Without Honor and Humanity! The War of Analog vs. Digital

What a nice, quiet planet this is.

I have no doubt that the customer who lives here must be similarly calm and collected.

And the fact that they only ordered a single bookmark means they must also be a person of refined tastes.

？！

Me too...

Oh, speaking of which, isn't that house our next stop?

Hello there!

Yes? May I ask who's calling?

We are from Amazones.com. Sign here, please.

...I see. Then the time has finally come.

I've never had a customer sign with a brush before. Well, no matter. Very well, here you go

And with that... Have at you!!!

What do you think you're doing!?

Declaring war, of course!

Oh my, that brushwork was beauEr, very high in BP. And this elegant handwriting... It's so cosmic!

Incidentally, did you know that cosmic and cosmetic have the same etymology? It's true.

But then, it would seem this isn't the time to be admiring this fine artisanship.

You must be another vulture trying to pick off Amazones.com when it's down, aren't you?

I once tried the same thing, but now that we're business partners, I can't have it going under.

At least not until I get a solid return on my BP investment.

The last thing I need is some unforeseen bottom-line pressure at the end of our fiscal year.

An unabashed manifesto dripping with desire. I understand. As a CEO, I too am all about profits.

I'm afraid you're mistaken. I'm no vulture.

My name is LS Hunter Purple, and it's my duty to enact divine retribution upon you!

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...It stands for "Love Story."

That's right. I have an insatiable hunger for tales of romance, no matter when or where they were written.

I've even tried my hand at writing my own when I haven't found any capable of satisfying me!

Suffice to say, I am a bookstore owner-slash-romance author with the greatest collection of love stories in the galaxy.

And this vengeance I am about to enact is not born solely from my own grievances.

Understand that I strike these blows on behalf of story lovers everywhere!

Hmm. Stories, huh.

Indeed, people from all walks of life throughout all of recorded history have always been fond of stories.

Whether they wish to savor thrills they will never experience in their daily lives, or have their hearts moved by stirring dramatic developments, their appetite for stories of all kinds is truly insatiable.

Naturally, Amazones.com has plenty of stories stocked on our shelves to meet this demand...but we also know that in today's busy world, fewer customers have the time to read a book or even watch a movie.

Which is why we came up with an all-new product line...

The Kindness Flair!

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We experience stories through our brains. When we read or watch a story, our brains are what make us feel excited or moved or what have you.

So we thought, why not cut out the intermediary and go straight to the source?

Gnnnnnn...

To elaborate, we came up with a product that lets us send data directly to our customers' brains.

Majireally? Isn't that, you know, super dangerous?

I mean, anything connected straight to brains sounds like something out of a cyberpunk dystopia...

Now, the Kindness series is Amazones.com's best-selling product line by far.

They let our customers experience a story without all that time-consuming reading or watching.

They may not technically be stories themselves, but we stand behind our guarantee that the effects are identical.

Now, our customers can order any moving experience they like with a single click and have it delivered directly to their brain stem, complete with same-sol shipping in select areas.

Only available at...Amazones.com!

Exactly!

Thanks to all those Kindness Flairs, stories throughout the Servantverse are on the brink of extinction!

There's a lot to be said for trudging around dozens of different bookstores until your feet feel like they're about to fall off looking for a new book that grabs your interest!

Or spending a whole day just to get to a movie theater far away because it's the closest one showing the film you've been looking forward to for ages!

But now that people can get the same emotional charge just by having some data dumped directly into their brains via a single click, that's all going away...

The way things are going now, there won't be any paper books left where you can't wait to turn the next page, or theaters where you can bite your nails during a tense scene!

It's not right, and I won't stand for it!

Me too! Stories are one of the best things humanity has ever invented!

See!? It's not just me who feels this way!

I'm not sure why you're on the Amazones.com side, but I'm assuming it's just some misunderstanding.

Once this is all over with, I hope you'll come visit my bookstore. I'm sure you'll find something on the shelves that appeals to you.

I'll even throw in a lovely handmade book cover to go with it.

Right!?

Oh, I'm so glad to hear you feel that way, too. Most people these days are simply too enthralled with the Kindness Flair's supposed charms.

That's why I have to do something now, before every story in the Servantverse disappears forever...

Fou fo, fooou... Fou?

Fou is putting his paw gently on Purple's shoulder. I think he's trying to console her.

Honestly, I don't think I'd want to live in a world without any books, either...

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Yeah, I can't deny that digitizing everything makes it a lot easier to read or draw...

But I think I'd miss paper books if they went away for good, too.

From where I stand, this is simply how the times are changing.

The whole reason customers frequent our site is because we provide convenient solutions to their requirements.

Our user-friendly systems converging with services designed to meet the needs of the modern age...

...have merely resulted in a product line that has advantages over that of its traditional competitors.

I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at, but it doesn't matter. I, and other story lovers like me, refuse to simply fade away with the times.

This is a war for stories; for values; for our very survival! And I intend to fight as hard as I can!

Now, prepare for battle!

G-gosh... This seems like a simple, yet deeply-rooted problem. It doesn't seem like it can be easily resolved.

S-still, no matter how valid her grievances might be, we can't let her kill us without a fight. Please do your best to neutralize her, Master!

Ahh...!

...

Romance novels, huh...

I can't say I understand, as I only interact with the written word through spreadsheets and at the gym...

But I now understand that there is a far greater breadth of quality work in the genre than I had ever imagined.

I can't even count how many times I must have swung my CEO Morning Star while defending against them just now.

What's your point?

Efficient next-generation mediums like the Flair are a type of strength...but so too is a wide-ranging product lineup.

Stock shortages, on the other hand, are the enemy of all that is good. Such opportunity losses are the one thing we must avoid at any cost.

It is with that in mind that I would like to make you a proposal, LS Hunter Purple.

O-okay... What is it?

I now understand that stories told via traditional mediums have their own charms as products.

While the Kindness series may offer a highly efficient pipeline for delivering emotions, they do not provide the same sort of experiences as old-fashioned stories.

So why not provide both options to consumers, and let them choose for themselves which one they prefer?

I think that could lead to a future where a healthy competitive market drives both your stories and our Flair line to greater heights than they could reach on their own.

Then, does that mean

Amazones.com will no longer make use of any adversarial marketing aimed at traditional storytelling mediums such as books and movies.

!!!

Of course, I do not expect this to resolve all of our differences, but compromise or not, I believe we need to try something new if we are to reach a mutually beneficial state of affairs.

So from here on, we will forego any and all use of inflammatory ad copy...

...such as "No more wasted time!" or "What will you do with all your new spare time?"

...And you think your Flairs will still be able to beat our stories despite that?

I see...

All right, I accept your proposal.

One of these days, we will show you just how powerful our stories can truly be!

I look forward to it.

By the way, on a different note, I have been receiving requests from some of my outsourcers for more leisure activities at Amazones.com's relaxation facilities.

...Yes, this could work out nicely. Would you mind if I bought a few dozen books from you to fill our shelves?

N-not at all. Whatever ill will I may bear towards your company, anyone interested in purchasing books is a valued customer in my, um, book.

I would be more than happy to fulfill your request and furnish books for your company's reading corner.

On my honor as LS Hunter Purple and the webmaster of Shikibu's Diary, the romance novel review site that features tens of thousands of books and has the most page views in the galaxy...

...I promise to put together a selection of the finest romance novels ever written!

Y-yes, well, while I do appreciate that, I was also hoping for books spanning a wide range of genres...

Wide range of genres! Got it!

Don't worry I'll put together a reading corner where anyone and everyone regardless of age profession or gender or any combination thereof can find the perfect book that speaks directly to who they are and if any of your employees or outsourcers or whoever ends up reading these books should happen to find themself smoldering with a fiery passion burning deep in their heart that reading alone can never hope to quench I would tremendously appreciate it if they could try putting pen to paper themself so that I might be able to read a new take on the romance genre and maybe even lead to the discovery of a promising new author (Spoken at a blistering pace)

...Um, yes, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to include a few books that you personally recommend.

Just please make sure that they are books most people would want to read. If I were to choose, they would all end up being about bodybuilding and finance.

Understood! Just leave it all to me!

You do run into these types every now and then, don't you? The kind of people who get very particular whenever they're entrusted with a task in a field they obviously care a lot about...

Oh, right. What shall we do about shipping?

I'm certain I will end up sending you a great deal of books, after all, so, um, if possible, I was hoping professionals from your company could handle their delivery.

But of course, word has been going around that your employees have all gone missing...

...which is why I lured you here by ordering that bookmark.

I see. So it's the same pattern as before.

At any rate, you need not worry about shipping the books. As you can see from the people I have helping me here...

...Amazones.com is not about to let our labor shortage hold us back forever.

Here, Carrier Golem!

......

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What was his name again? The one with the mask? ...Right. Avicebron.

He came to my office recently and sold me on the merits of this custom-built golem.

Not only can it carry very heavy loads, it can even run wonderfully quickly for long periods of time.

I cannot use it in place of proper delivery people thanks to its inability to talk, but it is perfect for simply transporting goods and assisting delivery personnel.

I only wish it wasn't so difficult to make them. Right now, this is the only one of its kind.

If we were able to mass-produce them, they could revolutionize the distribution industry as we know it.

Good question. This is the first I've heard of it, too.

Then again, I can't imagine Avicebron helping with deliveries on his own.

Making a golem like this to help with deliveries in his stead is exactly the sort of thing he would do.

Honestly, thinking about it now, I'm surprised I didn't realize it sooner!

I agree.

Avicebron would never pass up a chance to take his golem engineering further.

I'm guessing he sees this as an excellent opportunity to test some new ideas he's been mulling over.

？！

There you have it. All you need to do is hand the books to this golem, and it will bring them to our office.

I see... All right, then that's just what I'll do.

Now we only have a few more backlogged orders left to deliver. The end is almost in sight!

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Fooou!

Well? You bastards ready to throw in the towel yet?

Hahahaha! I take it you've never heard the stories of my legendarily long baths then? Well, a sauna's no different from a bath. I can stay in here for another two hours, easy.

Oh yeah? Then I can go for three hours!

Hehehe, easy there, youngsters. You don't want to push yourselves too hard.

I'm a hunter, so I'm used to staying perfectly still for hours on end through hot and cold alike.

Oftentimes, I'd go half a day or longer without moving before landing a kill.

That your way of saying you can beat us both? You've got guts, old man! I like that!

No, that's not what I was trying to say...

This isn't just between you and me anymore, Sideburns. Let's see who can last the longest out of everyone here!

Oho, a challenge, is it? That does sound like fun. But are you sure you wish to challenge me?

Remember, I am a monk. I have much more experience enduring hardships than most people.

In fact, this should only help with my training. What about you, Lord Yagyu?

Heh. Are you worried that these old bones of mine may have trouble keeping up?

Well, worry not. Whether I leave or stay is entirely up to me.

Indeed, how is a contest where swords remain sheathed any different from no contest at all?

Of course, one could easily say that all of life is a contest, and that it too is no contest at all.

Hmm. You sound far more like a monk than I do, Lord Yagyu.

Is that your way of saying you already live every moment as though you were on the battlefield, and therefore, "bring it on"?

I don't know what the hell you guys are talking about, but cut it out. It's pissing me off.

The point is, whoever leaves this place first is now officially a spineless loser!

You sure you want to do this? You're already sweating buckets.

Don't forget, this sauna's been adjusted to work on Servants.

Just because you can wield fire doesn't mean you'll be able to handle this heat forever.

Shut up! I'm only sweating 'cause I'm having so much damn fun! And it's cooling me down so much I might as well be standing in a freezer!

Ahh, this is gonna be a good time. Now I just wish I had more opponents to play with.

That bastard Karna'd be a good challenge if he was here, but since he's notHm?

So...this is a steam bath. Or a sauna, as they call it now.

But it would seem there is little room to spare right now, in multiple senses of the word. I'll come back some other

Hahahaha! Great timing, non-Arjuna Arjuna! Come on and join us for our challenge!

I think you might just put up as good a fight as Karna!

I don't understand what there is to be gained from such a challenge, but if you insist...

Hah, never thought I'd find myself stuck in a room naked with a bunch of other naked guys everywhere I look.

The last thing we need is making this place feel even more stuffy by staring each other down. Why don't we at least talk about something fun?

Hmm, how about the kind of women we go for? That's always good for livening things up.

I am afraid monks like myself have little to contribute to discussions of women or alcohol.

I know! Let's go around saying who the strongest opponent we ever fought was!

Then if they happen to be here at Chaldea, you'll have something else to look forward to later!

Bit strange to hear this from me, since you're from way back during the Age of Gods, but you sure are full of that youthful competitive vigor, eh?

Over here, Doctor.

Hmm. What do we have here?

Whoa... I can see a beautiful woman I've never met before as if she was standing right in front of me!

Dammit... You guys haven't...beat me yet...

Hmm, guess I pushed myself a little too hard. This is what I get for trying to keep up with young people...

Ahaha, it's like looking at a mass graveyard, isn't it? Man, just looking at all these muscle heads everywhere is enough to make ME feel sore.

It'd be nice if there was a more delicate person or two mixed in among them, but apparently, all we've got are men of steel.

Anyway, let's go ahead and clean this place up!

They're just suffering from heatstroke. Take the ones who can't move up to the infirmary.

There's nothing interesting about their symptoms, but at least I'll get to test my new heatstroke treatment.

They can cry and scream all they like, but they won't be going anywhere until I discharge them. Heh heh heh...

Some of them are holding up pretty well.

And? I have no interest in healthy specimens. Leave them be.

...Ahhh! Now that was a good sweat.

But I still have a long way to go, since I actually enjoyed the time I spent chanting sutras to help stick it out.

I may have tied the battle, but I have to say I lost the war. Now if I had remained calm and self-possessed like you, Lord Yagyu, it may have been another story.

That IS your mastery of mind over matter in action, is it not?

Who can say? Perhaps I am actually crying out in pain on the inside and simply refusing to show it.

Besides, I believe the winner of this contest is clear.

There are times when the strongest competitor around is the one unaware that they are even competing. Hehe...

Ahh...

I had no idea saunas could be so relaxing...