Section Three: Seductive Things

All right, now that we've melted the chocolate down, shaped it, and given it some simple wrapping...

...we should be ready to hand it out to all the single men.

Although, when you stop to think about it, should we really be feeding them chocolate from a golem?

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Don't worry, it'll be fine. Besides, this stuff's really good. (Nom nom nom)

What are you doing!? That isn't for you!

Aww, what's the harm? Look at how much there is. Nobody's gonna mind if we take a little ourselves.

Here, Chan-mas, this one's for you.

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Friendship chocolate?

As in, chocolate you give to a friend? Does that mean WE'RE friends?

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Hmm... So you're one of those social butterfly types that can make friends with anyone, huh?

... ...Heh. Hehe.

Hehehe. All right, you win!

So we're friends now, huh! Haha, it's kind of embarrassing, saying that out loud!

Okay, friend, from now on, if you ever need to talk, I'll be there to listen!

After all, that's what being BFFs is, right?

And on that note: here, Kaorucchi! Won't you take my friendship chocolate too?☆

No, thank you. You and I are not friends, after all.

Ouch. Talk about a withering glare...

Well, that's okay. You and I can just enjoy our chocolate together like the good pals we are, Chan-mas.

Just don't let Old Beardie find out. You know he'd never let us hear the end of it.

I can hear you, you know!

Still, with all this chocolate to go around, I can't see much point in getting too worked up about it...

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We're all set! Don't worry, we'll make sure all this handmade chocolate finds a good home!

We all went around spreading the word, so it shouldn't be long before guys start showing up.

Now we just

Aw yeah, this is getting exciting! Come on guys, let's get this party starteeed!

Aw yeaaah!!!

Oh no. Not this again...

I can't believe it! It's chocolaaate!

Gimme some chocolate too! I mean, please! If you'd kindly!

Oh thank you! Thank you!

Wahahaha, who else wants some chocolate!? No cutsies! There's plenty for everyone!

Not you! I want chocolate from the lady with the huge rack!

Me too!

Me three!

Hahahaha, watch yourselves, or I will kick a whole MESS of lonely ass!

Ohh, I can't wait to go back to Chaldea!!!

... ...

Huh?

What's a girl like you doing at a sausage fest like this?

Um... Would it be all right if I had some chocolate too?

Huh? What for?

I thought it was only guys who get in trouble if they don't have chocolate.

Well, I did use to have some...

...but then the admin confiscated it as collateral for my debts...

Gotcha... Man, this city really does suck ass, doesn't it?

But I still have someone I want to give chocolate to, and today's my only chance to show him how I feel...

So please, could I ask you to let me have some chocolate as well!?

Okay, sure.

Huh? I-I, um... Thank you, but I can't possibly accept this much!

It's okay, don't worry about it. Go ahead and take as much as you want.

If there's any left over, just have it yourself. It's a lot yummier than it looks.

Th...

Thank you!

... ...

Hmm.

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Yeah...

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Just...don't let your guard down. Once they find out about this, it won't be long before

There, I knew it. Speak of the devil...

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And that's not all. It looks like Her Highness herself is here, too.

Somebody's handing out chocolate? In MY district?

I don't know who you think you are, but you've got a lot of nerve.

Chocolate's too good for weaklings like you.

The only ones worthy of it are those who've shed blood, sweat, and tears for the right to be loved...

...and for the pigs I, the great Aoi, took pity on after they swore to serve me body and soul forever!

You rock, Aoi! You rock, Aoi!

Aoi? But, that's

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Hey there, Aoi! Sorry we didn't wait for you before getting started!

Higekuro! ...I see. So this was all your doing, wasn't it?

That's right. Now every single sad sack in town's got chocolate of their own!

Which means there'll be zero third-class citizens this year!

And that, in turn, means there won't be anyone left who has to suck up to you just to make ends meet anymore!

Hmph, that's what you think. I don't know how you got your hands on that stuff...

...but if you think that weird chocolate can fool my subjects, you've got another thing coming!

No, seriously. (Nom, nom, nom) This stuff's way better than it looks.

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Wha...!? What's with this chick? Why is she eating the chocolate instead of handing it over?

Don't ask me! I don't know what her deal is, either!

Lady MedbI mean, Aoi.

We didn't come here looking for a fight. Is there any chance we could simply discuss this rationally?

Oh good, so at least one of you's not a total screwup. What, did you want advice on your love life or something?

Well, too bad. I'm already booked solid for the next six months.

And even if I did have the time, I wouldn't waste it talking about anything with losers like you!

All right, my Lonelyheart Police, it's time to clean up this city. Go confiscate all of their chocolate.

The only place for worthless pigs who can't find love or produce anything of value is at the bottom of my society's totem pole.

If you don't like that idea...

...then your only choice is to get down on all fours and beg me for chocolate!

You rock, Aoi! You rock, Aoi!

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Yes. I'm guessing she's also just an illusion given form and a purpose by the Holy Grail...

A kind of Shadow Servant, most likely.

All right then.

I don't really have a reason to go wild right now...but I'm also at that age where people like to go wild even if they don't have a reason.

It's okay if I don't hold back, right, Chan-mas?

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You got it!

All right, you bastards, let's see what you've got! 'Cause now, you're going up against...

Higekuro!

Say what!?

Ugh. This wasn't supposed to happen...

I don't believe it... Lady Aoi lost!?

Then there's no one ruling this district anymore! We're free!

Three cheers for the lonelyhearts! The lonelyhearts shall inherit the world!

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Lady Aoi's Spirit Origin is on the verge of disappearing.

I suppose this means the fabric of her being was too unstable to withstand the damage we inflicted.

You guys know each other or something? ...No, doesn't look like that's the case.

Anyway, I don't know why you feel bad for her, but don't bother. This is just what happens when a bad guy kicks it.

Yes... I suppose you're right, but...

Hwachaaaaaa!!!

Gaaaaaah!?

Wh-wh-wh-what do you think you're doing!?

Well, she didn't look like she was doing so hot, so I thought I'd cheer her up with something sweet.

...! ...!!!

What...did you do? You... You... Idiot!!!

Can't you tell that calorie control is crucial to keeping this bod so perfectly proportioned!?

U-um, excuse me, but...

I think your Spirit Origin has stabilized...

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Grr...

Besides, you and I are enemies, right?

What were you even trying to do by saving me?

And please say it's not 'cause you'd have trouble sleeping if you let me die, or something cheesy like that.

Uh, no.

I just remember Kaorucchi said she wanted to ask you something, so I thought it'd be better if you stuck around.

THAT'S the only reason you saved me!? Seriously!?

Couldn't you come up with anything better than that!? Anything at all!?

I mean, that's all I've got, so...

Well... I guess if I had to choose something else...

It's your hair, Aocchi.

"Aocchi"? Huh? You don't mean me, do you?

A-and what about my hair?

I've been wondering how you got it so silky smooth ever since you showed up.

What kinda product do you use?

...Huh?

Are you kidding me? You want me to tell you my hair care regimen?

And how you keep your skin so smooth, and how you do your nails hidden inside those gloves...

There's so much about your beauty routine I'm dying to know about!

Q-quit staring at me, will you?

Th-those are trade secrets, all right? Why would I tell you about them? We're not even friends.

Aww, come on.

Okay then, let's say that chocolate I gave you was friendship chocolate and that we're friends now. Sound good, pal?

Huh...?

... ...

Hey, don't look at me. I can't help you out of this.

Let me get this straight. This girl I was fighting to the death just a few minutes ago is now saying she wants to be friends because she loves my hair, right?

Is this normal now? Am I the weirdo for not getting it?

Well, look.

You can't go back to the way things were here anymore anyway, so you might as well enjoy yourself, right?

... ...

Yeah... Good point. This all seems real silly when you stop to think about it.

Besides, there's no point to me running this district without any third-class citizens to subjugate.

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Don't call me that.

So, uh... You there, with the beard. Take me somewhere I can blow off some steam.

We can have tea or something while I manicure the hell out of this nutjob's nails.

Really!?

You really really mean it, for real!? Yeaaah! Come on, guys, let's get out of here!

Aw yeaaah!!!

...I almost feel bad for you guys.

You must have your hands full with her, don't you?

Oh my! I didn't know MedbEr, Aoi was even capable of looking at anyone with such overwhelming pity!

And you know, while we're at it...

I honestly thought this city's rules were kind of messed up, too.

I mean, where's the fun in breaking a hot guy's body and spirit when all it takes is a piece of chocolate to make him do whatever you say?

Lady Aoi...?

So if you guys reaaally want my help... I guess I could think about offering it.

I... Yes! Absolutely! That would be wonderful!

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Didn't I already tell you not to ask me!?