Section Seven: Close, Yet Far Things

Oh? What brings you out here, Lady Murasaki?

Nagiko promised she would read a book to me...

...but it looks like they're talking about something important right now.

Looks pretty obvious to me that Nagiko's getting chewed out for something...

So? I'm sure they can work things out on their own. Now come on, let's go have some tea.

Hey, wait for me.

Gotcha... I had no idea. It must've been real hard for you, Kaorucchi.

But I'm glad you came to me for advice.

After all, what are friends for if not helping each other out at times like this?

Amirite?

No, you are not "rite."

Also, I still haven't said anything.

Oh, right!

？！

Listen to me very closely.

I am not here to ask you for advice.

I am here to share my hypothesis on this recent string of events.

Heh... Looks like you're really serious about this, Kaorucchi.

So I'll try to listen as seriously as I can!

？！

Ahem.

The names Aoi, Oboro, Yugao, and Murasaki all have something in common.

Perhaps you've already realized what that is, Master?

？！

That's right.

Aoi-no-Ue... Oborozukiyo...

Yugao... Wakamurasaki...

In "The Tale of Genji," those women endured cruel treatment at the hands of male society, but here, women with their names are oppressing men instead.

Since we got here, I've wondered why this world's creator chose to make a world as twisted as this.

And now, at long last, I've come to see the real reason this world exists.

Really? What is it?

It's...

？！

It's...!

It's to get under the skin of Murasaki Shikibu, the author of "The Tale of Genji"!

... ...

Chan-mas?

？！

That's right. I suspect whoever made this world sees "The Tale of Genji" and its creator...

...as symbols of Lady Shoushi and Lord Michinaga's glorious reign.

That's why they used the power of a Holy Grail to twist this into such a horrible farce:

So that they could mock "The Tale of Genji" and its author and enjoy laughing at both from behind the scenes!

... ...

Um, are you really listening to me?

？！

Man, that's pretty sharp of you, Kaorucchi. True, I could definitely see harassment as the motive for this place.

... ...

No, sorry, actually, I can't. That just sounds screwy to me.

Don't be ridiculous. I-if this hypothesis proves correct, the most likely culprit is...

Yeah?

...You, Nagiko.

Huh?

A-are you sure that, underneath that oblivious expression...

...you aren't secretly laughing at me, even as we speak?

...Speaking as Sei Shounagon, that is.

Y-yikes! What's that look for, Kaorucchi!? You're freaking me out here!

Like I told you before, I'm done being Sei Shounagon! I hung up that hat a long time ago!

I don't have any problems with or resentment against Murasaki Shikibu at all!

But...

...you still have a lot of affection for Lady Teishi, do you not?

... ...

Aren't you angry with Lord Michinaga for what happened to her?

Well, honestly...

...no, not really.

... ...

I, um, I see... Very well then.

In that case, I have to say that...um...

I was, well...completely, unquestionably in the wrong.

Please, just forget I ever brought this up. I'm so sorry!

Say whaaa!?

I believe you when you say you don't bear them any ill will.

B-besides...I was just bluffing to begin with!

You sure? 'Cause for a moment back there, you looked like the killer from one of those slasher movies.

？！

... ...

And, also...I wanted to apologize to you for my rude behavior thus far.

Nagiko...

You're very different from the image of Sei Shounagon I've long held in my mind.

So, um...I just want to say that...I'm sorry. For how I've been treating you...

Huh?

Aww, it's totally fine. Don't worry about it!

Sure, I was a little taken aback when I read all the shade you threw at me in your diary...

...but I'm not mad about it or anything. TBH, I loved how ridiculously unapologetic it was.

...What?

Aw c'mon, you know! "The Diary of Lady Murasaki"!

I thought Izumicchi was seriously gonna bust a gut laughing when she came and showed it to me!

Yeah, I was kind of like "Did this bitch really just..." when I first read it, but now

No, that's not what I meant...

When...

...did you realize...

...that I-I was Murasaki Shikibu?

Huh?

You mean we weren't doing the whole spill-our-guts-to-each-other thing just now?

... ...

I guess not, huh?

When.

Did you realize.

Who I am?

W-wahahaha! Well, uh probably around...

In modern parlance, the phrase that best describes my true opinion of her work would be, "Oh NO she didn't!"

...then, I'd guess?

Gaaah!!!

？！

I... What have I been doing all this time...?

I didn't say anything before 'cause I figured you wanted to keep it a secret...

But hey, at least now we've both got everything out in the open, right?

So maybe now we can be besties who tell each other everything?

What do you say?

Ab...solutely...

...n-n-no way in hell!

Hmm, gotcha.

？！

!?

Hey! You the only ones here!? Where're the others!?

What the hell, Beard!? What was that just

Good, you're all here. I'll tell you what's going on later. Right now, you all need to get ready to fight. Like, now.

Oh? What's going on? Somebody having a fight!?

Yeah, you could say that...

It looks like the final boss came looking for us of her own accord.

Ah... Aaah!

It's the Lonelyheart Hunter! The rumors were true!

Please, have mercy... At least spare my son!

Take them away.

Yes, ma'am!

This world must be hard for you lonely men to endure. It is only right that you return to where you belong.

Hold it right there!

Well, well. Nice to see the enemy leader come to meet us of her own accord.

A lot of good lonelyhearts have suffered at your hands...

Now, IWE, are gonna avenge them tenfold!

Ah, yes, it's you. The ones who have been the cause of so many disturbances in my city.

Unfortunately for you, I cannot allow any further disruptions to our Valentine's Day plans.

No... It can't be...

You're...!

I, Fujitsubo, will see that every one of you insolent villains meets the untimely ends you deserve!

Craaap! The leader of the Genji!?

？！

N-no, it's all right. Both of you, please get ahold of yourselves!

That is not the real Lady Raikou, but an imposter made by the Holy Grail!

After all, the real Lady Raikou would never do anything so cruel!

O-oh, yeah, good point!

I don't really get it, but, got it!

Right then, Beardie, no need to hold back!

You know it!

Hey, General Fujitsubo, or whatever you said your name was!

Where're you taking those guys you just rounded up like they were stray dogs or something?

Why're you persecuting us like this!?

Pitiful lonelyheart... Single though you may be, you are still human.

Even you must have received chocolate from one person on Valentine's Day:

Your mother.

Why'd you go and say that!? I only just put that trauma behind me!

？！

Huh? Is it that bad to get chocolate from your mother?

Bad? It's horrible! Picture this: a young man sets off to school full of hope for the day ahead, only to have that hope dashed when nobody gives him a single Valentine chocolate.

Dejected and forlorn, he makes his way back home... only to find pity chocolate from his mother!

All at once, he's flooded with joy and despair in equal measure!

Trust me, there's no experience more cruel or bittersweet for a sensitive young man coming of age!

Yeah, I can kind of understand that...

Not me. I don't get it at all...

What are you, some kind of idiot?

Shut up! I was still a tender young lad back then, all right!?

Exactly. That is how a son receiving Valentine's chocolate from his mother should react.

However...

Can you, in turn, picture how painful it must be for a mother giving her son chocolate out of love...

...only to have it spurned because it "doesn't count"?

Oh shit!

I gave a great deal of thought as to how best to get sons to appreciate how wonderful chocolate from their mother truly is...

...and one day, I finally arrived at an answer.

When people have hit rock bottom is when they begin to appreciate the joys they once took for granted!

I knew that once these men had fallen to the bottom rung of society and were utterly starved for chocolate, they would see chocolate from their mother as the ultimate expression of love!

From there, my many sons and I would all live together, happily ever after...

That...is my Make All Men into My Sons Plan!

I, uh... I see. Well that's...um... That's the leader of the Genji for you. Yeah...

Nooobody else could've come up with a next-level plan like that!

？！

And not the real one at that!

If you mean to interfere with my plan, then I will show you no mercy.

Not even against my fellow administrators.

!!!

That being said...

I know that none of you live here in this city. As such, there is no need to throw your lives away.

You have a chance to leave this city quietly, and I suggest you take it.

Unless, of course...you have some reason to fight me?

... ...

？！

...Nope, we don't!

N-Nagiko!?

We don't have any reason to interfere with your plan, or to save Beardie and his friends!

？！

M-Master!?

Your face kind of scares me, and you totally outclass me sizewise...

But you know what?

These people are my friends...

And you don't need a reason to help your friends!!!

...!!!

Right, Chan-mas!?

？！

Right, Kaorucchi!?

R-right!

Oh, yeah, you're here too, huh, Beardie?

So I'm an afterthought now!?

(Sigh) Man, you sure do love to talk, don't you?

Honestly, it's embarrassing just listening to you.

Still, I gotta say...thanks.

Huh, are you crying?

I GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE!

I see...

If you have decided to throw in your lot with that man, then my city has no use for you...

And so, I will show you no mercy.

Prepare to die.

Here she comes!

？！

Hm? What is it, Chan-mas!?

I'm kind of in a hurry right now, so make it two words or less, okay!?

？！

... ...

Thanks, Chan-mas!

All right, you lot, this is it! The final battle! Now let's get ready to do this thing!!!

Oh, all right. Since I've come this far, I might as well stick around to the end!

Remember, I'm still going to charge extra for this, so don't forget to pay me, okay?

Okay, okay, I'll pitch in already!

I-I'll do the best I can, too!

Let's go, Master! ...You too, Nagiko!

Wahahaha! Bring it on! Let's see what you've got!

Hehe. So, you lonely men have found the strength to defeat even your mother. I am impressed.

I mean, most of us are girls, but

Please, don't say any more! This is sad enough for me as it is!

But even though you've managed to defeat me, there will be another mother ready to take my place...

If you wish to avoid that fate, then make sure you don't forget your White Day return gift...

Urk.

We did it... We really did it! At long last, we lonelyhearts came out on top!!!

From this day forth, Valentine's Day is canceled foreveeerrr!!!

YEAAAHHH!!!

YEAAAHHH!!!

Hang on. Slow your roll there, guys.

You can't just cancel Valentine's Day. I mean, it's been around forever, right?

True. Now we can just go back to buying and selling chocolate like normal.

Well, I guess the fact that it's been so, uh, out there should make it easy to go back to normal...

I think it's a perfectly lovely event, myself.

Why do you want to cancel it forever, mister?

Gaaah! Those piercing, innocent eyes! My poor heart can't take it!

I, um... I'm sorry. I guess I kind of got carried away.

Well anyway, now that we've dispensed with all the extra rules around it...

...just work on being the best version of yourself, and maybe you'll get some real romantic chocolate someday.

Go on, Nagiko.

You should tell these guys what's what too

...Huh?

Hehehe! You see that, Chan-mas?

It looks like our work here is done! Though I gotta say, it was kind of an anticlimactic way to wrap things up.

？！

？！

Chan-mas?

Lady Fujitsubo didn't have the Holy Grail... So then, where could it be?

Hey, Kaorucchi, Chan-mas, hold up. Something doesn't seem right...

...here...

Huh!?

Master? Where are you!?

Lord Higekuro!? Lady Aoi!?

Lady Oboro!? Lady Yugao!? Lady Murasaki!?

Nagiko...!?