Epilogue: GUDAGUDA Pipe Dream

...How did it go?

Another failure, I'm afraid.

Pretty poor showing for a demon, if I do say so myself.

I see. Then perhaps it is still too soon for humanity to wield the power you represent.

...Why is it that humans desire infinite energy?

They may begin with pure intentions, but in time they inevitably go mad and engineer their own demise.

Are we certain that humans truly need infinite energy?

...True, maybe they don't.

But to wish for change in the world is an intrinsic part of what it means to be human.

And my wish, trite though it may be, is that everyone can live happily.

That's how I ended up creating you, a demon capable of granting humanity's wishes.

Some demon I turned out to be. I still haven't granted a single wish.

Oh, don't worry about that. There's more to mathematics than simply finding answers.

There's just as much meaning to be found in devising equations, and in the act of proving them.

...Are you saying that what people need isn't actually infinite energy, but the process of seeking it?

Correct. It is in the act of seeking one's desire that one always finds hope.

Yes, you may be a demon. But you exist solely for humanity's benefit.

That makes you a demon of hope.

The day your existence is proven is the day everyone will find happiness.

Hahaha. I suppose you're right.

Whenever I'm proven to exist, thereby creating the heart of infinity that has long been mankind's ambition, and disproving the second law of thermodynamics...

...I promise that will be when I grant the wishes of every person alive.

Then this is goodbye, my kind demon child.

I can't wait for the day when I can finally meet you for real.

Me neither. Goodbye, Father. Until we meet again...

Though you know, I have to say.

Entrusting the demon you made yourself with a wish so cruel and difficult?

I swear...humans are incorrigible.

(Sigh)...

Okita hasn't quite been herself ever since Nobunaga went away, has she?

？！

Excuse me!? You think I miss Nobbu!? Well I don't! Nope! Not one bit!

In fact, I'm glad she's gone! I'd throw a victory parade in the streets if there were any streets nearby I could use!

Plus, now I won't have to hear her taunt me about how I still don't have a swimsuit of my own! It's the best news I've had in a long time!

...

...Seriously. Couldn't be more thrilled.

Okita...

Ahh, there's no bidets like Chaldea bidets.

The Warring States period's great and all, but it's got nothing on modern comforts.

Nobunaga!?

Wh-what're you doing back here!?

Wait, are you seriously doing this again!? How many times has it been now!?

Hey! I was actually willing to die this time, all right? I even did the whole "go out in a blaze of glory" shtick and everything!

But before I crossed over to the other side, me and the other Nobunagas decided to have a little confab.

Now that I think about it, it's not like the Chaldea version of me was summoned by or even for this Singularity, right?

You know, that's a good point!

Out of all the versions of me here, I'm the only one without a connection to this Singularity...

In fact, I'm the victim here! Like I was accosted by assailants in dark skintight bodysuits!

Come to think of it, our enemies this time around were pretty dark too, weren't they?

So it should be fine for us to just cut this one off from the rest of us and ship her back to Chaldea, right?

I see, I see. I should have known a fellow me would be clever enough to pick up on that.

Hahahahaha! (Shrill laugh)

You stay out of this! It's breaking my immersion!

Hang on. Doesn't this mean I don't have any connection to this either?

I mean, I was just licking my wounds at a hot spring when I got sucked in with the rest of you!

No, you were summoned here by the Holy Grail, so you're a different entity from Chaldea's Summer Nobbu.

Aww man...

Nobu nonono, nobu nobu bu!

Okay, I don't know how to break this to you, but I can't understand a word of your "nobbu nobbu" nonsense.

In fact, I don't even think you should be counted here with the rest of me.

All right then, Chaldea me, you will be the only one of us to leave this Singularity and watch over you-know-who.

...You're all good with that?

Oh, it's fine.

As long as you're there, there could well be another chance for the rest of us to materialize again.

Then, we can settle which of us is the true Nobunaga once and for all!

So here I am.

Say what!? So instead of a Conference of Kiyosu, you were holding a Conference of Nobunaga!?

Also! Isn't that a bit much, even by GUDAGUDA standards?

Hey, it wasn't just me who came back. There's also Echigo's

NOBUNAGA! What the heck kind of lavatory was that! When I finished, it shot WATER at my butt!

Is it a monster!? Is there some kind of lavatory demon that lies in wait to spray water at unsuspecting butts!?

Kagetora! You're here too!?

Oh, hello, Fujimaru and Mash. It's good to see you again.

It looks like I've been summoned to Chaldea myself, though I'm not sure how it happened.

Did you pray to Bishamonten for help or something?

Don't look at me. I didn't invite her.

Huh? THAT'S why you prayed for Bishamonten's aid? Over a stomachache!?

？！

Help! Mr. Scaryface is in the cafeteria, and he'sHuh? Auntie!? You're alive?

Hey, Chacha. Thanks again for helping out with Gonroku back there. Anyway, you were saying?

Oh, right! Come quick! Mr. Scaryface is throwing a fit in the cafeteria!

Now what's Mr. Hijikata doing!?

Nooo! Stop! Lunchtime's one of the few times a day I actually get to relax!

Aah! My burger combo!

S-stop this at once! You're ruining my dignified lunchtime!

Nooo! My thick-cut bacon! My soft potato salad!!!

The hell's your problem!? It was just one pickle!

Those aren't just any pickles! Those are MY pickles!!!

？！

Hey, Master! Long time no see!

Looks like I'm gonna be sticking around helping you out here, too!

Now what do you say we grab some lunch after I kill this bastard!?

You think you can kill me that easily? Go ahead and try, you little punk!

Who the hell are these guys!? Do something, Fujimaru!

What was that? Who do you think you are, giving my Master orders!? Wait right there! Soon as I finish with this guy, you're next!

Aah! Did you bring in that dangerous, obviously crazy Servant!? Dammit, Fujimaru, didn't we talk about this!?

You can't just go around forming contracts with any old Heroic Spirit! There's a reason somehell, most of them aren't usually summoned!

Who in the world are these people!? Explain yourself, Fujimaru!

What was that? Who do you think you are, giving my Master orders!? Wait right there! Soon as I finish with this guy, you're next!

Gah! Fujimaru, did you bring that obviously dangerous, deranged Servant here!?

Well, hurry and stop him before it's too late! Please? Pretty please!?

Oh, yeah, I guess I did tell Katsuzou he should come to Chaldea too.

Oh well, this is Oni Musashi we're talking about. Like I say, it can't be helped!

Will you knock it off with those cutesy voices!? It's even weirder when you only do them occasionally!

Ah! Could you say that again, Sister!? Oh, but wait till I get out the recorder!

Gah! Nobukatsu!? How the hell are you still alive!? Whatever happened to your Spirit Origin being hollow!?

Haha, there's certainly never a dull moment with you around, is there?

Try to keep it down at mealtime, or you'll end up like Izo.

What's that supposed to mean!?

You know very well what it means.

What was that, gramps!? Sounds to me like you wanna settle our score once and for all!

They can certainly be a little, um, noisy when they all get together like this...but I'm glad they're all here, Senpai.

？！

So, this is Chaldea. No wonder there's never a dull moment around here.

True, boredom's the one thing we never have to worry about.

'Course, in exchange, we do have to deal with a whole bunch of crises, some of which could end the world as we know it.

You sure you want to join us here?

Absolutely.

The way I see it...

...Bishamonten probably sent me here specifically so I could help with these potential world-ending crises!

Heh, so Master's even managed to win Bishamonten over to his side, huh?

He's got charisma to spare, I'll give him that.

Can you think of a better reason for Bishamonten to lend his aid than to save the world?

I certainly can't.

If you ask me, you're far more terrifying than any potential world-ending threat.

Ahahahaha! Yes, I know!

Oh well! Hey, Fujimaru! What do you say we all have lunch together?

Come on, Chief Retainer of the Chaldea clan, what're you waiting for? Go on and round us all up already!

Uh, right! Mash "Chief Retainer" Kyrielight, preparing to make arrangements for lunch!

Hahahahaha! Truly, there's no place like Chaldea!

？！

What is it, Fujimaru? Did I look like someone else for a moment?

Well, it doesn't matter what I look like! I'm still the same me I always was!

And what is it I always say? That's right.

...It can't be helped!

...Well, this is a problem. I was trying to get back to Chaldea, but it looks like I got lost somehow...

Now what should I do...

(Sigh) Well that sucked. I'm not sure anyone even noticed you were in this event.

Rengoku? You can talk?

You're only just realizing this!? Where did you think the advice you got in battle now and then came from!?

Oh, so that was you.

Thanks, Rengoku. I didn't realize you were helping me out so much.

Gaaah! There! Right there! This is exactly your problem!

I'm sorry. I don't know why you're upset, but it's probably my fault.

Oh, are you hungry? Would you like some of the rice ball that child gave me?

I already had half of it...along with all the filling...but if you're okay with that

Never mind the food! Look, I'll find Chaldea for you, so just hurry up and get back there already!

You can do that, Rengoku? That's amazing.

Now I won't have to bring anyone else with me when I go out to run errands.

...Know what? Forget it. Find the way back on your own. That goes for your errands too.

I'm not even gonna lift my scabbard to help you, and I'm not gonna talk anymore, either.

Oh...

I see. You're telling me I need to be able to overcome adversity on my own.

You're very strict when it comes to Majin, aren't you, Rengoku?

Argh, let's just go already!

Oh, you spoke again.