Section 3: Hors d'oeuvre, Aperitif, or Appetizer

Good work today, everyone.

I ended up volunteering at the museum's infirmary. ...Is that a good thing?

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I agree. You did a wonderful job of infiltrating the museum.

As I told you before

Conduct myself as though I were a doctor. I remember.

As far as I can tell, the curator doesn't seem to be a mage...

But the fact that this is a Singularity is definitely making things harder.

Incidentally, he doesn't seem to be a Master, either.

I didn't sense any connection between him and that mysterious worker I fought whatsoever.

Wait, hold on. That can't be right.

I mean, we know Rogue Servants exist, so it's not particularly surprising for those Servants to be summoned here...

But there's no way they'd obey that curator guy if he wasn't their Master.

Not necessarily. I can think of one way around that rule. He could have asked the Holy Grail for the power to control them.

...Isn't that kind of a backwards way of doing things?

Yes, I suppose it is.

While it might be easier in one sense, since the Servants can't drain his magical energy without a normal contract...

Simply having the Holy Grail grant a wish like that certainly wouldn't make him their Master.

Not to mention they would turn on him in an instant at the slightest blunder.

Maybe he's just very confident in his ability to control Servants?

Or, he simply doesn't care what happens to himself.

Yeah... That might be it.

I'm sure you know this well yourself, Jing Ke, but there is definitely strength to be found when one is willing to throw their life away.

Yeah, there is.

It's far from a lasting strength, and you lose it all the instant you fear for your life.

But if you can ignore the risks and keep it up...

Well, it would certainly make you a daunting opponent.

And he definitely values that museum's reputation more than his own life.

Hmm...

Which means Voyager pointing out the shield of Achilles they have on display is a counterfeit was

Bad?

Not at all. It was excellent.

?

Once the curator hears about it, he'll be beside himself.

Any collector who wants their prized art collection to be recognized would feel the same.

Very true.

I was able to watch the curator briefly while I was working as a doctor...

And it was clear he cares a great deal about the relics on display.

Maybe you should try telling him you're Charles-Henri Sanson.

He might put you on display too, as long as you show him some proof.

I'll pass. I have no desire to stand around all day being gawked at like a figure at a wax museum.

... ...

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Oh, no, not at all. I think I may have just seen our way in, is all. Sanson, did you find out if the curator has a favorite hero?

Apparently, he doesn't.

He claims he wants to collect everyone, from fearsome gods of war to influential artists to shrewd kings...

...regardless of their race, nationality, or time period.

...I see.

So that's why those displays are arranged so haphazardly.

From what I'm told, the curator is constantly talking about how the world can't get enough heroes.

...Well, he's not wrong there.

Hmm. Then that should be our way past the first obstacle.

Hm?

If the curator cares about heroes that much, then do you think he would take a look at any relic that comes his way, regardless of how credible it is?

Yes, I definitely do.

Though if what Voyager said is true, he doesn't seem to have any real ability to determine authenticity himself.

Maybe, maybe not. I suspect it's more that he cares about collecting relics of heroes so much that authenticity no longer matters to him.

I see. He must figure that it doesn't matter if a relic is authentic or not as long as it's sufficiently awe-inspiring.

Indeed. So if we bring in a relic of our own, we should definitely be able to get closer to him.

Let's give it a shot, shall we?

Are you saying we donate some of our weapons or Noble Phantasms? ...Hmm. I'm afraid my Noble Phantasm might be too big for that.

My executioner's sword isn't anything special, either. There are hundreds just like it from that time period.

I don't have any weapons I could donate, either. Too bad.

...Thanks. I hope you're right.

Hehe. That goes for you too, Big Brother.

High five!

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You two have really taken to the whole sibling thing, haven't you? Hehe.

At any rate, I guess my dagger's probably the safest bet then, huh?

It should have at least some value, since it almost slit Qin Shi Huang's throat.

Then again, it's nothing special to look at, either. It's just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill dagger.

...No, that should be perfect. Let's go with it.

Even though we don't know anyone who can verify its authenticity?

Sure we do. In fact, he's closer than you might think.

?

...You mean, me?

That's right. From now on, you are...

Voyager, the genius appraiser!

It's perfect.

Wow, you're serious. I can't wait to see how this turns out.

Ooh!

Now that's settled, we're going to create a backstory for our resident genius appraiser.

He'll need an ID, newspaper articles, online reputation, and so on and so forth.

We'll need Chaldea's help to fake all of this convincingly, of course.

Now then, let's get started, shall we? Be warned, we have a lot of work ahead of us!

My, being a phantom thief is almost like a full-time job in its own right.

You're telling me.

All right...let the forgeries begin!

All right, that's enough for now. Let's pick this back up tomorrow.

Even a phantom thief's journey begins with a single step, after all.

Good night, Master. Sleep tight.

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Oh, right. Can I ask you something, Shirou?

Of course. ...Ahh, is this about the Apple of Discord?

Uh-huh. I was just wondering why you suggested I hold onto it.

Because just being a good person, or valuing order...

...wouldn't be enough to stop the Apple from potentially sowing discord.

Whereas you are one of the very few Servants who have been entrusted with hope for the future, and nothing more.

Everything about you makes it clear that you're simply trying to deliver a message, not pick a fight with the universe.

And since your origins lie solely in good, positive thoughts...

...the very concept of discord should be alien to you.

At least, that was my thinking.

Then again...maybe that's just what I wanted to believe, since I've always admired space and the stars myself.

...Got it. Thanks, Shirou. I promise I'll take good care of it.

Not at all. Thank you, Voyager.

This is Chaldea.

We're all done with the forged newspaper articles. I'm sending you the files now.

They all have spells on them so that the layout of the articles themselves makes the reader more susceptible to charms.

Here are the headlines we came up with.

"Genius Appraiser Voyager Sees Through Da Vinci Counterfeit" (Attachment: Article)

"Voyager, Boy Appraiser, Discovers the Colossus of Rhodes' Lost Head" (Attachment: Column)

"Voyager, Youngest Appraiser in History, Shares the Joys of Finding Real Historical Relics" (Attachment: Interview)

Isn't this a little much!?

Whoa, you guys really went all out.

Wahahahaha, these are great!

...Oh wow.

Reading these even makes ME think:

"Oh yeah, Voyager really is an expert at appraising antiques and artifacts, isn't he?"

Please keep it together!

The Servants almost never get asked to do work like this, so they were very, um, excited...

Bahahahaha! This article is great!

I knew the modern era was all about marketing! Information is what sets the real thing apart from all the fakes!

With the right information, even imitations can match or even surpass the originals in quality and reputation!

Not that that's a good thing, mind you!

Let's see here. "Voyager Declares Direct Current the Ultimate form of Electricity"...

Hey! Knock it off, Edison! This is serious forgery we're doing here!

Are you writers done with the next column yet!? It's almost time to hit "Publish"!

Just give me five more minutes! No, make that hours! The muse of columnists has yet to grace me with her presence!

Somebody summon an editor in here!

Thank you, Mash. Please convey my sincerest gratitude to all the others as well.

Of course. Is there anything else I can do?

Now that you mention it, yes, there is. Could you let me talk to Professor Moriarty and Zhuge Liang?

No problem.

Do you need their help for something?

Yes, I do. We're all young, naive, and innocent, after all.

If we're going to engage in wrongdoing, we should try to learn from the best first.

Naive? Innocent? Us?

Hahaha.

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I must say, dear boy, I'm a bit hurt that you didn't think to call on me for such a delightful caper!

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What kind of apology is that!?

I heard you have need of Zhuge Liang's knowledge?

That's right. I'd like you two to come up with a backstory for this dagger.

Hmm.

So you want to "prove" to this curator that Jing Ke's dagger is the same one used in her attempt on Qin Shi Huang's life, eh?

I see.

As I recall, that dagger is said to have been treated with poison.

In which case...

That poison will need to show up during the appraisal process.

That might be kind of tricky, since I used hydra poison...

That's where the forgery aspect comes in.

History books say that the dagger was made with a blade tempered with poison.

However, it's very likely that real poison would lose its potency during the tempering process.

In which case, another coating of poison must have been applied to the blade after it was tempered.

So that's the story we'll go with.

Then what kind of poison should we use?

Let's see... Given what would have been available at the time, I'd say botulinum or wolfsbane would be most appropriate.

Whatever. I don't think it matters much either way.

But is it really plausible to think there would still be any poison left on the blade after over two thousand years?

I'm afraid you're thinking about this all backwards.

To convince this curator of the dagger's authenticity, whatever the reason may be for it, there MUST still be poison left on the blade.

You see, we are going to create the kind of artifact typically reserved for the greatest of legends.

Jing Ke, your assassination attempt failed, and you paid with your life...

...but the emperor was so impressed by your bravery that your dagger was secretly brought to the treasury for safekeeping.

Hmm.

Once the Qin empire had fallen, and the Han dynasty taken its place...

The new emperor would no doubt be at a loss as to what to do with a dagger that nearly took Qin Shi Huang's life.

Part of him no doubt wished to commend your bravery in fighting against the same oppression he did...

But, as emperor, he certainly couldn't afford to be seen to endorse the notion of regicide.

As a result, he would be unable to dispose of the dagger, and unable to disclose its existence.

I suspect only a few of his most trusted retainers would have been told of the dagger's origins.

All right, I think that backstory should get us up to right before the Later Han dynasty was established.

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That could be more difficult.

During the fall of the Xin dynasty, the Red Eyebrows set fire to Chang'an and made off with its treasures.

If Jing Ke's dagger really had been stored there, it would definitely have been lost at that time.

Not to mention that wasn't the only time Chang'an was caught in the middle of a war.

So I'm not seeing a way that a relic from the Qin dynasty could plausibly have been preserved.

We could forge a record of its storage, but that would only be more implausible.

Hmm. What to do...

At times like this, my good man, I've found it's best to simply "go for it," as they say nowadays.

... ...Hmm.

All right, I might have an idea. How does this strike you?

...I see. That does seem like it could work, but

Indeed. We'll have to send another Servant your way to complete the deception.

Oh drat! I do wish I could have gone myself.

Be careful to choose the right person for the job.

I'd do it myself, but I'm afraid I might not be terribly convincing in the role.

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Yes, I'd agree. He should do nicely.

All that aside, Amakusa Shirou...

Yes?

You're quite the villain yourself, aren't you?

Hahaha. Putting the ethics of it aside, I'd like to think this is the most peaceful solution to this problem.

Aren't you a firm believer in "Thou shalt not steal"?

Let's just say it all depends on context.

... ...

Ahahahaha!

We don't!

We really don't.

Hehehe, if we were in a normal Holy Grail War, we'd almost certainly end up trying to kill each other before it was over.

No, I'm certain we'd be doing that even in a nonstandard Holy Grail War, and well before its conclusion!

We're not.

We're barely even civil to each other.

There's nothing we have in common. Our beliefs, our principles, our motives, our methods, our processes, our development, our conclusions... We could not be more different.

Well said.

Honestly, if we weren't both part of Chaldea, I would have used my Noble Phantasm on you the first chance I got.

Well then, I stand corrected. It seems we do have at least one thing in common.

If we can't see eye to eye, then we'll each have to ensure the other one never sees the light of another day.

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...Ahem. Leaving the principles of the wicked aside...

I agree he should be a good fit too, but I'm not sure how convincingly he can act.

Oh, I'm not worried about that.

We're not asking him to be someone he's not, after all. All he needs to do is perform the same role he always has.

It should be much easier than actual acting. Oh, and there's one more thing I'd like to ask of him.

Hm?