EP 5: An Oni Resembling Shuten-Douji

I'm hungry! No, I'm staaarving!

I'm kind of hungry too, after all those rides we've been on. What do you feel like?

Hamburgers!!!

Did somebody say hamburgers? 'Cause that's what I got!

Yay, Daddy's back!

Man, that hamburger stand was something else. It was just one guy in a red coat handling the register and the grill all by himself.

You'd think he'd do a poor job of cooking, but just look at these beauties. Plump, juicy, not an ingredient out of pla

(OM NOM NOM NOM)

Uh, right, you're hungry. Never mind.

And here's a hot dog for you, hon. Fresh off the grill!

Oh, thank you, dear. Did that man in the red coat make this too?

No, it was a woman wearing, um...

...an apron, and...nothing else...

(Twitch)

Oh, she also had on dog ears...or maybe they were fox ears? A-anyway, this amusement park is something else, that's for sure!

Darling.

I think you and I need to talk. Alone.

Lunchtime is our busiest time of day, as you can imagine! All the guests who don't bring their own lunches come to the food court to get their grub!

So you need to do your very best to make sure their experience here is nothing short of awesome!

Got that, new guy!?

Uh...

Please try to calm down. These are not oni horns.

What, you expect me to buy that you're just cosplaying? I saw them growing out of your head!

Oniland never lies! You're an oni too! Admit it! It's the horns!

You certainly seem adamant about it... Quite convincing, in fact...

But I assure you, I only changed into this form to save my life once the teacup began spinning out of control.

I'm too busy for your back talk! It's lunch rush! All oni on deck!

And after seeing how rigidly you stand, I know you can hold a sign for a day straight without collapsing!

Please! We need your help!

... ...Very well, I'll do it!

Curry!? I don't recall agreeing to run the curry stand.

But I can't have people going hungry at lunchtime... Okay, I'll handle it until the rush ends.

Oh, thank you! I'm sorry to ask this of a guest, but this will be a huge help...

Don't worry about it! You'd do the same for us if we needed help.

Here you go, an extra order of yakisoba! Phew, I'm surprised at this heat, as far north as we are!

I can't thank you enough! The Great Oni is going to be thrilled!

Please make sure to enjoy the parade this evening! We should have oni on hand to take over for you by then!

...?

...I guess I wasn't seeing things after all.

Assuming this isn't actually some sort of hallucination, that looks like Red Guy and Boudica.

What are they doing here? Last I saw them, they were still in Chaldea.

I told you, the Holy Graithe Kamuy's Gold is drawing them here, like it did the other Servants.

It's a relief to see they're still their usual selves. The oni are even grateful for their help.

...

... ...

That Heroic Spirit...in the red coat...

？！

...No, never mind.

I made up my mind not to worry about that here, and I'm not going to go back on that now.

But thank you for your concern, Fujimaru. You're very thoughtful.

Now then! Have you all decided what you want to eat?

Yakisoba! I want a big plate of yakisoba!

There's nothing like the sizzle of the sauce and noodles as they hit the blazing hot griddle!

It's like my noodles are cooking in the fires of hell itself! Oooh, I love yakisoba!

What about you, shinobi!? Are you going to have yakisoba too?

M-me? N-no, I was not planning on having anything in particular...

Heroic Spirits need not eat to sustain our bodies, so I thought I would refrain.

？！

As you wish, Master!

In that case, I will avail myself of a bowl of soy sauce ramen. Did you know that ramen originated in China, and was the precursor to other noodle dishes such as udon and soba?

I think I'll have ice cream...

Hehe, it feels strange to eat purely for pleasure. I guess this is one of the perks of being a Servant.

Maybe this is how Berserker felt, too.

?

You know about Servants, Sitonai? Oh, well I guess in your case it would be the body you're possessing that knows, right?

Were you a part of a Holy Grail War at some point, or...?

Hehe, who can say! If I ever form a contract with Chaldea, I'll tell you about it then.

Mwahaha! I just took some yakisoba from that booth over there, and I didn't even pay for it! Know why? 'Cause I'm an oni and that is what we do!

Perhaps I am mistaken, Lady Ibaraki, but I thought I heard them say all food and drink was free in celebration of the park's opening...?

Oh, really?

Then I...didn't steal these noodles? But...plundering and destruction are what oni are all about!

Oh well... This sauce smells good enough that I guess the destruction can wait.

Now that I have my noodles, I won't stop until I've devoured them all!

Well, someone certainly seems to be having fun...

Ooooooh! Shuten! It's you!

I didn't know you were here too! What a coincidence! I guess this is my reward for all those good deeds I'm always doing!

Well, well. Fancy seeing you here, Master.

Ahaha. I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds like you've been having fun.

？！

I see you're hanging out with Ibaraki...and another Heroic Spirit I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting yet. And then there's...

I thought I recognized you. You're the ninja from the Kouga clan, right? , isn't it?

You always seem to shy away whenever I see you in Chaldea.

I think it's about time we introduced ourselves properly.

!!!

A-ahhh... Ahhh...

This ominous serpentine aura... This unforgettable divineI mean, demonic presence...

It is...from Mt. Ibuki

Hm? What is it, shinobi? That's Shuten, the oni who ruled Mt. Ooe alongside me.

I totally get being overcome with reverence for her, but trust me, she doesn't like people getting carried away with that.

N-no, it is not that. ...My apologies, but I am now merely a humble Servant to Master Fujimaru.

I shall do my best to not be distracted by other matters, so please, pay me no mind.

Here, Master. I brought you a plate of curry rice.

Not at all!

Of course, Master! You are far too kind!

？！

Hmm. I don't really get what's going on, but if you say not to worry about it, I won't.

Oh, right! Shuten, you'll never believe this! I saw another oni who looks just like you!

Wow, is that so? Will wonders never cease.

And here I thought I was the only oni like me. Guess not.

... ...

Uh, yes. That is...quite the coincidence.

？！

Senpai!? Are you okay? Was the curry too spicy!?

Here, Master! I brought you some ice water!

My, my, you should be more careful when you eat. Anyway, I'm gonna get going. Places to be and all.

See you later, Master. Ibaraki. ...

...and you, honey, whoever you are.

...Hmm.

Oh?

Oh my, oh my, this is terrible! We have wanted criminals mixed in with the other guests!

Employees! Employees!

As the two Gold Servants newly assigned as managers of the food court...

...we order you to add these peace-threatening scoundrels to the seafood menu!

You're bothering the other guests! You're bothering the other guests!

Quick, Master! Get behind me!

Hostiles detected! They appear to be similar to Shadow Servants, Senpai!

I think the one who looks like Gilles is an attraction manager! I can't believe there's one in the food court, too!

There wasn't, at least not yesterday! The food court should have been safe!

...The Great Oni must be a bit more concerned about us, now that we've started collecting gold fragments.

I'm sorry. I should have seen this coming.

Fine with me! Who cares about seafood, anyway!? I'll just devour whatever they throw at me!

You took that much better than I was expecting! Wonderful! What a good, obedient child you are!

Now you can become nourishment for my seafood! Seafood 1, 2, and 3!

Oh gross. What ARE those things!?

Those monsters must be under his control! They are so...slippery, and slimy!

I don't know, I think I could eat those no problem. Meat is meat, regardless of what shape it is.

Still, I agree it doesn't look very tasty...

Wait! There's another reading similar to a Shadow Servant nearby!

Seafood is fine and all...

...but hamburgers are great, too!

Ooh, hamburgers!

Those are the yummy sandwich things made by rolling up dead meat into little balls!

Mmm...tasty. Go on then, keep them coming. I'll devour everything you bring before me.

Yeah, hamburgers are great, right? We love them too!

Yes!

That said, something seems to be kind of...off about your hamburgers.

Then again, maybe that makes them a better fit for oni...?

You know, for some reason, I get the sense it's best if we don't look too closely at them.

？！

Fresh meat!

Damn, they're tough!

There appears to be no end to these sea creatures! If only we had one more ally who could help us...!

...(Sigh) Guess you need my help again, huh?

That voice! It's ShutenI mean, never mind!

？！

Who are you!? Show yourself!

Whoa! What is this? Something from a foreign ritual!? I've never seen anything like it before!

Ooh! That looks like Oni Cure's wand!

Hehehe. You've got a nasty streak yourselves, haven't you, Master and Ibaraki? How many times have I told you? I'm Magifender Girl.

...Let's just skip the usual intro this time. Magifender Girl is on the scene!

Hmph. Guess we should be honored to face two Gold Servants at once, but we don't have much time to talk. Just hurry up and take them out quickly.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm surprised you noticed though, Haku.

Anyway, are we all on the same page here, Master? Ibaraki? ? And, uh...you?

Good enough. I can see you're all plenty fired up for this. Let's do this quickly, shall we?

...That okay with you, oh-so-scary gold oni?

Fine with me. I'll just take all the good parts and throw away the rest.

Now, now, don't be wasteful! There's a way to make use of every part! Don't worry, fair Servants, I'll make sure none of you go to waste!

Fresh! Meat!

Khh...!

Now, do it! Hit them with all your magical energy!

...Oni are oni. We go wherever we want and do whatever we please.

Oni laws may not have much in common with human laws, but one thing they DO share...

...is that anyone breaking the laws has to be punished!

Kuzuryu Massacre!

Oooooooooh...!!! Is this...the wine of victory!? No...

It's the wine of defeat!!!

...Phew. I'm tired after playing so much... I think I'll take a little nap...

Come here. You must be tired, taking on the form of people you don't know. But it's okay now. You can go back to being gold.

...You did great.

And that's the third gold fragment!

So far, so good! I just hope the other fragments all go as smoothly.

Well, bye.

Ah! She ran off again...

If she'd stuck around a little longer, maybe I could've found Shuten again and introduced her...

Too bad. I think they'd get along really well if they met.

？！

Anyway, shall we get back to our meal? Master, it seems you have yet to finish your curry.

I'm not detecting any hostiles nearby. I think...you might be safe for now?

What if another manager shows up here?

I'm pretty sure they won't. But I'll keep my eyes peeled, since there's no telling what might happen.

I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. Once we're done eating...

...I say we go back to my cabin and figure out our next move!

Then I shall scout the area and gather information! I have yet to fulfill my shinobi duties since coming here, so this is my chance to be useful!

？！

Yes, Master! Leave it to me!

Oh, before I leave, can you tell me what our next target will be, so that I may better focus my efforts?

Of course. The next attraction we'll be visiting...

...is the house of mirrors!

I don't know what it's like, since I've never been inside, but that's where we'll be going!

...Gehehehehe. Impressive.

They managed to defeat both Gold Servants at once. Perhaps I've underestimated them.

Gehehe... Gaaahahaha!

That said, the house of mirrors is a kaleidoscopic labyrinth that stretches on without end. That may well be a different story for them.

Well...it may not be endless, but it certainly feels that way when you're inside!

And going as a group only adds to the excitement! The thrills! The chills! Hehehe, hahahahaha!

No need to hold back, my attraction manager! Tear them to ribbons! Rip them to tiny shreds if you like!

Gehehehehe! Just make sure you clean up the blood when you're done!