Section 3: Free Climbing!

I have a report to make.

Have they begun to scale the walls?

Yes, Your Majesty. They have secured a route and are on their way as we speak. What would you have us do?

Shall we go after them? I regret to inform you that we would not last long in our armor...

Then again, I suppose we could change into lighter armor first... But in lighter armor, they would have even less trouble tearing through us...

Hmm... Oh, I know! We could lob pots of oil at them!

That would make them slip right down the walls, since Castle Csejte is so flat!

No need for that. It would be a waste of good oil. Carmilla can deal with them.

Oh, and you there. Throw the knight who just made the "flat" remark in the dungeon.

His choice of words irritates me. Make sure no one repeats that mistake.

H-huh!? Wh-what did I say!?

You know what you said. Queen Mecha Eli-chan is the guardian of Castle Csejte. She IS Castle Csejte.

I'm amazed you were able to say that to her face. It's sort of impressive in its own odd way.

B-but, I was praising her! It was supposed to be a complimeeent!

...(Sigh) Now I'm in a rotten mood.

Why must humans be such useless, troublesome, half-witted creatures...?

Is it all Elisabeth's fault? It is, isn't it?

She would go after her subjects, or other nobles... She was leading her country to ruin every time she indulged in one of her escapades.

Setting ethical concerns aside, the fact that she consistently failed to act with the best interests of her people foremost in her mind speaks volumes about her intellect, or lack thereof.

As I suspected, this nation needs to be reformed from the ground up, with myself serving as its foundation.

I may have been born from Elisabeth, but I am an entirely new Elisabeth. As such...

I must protect this nation, as the true guardian of Castle Csejte...!

La la la, sha-la la la laaa♪

You there!

Y-yes!? What is it, Your Majesty?

Were you singing something just now?

Y-yes, my queen. Our former ruler used to hum it to herself all the time. I just can't seem to get it out of my head...

Elisabeth used to hum that...?

Th-that's right...

All humming within this castle is hereby banned. Now go.

Y-your wish is my command, Your Majesty!

Singing... Life as an idol...

...Hmph. What nonsense.

Master, I've analyzed your route on our end, and I've discovered that there's a single open window.

Why don't you start by heading there?

Y-yes, that's right.

Of course, I know it would be difficult for you to climb on your own, so I suggest asking the Servants for help.

Well, it doesn't look like we have any other choice.

And it looks like it'd be an especially tall order for you to climb on your own.

？！

Okay, I'll carry Master up on my back. You two can just climb on your own.

I'm all set since I can fly. What about you, Batty?

Heh heh heh.

If you think I'm going to let a tattooed mobster outdo me when it comes to climbing a few walls, you've both got another thing coming! Castle Apparition Secret Technique: Crane Dance!

Is that...a giant origami crane?

What...? Where have you even been hiding that this whole time!?

No fair, Batty! It's...it's...

It's just too damn cool! Flying and attacking with origami!?

The whole thing's got a certain je ne sais quoi to it that attacking with playing cards just can't match!

Y-you really think so?

I mean, it's not THAT impressive, right? After all, doesn't every princess dabble in origami?

Heck, I bet Tamamo and Kiyo-yo could even make origami out of people if they wanted to.

Uh, let's not try to equate folding PAPER with folding PEOPLE...

Now, come sit by me, Master. Daijoubu, I guarantee this ride is very comfortable!

？！

Wh-whyyy!?

This is the part where you're supposed to be all,

"Would you care to go for a moonlit drive, Osakabehime?"!

Why would HE say that when YOU'RE driving? Just...c'mon, let's go!

Hang on tight, Master!

H-hey! Wait for me!

No need to be so bashful♡

Come on, Batty, before we leave you behind!

Grr...

Man, what a great view!

Hahaha, if you can't appreciate a view like this, you're in the wrong line of work, Master!

The moon's so bright, and the city's bustling with life. All this view needs is a stiff drink.

What do you say, Master? Care to join me for one? A little liquor never hurt anyone, right?

Don't worry, no one has to know. Come on.

Yes, someone will find out. And the answer is no, Assassin of Shinjuku.

What she said! No idol worth her salt would risk her reputation over underage drinking and smoking!

I wasn't asking you!

Waaah, no fair! Now I'm getting a real bad case of FOMO!

This is why I usually stick to being a shut-in!

？！

And, we're here! I wonder what we'll run into next.

Heh heh! That's it, Master. You made the right choice.

Go on, have a seat.

...Heh. Gotcha!

Wha!?

I'm never letting you go again♡

Okay Batty and Puppy, let's get going! This'll be the first step in our journey to take back Castle Csejte!

Just don't get too far ahead of me.

Yeah yeah, I know. Okay, let's fly!

Damn, she's fast! Wait up!

Ahahaha! This is so much fun, don't you think, Master♡

Master, your heart rate is increasing rapidly! A-are you okay!?

Hey, is the suspension bridge effect making me look cute right now?

Well!?

Master, I can see your excitement rising with your heart rate as we speak!

Um, chotto a minute! How come you haven't commented about my boobs pressing up against you!

Does it excite you? Embarrass you? Make you wanna make out? Which is it!?

？！

Damn, I should've known. All the stairways to the higher floors are blocked off.

Now, let's see. That little dragon girl...I mean that mechanical dragon girl has people under her command, right?

That's right. I guess that technically makes them princesses too?

...That's the part I don't get. Why would they just start working for her all of a sudden...

Do you know something, Elisabeth?

Hmph, I guess being the ruler of Hakuro Castle still isn't good enough for them to include me...

Hmm. I suppose you may technically be a ruler, but aren't you forgetting something important?

Carmilla!?

For one thing, this is Castle Csejte. We never asked you to drop your castle onto ours.

Wha...

S-so what! I'm still going to take back my tower!

？！

...Well, I suppose you do have an obligation to repair the Singularity.

More importantly, it's clear we won't accomplish anything like this. Very well, let us do battle.

...

Do you have something to say to me, my younger self?

...Why're you obeying Mecha Eli-chan?

Because I fought her, and I lost. She is absurdly strong.

...That, and I suppose our interests are aligned somewhat. I'm rather busy indulging my hobbies.

Allowing her to rule over Csejte simply seems sensible.

So that's exactly what I decided to do.

Wait, so you're saying the mechanical me is better than usuh, I mean, regular me, even though I grew up here?

Correct.

The mechanical you is impartial, ethical, and ruthless. She never lets personal feelings interfere, no matter who she may be dealing with.

She is more than qualified to stand above all. Plus, she doesn't suffer from chronic headaches like you do.

And since she is me, I barely feel as though I am obeying her at all.

Which is something I cannot say for the real you.

I-I've been taking my job seriously lately too, you know!

You know, that "lately" part makes it sound like you're feeling a little guilty, El-El.

...You are absentminded, and unstable.

A few more years and you would have made a fine vampire, just as the legends said.

But instead you ended up becoming a dragon, of all things. Thanks to the blood you got from that real monster, you've become something far removed from the innocent myths told about you.

Back when I was you, I was not as headstrong as you are.

Then again, perhaps I was never quite the same as you to begin with.

...Well, no matter. At any rate, if you wish to ascend beyond this point, you will need to defeat me first.

Be warned, my torture instruments are honed and ready. How much blood are you prepared to shed?

...Hmph. I like using torture instruments as much as anyone, but I'm not a fan of having them used on me.

If you're going to stand in my way as a woman of Castle Csejte rather than a vampire, then I'll skewer you right in the heart!

Really, El-El? You're okay with torture? Even on people you like?

I, uh...don't think there's anything I can do about that. Torture is just part of who I am...

Like, a dragon who doesn't breathe fire is just an overgrown lizard, right? Who needs that kind of nonsense!?

So I torture people I like AND people I hate! That's just my style and it's never going to change!

Hmm, I see. So you act like everything's fun and games, but you're actually quite earnest at heart, huh, El-El.

But never mind that! For my part, I'm not really into the whole bloodshed thing!

I hate painful stuff! I can't even sit through a horror movie!

So, Master, keep me safe kudaplease! I'm counting on you♡

...Are you quite done? Then let's begin, you two problem children!

Try and do something for yourselves for once instead of always depending on the Master of Chaldea!

That does it...! I'm sick and tired of looking at your stupid metal dress!

I'm sure you are. It must be like looking in a mirror for you.

But...you're still so naive it makes me sick!

El-El!

Now! Go for it!

I knew you'd wakarunderstand! Now then, you're wide open☆

We did it!

Aw yeah!

？！

Huh!?

I-it's not like that... I just got a little caught up in the moment is all...

Khh...! Don't think you've gotten away with this, you little brats!

Kehehe, what a sorry sight you make, my comrade!

Oh, if it isn't Nite-Brite. I see you've elected to poke your head inside.

N-Nite-Brite?

Indeed, my name is Nite-Brite!

I am an Agarthan girl whose True Name I cannot divulge because of reasons!

And so, just for this event, I grant you special permission to call me Nite-Brite.

It has a truly adorable ring to it, don't you think? Nite-Brite, Nite-Brite!

What the hell's up with this bratuh, I mean childI mean, evil little girl?

Hm, and who might you be? ...Oho, it seems you and I hail from the same nation.

I bet we do. There's just something about you that makes my punching fist all itchy!

Kehehehe, I could say the same of you. Though in my case, it is not something so uncouth as my fist.

It is my beloved instruments of torture! Kehehe, I cannot wait to broil those abs of yours.

Carmilla, let us regroup! If you lot think you can climb all the way up to us, you are more than welcome to try!

Thank you, Nite-Brite. I will gladly accept your help. Goodbye then, princess.

I don't know what it is you're up to, but do your worst, pitiful though it will be.

...At any rate, I implore you to be careful as well, Master of Chaldea.

...Hehe.

...I guess I'm something of a busybody as well.

？！

You still don't trust me, do you, Master. Hmph!

We have run into a string of less-than-trustworthy Servants this year, so...

Not to mention you haven't actually given us any reason why we SHOULD trust you.

That said, at least we have a common goal.

Besides, it now seems safe to assume that Mecha Eli-chan is the source of the Singularity here.

Right? Right!?

So come on Master, hurry up and trust me already before I curse you♡

Was that supposed to be a joke? 'Cause it's not funny.

Tamamo once told me: "Osakabehime's curse is incredibly annoying. It's almost like water torture for your nerves."

"Basically, it makes it so that you're much more likely to do things like bang your finger when you close your clothes drawer. Dreadful, right?"

So like, I already know all about it, okay?

Teeheehee, Tamamo does like to exaggerate, doesn't she♡

...I'll have to send her a condescending text to tick her off something fierce later...

Next up: the pyramid.

It may be a bit hard to scale since it's upside down...but I know you can do it!