Texas Beyond II

...

Well, this is quite the pickle.

...

Well, this is quite the pickle.

I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! It'll be fine as long as I fix it, right!?

I appreciate your can-do attitude. But unfortunately, it is not that simple.

We have already completed our warp into the Origin Universe. Dark Maanna no longer has enough fuel to return home.

And there is no way to tell if the ritual will work at all without a sacrificial Master...

You think I don't know that? Of course we can't use Dark Maanna to go back and collect him ourselves.

But we can still use the comms to contact the Six Blades.

Now I see. So you will call on Space Shinkageryu's six assistant instructors stationed throughout the universe for help.

The Flashing Sword. The Freezing Sword. The Darkened Sword. The Monstrous Sword. The Proprietor Sword. The Dragon-slayer Sword.

Between the six of them, they should be able to catch a single Master as easily as cooking rice with a candle.

(H-huh? How is that easy...?) Uh, y-yeah. Exactly...

Now send out a message to all our soldiers and Saber Badge Sabers. It should read:

"Capture this man and bring him to me."

"Whoever does so shall be awarded five gold Saber Badges and six-hundred and sixty-six billion Dislikes!"

Six-hundred and sixty-six billion... That is quite a lot of Dislikes...

Even those most reviled of villains, the Six Blades, have yet to obtain twenty million...

If this is the last step I need to make the universe mine, they will be Dislikes well spent.

Indeed, my lady. I agree wholeheartedly. Very well then, I'll make wanted posters as well.

This way, all Servants will be keeping an eye out for him, not only the Saber clan.

Huh? Um, I think that's going a little too

There. The wanted posters are complete and have been sent to all corners of the universe. He will no longer find refuge on any planet.

...All right. Then we'll just wait right here until someone finds him.

All hands, take this opportunity to rest up while you can. Those of you who have paid vacation left, now is your chance to use it.

We will perform the ritual as soon as the Master is back in our possession. Enjoy this time of peace, for this universe shall never know another!

(Nom, nom, nom) Ahh, that hit the spot. There's nothing like normal food after what feels like an eternity of...other stuff.

It even tastes just like what Chief Red used to make!

You know, maybe that masked Archer ended up as the Dyna Group's head chef!

We should all go and get him to treat us sometime!

？！

Anywho, this planet is pretty rough, huh? Just look at all the wanted posters on that wall.

Though I do love the whole Wild West vibe this place has got going on.

Huh, I've never seen a girl this young on a wanted poster before. What's the universe coming to, am I right? (Munch, munch)

That said, I'm pretty sure things weren't nearly bad enough to warrant you showing up...

...so honestly, it's kind of hard to believe that someone just brought you here.

This place is called the Servantverse for a reason. You can't throw a rock without hitting a Servant.

(Whispering) And just between us, there aren't any Masters in this world.

(Whispering) I only happened to find out about them when I received my sacred sword, so I'm an exception to the rule.

Whoever abducted you must be either a seriously powerful Servant...

...or maybe one who just doesn't fit in with the rest of the Servantverse.

？！

Hmm. That's a face that says "She might cause no end of problems, but she's not a bad goddess" if ever I've seen one.

Hm? Hang on. A goddess? Like a Divine Spirit Servant? And her name's Ashtart?

...Never heard of her.

That's weird. If she really is a Divine Spirit Servant, I'm pretty sure I would at least know her name...

？！

Me?

Uh, well, I was touring around the galaxy and just kinda got the urge for a bit of solo camping, you know?

But there's, uh, nothing else to it!

It's definitely not that I didn't have a single friend who was willing to come along with me! Nope!

Everyone I contacted either never got back to me, already had other plans, or just flat out said no!

？！

That'd be great. Thanks.

At any rate!

It was only after I ended up on this planet that I found out it doesn't have a spaceport.

So without any spaceliners stopping here, or even any spaceships, period...

...I had no choice but to stick around on this planet indefinitely.

The journey since then has been long and arduous. I don't know if you noticed, but there are space dinosaurs on this planet. Space dinosaurs!

I don't usually like to kill if I can help it, but if I wanted to survive, it was either them or me...

Suffice to say, they turned out to be surprisingly tasty!

？！

That's right! I may not have had any intention of doing so, but as of this planet, I'm now Survival Camper X!

Or SurCam X for short!

I get the feeling this new skill might come in handy one day, but let's all hope I never have to use it.

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Of course I don't have any money on me right now. I'm flat broke. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

But sitting around doing nothing after our meal will only attract suspicion. Know what? I say we order seconds!

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Aaargh! I can't believe I got reverse-mugged for the second time in a row!

？！

Sorry about the window! We'll pay you back for it once we collect the bounty on these guys, 'kay?

Dammit! No way I'm getting my ass handed to me twice in one day! Is there anyone here I can take hostage!?

Oh, hey there. Thanks again for "sharing" every last bit of your fuel with us.

Aaah! That crazed Assassin's here too!?

So, you're still up to no good, huh? You haven't learned your lesson at all, have you?

Honestly, I'm impressed you've got the guts to pull that crap in front of us. Then again, maybe you just get off on being punished?

Well okay then! In that case, I guess we'll just have to indulge your fetish☆ Hear that, Ishtarin? We can totally go nuts on these guys!

Enough with the stupid quips, Jane. Let's just take care of these goons.

A bunch of fake Sabers like this won't even pay for our dinner. Especially now that someone else already took all their valuables!

We ain't fake Sabers! We're fully legit R Sabers, and we've got the ten bronze badges to prove it!

Only fakes need badges, dumbass!

Hey, you two! If you're not too busy, how about giving us a hand?

You take care of these guys, and we'll take care of the ones outside!

Hmm, so they've got bounties on them, huh? Maybe we'll be able to pay for lunch after all!

Heh, talk about a piece of cake! This was just the dessert I needed!

D-dammit! No way us Sabers are losing to a damn Assassin twice in aHm?

(Hey, check it out. That's the dude from that wanted poster...)

(It is, isn't it...)

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Damn, about half of them got away...

Oh well, those three laid out on the floor should at least pay for lunch.

And that takes care of the outside! Thanks for handling the ones in here!

Yeah, you guys were a big help!

And here I was expecting you to just buy us some time. You're pretty strong, aren't you!

？！

What? You wondering how we're gonna split the bounty? Don't worry, you two can keep the one for those guys.

We'll be fine with just the guys outside. Besides, we're not too hard up right now anyway☆

Hold it!

Fujimaru, would you mind comparing those girls on the wanted posters to these two!?

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Hm? Let me see that. Huh!? The hell is this!?

"Devil Tightwad Ishter Doesn't even leave tiny Embers in her wake."

"Calamity Jan Has the most evil smile known to Servantkind."

...No way. These are for us!?

Whaaat!? I can't possibly look this stupid when I smile!

That was close. I almost let more evildoers get away right under my nose. Now I see... That disturbance just now must have been a turf war.

Huh!? What're you talking about!? I'm not a bad guy!

The bounty on your head says otherwise! Now shut up and come with me! You're paying for my real dessert!

Oh yeah, I get that☆ It's not a real lunch without something sweet at the end!

Okay then! You wanna do this? We're game!

Come on, Ishtarin, let's snag all the bounties they caught for ourselves!

Where'd that come from, Jane!? Aw crap, they're already fighting!?

Hey you, get under that table and hide! I'm gonna go knock some sense into them!

Hiyaaa!

Hey, batter, batter! If you keep swinging like you're chopping wood, you'll never deflect my attacks!

Why you...! I've been holding back since Fujimaru's here, but no more!

I'll cut this whole diner down to size if that's what it takes! Don't tell anyone!

(Huh? Hang on. Is that sword what I think it is!?)

Hmm. Know what? Real or not, I'm here for it!

Will you two stop already!? Take another look at these posters!

You just get an error if you look them up in the database! Not to mention our names are misspelled!

Isn't it obvious that those fake Saber bandits put them up?

Oops.

Yeah... I guess we have been working this area a lot. You really need to diversify your income, Ishtarin.

Hey, what do you expect? You can't just go around NOT claiming bounties when they're there for the taking.

Really? I don't see the problem.

I'm just saying, if I see a gem just lying around, I'm gonna pick it up, end of story. But enough about that!

We don't have any bounties on our heads, and there's not a single QP for any of us to gain from this fight, so knock it off already!

The only reason someone went to the trouble of making these posters is 'cause we're actually well-known bounty hunters.

Our whole deal is catching bad guys, not palling around with them.

I see... Sorry about that.

No worries!

When you're out in the boonies, duels happen because of tiny misunderstandings all the time!

Now what say we introduce ourselves right proper this time, yeah? My name's Calamity Jane! Pleasure's mine☆

And I'm Ishtar. So who're you guys?

Mysterious Heroine X, Saber extraordinaire. And this strapping young man is

？！

Got it. Sorry about dragging you into that. Close-quarter combat doesn't look like your strong suit.

You know, you have a real unusual vibe about you. What are you, a Caster? Ooh, or maybe something rarer?

Oh, he's actually not a Servant at

No more thinky think! We're back for revenge, bitches!

No more thinky think! We're back for revenge, bitches!

That's him, Bro! He looks just like the guy on the wanted poster!

Huh? What're you guys doing back here? You leave some of your lead pipes behind or something?

Eh, they're probably just here to bail out their buddies. Fine by me. Saves us the trouble of tracking them down.

Hehehe. Now, now, just hear me out, girlies. I got a proposal for you.

I ain't here to bail those weaklings out or to get revenge.

All I want's for you to hand that guy over.

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You hand him over peacefully, and I'll forget about everything that happened today.

Hell, go ahead and turn those weaklings in for the bounty money while you're at it. Any Saber who'd lose to a damn Assassin is a disgrace anyway.

Grr. I couldn't agree more, but hearing it from someone else really pisses me off!

Well, I've got a counter proposal. Turn around, go right back the way you came, and you won't get hurt.

'Cause if you think I'd let you abduct someone right in front of us, you've got another thing coming.

Ooh my. I'm sooo scaaared I think I might just cry. Oh well, good thing we're a lawless bunch. Not looking for permission to take what we want.

Is that so... (Sigh) I hate a fight with no prospect for profit. Know why?

'Cause they make me so mad, I just can't hold back anymore!

Jane!

On it!

Gaaah! The hell!? How'd that hit the back of my head!?

Oh crap! I didn't realize that Archer was so dangerous! What're we gonna do!?

Keep it together, dipshits! That's Calamity Jane! You've heard about her Dead Man's Hand, haven'tcha!?

There's no way to avoid her bullets, so you just gotta grit your teeth and tough 'em out!

Dead Man's Hand!? I don't like the sound of that!

Crap, crap, crap! What're we gonna do!? I've never even seen a Servant with a True Name before!

Yikes, just how backwater IS this planet? Ugh, it all goes back to those damn Saber Badges...

I see. So the power of these Saber Badges has lured otherwise good Servants into lives of crime, huh.

Well, at least I won't have to feel bad about taking them down!

This way, I stop them from committing more crimes, get them to turn over a new leaf, AND reduce the overall Saber population! Three birds, one stone!

This is just the kind of battle I needed to shake me out of my pity party!

Dammit... And I was so close to getting my hands on a silver Badge...

Well, if I gotta go, I'm takin' you all with me.

Hehe... Our boss ain't gonna be too happy about you messing with his men.

Tremble in fear when I tell you that he's one of the Six Blades, and he's right here on this planet.

That's right! Our boss is Lord Billy, the Flashing Sword, the man with the quick-draw, one turn-kill Noble Phantasm!

!

And that kid there? He's got a bounty on his head direct from the organization. There's gonna be no end of outlaws comin' after him.

There ain't nowhere you can hide now! Heehaha! I'll be seein' you all in the slammer real soon!

And that's all the mohawks in the space sheriff's custody. All in a day's work.

I have to say, this bounty hunter business is kinda nice!

Who knew I could cover my living expenses and Altrium costs with just a bit of fighting!

I guess I got some Saber Badges too, but I don't need 'em. Maybe you can find something to do with them.

？！

Oh yeah, they did say something about that, didn't they? Did you pick a fight with them or something?

Who, those mohawk guys? No, they attacked us first, so we just sent them packing.

Not them. I mean the Six Blades'

Ishtarin?

Ahem. Thanks, Jane. You're right. Got to play your cards close to the chest.

Anyway, Fujimaru, having the Six Blades put a bounty on you is some serious business, you know?

I'm starting to get really worried here.

What in the world did you do? Mind filling us in?

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Huh!? You're telling me I kidnapped you under a different name!?

Wow, Ishtarin, how did you pull that off when we've been together this whole time? I'm impressed!

Were you listening!? There's nothing to be impressed about, 'cause I didn't do it!

What the hell!? I'm usually a pretty laid-back gal, but nobody slanders me like that and gets away with it!

I'm a Servant of justice, dammit! Why would I go around kidnapping people!?

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Hmm. Now that I've had some pudding for dessert and gotten a chance to stop and think

Ooh, pudding sounds great right now!

Here's yours, Fujimaru. How about you, Ishtarin?

Well, yeah! You know I love how this place decorates its pudding!

Based on what I've observed about you in the short time since we met, you have a strong sense of justice, and you don't really bother with something if there's no money in it for you.

I have a few quibbles with the last part of your analysis, but yeah, that's about right otherwise.

In which case, this Ashtart Servant must be someone else altogether.

After all, there's no money to be made in going all the way to Master's world to kidnap someone.

I mean, who would you even send ransom demands to?

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Good point. If someone really did bring you here from another universe, there's no way anyone would come to save

Wait. Did you just say "Master," X!?

Are you telling us this guy's a Master!? Like the kind the Servantverse lost eons ago!?

That's right. Fujimaru here is from a universe where Masters are alive and well.

Well, usually. At the moment, he's the last Master in his world thanks to, um...things.

That said, if the organization he belongs to succeeds at its goals, there'll soon be more Masters there than you can shake a stick at.

So they really do exist... That would mean Father's thesis was right all along.

(...A-all right, Ishtar, time to turn up the charm. Bold... Graceful... Beautiful... You can do this!)

I-I see. That does explain why they'd be after you, since your kind's been extinct here forever.

I bet if I stuffed you and mounted you on a wall, I could sell you for a fortune!

I mean, yeah justice is my thing, but who could pass that up? Not me, that's for sure!

I mean, Masters aren't even Servants, right? So since you don't have any Servant rights to violate, I could do a-anything I wanted to you.

So if that doesn't sound fun to you, then you better tell me everything you know!

Unless you want to try fighting me yourself? Can you even use those Command Spells the legends tell about?

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Hey, Ishtarin? This isn't easy to say, but as your best friend, I'm just gonna be straight with you:

Seeing you try to act all sexy is like watching a space porcupine trying to tap dance.

Just...do yourself a favor and let me handle that sort of thing, okay?

I-I'm not "trying"! I don't have to TRY to be sexy! Now shut up and watch me coax what he knows out of him before he even realizes what's happened!

I think you might have the wrong idea here, Space Ishtar. The reason Fujimaru's not telling you anything is because he doesn't know anything.

Masters aren't fonts of knowledge. They provide their value just by existing.

So if you're looking for Fujimaru to tell you the secrets of the universe's creation, or where to find untold treasures, I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong rocket.

...You think I don't know that?

They say Masters are powerless on their own, but they make Servants even more powerful, right?

I was just trying to see if that was true. Though from the look of this one, I'd have to guess it's not.

Eh, whatever. I don't even care anymore.

You don't have any actual monetary value, right? Fine then, you're free to go.

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...That's another thing. Why do you keep acting like you already know me?

Also, why do you keep adding "Space" to my name? You can just call me Ishtar.

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Hmm, so there's another one of me in your universe and you don't want to confuse us, huh. I can respect that.

Fine then, you can call me that if you want. Just don't expect me to ever follow suit.

Anyway, let's get down to more profitable matters, shall we?

Now that you're caught up in this mess, it's only a matter of time before those mohawk guys come back.

Do you have anywhere to go? Or a way to get back to your own world?

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Just what I wanted to hear. In that case, why don't you come with us on my ship?

It's too dangerous to camp out on this planet, and I'm even willing to be your bodyguard for the right price.

You have a spaceship? True, that would be a big help...

Excellent. But just to be clear, you're asking me for help, okay?

How did you know my ship's name!? Wait. Did you get that from my counterpart on your world!?

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Well, if Fujimaru's okay with it, then I'm happy to go along as well.

After all, the more contracted ServantsI mean, bodyguards he has, the better.

Great. Then it's a deal!

Okay then, let me introduce myself more properly. I'm Ishtar, galactic bounty hunting badass!

I'm definitely NOT Ashtart or Asteroid or whatever this other Servant's name was, so don't get us mixed up.

And this is Jane, my partner.

That's me! I'm a galacUh, I mean, just a plain old scout. Nice to meet you!

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Fujimaru, huh. Well, Fujimaru, we'll be keeping you safe for as long as you're on this planet.

Which means we'll be taking down the Blade who's in charge of the mohawks.

I'm sure those fake Sabers will leave you alone once their boss is out of the picture, so then you won't have to worry about anything, right?

So Jane and I'll be your bodyguards until that's done, and you and X there can figure out what to do next afterwards. How's that sound?

Hmm. That all sounds good in theory, but what about taking down this Blade? Do you know where to find him?

Nope! Ishtarin and I've both been looking for him for ages, but so far, no luck.

But that'll all change now that you're here, Fujimaru!

With his mohawk goons coming after us, we can keep taking them out and pumping them for information!

Oh yeah, it'll be like taking candy from babies, only the babies are lining up to give it to us! We can collect fuel and bounties all at once!

Speaking of fuel, do you know what Altrium is, Fujimaru?

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Altrium is an amazing substance. It can be used both to make spaceships and to fuel them extremely efficiently.

It's one of the universe's best sources of power, though we're not supposed to think too hard about where it comes from or how it works.

...Yeah, it's kind of weird, honestly. We use it all the time, but we still have no idea what it really is.

But anyway, Altrium is what our ship runs on, so we'll need to collect it as we go.

Once we have enough, we'll drop you guys off at another planet.

If its civilization is advanced enough, they might even have a way to get you back to your own universe.

Great! Then what are we waiting for!?

Oh, Ishtarin and I already scouted the nearby area, so why don't we expand our search a bit!?

Oh, right! I almost forgot to tell you about this!

Jane's idea of what's "nearby" is a little closer to what most people think of as "way the hell out there" so be careful where you go with her.

Unless, of course, you also happen to think a thousand klicks is within easy walking distance.

You mean it isn't?

Of course not! I swear, where did you grow up? A galaxy where everything moves at a snail's pace!?

You're one to talk, Ishtarin! I just love walking. That's all!

I can't tell if they get along really well or really poorly... You sure we'll be all right going with them?

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