Section 6: Elisa VS Mecha Elisa

As I was saying, you ran into three empresses the last time you were here:

Carmilla, Wu Zetian, and Cleopatra.

They were really tough...

Oh, and I don't just mean physically. I mean mentally, too.

We still have a record of that battle.

Would you like to see it, or skip it?

？！

Understood. Roll the clip.

...Almost all of the disgrace looming over Castle Csejte is due to Elisabeth's conduct in her later years.

She was a mad countess who bathed in the blood of her young female subjects in a horrendously misguided attempt to retain her youth.

A foolish woman and ardent admirer of dubious witchcraft...

An inhuman monster who brought destruction upon herself by preying upon the nobility in consequence of her own blind faith...

...Such disgrace is well beyond redemption.

She could have repented and become the greatest, most wonderful ruler of all time. But even that would not have been enough to atone for her horrific crimes.

But not me. I may be a new iteration of Elisabeth Báthory, but she and I are our own people.

I am a better Elisabeth Báthory than Elisabeth could ever hope to be. I am the ideal Elisabeth Báthory that Elisabeth only wishes she could be!

When she was alive, the real Elisabeth went mad from fear of losing her beauty, but I will neither age nor degrade.

After all, I'm made of steel. Both my body and my mind will last forever.

So rest assured, my faithful subjects. You no longer have anything to worry about.

I declare here and now that I will unify Castle Csejte's patchwork structure, preserve its dignity...

...and become the guardian that the people of this land deserve. From this moment forward, you will all fear and respect me accordingly.

I am your iron ruler. I am both compassionate and merciful, but I also have neither tears nor blood to shed. I am the Steel Demoness: Mecha Eli-chan!

We're waaay up here now. Even a Servant would just be a red smear if they fell from here...

I know my blood froze for a second when I slipped back there. At least we finally made it to the entrance.

(Cough, hack)... These high altitudes are hell on my throat...

I don't suppose you have any honey cough drops on you, do you, Puppy?

I have some honey, if you'd like.

Thanks!

You're welcome.

I keep it on hand to feed to my bats anyway, so...

Do you really need to keep those bats around!?

It's inverted.

Very inverted.

It certainly is inverted all right...

And here I thought we'd find Pharaoh Laughs-a-Lot being all:

"Mwahahahaha! Did you think I would be unable to sit atop my throne merely because it was inverted!?"

Glad it wasn't just me!

Don't you mean Fair-oh?

Ahem... I said nothing.

？！

Keh heh heh! How good of you to come, my elite warriors!

...Make that my elite warriors, and one useless princess.

In fact, now that I look closer, it seems that you are not my elite warriors at all.

Bwuh? Who're you talking about? This little princess doesn't have a clue!

You clearly need more training if YOU want to pass for a princess.

Trust me, I know what I'm talking about! I rose to the position of empress from very humble beginnings, you know!

Ghh...

Keh heh heh. Oh yes, I can see it clearly.

No matter how you try to dress it up, you cannot hide the fact that you lack experience.

Yes, I would agree with that. Your mannerisms are rather stilted.

What do you make of it, O famous Cobra Queen?

My name is Cleopatra!

I have no association with cobras whatsoever! Huh? You're asking why there's a cobra next to me?

An excellent question! Insolent, but spot-on! It is never a bad idea to compliment a lady on her choice of accessories!

Well, to answer your question...

This is merely an illusion created by the Pharaoh Fighting Style! You may think of it as one who "stands"!

Enough. This scene is starting to move me, so that will be all for tonight!

I see. What a pity.

I would have liked to showcase more traditional Egyptian posing, but I will be gracious and let you save face.

Now then... As far as I can tell, this so-called princess is a fake!

Hohoho, you can try and feign innocence all you like, but you cannot hide your fundamental lack of character!

...

You know of what I speak, do you not, Master of Chaldea?

How could you...?

Himeji Castle is the most beautiful castle in the world. As its ruler, I should be more pure of heart than anyone...

I can HEAR your uncertainty there!

？！

May I ask you something, Pharaoh Cleopatra?

Why are you obeying Mecha Eli-chan? This Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle...

...Oof, that really is a mouthful, isn't it... At any rate, aren't you its rightful ruler?

No she's not! I am! Castle Csejte is still the base for all of this, you know!

That aside, I was going to ask the same thing! Why're you dancing to her tune, Cleopatra?

Hold your tongue, you salamander! I may be the last of my line, but I am still a pharaoh. I obey no other monarch!

In this case, I am merely doing what she tells me because for some reason I cannot seem to refuse!

Ohh, I get that. I've been there too.

I always find myself sticking with hopeless bosses, even when I know they're just spinning their wheels.

You stay out of this, pig. The grown-ups are talking!

Indeed, this is a matter of utmost importance. I am simply cooperating with her as part of a business arrangement.

Mecha Eli-chan has some great architectural skills. Her abundance of training gear alone was most impressive.

Treadmills. Tanning booths. Low-calorie gruel. Fat-burning electroshock equipment...

With facilities like that, I could finally bring back you-know-who's good looks!

I am only working with Mecha Eli-chan to make that precious dream a reality!

...Hmph. If your goal is to lose weight, I could handle that for you easily.

I have no end of torture instruments that will carve off all that excess flab!

Um... I'm pretty sure Cleopatra doesn't actually want Caesar to suffer, so...

Fou.

Fuyaaah!

Ah, right. You are not a fan of cats, are you, Nite-Brite?

I fail to understand how you can be fine with snakes but helpless around cats, Nite-Brite.

Transmission or not, a cat is still a cat! You little fur ball! I'll... I'll...

I'll hang you upside down and have your guts for garters!

Fouuu!

F-Fou is in very high spirits as well! P-please settle down, Fou!

Graaah!

Come Carmilla, Cleopatra! Let us show these insolent fools our Triple Empress Torture Stream!

Huh? Hang on! I might be an empress, but I'm really not into torture!

I see. Then let's end this section with a light practice battle.

It should go down as easily as a snack and soda.

Brite!

Patra!

Er, um... Milla?

Drat... What a colossal failure. Where did I go wrong?

Hmm. If I had to guess, I'd say that we shouldn't have chosen this battle for our first team up.

What else could it be?

Indeed. I was never even told ahead of time that we WOULD be teaming up...

I admit it was a spur-of-the-moment decision, but I really thought it would work...

Jerk! Idiot! Dummy!

Yeah! What she said!

Teehee! Ahh, I feel much better now!

Now come on, we're almost to my tower! Soon we'll have both our sanctuaries back!

Yeah, that reminds me. Once we take back your tower, will you be able to get Himeji Castle off my castle?

Uhh.

Uhh... Y'see... I sorta...don't really know why it even ended up here myself, so...

Figures. Just 'cause you're the castle's lord doesn't mean you would have a Noble Phantasm that could move it. I bet only emperor Heroic Spirits can do that kinda thing.

Oh well, we can figure out how to float it off later. Who knows, maybe we'll even find another Holy Grail fragment lying around somewhere!

Uh, it's not like Holy Grail fragments are just scattered around, lying about...

Actually, the year before last's Halloween debacle all began when Elisabeth found a Holy Grail fragment in France, so...

Welp, guess I stand corrected.

A Holy Grail, huh...

Anyway, this tower place should be a lot easier to climb than the others. Let's go check it out, Master!

It's finally time for your showdown with me.

... ...

You know what, let's just skip all the lead-up and get right to the battle.

Hold it, Mk. I. Why are you skipping ahead?

We still have video footage to play, so let's roll it like all the rest.

Huh? Hang on. I don't think that's

I'll just do it myself.

My motion sensors have detected something. ...Hmph. So they're finally here, it seems.

Fujimaru, the Master of Chaldea, as well as Csejte's former ruler, and Osakabehime.

I know to treat Elisabeth and Osakabehime as the trivial threats they are, but the Master is another matter...

I still haven't observed him enough to know what his alignment is.

It would be foolish to attempt to assess an opponent without information. I should at least have a brief conversation with him before we fight.

...Imagine, me speaking with a commoner as equals. Certainly Elisabeth could never have done that in life.

Well, I suppose I can play that part by ear. I am an expert at the hands-on approach, after all.

Hmm, but responding improperly would be highly unbecoming for a ruler. I should at least practice my speech.

Ahem, ahem.

"First of all, I commend you for making it this far. Welcome. You must be tired. Perhaps some tea?"

"Would you prefer bread or chicken for dinner? Whichever you choose, know that I will still burn both you and your meal to ash."

...Hmm, that's a bit muddled, isn't it? Definitely lacking in impact.

"Mwahahaha! You guys actually came!?"

"You've got promise, making your way through my castle! Perhaps you'd like work as a butler!?"

...No, no, that's not right. I may be in dire need of good help, but I can't let THEM know that.

Maybe I should take a page from Elisabeth's book... If I were that dumb lizard...

"Welcome to the best seats in the house! You just couldn't wait to see me, could you, Puppy!?"

"Tonight's gonna be a real special night, so I wanna see you smile nice and wide!"

...No, that's not it either. Not to mention talking like that is practically melting down my core...

(Sigh)... I never imagined it could be so hard to just properly greet a commoner.

... ...

... ...

D-do you WANT me to kill you!? Is that it!?

Today, I have born witness to Mecha Eli-chan's true tsundere nature.

Guess there's no escaping the classics.

O-of course it was.

Every decent ruler minds the simple formalities, like greetings.

？！

Okay, let's keep going! Oh geez, I just realized we're coming up on my own dark rekishistory...

Oh, yeah. You definitely left one hell of an impression...

There we go.

I'm picking up Mecha Eli-chan's signal. It looks like this will be the final battle.

...Still, I feel like we have a lot of loose ends that need tying up...

For example, we never found out who Mecha Eli-chan really is. What IS she, anyway?

THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!

I know I've split up into different versions before, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember turning into a mecha!

I don't know, she seems more like a Robo-Elisabeth than a mecha to me.

Well she isn't. If there's one thing I'm definitely not, it's a laborer.

Huh?

The word "robot" comes from a play called "Rossum's Universal Robots" written by Karel Čapek, a Czechoslovakian novelist.

It has all kinds of uses today, so people tend to forget its original meaning...

Originally, the word meant "forced labor." I believe that is what Elisabeth was referring to.

Damn, you serious? Didn't really figure you for much of a reader there, dragon girl.

Of course I am. I'm the daughter of a baron. I must've spent half my waking hours poring over books.

My natural curiosity didn't die just because I became a Heroic Spirit! Why do you think I get so many headaches?

I see. So that's how you learned what an idol is. It's all starting to make sense!

That's right. I can't remember why I originally thought to become an idol...

...but I do know that a job whose sole purpose was to bask in the love and adoration of people everywhere never existed in my own time.

It's no exaggeration to say learning about idols saved my life. Once I did, I knew that was my calling.

I really believe it's the greatest job in existence; one that's worth clawing my way to the top for.

...Which is why it's so strange.

As a Heroic Spirit, I'm not restricted to just being a high-ranking lady anymore.

I still am one, of course, but I'm also my people's idol, there to bring joy to their lives.

Otherwise, I couldn't even manifest in this form. But Mecha Eli-chan's more, well...

She's more "me." I mean, the me I used to be. More innocent, back when all I knew was obligation and duty.

But in that case, she should look like Carmilla, not me. Then she'd be Mecharmilla, which sounds way better!

(I suppose it would be cruel to point out how Carmilla is nothing more than one of her alter egos.)

Fou.

So given that, I'm betting whatever brought her here has nothing to do with me, but with Himeji Castle.

Did YOU do something, Batty?

N-no! I haven't done anything yet!

I mean, teeechnically it wasn't even my fault that Himeji Castle started moving in the first place...

？！

Um, Mash?

Puppy looks like he's kind of terrified of Batty right now.

Wh-what's wrong, Master!? Your eyes are incredibly red.

Sorry to interrupt your chat, girls, but we're just about there.

I still have a ton of questions, but I guess they'll have to wait until after the final battle! Let's make sure we put on an awesome finale!

Wha

？！

When did she redecorate it so horribly!?

...! Mecha Eli-chan is headed your way at high speed!

Allow me to answer. That mural masterpiece is my own creation.

I inkjet-printed it using previous Halloween records for reference.

Subject matter aside, I think it turned out to be quite a lovely work of art, don't you?

What's more, these folding screens serve as both record and evidence. They are an epic poem that tells everyone who visits the story of Csejte Halloween.

Evidence...? Evidence of what, exactly?

Isn't it obvious? Are you completely lacking in artistic sensibilities? Are those tattoos just for decoration?

This is a history of the prior ruler's myriad missteps. All who see it will reach the same inevitable conclusion:

Elisabeth Báthory is unfit to be Csejte's ruler!

Hey!

Well, uh... You know...

Et tu, Batty!?

Naturally, Carmilla is no different. Her foolishness also knows no bounds, drinking the blood of her people and fellow nobles in a misguided attempt to stay young.

So it is up to me to keep Csejte safe...

As such, I have no choice but to put all rebellious wrongdoers, dissidents, and other similar cretins to work.

It may be a bit dystopian, but it's a necessary sacrifice to be made for the sake of my people.

Aha, so those are your true colors! A machine rebellion! First everyone gets a cell phone, then their OSs start rising up against us!

I knew that was your diabolical scheme! You want to take over the sekai!

Say what you will. Securing a stable food supply is the first order of business. Civilization inevitably declines if everyone pursues nothing but hedonistic pleasures.

Fiefs raise children. Lords raise land.

You think you deserve to be handed everything on a silver platter, just because you're a princess? That sort of negligence has no place in my Csejte!

Urk...

...Now then. I believe the time is right. Ahem.

These folding screens are the answer to everything. They show why I am right, and stand in testament to my unrivalled beauty!

But none of you have any future whatsoever. Why, you ask? Because I am about to erase you from existence.

None without wings can survive at this altitude. The sky belongs to me, and me alone.

If you would lament your fates, curse yourselves for letting this idiotic ordeal escalate so far.

As the Steel Demoness, I shall sentence traitors to feel the burn of my flame breath, and castle climbers to taste the spiciness of my missiles!

As Csejte's rightful ruler, I will purge you all!

(Yeah, she's been practicing that in front of a mirror...)

(So that was her catchphrase...)

Ah!

...Ah?

You thought that up ahead of time, didn't you!? I can tell! I never know what to do about my catchphrase!

...!

But it's always the more general expressions that end up being the coolest. Maybe I just don't have enough spirit?

Since you're a mecha and all, you should have a lot more mecha-themed expressions on hand.

Something like "Prepare to be elite-deleted☆" or "First you're welcome, now you're well-done☆"

I mean come on, you're Mecha Eli-chan. You should have that techno stuff down pat!

？！

... ...

You have the worst sensibilities imaginable. How you ever thought you could be an idol with lyrics like that is utterly beyond me!

I see now that merely arresting you and forcing you into hard labor is insufficient.

So I'll kill you. I'll wipe you from existence.

I, Mecha Eli-chan, will not stop until there is not so much as an atom of you remaining, Elisabeth Báthory!

Hey! What the heck, girl!? I've been a boss fight before myself, so I was just giving you some advice!

You really have no idea how other peoper, Mecha Eli-chan feels, do you, El-El?

I think it may be more accurate to say that she herself has no idea who she is!

There, that should do it...!

Khh...!

Gotcha!

？！

You bet we can! One way or another!

Hn-gh...!

...Reevaluating enemy forces.

Mortal danger confirmed. Changing mode to Anti-Army. Overriding acquired targets to humanoid life-forms.

Authorization denied, authorization denied, authorization...granted. Unlocking personal Anti-Army Noble Phantasm: Breast Zero Erzsébet!

Be careful, everyone! I'm detecting a powerful heat signature building in Mecha Eli-chan!

She's about to hit you with everything she has! Make sure you beat her to the punch!

Yaaamete kudastooop! You'll destroy my castle!!!

That is truly unfortunate. I have only one thing to say to that:

My sincere apologies. Are you up-to-date on your fire insurance?

Waaah! I don't even HAVE fire insurance, you little arsonist!

Wow, I bet this building would burn really nicely since it's all made of wood... Wait, no!

Batty and I may have only just met, but I can't let her suffer the pain of seeing her castle go up in flames.

I still don't know why you're me, but since you are, it's my job to stop you!

Bring it, Mecha Eli-chan! Elly vs. Mecha Eli!

I'll show you that my singing can beat your thruster nozzles any day of the week!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THIIIIIIS!?

Combat systems: inoperable. Retreat: impossible. Communications: incapacitated.

...Hard as it is to believe, it seems...I have lost.

Still, this too shall pass. Such things are part and parcel with being a ruler.

Attention, my knights... The Csejte Hard Labor Project is canceled...as of...now...

Did we...beat her...?

Looks like it...

？！

She's not quite a mecha OR a Servant, so it's hard to get a good read on her from here, but...

...it looks like she's just been incapacitated. Her Spirit Origin hasn't disappeared.

Phew, thank goodness. Now I don't have to feel bad about involving her in this.

Bleh, I really hate being so timid.

...I'm kinda a failure, y'know?

Batty...?

...Oh, right.

I'm off to my room!

El-El, Tattoo-san, maybe you should stay here and keep an eye on Mecha Eli-chan?

Come on Master, I'll let you see my secret♡

Hey, I want to see it too! You haven't once showed me since our castles got smooshed together!

Huh? Uh...well...

...Okay, El-El, I'll let you see it too. Let's all go together then.

'Kay!

？！

Tadai'm home...finally!

Oh my sanctuary, how I've missed you! Computer: check! Books: check! All collectibles present and accounted for!

Yes, yes, yes! Everything's perfect!

...Now I get why you were so secretive.

M-Master... This room is giving me a strong sense of déjà vu!

This must be exactly the sort of room Blackbeard and others like him have!

Hmm.

So, looks like we've got an early noughties otaku room on our hands. She and Blackbeard would probably get along famously.

I mean, you've seen all the...stuff he's done with his room.

I see. So this is what she wanted to come back to...

I'm guessing it's like me and my workshop. I just don't feel like myself when I'm not there.

Sanctuary's actually not a bad way to put it, even if it's pretty far from most people's idea of one.

So...it's not that she was plotting something, so much as she just wanted to hurry up and get back here?

Looks that way. But of course, this raises its own questions.

Mostly about how the hell the top floor of Himeji Castle's tower ended up looking like this.

Let's boot it up... Okay, so far so good. Wow, I got a ton of messages while I was away.

I'm amazed you can stand to be in this room. It's so messy in here.

Not to mention it's kind of small...

That's the best part!

I bet you keep your room pretty sparse, don't you, Master?

Kinda minimalist, only holding onto the bare essentials. That sorta thing.

That's the kind of room where you like to relax and make out with Servants, right?

Why, yes, Master. I'm curious about that as well.

？！

R-really? Oh, right. I guess that makes sense, with Servants like Kiyo-yo around.

Now, doko did I put that...

It's gotta be around here somewhere, since Mecha Eli-chan didn't have it...

？！

This reading... It can't be...

Ah HA! Found it!

...A Holy Grail!?

You have a Holy Grail, Osakabehime!?

Sure do! You probably all figured that out already, so I may as well tell you.

This Holy Grail is all mine. Though I just happened to acquire it by sheer luck.

There's a lot that doesn't add up about that, but I guess the most important question is: What did you wish for?

Well, this is me we're talking about, so I wished that I could hole up inside it.

？！

You mean, like a shut-in?

Now that you mention it, I do recall you having a reputation as a shut-in among the Eastern Heroic Spirits.

I do? Why?

Tamamo and Kiyohime weren't exactly shy about sharing that, so pretty much all of Chaldea's Servants know.

SO MEAN!

I still don't understand. If you wanted to hole up in a Holy Grail, why did you end up here in Csejte?

Oh, that?

That's because Csejte is the best place in the world to hole up in.

It is? I would have thought the exact opposite myself...

That's only because El-El's here.

...But what if she wasn't?

...Well, since this year's Halloween preparations are all done, I imagine Halloween would begin without a hitch...

...and the Singularity would quickly go away, since it would no longer be able to maintain itself.

Right you are! I knew you'd figure it out, Mash!

Now, what would the people of Csejte be doing during Halloween?

W-well... Naturally, they'd be enjoying it. It's a special celebration that makes for a nice break from their usual busy routines, after all.

Now, this last question is for Master!

What would happen if Halloween never ended?

？！

That's right! The celebration would just keep going.

Then there'd be no more jobs! No more deadlines! Nothing! I could shut myself in forever and ever!

H-huh!? Hang on, let me make sure I've got this straight...

You used an actual Holy Grail just so you could shut yourself in your room and never have to work...forever!?

Batty... Seriously...?

That's right. All I wanted was to have my little safe space forever and ever!

All these books and electronics might look pitiful to you, but to me, they're everything.

I'm nothing like you, Elisabeth.

You hated being confined. Every fiber of your being rejected being ignored.

I'm sure your living self must have been despondent when she died.

But me... I found confinement comforting.

...It's not like they confined me against my will. I chose to be locked up.

That's just what it looked like from the outside.

I'm a castle apparition, remember? I literally can't survive if I'm not inside a castle.

That's just how I am.

But now that I'm a Servant, they say I have to go out into the outside world...?

It's terrifying. No matter how hard I tried, I could never shake my fear of it.

You've never had to worry about that sort of thing, El-El. You're always bright and cheerful.

Tamamo talks a good game, but she's just fooling herself.

But you genuinely love to fight, El-El. You're my exact opposite in so many ways.

Well, I do enjoy a good fight.

But everyone's got things they're good at and things they're not, right? Hell, that's where the whole strategic aspect of Holy Grail Wars comes into play.

That's true, isn't it...

...Anyway, I'll admit I'm a little bit scared of what I'm about to do, but...

This rumbling...!

Master, I'm picking up a signal coming from underneath Castle Csejte!

It's a SerNo, it's too big to be a Servant!

Battyyy...!

Now, true guardian that sleeps beneath Csejte...with the power of this Holy Grail, I command you to rise!

...!

Master, take a look outside!