Section 4 "Catcher in the Farm"

Fou, Fooou♪

Fou is in a good mood too. Maybe Fou knows that we're going to harvest the crops.

Heh heh, are you copying Altera, Senpai? It does seem like something she would say.

Yes. It has a nice ring, "Harvest."

？！

It took us a while to make them, but now that we have some crops, our line of produce has become stable.

Yes. However, there's a lot more work ahead for us. First of all, in farming, what's important is the nitrogen in the soil

(Scáthach can really become absorbed in things...)

(Fou...)

Hahaha. Your words tend to slip from my ears, queen of the Land of Shadows.

Knights like us couldn't do anything even if you told us about our grandmother's secret in farming.

We can swing swords, but we knights couldn't swing a hoe right even if we wanted to. The most we could do is help out with the harvesting where it requires power.

Humph. It sounds as if you're calling me a babbling nitpicky old lady...

Am I correct, the guardian of Erin? I hope it was me mishearing things... but how about it?

Of course not, I would never. However, if that was how you took it, I am to blame.

I was told that I was not good at reading the room... Isn't that right, Diarmuid?

Yes... No, um... Yes...

(He's struggling over the fact he can't confirm nor deny the claim!)

But Fionn mac Cumhaill, you are a hero of the Celt. I hear you hold some superior wisdom, do you not?

As I mentioned earlier, farming is not my specialty.

I'm sure if I think hard enough, I could find a way to maintain the crops. However, I did not think of using my thumb for this.

If we were facing a serious matter where my wisdom was required, then I would not mind using my thumb of course.

Hm. Well, if that happens, I'll look forward to it.

Anyway, the crops have become an important asset to us. We'd like to take good care of them.

Fou!?

This is... Our crops have been destroyed!

Calm down, Master, Altera is not on this island!

Please calm down, Senpai. This island have nothing but monsters!

？！

I wouldn't say it's completely destroyed. But more than half for sure... What happened?

There are monsters near by! Is it them!?

Hmm... I cast runes around the field so no beasts could bring harm to it. It is a mystery indeed.

Anyway, we need to rid the enemies before us. Let us investigate after we have defeated them!

I've cut the beast's bowel open, but I did not find our crops. The true culprit lies elsewhere.

？！

...I don't know. If only we had some clues...

Well then, let's search for some. We'll use them to investigate the cause of the damage and, if possible, rid ourselves of it.

Hm. Oh, yes. I know just the man for the job...

That look... Hah, so it's already time to put my wisdom into use!

Very well. It is not something I usually openly show, but I guess it was meant to be.

Now, behold the wisdom that flows from within me.

Ohh... It is coming! The Noble Phantasm, said to have come from the oil that flicked onto the thumb of my master from the Salmon of Knowledge!

Fintan Finegas!

That pose... It must be...!

Fou...

？！

It's here... It has come. My mind is becoming very clear!

Hm!? This is... Yes, I can feel it!

This is an extremely high DHA response! It's an unbelievably condensed DHA reaction not possible on Earth!

I don't know what I'm saying myself, but the analyzing skill obtained from the Wisdom of Dún Scáith is telling me that!

Phew... Good. Everyone, salmon is very good. Let us all eat salmon.

Normally, blue-backed fish contain a higher percentage of DHA than salmon. But what on earth is this... Salmon of Wisdom...?

A-Anyway, Fionn. Did you find anything?

Yes. First of all... we have firm evidence that some kind of beast destroyed our crops.

A clear mind is sensitive to smell as well. The faint smell of an animal can support my claim.

There is no mistake. The culprit is a beast, not a human. From the footprints, it is likely a four-legged beast.

Fou fou!? Fooou!

It's all right, Fou, nobody thinks you're the culprit here.

And also... Yes, I see, I see.

After analyzing everything, we're only left with one option.

？！

Diarmuid, we must stay up and watch over this crop field. What came before will come again.

Say that again? ...Yes, my liege.

You mean... act as a lookout?

Wait. Did you find out who the culprit was?

No. I did not.

...What?

The culprit is a beast. But I do not know what kind or where it is right now.

So we have to see it with our own eyes... That's the answer my wisdom has led me to.

My wisdom can help me solve mysteries, but it can't unconditionally tell me something completely unknown.

If that were the case, I would have already known about this island or how to get back to Chaldea.

Well... that's true.

Now wait a minute. You're thinking that was just a normal conclusion and that I didn't need to use my Noble Phantasm, aren't you?

...Wrong. I did need to.

We must stay up and watch over the crop field... That was the conclusion I came to after analyzing all the clues. That's the important part.

Huh? I'm sorry, I still don't understand...

Good grief. Then let me whisper it into your ear.

There are many attractive, scantily clad women on this island. It's not just you and Lady Scáthach here.

To be honest, I was thinking it's probably about time for me to run into some kind of lady trouble at night.

Therefore, I am doing this to also keep us away from the ladies and cool down for a bit. I think.

I-I see...

Hey. Do you need help with the lookout?

Oh, no, leave this to the glorious Knights of Fianna.

I see. Then that's what we shall do.

I don't really understand... But it seems Fionn and Diarmuid have their own troubles to deal with... I mean, their own way of showing consideration.

For now, let's leave it to them for tonight, and come back tomorrow to take a look at the crops, Master.

The night is through. I wonder if the field is all right.

I see, so that happened. How sad.

It's absolutely reprehensible that someone would destroy a field. It's a felony in my country. Someone is going to have to pay for this.

Master and I gazed into each others' eyes while we worked on the crops, watching as the pistils and stamens came together...

In other words, they were like our children! So to assault them like that... Unforgivable!

You wanted anyone who had some free time to come along, but is it really necessary for me to be here?

I know you're probably going to say it's part of a knight's duties to patrol one's territory, but...

...

...But I thought we said just the two of us... Maybe not... Eh, who cares anyway.

Yep, it doesn't matter!

？！

Fou, fou.

Yes, Master.

To be fair, we let Fionn and Diarmuid, two people with extensive combat experience, watch over the field.

...As such, this isn't about bolstering defenses. I think everyone just wants to check on the field since they have a stake in it.

We're almost there. Let's ask those two how things went last night.

...!?

Fou!?

？！

...It's a mortal wound. There's nothing we can do.

Looks like he's barely hanging in there. ...Hey! He's trying to say something!

Oh, it's you... I've made a grave mistake... If they got to me first, no amount of water would...help...

Oh... Fionn...

...And what about this one?

Diarmuid! Diarmuid Ua Duibhne! Get a hold of yourself!

...Argh...

What's wrong!? Who could've done this to a great warrior like yourself!?

...B...

B?

...A b-boar...

？！

I've confirmed the departure of both Fionn mac Cumhaill and Diarmuid Ua Duibhne...

Their Spirit Origins are still intact, so I think you can just resummon them when we're back in Chaldea...

We can grieve later. Did you hear what he said with his dying words?

If I'm not mistaken... I think he said "boar."

Yep, he did.

That's what I heard as well.

Boar... As in the animal?

Who knows? The pig-looking mammal... That's the only kind of boar that came to my mind...

Hm? Over there!

...Oink!?

...That it is. Just a regular boar. Cute, in fact...

So maybe we should call it a boar piglet?

Yes, Master. A cute baby boar... That'd make it a piglet.

？！

Hm. Piglet or not, it's still a boar. There's no question about that.

...Don't tell me that Fionn mac Cumhaill and Diarmuid Ua Duibhne were killed by this thing?

...

...

That just can't be, can it? Look at it... So tiny and adorable.

No. Unfortunately, we have all the evidence we need here. First, this is a crime scene.

Second, the dying Diarmuid even said himself that the culprit was a boar.

We have no choice but to suspect the animal. It is the most basic rule of combat to not get fooled by your enemy's appearance.

I think it goes without saying, but boars are typically harmful to crops. Their existence won't be beneficial to us either way.

That's true. You often hear of farmers trying hard to drive them off their lands.

Just because something's small, doesn't make it weak. You don't know until you try.

... (tremble)

Hey! Your scary glaring is making this little one frightened!

It's okay, here, I have some nuts for you. Come on, come on... There's a good boy.

...O-Oink...?

Don't do it, Marie! You mustn't underestimate the strength of a charging boar!

It might just be a child, but it's got meaty... Yes, it's got meaty legs with a nice layer of fat on top!

You need to be careful. We should all surround it and finish it off.

I agree. If this piglet really did violate the product of love that is our crops, our children, then... Heh, heh.

We can't just let it get away, now, can we? How should we cook it? Medium? Rare? Well-done?

Come on! Just take a look at its eyes. They're beautiful eyes. This little one hasn't done anything wrong!

You think so too, right, Master?

You're going to go that far too, Master? Boo...

Right? Aren't they?

？！

...Oh! Of course! If there was something to feel guilty about, it would have run far away from here by now!

The fact that it's sitting here like this is all the proof you need that it's innocent

O... Oink!

What were you saying? It's running off at full speed!

What acceleration! I'm not going to underestimate you, piglet!

...Hmm? There must be a reason for its flight.

GURRR...!

Monsters at a time like this!? The piglet must have been driven away by their stench and murderous aura!

In any event, we can't let it get away with destroying our field. We'll pursue it once we take care of these beasts!

..."Split up and look for it," huh...

This is a pretty big island. If we lost sight of it during the battle then who knows how far it's gone...

FatherI mean King Arthurseriously works other people too hard. I guess he really doesn't understand people's feelings... Yep yep.

...

Ya know what, I am done! What's the point of looking this hard anyway? It's not like I'm gonna get rewarded or anything!

I'm just gonna go back and say I couldn't find anything... Hmm?

What's that in the bushes?

Oink...!?

...Looky here! Got ya!

... (tremble)

...

... (tremble tremble)

... (Glance)

Oh, so what? You know me or something?

...?

Hah! If you don't then make sure you remember this name. I am the Treacherous Knight, Mordred.

A disgusting order from a disgusting king... Of course I'm gonna rebel against it!

Oink... (hug)

Oh, you're surprisingly soft...

...

All right! Feels great to ignore the king's orders! Maybe I'll head to the beach and ride some waves!

Oh yeah, I got some nuts from Marie to help lure out the target, but I don't need them at all.

I guess I'll get rid of them here.

Oink... (Sniff, sniff)

Someone or something might just find these and eat them, but oh well, I don't care. I suppose doing so will fill them up a bit, though...

Don't come to the field again, got that? Well, I'm just talking to myself. See ya.

...

I see, I see... So that's what happened while I was relaxing on the beach.

I suppose that means I have no choice but to help you watch the field.

I don't know a lot about how things work on land, but can't we just harvest the rest of the crops?

We might be able to do that now, but if our next patch of crops also gets eaten then we'll be in trouble.

We either need to eliminate the root cause completely... Or come up with a solid defense.

So we need to think about the future, huh? That makes sense, I guess.

It's true, we can't ignore this issue. Although I do question your story about how those two got defeated by boars...

Exactly. I still don't believe these little ones are the culprits. I am here to prove that.

...

I'll tell you again: you shouldn't underestimate boars. I remember there was once a terrifying boar in Britain.

I just remembered. The reason Diarmuid died in his legend was also...

？！

...No. For the sake of Diarmuid's honor, let's not talk about things we can't be sure about.

It's not certain that he really was killed by a boar, anyway.

Hmm... I was just thinking about Cú Chulainn's face when he said, "I'm going to protect our base. You handle the field."

Did you see it?

Yeah. He had a sad look in his eyes.

It's like they were saying, "If I, a fellow Celtic male, were to defeat that boar... it would cause him great shame..."

He may look violent, but he can be quite nice... And compared to him, that stupid samurai...!

"A boar? It doesn't clone itself, or go backwards in time, or split space or anything like that, right?"

"I'm not interested in it at all."

He doesn't care about his friends at all, does he!?

...Everyone, enough talking. Something's getting closer.

...I'm certain it's something that wants to destroy this symbol of the love between Master and me.

Hmm. So it's here, huh?

Even a fancy lady like me can be a little bit of a wild animal at night!

In other words... it's hunting time. Let's get rid of this pest!

That's...!

？！

Foufou!

What's wrong, Fou? I know you're excited to be around another small animal, but...

Wait? Huh?

There's more than one!?

Oh my! They're even cuter when there's more of them!

Yes! I smell blood in the water! ...Hmm?

Wait. Something seems strange.

They're all lining up on top of each other...It's as if they're protecting our field, isn't it?

Wait! Something else is here!

Something jumped out and knocked down the wall of boar piglets!

Is that...

Grwaaffhh!

Well, well... It's a demon boar. A regular boar with a demon inside.

...A demon boar?

It's very likely, Master.

From the looks of it, it has enough power to be a match for a Servant.

If they were caught off guard, even the two Knights of Fianna could be defeated.

Do you see now why I told you not to underestimate boars, Master?

？！

Demon boars... They don't show up as often as dragons, but they are common creatures in heroes' stories.

Indeed. Demon boars are trials for a hero. Heroes who aren't strong enough are killed without mercy.

I used to send my own students up against them all the time.

They're a very eco-friendly enemy, because you can eat them once they're dead.

The one in front of us right now has a little too much fat to be a good opponent, though...

Oink!

Oh... no! Stop bullying them, you meanie!

Marie went to fight it! We have to go, too!

GRRRRAAAARGH...?

Look at those scraps of food around its mouth. Those are from our field, right?

It seems the thing that ransacked our field just confessed.

And it looks like it wants to eat us, too!

Bring it on! If it wants a fight I'll smash it into the freaking sky! ...Uh, I mean... yeah.

Unfortunately, I must resist against your act of violence. The reward for sinning is death, haven't you heard?

Begone! If you will not, I will show you a new meaning to "Bible thumping"!

It's quite powerful, however...

Hahh!

GRRRRAAAARGH... GRRRAAAARTHUR...

...? Did it just...? Did I imagine that?

？！

...Hehe.

？！

Oh, nothing. I was just thinking how that's something the doctor would say...

It just reminded me... I haven't heard his voice in a long while.

Oh, no. It isn't anything that serious. I mean, we will be off the island soon anyway.

Really, he just popped into my head somehow, that's all... In any event, we were able to protect the field, so we have no problems here.

Yes, Mash. It was pretty strong, but I'm glad we won. To think there are boars like that on this island...

...I am sorry, Marie. You were correct.

I have to apologize too. We jumped to conclusions and assumed the boar piglets were the culprits.

Knowing you're wrong and not admitting to it is the same as lying. And I hate lying.

Hehehe. It doesn't bother me.

And if you're going to apologize, apologize to the little ones you chased... Huh?

Oink, oiiiink!

Oh my! Oh my! Hehehe!

Oh, that's right... You were protecting our crops from the demon boar, weren't you?

You knew you couldn't win, and you still tried your hardest anyway... Why?

Probably because you gave them food yesterday, right?

That demon boar must've been preventing them from getting any food. They would've been starving.

So they felt like they owed you one... Hah. It's like they're knights or something, huh?

They seem to like you, too.

Wh-Whatever! I don't know what you're talking about! Go on, get lost! Shoo! Shoo!

Hmm... Still, boar piglets are wild animals. They're a threat to our crops, too.

Oink oink!?

But look. It seems like they kind of understand human speech.

We may not have to exterminate them after all; we can use them instead. Let me try this...

What's she doing, crouching down in front of them like that?

...The deal is made. The contract is sealed.

All I'm doing is imitating Animal Communication. The most I can do is get the general feeling.

It's similar to what you do with that white creature.

Fou?

Well, I kind of get the feeling that I can understand what Fou says... sometimes...

？！

They will leave our field alone. And when we're not here, they'll watch over it.

If another threat like that demon boar shows up, they'll tell us immediately. They'll be a warning system.

In exchange, we'll give them food. ...What do you say, Master? We can still call the whole thing off...

？！

Oh my! I think that's wonderful! That means I can pet them all I want, right?

I'm all right with it too.

Giant boars who eat our crops are one thing, but little boar piglets? I'm willing to leave them alone.

Me? I... I don't care. It's your decision, Master. Don't ask me.

Oink! Oink♪

So instead of watchdogs, we've got watch-boars? I'm okay with that.

A ship without rowers isn't going anywhere, they say.

If Anne and you are okay with it, Master, then so am I.

(...It makes me feel so much safer to have a ready source of protein nearby...)

Yes, we've made some very cute friends.

(He did say, after all, that there were no forbidden foods. If it comes down to it... I don't have a choice, do I...?)

...Oink?

Of course, little Tamamo-chan wants whatever her Master wants! But...

I'm sorry. There's one thing I want to make clear...

...Foxes prey on boar piglets.

At certain times, and in certain conditions... for example, if I was starving and one of them was defenselessly waddling right past me...

I might suddenly find my mouth filled with delicious meat juice! Mmm, so good... I'd better share this with Master... (Gasp!)

Something like that might happen, so do be careful, okay?

You see, I'm in summer mode right now, so I'm even more elegant and more of a beast than usual!

O-Oink...!

...That's right. I should apologize to you.

Boar piglet, I apologize for chasing you for a crime you didn't commit.

Your courage when you fought that huge boar was real. You deserve praise.

Oink?

Altria...

I hope we'll get along.

Don't be ashamed because the demon boar was oppressing you. You are wonderful.

Yes, even if your bodies are tiny, you're courageous, quick, wonderfully furry, and... and...

...

...And strangely enough, just looking at you makes me hungry.

...Oiiiiinkkkkk!?

Oh, jeez! They ran away again... You mustn't scare them like that.

I'm sorry. I just said what I was honestly thinking when I saw them, and...

Either way, our field is safe now. Let's get back to work.

...

N-No, Master! I don't just think about food all the time.

？！

I was just thinking that this island is huge. There may be more than one boar.

This might not be the end.

I hope I'm wrong, but please keep that in mind