Section 5: Wandjina and the (Very Excited) Sun King Reigning in the Desert

Hi again. It's me, Wandjina. We just rode the wind to chase after the Holy Grail...again!

This wind took us far, far away from the tropical island, to...

... ...Hang on.

What IS this place?

Well anyway, after we flew for a while, we all landed safely.

There, we found...

A desert. And a pretty big one at that.

Based on the composition of the sand, it looks to be the Taklimakan...or maybe the Gobi Desert? We're just not getting enough observational data right now.

Oh, yeah. Like how that island they just left was a generic tropical island, rather than somewhere specific like Hawaii.

Unfortunately, I expect this anomaly will only worsen, not improve.

As I suspected, it looks like

Let's look into that more first before we contact the field team.

We don't want Fujimaru and his team worrying for no good reason.

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Eek! This is scary!

It is?

Why?

I mean, just look! There's no water anywhere!

I see. You're the spirit of rain and air, so it makes sense that you wouldn't like the desert.

Hmm, I guess. Me, as long as I'm not outside, I don't care whether I'm surrounded by dirt or water.

We need to find the Holy Grail...quickly...

？！

Um... This way, but... Huh? I think...there's something weird with it, too.

Something...weird?

Hmm. Is this someone's house? I don't think it's a human town.

There does seem to be someone's residence here.

Maybe they'll know something that could help us, or maybe they're trying to acquire the Holy Grail for themselves.

Either way, we should hurry and find it.

Yeah. Let's go!

Hm.

Hostiles encountered. There don't seem to be too many, though.

Then we will dispatch them quickly and be on our way. Let us begin.

W-wait! That sphinx creature is

Yaaah!

Oh wow. It really went flying.

Yaaay!

Nice job, Wandjina.

Thanks!

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Really? Ehehehe, you're making me blush.

You know, that last one you sent flying looked a little different from the others.

Hmm. Yeah, you're right.

The other creatures were sand golems, but that one definitely looked like a sphinx.

Only thing is, it was way too weak for a Divine Beast. Maybe it was just a convincing look-alike?

A sphinx... Master, I hate to say it, but...

...I'm getting a bad feeling about this.

Oh, uh, no. I'm just kind of getting...a bad feeling about this.

Are you sure?

Yes. It's...just in the back of my mind, but it's enough to bother me...

？！

Fujimaru, Mash.

You should know that there's a large structure in the direction Wandjina's suggested.

It looks like...a pyramid? Wait. Does that mean you're in Egypt?

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What is it, Master? Is something wrong?

Are pyramids bad things?

Oh, no, it's not that, Wandjina. The pyramid's not the problem.

The problem is, if this pyramid is new, it means there'll be an unpleasant, um...incident we'll have to deal with.

Incident?

？！

Have you come to answer for your crimes against my sphinx!?

？！

So this is why I had a bad feeling earlier!

The instant it was clear this Singularity harbored a desert, my presence here was inevitable!

For it is only fair to let my sphinxes have the freedom to stretch their wings once in a while.

And then you came along...

...and smacked a stray sphinx, the avatar of storms and servant to my god-kingly self, clean across its nose!

As a sign of respect for the courage it took to offer such an insult, I will be merciful and confine myself to a single strike of divine punishment.

Now, let those responsible for this crime step forth!

He's really mad, isn't he?

Bow down! Bow down!

Pharaoh Ozymandias tamed the divine sphinxes with his own two hands.

Even one that strayed from its pack was surely strong, courageous, and polite to a fault.

Um...

I-is this because I punched that creature as hard as I could?

Oho. So it was you who made my sphinx tremble with fear.

I-it wasn't my fault! It attacked us first! With golems!

Of course it did.

I have told the sphinxes to kill anyone who dares approach my pyramid.

Still... Hmm.

...I see.

Hmm?

Pharaoh Ozymandias! I would like to say something, if you don't mind.

This girl may be a Servant, but she is still a child at heart. I urge you to be lenient with her!

I agree with Cleopatra, Pharaoh Ozymandias.

Hmm.

Fujimaru. I trust you are here for the Holy Grail?

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I see. Well, this is a strange turn of events.

A strange turn of events?

But first, I, Pharaoh Ozymandias, shall pass judgment.

Oh!

As this crime was unwittingly committed by a great spirit, I grant her a full pardon!

Pharaoh Ozymandias!

Even if they hail from a foreign land, rain and water deserve our love.

And so, I shall aid you in your hunt for that running, flying Holy Grail.

However, should I succeed in this hunt, I shall claim the Holy Grail for myself!

？！

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! The Holy Grail hunt shall begin tomorrow!

Nitocris, Cleopatra, show our guests to their sleeping quarters.

I must prepare for tomorrow's hunt!

Yes, Pharaoh!

So now we're in a contest? I'm still not sure how that happened!

No wonder he's such a strong contender for the title of "Most Selfish King in Chaldea."

Ugh. This promises to be deeply irritating.

Don't speak such insolence about Pharaoh Ozymandias, the Sun King AND king of architecture!

I've only stated a fact.

That aside, I'm amazed Pharaoh Ozymandias built a whole new pyramid. I guess I should have expected as much from him.

Oh yes. And it's not just any pyramid, either.

It's not? How so?

Ooh, does it transform? That would be so cool!

Um... I don't think so? No, this pyramid is...

...a wellness center!

That's right!

A...wellness center?

To be more specific, a wellness AND beauty center.

We have a sauna, hot springs, facial massages, aromatherapy, and so much more.

And Pharaoh Ozymandias didn't build these facilities for himself.

He built them as a reward for us!

We know Pharaoh Ozymandias tends to invite misunderstandings...a lot...

But he's actually very kind.

Hmm... A wellness and beauty center... Hmm...

Since you'll all be staying here anyway, why not try the facilities for yourselves?

That sounds like a wonderful idea especially with the Holy Grail hunt not beginning until tomorrow, in which case yes don't mind if I do, in fact I'll go right this instant.

That was a lot of words.

Hmm... I don't really understand what you're talking about, but I'm glad you're having fun!

Don't be silly, Wandjina. You're going to enjoy this, too.

I am?

Well, I'm not sure if the great spirit of rain and wind would enjoy a sauna, but aside from that...

???

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O...okay?

？！

Indeed. This gentle breeze is quite refreshing.

I can't take it anymore... Too hot!

But it was a really fun heat! It's nothing like the dampness inside the ground!

I really liked the hot springs, too! Those were great!

Welcome back, Senpai. How was the sauna?

Whoo...whee... I'm all lightheaded and dizzy... But it's fun!

I see you enjoyed the sauna too, Wandjina.

I did the full combo: sauna, massage, and aromatherapy, one after another.

What a luxurious surprise this has been, especially for a Singularity. Hehehe... Ahh, life is good.

I bet a friend of mine would be asking for some cold champagne if she was here.

No, wait. Maybe they'd go old-school by asking for an ice-cold beer...

I don't care what drink I get as long as it's ice-cold and goes down easy.

Beer is good. As is cold sake.

Sake? As in, Japanese rice wine? That does sound good right now...

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Yes, the sauna felt wonderful.

Welcome back, Master. I am glad to see you enjoyed yourself.

How about you, Lady Wandjina? Did you enjoy yourself?

My head's all liiight.

That's great.

Our heads are all light too!

Heh.

I did the full combo: sauna, massage, and aromatherapy, one after another.

I could take on anything right now!

The heat of the sauna is good civilization. It reminds me of my homeland.

That was fun!

Hehehe. I'm so glad to hear you all enjoyed my wellness and beauty center.

All I have to do now to make it perfect is figure out how to drag Lord Caesar here.

I'm not saying he couldn't, but generally speaking, you shouldn't force people to do things they don't want to do, Cleopatra.

Anyway, come with me, my ally. We've got some delicious Egyptian cuisine for your dinner.

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Cuisine!

...Hm? Does that mean food is different when you go to different places?

Do people eat different things depending where they're from? Hmm?

Yes, that's right. Though a lot of food cultures do use many of the same ingredients.

I'd say the biggest difference between regional cuisines is how those ingredients are prepared.

The world is a big place, and people from different regions tend to prefer different kinds of cuisine.

Yes, that's very true.

For example, the people who live in cold areas gravitate towards warm dishes.

And of course, the reverse is also true, with people who live in warm climates preferring cold dishes.

And that's not even touching the subject of how heat can be different in different climates.

That's a good point.

I remember reading how people in China's humid Sichuan region came to prefer spicy foods that help them sweat.

The thinking was that the extra sweat would end up helping them stay cool.

Wow... Cuisine is so much fun!

Indeed, food is one of the most significant aspects of human culture. I do hope you enjoy Egyptian cuisine, Great Spirit Wandjina.

Okay!

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I'm stuffed!

I really liked that mutton stuff!

I'm so glad you liked it. Lamb dishes have been a staple of Egyptian diets since we first began recording our history.

All right, now that our bellies are all full...I have a message from Pharaoh Ozymandias.

In short...

He has come up with some ground rules for the Holy Grail hunt tomorrow.

Pharaoh Ozymandias will be riding a sphinx, and he will graciously provide a sphinx for you to ride as well.

Speaking of the sphinxes, there's also a small event involving them tomorrow.

It is during this event that you will choose which sphinx you would like to ride.

Please also note that a sphinx can only carry up to four riders.

Pharaoh Ozymandias will of course be riding alone, since he is a Rider by class.

I bet he thinks that's the perfect way to level the playing field.

Well, of course it is!

Oh, my allyMaster Fujimaru's participation has already been decided, so you'll have to choose the remaining three riders yourselves.

You should also be aware that this desert is home to other summoned Servants.

I'm told they will be taking part in the hunt as well, in teams of two. Pharaoh Ozymandias thought it would be too dull otherwise.

Naturally, the team that manages to acquire the Holy Grail will be the winner. Should the Holy Grail manage to escape, the contest will end in a draw.

So basically, we wait for a countdown and then all go after the Holy Grail on a sphinx at the same time?

Yes, that's right. All right, everyone, we'll see you all tomorrow.

Okay, let's decide who will be going with Master tomorrow.

The first should be Wandjina. She can track the Holy Grail even if the rest lose sight of it.

Okay. I'll do my best.

For the second, I would say we can take the necessity of Mash's presence as read.

Th-thank you. I'll do my best as well.

That just leaves one more.

Ho ho ho. Shall I go with them then?

You, huh? ...Yes, that should be fine.

What do you all think? I have no objections to Altera as our third member, but I'd like to hear your opinions as well.

If you think Altera's a good fit for this, Kriemhild, I don't have a problem.

Agreed. Archer or not, she should still make a fine rider.

Right. At worst, she can pursue the Holy Grail herself if she must.

Don't worry. Santa will take care of it. Now we just have to relax and enjoy tomorrow as best we can.

Enjoy? This isn't a game.

Of course it is. At least, the pharaoh thinks so.

Haha. Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Very well! I'll allow it!

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My point is this:

Instead of spending all our energy worrying about the Holy Grail, we should focus on having fun.

The same kind of fun we have at Christmas, or in a piping hot sauna.

O-okay. I'll have fun then!

Good girl. A positive attitude is one of the most powerful weapons you can have in the wide-open sky.

(Phew. It looks like my plan to completely erase my presence so nobody would notice me worked.)

(No, you have merely been relegated to backup, Lord Dumuzid.)

(Oh.)

All right, lets turn in early today. I'm sure we'll have no trouble sleeping after all that delicious Egyptian food.

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Ooh, are we gonna sleep here today? That sounds like fun!

We're going to rest up, too. We'll be in the next room over if you need anything.

Good night.

Sunbathing's the best, but I don't mind sleeping in a nice soft bed either.

Now then...

I take it you have something you wish to discuss, Lady Kriemhild?

Yes, I do. It's about Wandjina.

She has no ulterior motives whatsoever. What we see is what we get.

I am certain of it. I cannot point to anything concrete, but I have absolute faith in my intuition.

It'd be easier if she did have an ulterior motive. That way, if she betrayed us, we could just take our vengeance and be done with it.

So, what do we do now?

Putting Wandjina aside for now, this Singularity still doesn't make any sense.

I agree...

Take the geography, for instance. None of us can even say what desert this is, or where it is for that matter.

We went from Sydney, to the U.S., to a tropical island, and now, we're in a desert.

Taken at face value, that would suggest this is an exceptionally large Singularity indeed.

True. But if it is, that just raises other questions.

Hmm... I assume you mean distance?

Yes, exactly. That's the problem right there.

Regardless, I am certain the people at Chaldea are not merely sitting by, idly twiddling their thumbs.

No, I'm sure they're not. I suppose all we can do for now is await their analysis... I only hope the children don't wind up getting hurt in all this.

...Ugh, and there again I sound like a babysitter. Maybe it's time I made my peace with it.

Lady Kriemhild.

Hm?

Once you give up, that is that. No?

Yes, you're right. I refuse. I will not give up, come what may!

Good. I see the contestants are all here!

Nitocris, do the honors!

Yes, Pharaoh Ozymandias. Attention, everyone! We are about to begin the hunt for the Holy Grail!

What the...? Who's cheering? Where'd that come from?

There is nothing a pharaoh cannot do!

In this particular case, I essentially bottled cheers from elsewhere and released them just now.

Which is to say...I recorded them!

It was just a sound recording...

Master, Mash, Altera, Wandjina... Good luck!

We'll be cheering for you!

Thank you, everyone. The next present I deliver will be the Holy Grail.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but we'll actually be the ones taking the Holy Grail.

That is right. I am not about to sit a hunt out, no matter the quarry.

Avicebron and Atalante! It looks like we're going to have even fiercer competition!

That's okay! I'm still gonna win!

Listen up, everyone. The Holy Grail was last seen heading west across this desert.

I've embedded your sphinxes with a spell that will let them detect the Holy Grail's location, at least to a certain extent.

But be warned that your sphinx alone won't be enough to complete this hunt.

Now, please come this way and choose which sphinx you'll be riding.

Rest assured, they are practically identical with respect to their ability.

The only notable differences between them are their levels of motivation. Now please, make your choice.

Master, would you mind choosing our sphinx for us?

(Sitting perfectly upright)

(Lazily rolled over)

(Pawing at the ground in frustration while pointedly refusing to face you)

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Understood. Okay then, all riders, please mount your sphinxes.

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(Snort)

Hm? Hang on. Isn't this one

Oh, good eye. Yes, that's the same sphinx you fought yesterday.

Um...

... ...

...I'm sorry?

(Indignant snort)

Oh. I was planning to intervene if it refused to cooperate, but it looks like that won't be necessary.

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Thanks for helping us, Sphinx! Let's all do our best out there!

Okay, Pharaoh Ozymandias. Team Chaldea is on their sphinx.

Good! That's the spirit!

Nervous? Hahahahahahaha, not to worry! This will be over very quickly!

Hey!

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Nitocris, give us the signal!

Understood. Pharaoh Ozymandias, sphinxes, line up!

On the count of five, I will wave my staff to sound the start of the hunt. That will be your signal to begin.

Is everyone ready? Five... Four... Three... Two... One...

Begin!

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Wheeeeee!

This is amazing! It's even as fun as riding the wind!

This ride is much, um, bumpier than I'd anticipated. Please let me know if you get motion sickness, Master!

I'll just stick to Zerco.

But I'll stay close behind so I don't get in the sphinx's way.

？！

Ho ho ho. Just leave everything to Santa.

This horse rides quite roughly. Perhaps I should call it a war elephant rather than a horse.

...Avicebron, what are you doing?

I made a golem to completely cancel out all this jostling. Phew... Good grief.

So far, we are in the lead, the group of four is in second, and Ozymandias is...dead last.

Now we just have to see when, where, and which of the competition will strike...

Good! Very good!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! What entertainment!

Come, my sphinx. Run as fast as you like, and show me the way to the Holy Grail!

Okay, we're getting closer! But it won't be long before the Holy Grail notices us and sends Demonic Beasts to get in our way!

So we're going to have to settle this as soon as we can then. Altera and I will team up to take them out quickly.

Excuse me.

Aah!

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My apologies. That was not my intent.

I was only going to mention that Demonic Beasts would be making an appearance soon, and wanted to know if you would like to work together to fight them.

That we are all competing against one another to capture the Grail does not mean we should let Demonic Beasts impede us.

Good point. If you wouldn't mind teaming up, that would be great for us.

Of course, once the beasts are defeated, both sides will be free to try and steal a march on the other.

What do you mean?

I mean that we will go back to our race once we have dealt with these enemies.

Got it!

Good. Then let us begin!

Phew, that takes care of most of them. Now then, we had best be on our way.

Goodbye, everyone. Take care now. Sphinx! Initiate golem boost!

Ah!

Avicebron just deployed a golem behind their sphinx!

Now the golem is...pushing them to speed them up!

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Th-that remains to be seen... Anyway, we'd better hurry!

Da Vinci, what is Pharaoh Ozymandias doing right now!?

A Holy Grail Demonic Beast showed up near him, too!

...But...

But?

Instead of approaching Ozymandias's sphinx, it's headed straight for you guys...

And on top of that, Ozymandias himself is being really, REALLY loud.

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That's crazy!

All we can do is go even faster. Come on!

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Get back heeere!

It's running again! Ahahahaha! Looks like you've got it rattled!

I knew it! I saw it jump a little when we got close!

Ho ho ho. Are you having fun, Wandjina?

Uh... Yeah, I am! Is that okay?

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Of course not. Santa sees no issue with you enjoying yourself.

Yay! Okay, let's gooo for it!

Master! Pharaoh Ozymandias is gaining on us!

I mean, I still can't see him, but I can hear him getting louder!

I'm concerned about Atalante and Avicebron, too. I think I'll peel off and go keep an eye on them.

Let's go, Zerco!

Thank you, Altera!

Good, we almost have it!

Huh?

Hmm, it vanished. Interesting. Did it just teleport?

I suppose such a thing isn't out of the question with the energy of a Holy Grail.

You have got to be kidding me! We nearly had it!

It's all right, Atalante. That teleportation was an act of desperation.

It should not have gone so far as to allow it to evade your keen nose.

But the Holy Grail has no scent...

Ah. Drat.

Still, if you are sure it is not far away, then we should be fine.

Instead of looking for the Holy Grail, I can just look for animals that were near it.

Such animals are sure to be disturbed by the Grail's sudden appearance. Once I spot that

Can you still do it?

Do not get your hopes up!

It teleported! But it's pretty close!

I knew it. It can't just do something as powerful as teleport itself willy-nilly.

And even if it can, it won't be able to cover the kind of distance it did before easily!

This might be our chance!

Yeah. This time, I'm not letting the Holy Grail go!

It teleported again! But it's still close!

There, I found it. Now we shouldOh.

... ...

Pharaoh Ozymandias is practically on top of the Holy Grail!

Wh-what do we do now, Master?

... ...Heh.

And now, my victory is assured. Enough. I have no further need of you. Begone!

Wait, what!?

I-it looked like...Pharaoh Ozymandias just let it go, without doing anything.

What is it? Why are you all standing there with your mouths agape?

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You have eyes, no!?

Now go, commoners! While you stand here gawping, the Holy Grail draws further away!

I, Ozymandias, King of Kings, on the other hand, could not care less about it. Heh. Understand?

Now go! Act! Move!

It is time you departed for the next land!

Huh!?

I'm not sure where this is coming from, but I am sure you're reeeally talking down to us.

Of course. I am a pharaoh. I stand above everything in this world.

You are no exception to that rule, great spirit.

If you want something, act! Charge ahead! Struggle as a human would if you must!

Very good! By the glory of the great Pharaoh Ozymandias, I sanction everything pertaining to this incident!

Wha...!?

So...does that mean we can go after the Holy Grail?

I just said I sanction it!

Wandjina.

It does sound like Pharaoh Ozymandias is okay with it. Let's meet back up with the others and resume our chase!

Okay! Thanks, Mr. Down-Talker!

What did you just do, Pharaoh Ozymandias?

I let them all go on their way, of course.

For us, the wind and rain are blessings.

So it is only right to let the great spirit who presides over them have a bit of fun playing with a Holy Grail.

...!

Now, that just leaves... You there! The two Heroic Spirits given special permission to take part in this contest!

What is it, Pharaoh? I am still sulking after letting the Holy Grail get away from me so easily.

Phooey.

Haha! Yes, that was a pity. But I am prepared to offer my respect in light of your valiant efforts.

Cleopatra! Entertain them!

Yes, Pharaoh Ozymandias. So, tell me, Lady Atalante.

Hm?

Do you have any interest in spas?

Not especially.

Come now, don't be like that. Please, just try it...

I just had a great idea. I'm going to try making my next golem out of aromatherapy candles.

That sounds like a very expensive golem!