The Temp Security Guard's Summer

Oh, it's just you, Fujimaru.

Hah.

Eh, you're probably still worked up from everything that happened today.

？！

Hang on a sec.

Here.

？！

Freshly brewed coffee. ...Kidding. I know coffee keeps you awake.

It's hot milk. Real hot.

？！

？！

They told me it isn't cow milk, though. It's synthetic stuff they made at the Wandering Sea.

But hey, least it tastes all right.

You don't get many vacations. Makes sense you'd be too excited to sleep.

'Specially Da Vinci. She's more excited than any of you.

...Keep an eye on her, will you?

？！

Cool.

Gotta say though, summer vacation or not, sucks pretty hard that we wound up in the Caribbean Sea of all places.

Guess I just can't escape the ocean.

？！

Still do. Wish it'd just freakin' die.

'Course not.

？！

...What's that? What'm I doing in a swimsuit, then?

You can thank the Celtic spear bitch for that.

Believe me, this bullshit outfit wasn't my choice. (Sigh)

Huh?

What's with that look? You wanna know how it happened or something?

... ...

...Ugh, all right, fine.

Since you're having trouble sleeping, I guess I can tell you a boring-ass bedtime story to help knock you out.

All right then, listen up.

... ...

...The hell's with them?

Are those the swimsuit Spirit Origins that petty detective was babbling about? You've gotta be shitting me.

I don't get it. Why would every goddamn female Heroic Spirit here go out of their way to wear something like that?

They all go soft in the head or something? Ugh.

Aah!

...Caenis, the Divine Spirit.

Y-yeah?

Wait. You too?

You're not a summer hype guy too, are you? No, that can't be right...

B-but then, why the hell are you wearing a swimsuit!?

This...

...is summer at Chaldea. It started as one of the Celtic spirits, Scáthach's, pranks...

But now, changing one's outfit during summer is practically a tradition.

Do not expect to escape it, Caenis.

H-hey! Don't run off without even giving me a chance to respond! Asshole!

... ...

...Th-the hell was he even talking about!?

Oho.

O-oh. Hey, Scáthach...

What's this? You're not in a swimsuit Spirit Origin?

Huh?

As much skin as you're showing, I just assumed you were already using one.

Hmm. It will be difficult for you to spend the summer by the sea without the right Spirit Origin.

Shall I give you one?

Hell no!

Thanks, but no thanks, lady. You wanna be generous? Go be generous to someone else!

I'm not changing my Spirit Origin. I like it just the way it is!

I'm Caenis the Divine Spirit! The invincible tyrant!

Oh?

I don't need to change a damn thing. Got it? Now piss off.

Hahaha. Now, now, don't be like that.

You can't know what inhabiting a swimsuit Spirit Origin is like until you've tried it for yourself.

I don't need to!

Too bad! Try these runes on for size!

I said no!

Hah! You're not getting me!

I'm Caenis the goddamn Divine Spirit! And this lance is the trident of the god of the sea!

I don't know the first thing about runes, but I can smash any pissant spells you fling my way, no problem!

Heh.

Perhaps you could...if there were only one of me. I trust you've met my other self before?

Tch!

Behind me!?

You're too late.

My runes are already complete, as you can see...

Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Um, excuse me?

I thought I saw a flash of magical energy around here...

...Hmm?

... ...

... ...

The hell're you looking at?

Grr, dammit! 'Course the Scáthachs would slap this swimsuit on me and just disappear.

They'd better undo this once I find them...

...Lord Caenis?

What?

I know summer is in full swing right now, but I'm still surprised to see you of all Servants in a swimsuit.

(Gasp!)

Is it for me?

Did you do this for me?

Wha...?

Is this your way of volunteering to protect me on what's likely to be a dangerous

Well, what is certain to at least be a nonsensical trip to this latest Singularity?

Huh?

Oho! Thank you, Lord Caenis! I should have known you would be so magnanimous!

I know! I'll assign you the position of Chaldea's interim safety officer, just for the summer! How does that sound!?

Whoa, whoa, slow the hell down. I didn't agree to anything yet.

O-oh. Is that a "no" then?

H-haha, right. I should have known it would be presumptuous to ask a Divine Spirit to fill this position...

Nnn...

Oh, fine.

You need a temporary security guard...an interim safety officer? All right!

Since, like it or not, I have this Spirit Origin now, I might as well accept, just this once.

Th-then, you're saying...

I'm saying I'll do it!

Just for this summer, I'll do my damndest to make sure you're safe!

And now, here we are. Boring as hell, right?

You think?

Haha, that so?

？！

Ah well...

I guess I can admit this Spirit Origin's better for just hanging out than I thought. It even came with a sea serpent and surfboard.

And...it might just be that I'm a Rider right now, but it's actually pretty damn fun, riding around on those things.

I still hate going in the sea...

But aside from that, I guess I'm having fun. Might even be a little grateful to Scáthach and Skadi.

Guess I'll pay a visit to the shrine and give 'em a clap as "thanks."

？！

Hmm.

Who DID I hear it from?

Was it Mordred? It couldn't be Martha...

Oh, yeah, I remember now. I think it was Osakabehime.

？！

Don't worry, I'll go easy on them. I've gotten used to the whole moderation thing lately.

Hm? Well...

What do you mean, what do I mean?

？！

A whole bunch of stuff went down earlier today while you were all out.

Let's just say I had plenty of chances to practice pulling my punches! Hahahahahaha!

Damn, so Boss ain't here now?

Guess I must've missed him. I was sure I'd find him here when I saw this camp.

Aww, that's too bad.

There were so many things I wanted to do with our sweet Master now that we're at a tropical vacation destination.

Hey now, I just came here to lend the Boss a helpin' han

It's such a shame. Right, Kintoki?

...

...Right?

Uh, y-yeah, right... (Why's she standin' so close to me?)

...

The hell're you wearing?

Hm?

Oh, me? I think this is what I wore when I was a Heian warrior.

I guess I figured it was close enough to a swimsuit Spirit Origin? I don't even know when I changed.

I don't give a rat's ass 'bout how you look. Talkin' to the chick next to you.

Me?

This is just how I usually dress.

Oh, are you talking about all the skin I'm showing? I figured this would be faster than getting a swimsuit.

But I have seen the error of my ways! It's summer, and what I need is a swimsuit!

It's all about the...vibe? Yeah, that sounds right!

Oh, and feelings. Those are important too, right? Humans value those a lot, don't they?

So maybe I'll get a swimsuit for myself after all!

Out on a walk with a girl, huh, city boy?

Kinda a weird damn move for a guy who's always trying to play the delinquent, ain't it?

Just chasing any skirt that happens by now, are you?

...Is that how this looks to you?

Fufufufufufu. Oh myyy, does this mean we look like we're going out!?

...

Well, that won't do, will it? Those kinds of rumors spread like wildfire in Chaldea, right?

But you know...

I don't think I could pick just one person and stick to them.

Not even Master or Kintoki.

I'm still at the age where I just want to have fun with whatever and whoever I want. I don't want to be tied down yet.

...That so?

I don't really care if you wanna walk arm in arm with your lady friends, but do it somewhere else.

'Course, if you wanna fight for the right to stay here, I'm down.

Huh!?

I don't know how this looks to you, but you got the wrong idea! Can't you see how strong her magical energy is? And her muscles!?

You think I'm lockin' arms with her? Hell no!

SHE'S lockin' arms with me! I can't get free, no matter how hard I try!

Aww, that's not nice, Kintoki.

You shouldn't talk about girls being really strong. Makes them seem masculine.

Then again, maybe these days that's an okay compliment to give?

Human standards are always changing, aren't they?

Right...

Look, again, I don't care what you get up to... Just get up to it somewhere else!

Fufu. You say that, buuut...don't you have your eye on someone special, too?

That's why you're wearing that lovely swimsuit now, right, Caenis? It looks great on you, by the way.

...

You want a piece of me!? You got it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop, stop!

(Huff, huff, gasp...) Wh-where did that spike in magical energy come from!?

What happened here, Lord Caeni Huh!? Ibuki-Douji!?

Hey, perfect timing, Gof!

I could use someone to give me orders and back me up with support spells!

Let's see how you do as my temporary Master!

Huh? What's going on? Are you about to spar or something?

C'mon, let's go!

O-okay!

Hey, watch it!

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought the Child of Sekiryu would be able to handle a little fire.

Haha! Nice, nice! Very nice!

So you don't mind burning your boyfriend to ashes to take me down, huh? You're one crazy bitch, aren't you!?

I may not like your outfit, but I do love a girl who's not afraid to use everything she's got!

If you're upset about how much skin I'm showing, you're not really in a position to talk.

But yeah, now that you mention it, I think I AM having fun!

Well, I'm not!

Now cut this out already! You are well past simply sparring!

As the director of Chaldea, may I remind you that personal battles are strictly off limits!

What was that?

Er, because... Um...

I just figure they're a waste of precious resources... D-don't you agree...?

Tch.

All right, fine. I am the safety officer for now, I guess.

So let's just say that was my way of blowing off steam during my break. You okay with that, Gof?

That was quite a lot more than just blowing off steam... But, well, now that everything is settled, I suppose it's fine!

Aww, is it over already?

YES! 'Sides, the only reason I came here at all was to look for Master!

That was quite the commotion.

It seems it was a squabble between two Divine Spirits, Lady RaikouI mean, Head Prefect Raikou.

Did this dispute involve Master? ...No, it seems it didn't. Phew. That's a relief.

Dammit, Tsuna, quit walking so far ahead and look at me already!

I'm glad you were so terrified of my Lancer Spirit Origin that you immediately turned tail and ran, but at least wait until I'm done talking!

It'd be easy enough to twist you into a pretzel even in my normal Spirit Origin, but my summer one's even stronger thanks to the power of Oni Cure!

In fact, my third Spirit Origin may as well BE Oni Cure!

You'd never even stand a chance!

... ...

This appears to be Master's camp, Head Prefect. How should we handle this?

You're STILL ignoring me!?

(Sigh) Let's just head back, Ibaraki. This heat is just awful. I'm practically melting.

When did all these other Servants get here?

Brother Tsuna! Boss Raikou!

...And I guess you two are here too, Shuten, Ibaraki.

Aww, don't be mean, Kintoki.

Why would you even want to look at some other girlI'm assuming there's a girl under that hazewhen you've got me riiight here?

Haze?

Huh? You mean the haze over there looks like something to you? Well, that's weird.

I like the other girls here just fine, but there's something about that haze that just...irks me.

That girl with the long black hair is adorably yappy, and Ibaraki is so high-strung it's cute...

But that haze! The haze that's always just...lingering around Ibaraki!

It makes me uncomfortable somehow. So uncomfortable that...

I think I'm gonna bounce! Sorry, Golden Honeybun!

I ain't your honeybun!

Oh, right. Mr. Director Goredolf?

Huh? Me? Yes, what is it?

He seems pretty busy right now, but if you see my Master Honeybun, let him know I miss him, okay♪

(That Divine Spirit certainly seems to like honeybuns...)

Bye-bye♡

Huh. She turned into her spirit form.

Grr!

Did you hear that, Tsuna!? Kintoki!? This is completely unacceptable!

As if trying to get her hooks into you wasn't bad enough, Kintoki, now she's got her sights set on Master, too! Daimyoujin or not, that walking ball of unacceptability flies in the face of every tenet of public decency!

Prefects, advance! Prefects, advance!

Come on, you two! We're going after her!

Wha...!? Hang on, Raikou! I thought we just came here looking for Master!

That can wait! Remember, in my summer Spirit Origin, I am first and foremost the shadow prefect!

And I will not tolerate anything which might compromise public decency!

...See you later then, Ibaraki. Oh, and one more thing.

If you have any demands, you should convey them to Master. (Pointing at her "I want to play more!" banner.)

Hey! He just ran away!

Hahahahaha! Did you see that, Shuten!? He must have realized he was no match for me!

Yes, I'm sure that was it.

So that's what happened.

Looks like you're more popular than I would've guessed, Master.

What's wrong with it?

'Sides, isn't it better to be popular than not? Not that I care either way.

Hey, doesn't matter to me either way.

？！

Okay, here's my next story. Those weren't the only guys to show up, after all.

The next bunch was...

Mordreeed! Where are yooou?

They were in their summer Spirit Origin, so I'm sure they must be in this Singularity...

Hmm. I don't see them anywhere, though.

Oh, it's Gareth and Bean Sprout. What're you doing?

We're looking for Mordred!

Okay. Why?

Now that we have a summer Singularity, I thought we could get in some special summer training!

Is, uh, is that right?

(Looks like she's got a huge stick up her ass, too.)

So you're here to chaperone, Bean Sprout? Look on your face says it all.

Uh, yes. Something like that.

I heard the whole thing from the beginning this time! So, you're looking for Mordred, hmm?

Have you seen them anywhere around here, Lord Caenis?

Nope.

But, haha, if you make enough commotion, they might come find you!

Oh!

You're right! That's a good idea! Mordred always has been very inquisitive!

I'm...um, not sure that's true...

Me neither. That sounds like quite the leap of logic.

That's just summer talking!

Now come on! We're gonna spar some more!

We are!?

I should have known...

...you would be...a tough opponent...to go head-to-head with...

This is...rough...

Ah! Lord Jekyll!?

Geez, you're done already? Ah well, I wasn't expecting much from Bean Sprout to begin with.

It's not that. He's a gentleman.

He doesn't want to hurt anyone if he can help it. Can't you tell?

Uh-huh. If you say so.

Guess Mordred didn't show, though.

That's okay. We'll just go back to looking by ourselves. Thank you for helping us.

Oh no, no need to thank us. We basically dragged you into this fight, anyway...

What was that?

E-er, is Henry Jekyll's Spirit Core intact? Oh good, it is!

I'll carry him until he's back on his feet. Hup!

Wow, you're a lot stronger than you look.

Tell Mordred I said hi.

Will do! Oh, but please don't pick a fight with them, okay?

Okay, lady, I'll try.

Hehe. All right, see you later!

And that's how that went.

It was a hell of a lot more peaceful than the first one, that's for damn sure.

？！

Yeah?

？！

Haha!

Dinner prep wasn't enough to keep me occupied until you got back.

Oh, speaking of which: Dinner was pretty good, right?

？！

Right!?

I never cut corners with cooking.

I might be a Divine Spirit, but once I agree to do a job, I do it damn well.

Well, I might welch on an agreement with a king or a god, but Gof ain't either of those.

I'm the trident tyrant though, so I gotta indulge my impulses now and then.

... ...

...

？！

Oh, uh, I was just thinking.

I know what I finished telling you a minute ago, but...

The third bunch that showed up here were actually pretty tough, even for me.

？！

Of all the Servants to show up...

...Oh.

Oh, hello.

What is it, Queenies? I thought we came over to the Caribbean for a nice walk.

This is a camp, isn't it?

Oh, yeah. Do you think it's Master's?

I don't see him here, though...

Yes, this is definitely a camp.

It must be where Master and Da Vinci are staying, though it seems neither of them is here right now.

What are you doing here, Caenis?

Are you guarding the camp?

... ...

...Tch.

Hmm, I knew it. Your new swimsuit Spirit Origin looks good on you!

Indeed it does. I thought it might have been unkind of us to give you an outfit connected to the ocean you loathe, but it certainly does suit you.

You look so brave and gallant in it, as though you have made the sea your own.

How very healthy of you, Caenis. You look beautiful.

The hell'd you just say?

(Expression that says "Never mind that. Where's Sister?")

(Expression that says "I wonder where Sister could be?")

(Expression that says "Things seem tense over there, but I'm more interested in where Sister could be.")

Ooh la la! And who is this bathing suited beauty!? I can't believe I've been neglecting you all this time!

Pardon me, Mademoiselle, but allow me to introduce myself. I'm Napoleon, the Heroic Spirit.

A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

We've met before, dick.

...Oh my. What a passionate gaze.

You know... I honestly don't hate creeps like you all that much.

You might be an arrogant, muscle-headed son of a bitch, but at least you're honest about what you want.

But...

...much as I don't mind being friends with guys like you...

...anyand I do mean ANYpiece of shit who hits on me, dies. No exceptions.

Oho.

Oh my!

I think we may have pushed her too far. Valkyries! Prepare for battle!

Huh!?

U-um, I know this isn't our official chain of command, but...

I know. There's something about Lady Skadi that makes me want to listen when she speaks!

Exactly. You just can't say no to her! Maybe it's 'cause she's a Norse goddess?

We're sorry about this, Caenis of Greece!

Preliminary battle signs confirmed! Come any closer, and we'll be forced to meet you in combat!

Ha. Bring it the hell on!

Halt.

Whatever the reason for this dispute may be, I cannot stand idly by while a single warrior faces several others alone.

I therefore have no choice but to side with Caenis in this battle.

Come at us when you are prepared to fight!

I, Sigurd, will meet you where you stand.

If that's your decision, Sigurd, then I'll do the same. It's all right, Caenis. We're here to help.

Well, well! That's real generous of you both!

Sister Brynhild!?

But why!?

Th-this can't be happening!

Interesting!

Sigurd, the great hero! Brynhild, the fallen Divine Spirit! And Caenis, Divine Spirit of the sea!

I could not ask for worthier opponents. This may well be the most promising battle I have fought in some time.

As if things weren't already complicated enough.

NOW what's going on out here!?

Wah! This is a lot more Servants than I was expecting! What is

Good timing, Gof! Come be my temp Master again!

Huh?

Oh no. No, no, no. How many battles have you fought already, Lord Caenis?

I have nary a drop of magical energy left.

It's just sparring, okay!? And it's almost sunset, so this'll be the last one of the day!

Now come on! We're gonna kick their asses, then start prepping for dinner!

Ooh la la! Guess I should've known my usual artillery wouldn't be enough!

...Whoa!

Tch!

Even with a harpoon instead of a trident, your technique is as sharp as ever. I have no words other than "magnificent" and "khorosho."

Never mind the compliments! Use your Noble Phantasm on 'em already! You might even be able to shatter Skadi's castle!

Hehe! I like your spirit!

Skadi, my self from another land: What do you say we show them the true power of two Scáthachs working together?

Our true power...

I don't recall ever having such a thing.

Could she be talking about the Primordial Runes? Or the gift I received from Odin?

No, that can't be it, not if we're combining our power...

Hmm.

I'm sorry, Scáthach, but I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.

Neither do I!

You were just making it up!?

I thought we were fighting, not doing a comedy set! Fine, if that's how you want to play it, I'll show you what this Spirit Origin can really

Hold it!

Dammit, what now!? And who the hell're you!?

I was told this was Master's summer base of operations. And unfortunately, I can see that any further combat threatens to destroy it entirely!

So if I must stop this battle myself, then I will. And to do that...

Come, my wooden horse!

Connecting to Aegis!

Odysseus's Trojan horse!? That bastard!

Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez. Th-this battle was already escalating too rapidly for my tastes...

Now things are going to get even more out of hand! Our poor camp will never survive!

Then I will use my Tálos to stop the Trojan horse in its tracks.

Wat.

Wha...!?

What is THAT enormous thing!? N-no, wait. I recognize it...

It's Tálos, the bronze giant!

Whoa, whoa! Now Queen Europa's here, too!?

Yes, I am. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Caenis. It's wonderful to see you smile like that.

It makes me want to smile right along with you. Hehe, don't you two agree?

Not in the slightest!

Come on, Brother.

Didn't you say you were willing to help the queen if we had the chance?

Not to mention when we were talking to Voyager

P-Pollux.

Now we've got armaments from the Age of Gods too, huh!? Things are getting bigger by the minute! What do you say, Queenies!?

Nnn... Nnnnnn...

Now you're talking!

Looks like our opponents are still raring to go, Gof. Come on, we can't stop now!

... ...

What is it now, Musik!?

E...

E?

Enough already!!!

And there you have it!

I would've liked to finish that last battle properly, but I have to give Musik credit for standing his ground.

In the end, we all made dinner together, with Queen Europa supervising.

Not a bad day, all told.

Being a safety officer didn't turn out to be boring at all. Hell, I didn't even have time to take a break.

If it's gonna be this fun, I wouldn't mind holding down the fort more oft

？！

Hm?

？！

Haha, finally fell asleep, huh?

All right, you might not be Odysseus, but...

Hope tomorrow's another great adventure for you, Master. Sweet dreams.

Fine. Guess I'd better throw a blanket over you so you don't freeze. Jeez.