasm! Prydwen Tube Riding!

The heeeeeelll!?

？！

Oh no. I guess I was too late...

... ...

Cut the shit and just turn yourself in. Listen to this self-important saint who insists she's my big sis.

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Don't be silly, I'll always be your big sister. Yours, Lily's, Fujimaru's...

？！

Shut up, Fake Sis. No one gives a shit.

Right now, we're talking about Mordred, who's gone off to their final resting place at the bottom of the lake...

And I'm not seeing any other suspects around here except you. Hell, screw suspect. I already know you're guilty.

I ain't resting anywhere, assface!

Tch. Oh hey, you're alive. That's great.

Masteeer! Masteeeeeerrr! She's pissing me ooofff!

Bring it, bitch. Let's see how you like that surfboard after I've set it on fire and shoved it up your ass.

That's enough, both of you. Now listen up, because your big sister has something to tell you.

We can do this the easy way, or the hard (cracks knuckles) way. It's up to you♡

Easy way sounds good!

Of course I'd be happy to listen.

All right, I see where this is going, and I'm getting while the getting's good. Have fun swimming.

You're running away!? Please, take me with you!

Let me give you a few words of advice, Illyasviel.

Don't go near the main character when they're in trouble. Stay away from any obvious bad ending routes.

And whatever you do, don't get involved with swimsuited Heroic Spirits with thousand yard stares.

？！

Yes, Master! Don't worry, I won't let him get away.

Agh! You've got a grip like a vice!

Come on, Tomoe, think about it! Do you want to get caught up in this nonsense, too!?

I know not of what you speak, Lord Emiya. This will surely be as elegant as Noh theater.

Oh yes, I remember how it all began back on a hot midsummer's day...

Noooooo! The flashback's already begun! Let me go, dammit! I don't have anything to do with this! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

？！

...Are you sure you have to go?

I am. Unfortunately, this is where we must part ways, shark.

I wish I could have fought by your side for longer, shark.

Thank you, but it's okay. You deserve to rest and recover your strength here.

I will. I've already found something in this lake that's very precious to me, shark.

Oh? I don't know what that could be, but I'm proud you've found it.

Farewell. I hope you live a happy life here in this lake.

Shaaark. (Special Translation: Will do.)

ENOUGH! Cut the shit!

Hey! What do you think you're doing, Alter!? I love that touching background music!

There's all sorts of things I'd love to say to you right now, but to start: don't put sharks in lakes.

How did you know!? I've only showed her as a silhouette so far!

If there's another Servant anywhere in the world that looks like this, believe me, I'd love to see them!

Ahem ahem.

...Anyway, there you have it.

After all the violence she committed last year, Reece XP and I had to say our tearful goodbyes right here at this lake...

But apparently this lake was a little bit cursed, and that made her go kind of berserk.

Like so.

I'll sharking kill you.

See? Now she even speaks violently.

Uh, it's weird that she speaks AT ALL. Also that she floats above water.

Hell, all of this is just frigging weird as shit.

Say, did you know sharks these days also have social media accounts?

Instasharkable.

Big deal! So do I!

Hell yeah! I use it to write down all my ideas for sounding badass.

You don't say... So it's a private account then?

Huh? What're you talking about?

It's just a normal account, like any other.

Is it now? I see...

What? Why're you looking at me like I just announced my own funeral or something?

Hey, Ruby, does this mean

It does.

Jeanne Alter's embarrassing chuunibyou poetry is on full display for all the world to see.

I follow it myself. Want to see?

Sure, I'll take a look. ...Oh wow, is that Arabic? I have no idea how to read it...

(I guess that Arabic-English dictionary she found in the library a while ago did her some good after all.)

I'll tell you why.

'Cause it's a nice alternative way for all of Chaldea's summoned Servants to interact with each other.

Sure, some of them like to log in from weird places sometimes, but who gives a shit about that?

Do not attempt to flee, Lord Emiya.

Please, just spare me.

The shark I can handle, but there's nothing worse than social media!

I'm not naming names, but there's a certain goddess in particular who should never, ever have access to it!

？！

No more distractions. I'm gonna shark you all up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Anyway, this is why it hasn't been safe to go swimming in this lake.

But now that things have calmed down, I think we can do something about it.

Please, help me cleanse this lake of the cursed grudge lurking in its depths!

You wanna cleanse the lake, huh... And how exactly do we do that?

？！

Violence!

Oh! I'm glad to see you and I are on the same wavelength, Master!

Yeah, pretty sure it's not that so much as he just knew what you were gonna say.

Really? But I thought my suggesting violence would be the last thing anyone would expect...

You shitting me!? I mean, have you SEEN yourself lately?

？！

(Sniff)

...All right, whatever, I get the gist. So, what EXACTLY do we have to do?

I first thought we would need to purify the lake somehow, so I asked a couple of Servants I respect for help, but...

Hmm... Sorry, I can't.

Nor can I.

Certain conditions will need to be met before this lake can truly be exorcised.

Certain conditions? Like what?

Sharks are fish, right? So...I think you just need to catch it?

Agreed. Humans and marine life are destined to compete in the contest we know as fishing.

So if this curse has taken the form of a shark, it makes sense that it would need to be cleansed by catching it.

If it were a salmon, I think I could scoop it out of the water with my bare hands...

(Scoop it out? Did she say "bare" or "bear"?)

(I recognize that stance! That's the scooping stance I've seen at various Japanese festivals!)

Curse or not, this being is still a lost soulor something close to one, anyway.

So it certainly couldn't hurt to purify it in a more fitting way.

If that doesn't work, then we'll step in and figure something out.

Though unfortunately, our methods will inevitably end with the shark's death, and I'm sure we would all prefer to avoid such a sad outcome.

So for the time being, Lady Jeanne d'Arc, I suggest you think of a way you can fish it out of the lake without killing it.

G-got it! I'll do my best!

So I thought I'd try to fish Reece XP out myself, but I couldn't figure out which rod to use.

...! Fishing... Fishing, huh... Hmm...

Fishing!?

Are you kidding me? Who cares!? Just freaking purify her fishy ass already!

You ARE a saint, right? Shouldn't you be good at that sort of thing?

Nnn...

Now, now, just hang on.

If fishing's the most peaceful way to resolve this, then there's no harm giving it a cast. Er, shot.

Let me take a crack at it!

？！

Heh.

For the moment, never mind my True Name or my class.

For this mission, call me...Angler!

Emiya seems weirdly excited about this!

Yup. And it looks like he's only getting more excited.

I feel like we've flipped a switch in him that we should've left well enough alone.

？！

Thank you, Emiya. I really appreciate this!

Mess this up, and I'm gonna shark you up.

Sorry for the wait. I'm all ready now.

I can't believe you used your projection ability to create a complete set of fishing gear...

What, you didn't think I was going to use magecraft for this? Well, you thought wrong. This is an emergency, after all, so I'm pulling out all the stops.

Once this lake is purified, it'll be the perfect swimming spot, and we can actually get some use out of our swimsuits.

Besides, Illya's been wanting to get in the water, so there's nothing unnatural about this.

Anyway... A shark, huh!

I've caught a swordfish on a cruiser before, but I never thought I'd go up against a shark on land like this!

？！

Okay then, by all means, fish away!

Oh I will, don't worry. Now then...let's get this first cast started!

... ...

... ...

... ...

... ...

... ...

I got a bite! That was fast!

Grrrrrr...

Is that it?

No, it isn't.

But it IS one of the other demonic creatures infesting the lake, so let's take this opportunity to get rid of it!

Hmph, now you're speaking my language. Okay, guys! It's ass-kicking time!

Except you, Red Guy! You focus on fishing!

That creature was just caught and filleted in record time. I almost feel bad for it...

It didn't even get to go through a proper battle.

That's life for you. Or death, in this case.

Whup, it's not over yet! Here comes another fiiiiiish!

That's not "an" other! That's SEVERAL others!

Then we'll just have to dress all these "fish" as quickly as we can!

I caught one! And another one! And yet another one!

Oh come on! They aren't even monsters anymore!

I was just minding my own business enjoying a nice dip in the lake, when I got pulled in out of nowhere!

I'd just closed my eyes, ruminating about hidden ones, and the next thing I knew, I was in the lake.

I was just taking a walk when a fishing hook came down and snagged my clothes out of nowhere...

(Sniff)

？！

Hey, Fishmiya! You caught that damn shark curse yet!?

Settle down, Mordred.

A contest of fishing is really a contest against yourself.

You need to go into it with a clear mind, or the fish will never bite.

It's all about dialogue between you and the lake. As swordfighters would put it, you want to keep your mind so still and calm you can see yourself in it as clearly as a mirror.

In contests like that, those who succumb to their desire for victory first always end up losing.

Only those who are truly content to go home with an empty bucket will be the ones blessed with a huge catch. And I do mean truly.

Uh-huh. (Not really listening)

(Wow. Mordred looks completely unengaged.)

Whoa! Everyone, pipe down! I just got a huge bite!

Prince of Lan Ling! Give me a hand here!

Understood!

Y-you weren't kidding! It really is a big one!

My gut's telling me it's got to weigh at least three tons! I'm going to use magical energy to reinforce the fishing rod! Hang in there!

...Tch, fine, I'll help, too.

Agreed! Let's all work together to catch it!

？！

And...now!!!

That's it! That's the clump of curses responsible for all this!

Perfect. Then it's time to do our real jobs!

Master, get the ikejime gaff ready! ...Wait, scratch that. What I meant was:

Master! Get ready for this thing to put up a hell of a fight!

Yeah!

？！

We did! In fact, it may just be my imagination, but the lake seems cleaner already!

Yeah, I think it's just your imagination.

And while this may just be my imagination too, I think Reece XP's face looks kinder than ever as well!

Definitely just your imagination.

Thank you so much, shark.

She's saying "shark" at the end of her sentences again!

Now the lake is at peace once again, shark. Allow my family and me to express our thanks, shark.

Hey, as long as this bullshit is over. ...Wait. Did you say family?

I'm on the right, my husband in the middle, and our child on the left, shark.

Uh... You all look exactly the same.

It's hard to tell the difference unless you're a fish, shark.

That so? ...I wonder if Gilles could tell them apart...?

Hahahahaha. Be reasonable, my dear Jeanne.

There's no way I could do anything of the sort.

Well anyway, this mean's surf's up on the lake now, yeah!?

As long as you don't make any tidal waves, go right ahead, shark.

Aw yeaaah! Let's get this party started!

Then I think I'll keep fishing for a while long Wait. Is it okay for me to fish with you guys in there?

Of course. After all, we eat fish too, shark.

Hahaha, I suppose you do.

... ...

Well? What's got you so bummed?

Not only did I not know Reece XP had gotten married, I couldn't even tell her apart from her family members!

Aaand you're done. Get the hell out. Just freakin' leave.

(Sniff) Okay... Goodbye, everyone! Take care!

Good luck out there, shark!

... ...

Hey, Master? On a completely different subject...

In her case, is it just me, or is that dolphin she usually pals around with even scarier than the shark?

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Heh. You've got nothing to worry about, Master. Whatever kind of fish we

Um, Emiya? I learned in school that dolphins are actually mammals, not fish.

...Ahem.

As I was saying, whatever kind of fish, dolphin, octopus, squid, or other aquatic life-form comes along...

I'll fish every last one of them out of the water!

Oho. Is that so?

Hm? That voice!

I can't back down from a fishing contest. Especially not one against you!

I was wondering when you'd show up, Cú Chulainn the Octopus Fisher. I've been waiting for you to get here.

Well, here I am. (Octopus Fisher?)

Anyway, fishing's not about rods and line. It's about technique and the mind, and I'm gonna prove it!

Whoa, whoa. I'm totally on board, but cool it with the gear talk.

If we get too bogged down in that, it's bound to attract someone we'd just as soon leave us both alone.

Oh, yeah. Good point... Anyway, let's get this fishing contest started, huh?

Right on. And we won't stop until one of us has caught every last fish in the lake!

Don't get too carried away, shark. We need those fish to live, shark.

Yes, ma'am.

Heh, bring it on. I'm not losing to any of you.