Section 2: Hamburg Steak and Parsley

Yes... It's just endless grasslands...

We are in Wisconsin's Central Plain.

It is a V-shaped region in the center of the state and is particularly well-suited to dairy farming.

Farm life... That is the slow life. Right, Senpai? Actually, I have always wanted to try milking a cow.

That seems quite unrealistic, Master. Besides, that is the mindset of a pillager. Though... I don't mind...

We should earn QP honestly, by raiding treasuries. I do like the golden doors that drop golden boxes...

Fooou...

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But... I'm getting really hungry...

I want either a lake full of oatmeal, or an oil field-sized plate of yakisoba...!

Yep... I could eat a horse or twenty-seven...

Yep! When I was digging an oil field on the West Coast, some Chinese workers made some for me.

It was so good...

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My apologies. If only we needed to improve cooking appliances, I could help out...

And there is no suitable game to hunt... I suppose we can find squirrels.

Oh, it is hardly strange, Master. I usually eat them raw or skewer them.

I've also had it in a bleu cheese fondue. That was good in itself.

It tastes like a lean beef filet. Master, you should try...

No. We could probably hunt the entire North American squirrel population to extinction and do little more than make an appetizer for her.

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W-well, let's put the topic of squirrel on hold... Hey, is that a house up ahead?

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Yes! Let's ask if they can spare us some food!

Hellooo!

Yeees!

Is your mommy home?

Who are you, Mister Lion?

Heh heh. I'm not Mister Lion. You may not believe it, but I am the Presi-King of the United States!

...You're making this more complicated than necessary. Step aside.

My name is Geronimo. We've been traveling from the west. Could you spare us some food?

You're hungry? Wait a minute, okay?

Um, we have visitors. They say they're hungry.

Oh? Visitors? Have we perhaps met in some strange and strangely separate story?

But, oh! I'm dejectedly disappointedly sorry. I'm afraid I am have been summoned by someone else.

I don't know you!

Yep. We're waiting for Mommy.

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Mommy is the one who summoned us.

And since we're Servants, we're waiting for Mommy to come.

But Mommy went to Chicago.

Chicago, Chicago! That toddlin' town! It's a wonderful city of civilization!

I'm sure Mommy was captivated by Chicago.

Because Chicago is humanity's wisdom itself. It's eccentric and metafictional.

It's corrupt and self-referential. It's a city that deconstructs and subdues modernity.

You always say really weird and complicated stuff!

Tee hee. That's just how wonderful Chicago is!

Hm... Chicago and civilization... What's this sudden, sinking sense of dread...

Hey, I'm hungry!

My! What a BIG friend you have!

No wonder you're so hungry. People get sad when they get hungry.

Let's grill up some hamburg steak! Hamburg steak!

Wonderful hamburg steak. Mommy's hamburg steak!

Bread crumbs and onions, mixed together...even if it makes your eyes ache! Chop chop chop! Mix it all up to make hamburg steak!

There's one hamburg steak left in our fridge. We will share our last one!

That was good. Thank you!

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Yeah...B-but it really was delicious!

Senpai!? Are you all right!?

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It's buffalo!

We've noticed that the buffalo herds have become violent recently!

A stampede!? Or could an evil Spirit be possessing them...?

This is bad, Master. If we don't do anything, a ramshackle house like this will be trampled!

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I'm gonna join too. I won't let this nice shack that somebody made get destroyed!

Oh...really? We won't be able to pay you back for it.

Senpai! I knew you would say something like that!

That is obviously just wishful thinking Please, snap out of it, Senpai!

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Let's go... It's an ambush! Let's show them the power of the dawn of civilization!

Yes... An entire herd of buffalo...

Seasoned with salt and pepper, Worcester sauce, ketchup, cheese... Broiled, stewed, and fried...

I feel as if we ate a lifetime's worth of hamburg steaks...

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Nuahahahahaha!

What do you think of the new Edison Brand Salisbury Steak Maker™!?

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Yes. Nowadays, I hear fancy shops try to pass it off by calling it a German dish.

But here in the States, it was called Salisbury steak!

During the turmoil of the Civil War, Dr. Salisbury developed a mincemeat steak using red meat!

Not only is it healthy, but it can be mass-produced! Such is the dish that I, the genius Edison, improved!

Um, we haven't heard of that. So it's basically hamburg steak, right? Maybe they're even just hamburgers?

In French and German books, they all say "hamburg steak," so shouldn't we just go with that?

Hmmm, but since we are in the States, I would prefer to call it Salisbury steak, the American way...

Indeed. Even if it is unremarkable, being prideful of one's own culture is important.

H-hm. Coming from you, and with a straight face, I couldn't help but laugh aloud...

...if only I had nerves of steel! But what do you think, Geronimo!? Was the dish to your liking?

Yes... A buffalo hunt, then sitting with my comrades to eat our catch brings back memories.

My tribe once hunted buffalo on horseback.

But there are no more buffalo. They were driven near to extinction by firearms and railroads.

Now, buffalo living in nature preserves are all that remain... Mere memories, like us Heroic Spirits.

...I was able to taste that again. I suppose some good fortune befalls one even as a Heroic Spirit.

Yep. It's really, really, really tasty!

We're glad! This is a dish that Mommy taught us! Eat a lot, okay?

Oh, but I don't want parsley. I just want hamburg steak.

That's no good, Bunyan! Good children must eat everything on their plates!

But...it's bitter.

You shouldn't leave friends behind, okay?

Indeed. Parsley is a wonderful vegetable chock full of vitamins, minerals, and fiber.

O-okay. If everyone says so, I'll try my best to eat it. I'll savor everything on my plate.

...Please...take the rest of my food... I'm so full of hamburg steak I think I'm going to burst...

Yay! It's been a while since I ate with a bunch of people!

I was always alone in that forest!

Glad to hear it! Then next I shall cook Salisbury steak teriyaki style!

After grilling it rare, using this Edison-made portable cooking stove...hm?

Unnntouchable!

I am not Altera! And I am not Britney Spears either!

Yes. I will have a plate.

...Yes. This is...(munch)...somewhat...good civilization. (Munch, munch)

But I know better. There are far better and tastier hamburg steaks out there in the world. And I know they're full of umami.

Ghh! No...not that. Bribery will not work on me!

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I am Park Ranger Buffalo Bill!

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Our two weapons are Spirit Origin and magical energy...and Noble Phantasm...!

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I wonder what that was about...? And that was three weapons...

Did she want to eat hamburg steak?

That must be it! Because hamburg steaks really are delicious!

Anywhere can be paradise with delicious food!

Yes, yes. Grow big and strong, you hear?

Ah!

What's wrong, Bunyan?

She's back.

Unnntouchable!

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No! I am Park Ranger Buffalo Bill! Our THREE weapons are...

Spirit Origin, magical energy, Noble Phantasm, and moderation!

I...I got it wrong again! Math is bad civilization! I'll come in again!

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Wh-what!?

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I see. True. Everyone makes little mistakes sometimes.

Then I'll start over. Anyway... We have tons of weapons. Got it?

That's fine. One does not make a great nation by sweating the small stuff.

So, what is it this time...um, Buffalo Bill...?

Do I need to spell it out? You have committed the heinous crime of killing the endangered buffalo! That is, the American bison!

Now come quietly, or there will be trouble.

Wait. I can't ignore what you just said.

What?

The buffalo do not belong to anyone. That is to say, they are gifts of nature.

We hunted a berserk herd that was threatening humans. We did not pursue the herd that fled.

Bunyan made sure to use their bones, hides, and horns so nothing was wasted. Every piece of meat was ground up to make hamburg steak.

We have done nothing wrong. There was no malicious killing. Do you still believe we committed a crime?

Yes. What you did cannot go unpunished. Time to taste my Winchester War God Sword!

If that is the case, I am an Apache before I am a Heroic Spirit. I will not permit anyone to deny the Apache way of life!

Nor will I allow Master or the children to be punished for sharing the blessings of the buffalo!

...How? How could you possess such strength...?

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I see... So that is your strength...

But go no farther, Master who has come from the outside world... You are trying to do something that must not be done.

What? What do you mean, Buffalo Bill? Spirit who takes the name of the legendary buffalo hunter.

Goodbye-ffalo!

She's...gone...

Did I...do something bad?

That's right. You were just eating lunch with us.

You didn't do anything bad!

Yeah. If we hadn't killed the buffalo, the children would have gotten hurt.

This land is unforgiving. There is no universally agreed-upon justice to be found.

Justice comes through victory...whether it be by swords, magecraft, or words.

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If that's so, merci.

Thank you for fighting for my sake.

Now that we're full, let's go. We need to go meet the person who summoned me in Chicago.

Then Jack and I will go too.

We're tired of waiting. And Bunyan's our friend now.

Master? Is...that okay?

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Okay! Then off to Chicago!