Yu Mei-ren's Anti-Aging

I come bearing good news, Fujimaru. One of the treasures we need is a tree branch with jeweled fruit from Hourai Island, yes?

Well, it would seem that a Servant in possession of one such branch just made a reservation.

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True. However, this Servant is very much at odds with Chaldea. In fact, she may currently be your fiercest opponent.

As such, any straightforward attempts to win her over are guaranteed to fail.

So why not let me handle this one?

Oho. I'm surprised to hear you volunteer, given how you've been dedicated to helping from the sidelines.

Very well then, go ahead and give it a shot. We'll stay out of sight and keep an eye on things.

Fine by me. Then let's go take care of it, shall we?

(This is the newly expanded beauty parlor... I wonder who the Servant with the jeweled branch could be...)

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What a pleasant surprise to see the Enma-tei is still running. How is the madam doing these days, Henjou?

She's been a little glum lately, but she's still alive and kicking, chirp.

Let me take your coat for you, chirp. Will you be doing your usual course today, Mei-Mei?

Yes, that sounds good. I'm especially partial to the bed in the far back. The shade there is just right.

I must say, though, I'm surprised I hadn't heard a peep about this place for the last three hundred years. I thought you had finally closed up shop.

I'm impressed you've managed to keep this place going among the wretched humans and their society. It reminds me of the Peach Blossom Spring.

In one sense, it's like you don't know when to give up. Hehe, though I suppose I'm not one to talk...

Oh, don't feel like you need to go easy on me. I absolutely love the Enma-tei's massages...

My body may be immortal and unaging, but it still gets stiff... If anything, the fact that it is so durable only makes it worse...

The more time passes, the stiffer my body grows, and there is no getting rid of it...

Cursed humans... If they only knew the pain of immortality, they would never claim jealousy... Ahh, yes, that's the spot. Go on, put your back into it...

Ahh, how I missed this... This is truly what it means to be rejuvenated... Although...

(Not even the Enma-tei can relieve my tension completely... I wonder if there is an even stronger masseuse anywhere...)

Oh, hello. I'm surprised to see such a lofty being here. From the look of you, I would guess you're a retired Elemental?

...!

Insolent fool! How dare a mere Heroic Spirit barge in on my antiaging ritual!?

Stand right there. Or don't. You will never escape my wrath, no matter what you... Hm?

...Are you related to the fairies? I sense an ancient wind protecting you, though only just.

Ah yes, that must be from my beloved wife.

My name is Fionn mac Cumhaill. Believe it or not, I was the captain of a band of knights during that cycle.

I heard your concerns about your body's stiffness. If you like, I would be happy to relieve you of them.

Oh? ...Very well, I will at least hear what you have to say.

My wife suffered from the same sort of ailment, you see. She would always complain about stiffness whenever she visited the human world.

I searched far and wide for a way to help, eventually finding the very best masseuse in the entire world.

His hands relieve tension, improve circulation, and make you feel like new, whether human or fairy.

It must be fate that brought us together here. What do you say? Shall I introduce you to him?

Hmph. So in the end, you are merely trying to ingratiate yourself with me.

Very well, I will play along with your little ploy. If nothing else, this should be an amusing diversion to help pass my endless time.

Go ahead and call for this expert masseuse of yours. If he should actually rid me of my stiffness, I will give you anything you ask for.

Hahaha, I'm glad to reach an understanding so quickly. This stiffness must truly be a great source of stress for you. All right then...you're up, Mr. Masseuse!

On it.

Gah! You...!?

Hold it! There's no way this guy is just a masseuse! If anything, he's a monster in masseuse's clothing!

Easy there, sage woman. It seems you may know who I am, but I've never met you before.

I've been staying at this inn for the last few days. Madam Beni's offered nothing but the best hospitality.

I'm only here now because she asked if I would be willing to help an old friend of hers.

If I were you, I would be glad to have a friend like that looking out for me. All the more so given how long you two will continue to be friends.

(You did this for me, Enma? I do appreciate that...but why did it have to be THIS guy!?)

W-wait! Please! I know how powerful your neigong is!

You'll squeeze my intestines right out from my mouth! Stop! Stay away from me!

I'm sorry, Mei-Mei. You need to bear with this, no matter how much it hurts, chirp.

We can't stop the expert course once it's begun. Trust me, chirp, we're doing this for your own good.

Henjooouuu!

Now then, let's begin. Try not to struggle, no matter how much it hurts.

Aah... Aaaaaahhh...!!!

I've never felt such pain and humiliation! No one but Lord Xiang Yu has ever made me cry out like this!

But you do feel better now, don't you? I still haven't gotten to your right shoulder. If you like, I can massage that as well for an additional charge.

Khh...! Do it!

This is a good opportunity. If I'm going to fight as an accursed Servant myself from now on, I need to be tension-free from head to toe!

Do that, and you may have any treasure I possess!

There you have it; a new treasure won, and without any trouble. Even if that may only be due to our good fortune in having such a capable masseuse on hand.

If it were a vicious creature we faced, I would have won the treasure in combat...but of course, this beautiful woman was nothing of the sort.

At any rate, I am glad that this matter was resolved without bloodshed or hard feelings.

Here, Master, why don't you hold on to this. It will be safer with you.

My stunning good looks inevitably draw attention from admirers and enemies alike, after all.

There's no telling what sort of mishaps may occur if I keep it with me.

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